HomeMy WebLinkAboutInstructions to Personal Returning to CONUS 1969 CIRCULAR: 4 JANUARY 69
NO. 69
SUBJECT: INSTRUCTIONS TO PERSONAL RETURNING TO CONUS
T0: ALL INDIVIDUALS CONCERNED
1. Upon your return to the UNITED STATES, you will he surprised
at the number of women wearing shoes, taking baths, shaving their legs
and arm pits, wearing silk panties,etc.
2. Many of the have occupations such as Stenographers, Peauticians
Teachers, Telephone Operators, etc. Therefore, you will not approach
them with "HOW MUCH; but instead, "ISN'T IT A LOVELY DAY" and then "H(.J M7 a
3. The females will not understand such terms as "SHORT TIME ".
"YOU NUMBER ONE SHERRY GIRL" Stick to simple terms such as "HELLO" or
"HELLO, CAN I BUY YOU A DRINKL:
4. When you walk down the street, don't look at evey male in civilian
clothes as a draft dodger. He may have been released on a medical discharge.
Ask for his gcedentials first and then if he can't produce them, you may
commence to beat the piss out of him.
5. You will undoubtedly go to the movies. Seats are usually avaible.
So don't bring your steel pot. Don't whistle every time a woman from eight
to eighty walks on the screen and don't turn to the person next to you and say
'I'D LIKE TO STICK THAT BITCH!" or "I CAN'T SEE A DAMN THING!" If you can't
see, wove to another seat, don't yell "MOVE YOUR GODAMN HEAD, YOU SORRY BASTARD
6. If you visit someone's house and stay the night, a gentle rap at the
doorw will inform you that the house is awaking, instead of a whistle.
The proper thing to say is "I'LL BE THERE INN A MIvUTE," NOT
"BLOW II OUT YOUR ASS."
6. If you are in a group of people and have to deficate, (TAKE A SHIT).
don't grab a shouvel and head for the garden, most of the homes have a
bathroom with a tub, sink, and toilet. The latter is used in this case.
8. The first meal in the morning is breakfast. You may find strange
food on the table, such as cantaloupe, fresh eggs, and milk. Don't turn to
the person next to you and say "PASS THE FUCKIN BUTTER!"
f. At the dinner table you will be surprised to find each item on a
seperate plate. In the Air Force you learned to like such things as, stew
in your cake and such. Don't mix tt all together to make it more edible.
Bear with this strange habit and you may soon to like it!
10. If you happen to become involved is a discussion and someone says
something that is incorrect, gracefully say "I'M SORRY BUT THAT YOU ARE
MISTAKEN" never say "YOURE ALL FUCKED UP, BUDDY!"
11. If you can't find your hat when you are ready to leave, it may
have been placed in a closet. The proper thing to say is "MAY I PLEASE
HAVE MY HAT". never say "NO BODY LEAVE THE ROOM, SOME SON- OF- A-BITCH
STOLE MY HAT."
12. You will bear in mind that such terms as "REGULAR ASSHOLES,
SUCKASSES, and USELESS SON-OF-AeTTEHES" are not apreciated by the civilians
when discussing the Air Forces. Also, National Guard will not be addressed
as "GOD'S CHOSEN FEW."
13. When you see a sergeant milking down the street, don't refer to
them as "CRUMMY BASTARDS". Your friends may never have been in the Air
Force and may not understand your terminology. Let them find out for themselve
14. Don't become Angmwizietar,a, torlidrkireeroviolocol policemiq refuse to
direct ,iou to house of ill repute (WHQRE KU-t) such facilities are not
always available on the open market.
15. At first, your return, you will find it hard to adapt to the new
way of life. It will extremely difficult to refrain from the use of profanity
for every other word. If you observe the actions of others, you will find that
it is no longer necessary to be an animal.
FOR THE COMMANDER:
OFFICIAL: YUL B. HORNY
PROPHYLACTIC OFFICER
DISTRIBUTION: 1-ACH INDIV CONCLRNED