HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Word on the Brazos (2)I . MASON BREWER
43.50
The WORD
on the BRAZOS
BY J. MASON BREWER
THIS is a delightful collection of Negro
"preacher tales" from the Brazos River
bottoms of Texas, collected and related by
one of the nation's leading Negro folk-
lorists.
J. Mason Brewer worked side by side
with field hands in the Brazos bottoms;
he lived in their homes, worshipped in
their churches, and shared moments of re-
laxation when their natural gift for laugh-
ter held full sway. He sought out elderly
ministers and other tradition-bearers, lis-
tened to the religious stories which they
told and, with rare skill, recreated them in
the distinctive dialect of the region.
Negro preacher tales are stories told by
ministers to illustrate sermons, and stories
told about preachers. In his introduction,
Dr. Brewer traces the history of this par-
ticular genre of folk tales, but it is in the
stories themselves that readers will delight.
J. Frank Dobie, who contributed an illum-
inating foreword to this volume, describes
them as among the most charming which
he has ever encountered.
Most of the stories in The Word on the
Brazos stem from the half-century immedi-
ately following emancipation. They will
bring pleasure to all who are interested in
the character and culture of the old-time
rural Negro, as well as those who simply
enjoy fine humorous stories skillfully told.
No white man could have written The
Word on the Brazos. A unique contribu-
tion to folklore, it is believed to be the first
volume of humorous religious folktales of
the American Negro ever published.
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Foreword by J. FRANK DOBIE
Illustrations by RALPH WHITE, JR.
1953. University of Texas Press. Austin
The stories contained in this book are folk tales and are not intended my grandfath
to represent actual happenings. For the sake of verisimilitude their set- implements, 1
ting has been placed in various actual Brazos Bottom localities. However,
the names of all characters are fictitious (with the sole exception of that notions from
of Governor E. J. Davis), and any resemblance which they may bear Refugio long 1
to the names of people who actually lived in the Brazos Bottoms is en-
tirely coincidental.
First Printing, November, 1953 a cowboy and
Second Printing, April, 1954
Rosa, or Med
Supply in the
It was frorr
nating and dro
the resolution
Texas Negro';
Library of Congress Catalog Card Number 53-10834
Copyright 1953 by the University of Texas Press. Printed and bound
in the United States of America by the Printing Division of the Uni-
versity of Texas, Austin. Offset illustrations by Joe K. Alexander
Company, Austin. 0
To the memory of
PINCKNEY MITCHELL AND JOE BREWER
my grandfathers, who were both wagoners, hauling farm tools and
implements, hardware, lumber, drugs, dry goods, groceries, and
notions from Victoria, Texas, to merchants in Goliad and Mission
Refugio long before the railroads came,
and to my father
J. H. BREWER,
a cowboy and assistant foreman, who drove cattle from the Santa
Rosa, or Media Luna Ranch, owned by Colonel D. R. Fant, to Fort
Supply in the Indian Territory during trail driving days.
It was from the lips of these three that I heard, as a child, fasci-
nating and dramatic stories of early life in Texas. From them stemmed
the resolution that some day I would collect and record some of the
Texas Negro's folk tales.
V
Acknowledgments
I WISH TO EXPRESS MY GRATITUDE to J. Frank Dobie and the Texas
Folklore Society for their kindness in sponsoring the grant-in-aid
from the General Education Board which made it possible for me to
collect Negro "preacher tales" in the Texas Brazos Bottoms, and to
the Board for making the grant. It is a genuine pleasure to acknowl-
edge also the substantial contributions made to the collection by the
Rev. Nellum Taylor Denson and "Uncle" Anderson Shaw, of Marlin,
Texas, both now dead. I shall never be able to repay the debt of
gratitude I owe Mr. and Mrs. H. S. Butler, and Professor and Mrs.
Harry Hines, also of Marlin, and Dr. G. H. Radford, now of Waco,
for helping me locate elderly Negroes and other tradition-bearers, in
various Brazos Bottom localities, who could tell preacher tales.
Special thanks are due Dr. Stith Thompson, professor of folklore
at Indiana University, in whose course entitled "The Folktale and
Allied Forms" I first became aware of the fact that the preacher tale
was an important form of folk narrative. Thanks are also due Dr.
Russell Noyes, Dr. W. Edson Richmond, and Dr. Erminie W. Vo-
gelein, all of the University of Indiana, for aid in guiding this work.
I am deeply grateful to Dr. Mody C. Boatright, secretary and editor
of the Texas Folklore Society, for his interest, and for technical assist-
ance on this manuscript. Finally, I am indebted to three of my sisters,
Dr. Stella Brewer-Brookes, chairman of the English Department at
Clark College, Atlanta, Georgia; Mrs. Marguerite B. Harris, teacher
of English at the Anderson High School, Austin, Texas, and Mrs.
Gladys K. Miles, teacher at the D. B. and O. State School, Austin,
Texas, for critical reading of the manuscript and for helpful sug-
gestions.
J. MASON BREWER
Austin, Texas
June 19, 1953
MASON B
makes no c
feeling for sev
,ber a multiple
Negro folk tal
1953, the year
was twenty-on(
My interest
secretary of th4
cations. One S
the telephone,
number of Ne
to meet me in i
molished, of tl
days, and thin;
manuscript in
time I had rea(
thing genuine
rectly marked
vi
Pr-
ti.n
H
A Word on The Word
By
J. FRANK DOBIE
J MASON BREWER is not a seventh son of a seventh son and he
makes no claim to special luck or wisdom; just the same, he has a
feeling for seven. He was strong on having the tales in this book num-
ber a multiple of seven; they number fifty-six. He began collecting
Negro folk tales twenty-eight years ago, and seven will evenly divide
1953, the year of final publication. His first publication of Negro tales
was twenty-one years ago, in 1932.
My interest in him and his work goes back to that year. I was then
secretary of the Texas Folklore Society and editor of its annual publi-
cations. One Sunday morning in the fall a stranger called me over
the telephone, gave his name, and said he had collected a large
number of Negro folk tales reflective of slavery times. I invited him
to meet me in my office, which was in the old Main Building, later de-
molished, of the University of Texas. It was very quiet there on Sun-
days, and things would come to a man's mind. Brewer brought his
manuscript in a cardboard box. I began reading at once and by the
time I had read two or three tales knew that their author had some-
thing genuine and delightful. Getting the dialect consistent and cor-
rectly marked required an enormous amount of editorial labor, but
vii
that fall we published forty tales under the title of "Juneteenth" in
the volume entitled Tone the Bell Easy (Publications X of The Texas
Folklore Society) . ,
During the twenty-one years that I acted as editor for the Texas
Folklore Society hundreds of contributions came to hand, but in my
estimation "Juneteenth" stands out with only three others as the fresh-
est, most original, and most significant. The tales in "Juneteenth" and
those in The Word on the Brazos complement each other, both in so-
ciological values and in charm.
Some treatments of folklore that are without charm have impor-
tance, but none without it is primary. As literature, Uncle Remus
stands above all comparative studies published on the folk tale. In an
introduction to his collection of Irish Fairy and Folk Tales, William
Butler Yeats wrote: "The various collectors of Irish folklore have,
from our point of view, one great merit, and from the point of view
of others, one great fault. They have made their work literature rather
than science, and told us of the Irish peasantry rather than of the primi-
tive religion of mankind, or whatever else the folklorists are on the gad
after.... They have caught the very voice of the people, the very pulse
of life, each giving what was most noticed in his day."
It must be kept in mind that the day of the Brazos Bottom Negroes
in Mr. Brewer's tales is not the day of President Truman's orders, con-
firmed by President Eisenhower, against segregation in the Armed
Forces. It is not the day when Negro students attend classes in the
University of Texas and, without discrimination, eat meals with stu-
dents of other skin pigmentation in the University Commons. The
time is generally the last third of the 19th century, coming down oc-
casionally to that of automobile swiftness. Ways of work and play, sin
and religion, acting and thinking, saying and not saying, of post-
slavery Negroes are almost unconsciously brought out by these tales.
One of their outstanding qualities is the charm of literalness, a con-
comitant not constant to literal people and writing. "Gawd am evuh-
whars," the preacher iterated, in swaying rhythm specifying valley,
hillside, rivers, clouds, post-oak thicket, Brazos Bottoms. "Elduh, is he
in mah pocket?" little David jumped up to ask. "Sho, he's in yo'
Viii
pocket." "Yc
pocket.
Uncle Bev
AO
y~
11 church one Sunday and the preacher recognized the event by calling
pocket." "Youse a liah." David's "mammy-made pants" didn't have a
pocket.
Uncle Beverley, who had been a slave as boy, and who learned to
read, he said, by praying and leaving the Bible open under his pillow,
earned his living when I knew him long ago by preaching and carrying
clothes in a rickety one-horse shay to and from washer-women. There
was no vagueness in Uncle Beverley's preview of heaven. He knew
exactly how he would look-"white like you is"-sitting close to the
golden throne of God at the Banquet of the Saints. He knew how the
white-clothed table, piled high with chicken and other blessings,
would look, and he knew how many guests would be seated at it-
180,000, "according to His Word."
The naivete, the simplicity, the faith, the charm of this literalness!
Bud Gregg (in "Brother Gregg Identifies Himself") was a. sinful man
who habitually hunted and fished on Sunday, but his wife got him to
upon him to lead in prayer. He really did not have anything to say to
the Lord-no impediment either to any modern loud prayer over the
radio-but he had to say something. He began by remembering that
he was a stranger to the Lord and that there were a lot of other Ne-
groes in the Mount Zion community named Gregg.
"Laved," he called out, "Ah reckon Ah bettuh tell you who Ah is
befo' Ah staa'ts dis prayer. Ah ain't John Gregg, de one what kin pick
eight hunnud poun's of cotton when he teckin' one row at a time; Ah
ain't Jim Gregg, de one what plays de fiddle an' de banjo evuh Saddy
night for de platform dances, an' Ah ain't Tom Gregg, de one what
stealed his boss-man's bes' pair of mules one Sunday night an' runned
off way somewhars. Ah'm Ole Man Gregg, de one what shoots de gun
so good."
The faith of a mustard seed could not go beyond this. It belongs to
primitive imagination, an imagination that sees the white teeth of a
skeleton ghost gleaming in the light of a kerosene lantern and that has
absolutely nothing to do with the rational. Considering elemental
imagination of this character and the portraying power of elemental
poets, Macaulay came to the sorrowful conclusion that "as civilization
rx
■
I
advances, poetry almost necessarily declines." If, however, nothing
little boy withc
beyond what is called civilization threatened poetry, lovers of it today
he teck de rive:
would have scant reason for fearing its decay.
artless? Perhal
Picturesqueness in speech is a phase of imagination playing on the
Satire is per]
concrete, and The Word on the Brazos is sprinkled with words and
from mother v
phrases fresh out of the earth: "de sumpin'-to-eat question," the "don'-
easily be extenc
care bandwagon," "one-eyed gravy," "Beck time" (the time of Old
system; that in
Beck, the mule), "going to hell head fo'most," too ignorant to "know
to the casuistrl
big wood from brush," "he jes kept his potato trap shet an' don' say a
arguments by r.
mumblin' word." "Sinner man" is more concrete and visualizable than
The essence
the abstraction sinner, just as "the poor people" specified in acts of the
preachers supp
mediaeval parliament of Scotland connotes more of humanity than
"Ride, salvatio
"underprivileged" or "masses in the lower income brackets."
she shouted, "
As in the ancient ballads of the Scottish border, the most economical
and Hotwind J
compositions in English literature, there is no comment about life.
thousand poun
Tragedy in the ballads rides, walks, sails:
ordained to pri
Saddled and bridled and booted rode he,
A plume in his helmet, a sword at his knee.
To home came his saddle, all bloody to see,
Oh, home came his good horse, but never came he.
In "The Mulatto Boys and the Religious Test," five young mulattoes
white enough to pass the color line run away from poorly paid field
work and get fine-paying jobs in a cotton gin, which hires whites only.
But they are betrayed and put to a test that involves their deference to
God and not the skins inherited from their white grandpappies. They
fail the tests, "an' de bossman say, 'You Nigguhs bettuh drag on back
to Eloise, an' dat in a hurry, too.' " That's the end of the telling.
Sometimes, it appears that the highest form of art is artless. But one
can never be sure that the apparently artless artist is unconscious either
of his art or his artlessness. One of the old-time Negro sayings was:
"White man never knows what's inside black man above his mouth."
That depends on how sensitive and intelligent the white man is. A
little boy without brother or sister was "sorta lonesome all de time, an'
he teck de rivuh an' de mud outen hit for company-keepers." Is this
artless? Perhaps some art, and that not of a low order, is instinctive.
Satire is perhaps never unconscious. The simplest forms of it come
from mother wit. The satire in "White and Black Theology" could
easily be extended to the reliance on degrees in the American education
system; that in "The Hare-Lipped Man and the Speaking Meeting,"
to the casuistry, which insults intelligence and flatters ignorance, in
arguments by modern mountebanks.
The essence of all the tales is humanity. There is truly a galaxy of
preachers supplemented by such Ameners as Sister Rosie, crying out,
"Ride, salvation, ride," until the collection hat was announced, when
she shouted, "Walk, salvation, walk." Here are Sin-Killer Jackson
and Hotwind Johnson; Elder Joshua Dennis, who could pick about a
thousand pounds of cotton every day and whom the plantation owner
ordained to preach because he'd stress "work haa'd an' 'bey yo' boss
man" and tell the hands, "All dat a Nigguh needs is a bad row, a
harp hoe and a mean boss"; Elder Sanford, who preached a sermon
about "Evuhthing dat is, was, an' evuhthing dat ain't, ain't never
gonna be;" Elder Jasper Jackson, big, black, six feet and seven
inches tall, who habitually began his sermon by saying, "Brothuhs an'
Sistuhs, Ah is heah; Ah didn' ride on hossback; Ah comed on a mule";
revivalists greedy to take away "some of dat good ole Brazos Bottoms
cotton-pickin' money"; the old war-time moderator, displaced for a
young educated preacher, who, after likening his successor to a gold
fish, said, "Ah mought gib out, but Ah ain't in no wise evuh gonna gib
up"; the happy-bellied elder who upon being asked what was his fa-
vorite part of the chicken replied, "Ah lacks the breas' an' all the res'."
Humanity never gets outdated, but modernity is here too. Elder
Waller was preaching on the good-for-nothingness of the younger
generation and Sistuh Flora Hanks was shouting, "Tell de truf
"Speak outen yo' soul!" and other encouragements. "Yeah, dey's goin'
to hell in Cadillacs, dey's goin' to hell in Packards, dey's goin' to hell
in Buicks, dey's goin' to hell in Dodges," Elder Waller went on in the
incremental repetitious manner of ballad makers until Sistuh Flora
XI
Hanks jumped up shouting, "Well, mah boy'll be back, 'caze he's goin'
in a T-Model Fo'd."
Soon the T-Model Ford will need the same kind of explanatory foot-
note that "Beck time" now needs, but the Sister Floras and the Elder
Wallers won't need explaining any more than Chaucer's Wife of Bath
and Pardoner do. When human beings are transplanted right off the
ground into print they " 'splain dere selfs."
Acknowledgr.
A Word on 7
Introduction
The Preacher ar
A Job for God
Cussing for the
Elder Lott's Sun
God Throws a I
Little Bill's Con
Reverend Carter
Sister Rosie and
The Tale of the
Sister Patsy's Ei
The Wrong Ma
What Major Bu
White and Blad
How Elder Sam
Sister Liza and t
Halley's Comet ;
Brother Gregg I
Ba pth
The Old Preach(
Uncle Ebun and
Sister Carrie and
The Baptizing of
xii
Contents
Acknowledgments
vi
A Word on The Word
vii
Introduction
1
Bad Religion
The Preacher and His Farmer Brother
9
A Job for God
10
Cussing for the Church
11
Elder Lott's Sunday Night Sermon
12
God Throws a Tree Limb
14
Little Bill's Conversation with God
15
Reverend Carter's Twelfth Anniversary Sermon
17
Sister Rosie and the African Missionary
19
The Tale of the Three Preachers
21
Sister Patsy's Error
22
The Wrong Man in the Coffin
22
What Major Buford Knew
23
White and Black Theology
25
How Elder Samuels Was Saved
26
Sister Liza and the New Pastor
28
Halley's Comet and Judgment Day
30
Brother Gregg Identifies Himself
32
Baptizings, Conversions, and Church Meetings
The Old Preacher's Will and the Young Wife
34
Uncle Ebun and the Sign of the Shooting Star
39
Sister Carrie and the Little White Man
40
The Baptizing of the Cat Family
42
xiii
The Hare-lipped Man and the Speaking Meeting
43
The Moderator and the Alligator
45
The Preacher Who Walked on Water
46
The Trustee Board and the Cuspidor
47
Why Abe Brown Went to the Revival
48
The Old Moderator's Farewell Message
50
The Complaining Church Sister
52
Sister Sadie Washington's Littlest Boy
54
Uncle Charlie Gets Directions
56
Good Religion
A Sermon, a Cat, and a Churn
61
The Preacher Who Asked Too Many Questions
63
The Haunted Church and the Sermon on Tithing
64
The Lord Answers Sister Milly's Prayer
67
The Oxen and the Denominations
68
The Preacher Who Talked in His Sleep
69
The Sunday School Scholar and the Pastor
71
The Mulatto Boys and the Religious Test
72
Scott Mission Methodist Church Gets a Full-time Pastor
74
Heaven and Hell
Why the Guardian Angel Let the Brazos Bottom Negroes Sleep
The Baptist Negroes in Heaven
The Pole That Led to Heaven
Who Can Go to Heaven
Little Jim Lacey's Desires
Why So Many Negroes Are in Heaven
Good Friday in Hell
John's Trip to Hell
Uncle Si, His Boss-man, and Hell
Preachers and Little Boys
Little David's Question
Gabriel and the Elder's Coat
Heaven and the Post Office
Little Ned and the Sweet Potato Pie
Reverend Black's Gifts from Heaven
The Sinner Man's Son and the Preacher
Little Tom and the One-eyed Preacher
Deacon Jones's Boys and the Greedy Preacher
xiv
Baptizing in the
The Preacher an
Uncle Ebun and
The Preacher W
The Guardian A
Little David's Q
Illustrations
iptizing in the Brazos Endpapers
Opposite page
ie Preacher and His Farmer Brother 9
icle Ebun and the Sign of the Shooting Star 40
ie Preacher Who Asked Too Many Questions 64
ie Guardian Angel and the Brazos Bottom Negroes 81
tle David's Question 97
xv
Introduction
THE RELIGIOUS TALE antedates the coming of Christ. Long before
that date, in Greece, Rome, and Judea, the illustrative tale was
used as a means of moral instruction.
In Medieval Europe, short narratives employed to illustrate or
confirm a moral were called "exempla." From the seventh to the
seventeenth century many compilations of these moralizing tales and
anecdotes were made. They appear to have been more popular than
any other form of story. Indeed, the use of the exemplum in the
pulpit by churchmen became such a vogue in the fourteenth century
that serious opposition was registered against it by Chaucer, Dante,
John Wycliffe, and other writers. Although protest against its use
caused it to suffer rapid decline in the sixteenth century, the exem-
plum remained in use both in England and on the European continent
until a much later date.
It was in the United States, however, that the conditions necessary
to bring the exemplum back into vogue rose again. Here exempla
assumed, to some extent, their original role as powerful agents in
advancing the cause of a particular Christian doctrine. The sending
of Francis Asbury to America in the year 1771 to propagate the faith
of John Wesley was indirectly responsible for creating a situation
that stimulated the use of exempla in this country.
Through early experimentation, Asbury and the frontier preachers
1
associated with him learned that the best way to hold their audiences
were invented E
was by the frequent use of anecdote. Lorenzo Dow, who was dele-
of them from t
gated to expand the work of Methodism in the South, was also aware
'
known througl
of the practicality of the use
of the comic tale as a means of impress-
however, have
ing the congregations to which he spoke. Dow's contemporaries of the
curately social
Baptist and other creeds likewise adopted the anecdote as a device
passing from th
for clinching a sermonly point.
Brazos Botto.
Dow and his fellow-ministers spoke principally to plantation own-
should not con,
ers and other whites, but in many instances slaves were permitted to
and his follow
attend religious services along with their masters and mistresses.
ligion seriously
Consequently, when the slaves were freed and began to establish
Christians and i
churches of their own, there were some among them who not only
religious tales N
knew enough about the Bible to interpret it but were able also to
pattern of a pc
support their beliefs with appropriate tales.
other ethnic gr
Granted that Negro religious tales fail in many instances to con-
by the masses t
form to the pattern of the traditional exempla and fall short of the
has always bee
requirements that would qualify them to be classed with the moraliz-
and as such he
ing, or illustrative, tale of antiquity, it must still be conceded that they
followers. The
have one characteristic in common with this particular genre of folk-
digenous examl
narrative-the attribute of entertainment.
The tales in
The term "preacher tale" was widely used by Negroes when re-
along the banl
ferring to their religious anecdotes. It included both stories told by
Because of the
preachers in the pulpit and those related about preachers.
attracted to seta
Although now in a period of decline as a pulpit device, preacher
Austin planted
tales are still in the living tradition of the Negro. They are still told
River. Other s~
to some extent in pulpits by Negro preachers and in Negro homes
slave labor wa:
by parents to their children. They are also told on trains, buses, and
Thus the Negr
street corners, and in barber shops and taverns by church and non-
from it. Some
church-going Negro folk. Naturally, however, they thrive more abun-
in Falls, Robej
dantly in certain remote recesses of the South than in other areas.
Counties.
The sea-islands of South Carolina, the Florida East Coast, and the
The ex-slave
Brazos River Bottoms of Texas provide the most fertile fields for the
after Negroes
collector.
lieved by Negr
In the lower Brazos Valley of Texas, where the plantation culture
illiterate, humE
of the old South flourished, a large number of religious anecdotes
pression amon,
2 hk-
were invented by Negroes; but they must also have acquired a wealth
of them from the whites, since many of the tales of this vicinity are
known throughout rural America. The versions in this collection,
however, have been thoroughly adapted to the region and reflect ac-
curately social problems and attitudes of a Negro generation now
passing from the scene.
Brazos Bottom Negro preacher tales, although humorous in nature,
should not convey the idea that the Brazos Bottom Negro preacher
and his followers were showmen or that they did not take their re-
ligion seriously. Brazos Bottom Negroes were devout and sincere
Christians and usually were the essence of humility, even though their
religious tales were often satirical in nature. These tales followed the
pattern of a popular folk-tale type found in the oral literatures of
other ethnic groups, namely the comic anecdote-a device invented
by the masses to lampoon their leaders and superiors. The preacher
has always been the acknowledged leader in the Negro community,
and as such he has been the target of many witty stories told by his
followers. The tales concerning "the Word" on the Brazos are in-
digenous examples of this type of folk expression.
The tales in the present collection were culled in the bottom lands
along the banks of the Brazos River in Central and South Texas.
Because of the fertility of the soil in this section, pioneers were early
attracted to settle here and establish extensive plantations. Stephen F.
Austin planted his first families around Washington, on the Brazos
River. Other settlements soon followed, and almost simultaneously
slave labor was introduced to plant, cultivate, and harvest the crops.
Thus the Negro became a part of the land, worked it, and drew life
from it. Some of the largest plantations in this district were located
in Falls, Robertson, McLennan, Brazoria, Brazos, and Washington
Counties.
The ex-slaves who remained on Brazos River Bottom plantations
after Negroes were given their freedom on June 19, 1865, were be-
lieved by Negroes residing in other sections of Texas to be the most
illiterate, humble, and mistreated Negroes in the state. A common ex-
pression among Texas Negro children several decades ago, when
3
they wanted to poke fun at their playmates for being ignorant, was,
"You mus' be from de Brazos Bottoms," or "You ack jes' lack a Brazos
Bottom Nigguh."
In spite of the conditions that produced this sarcasm, many Negroes
of the Brazos Bottoms overcame the stigma and achieved distinction.
L. K. Williams, world-renowned Baptist leader, is perhaps the out-
standing example of Negro leadership that emerged from this section.
L. K. Williams, the story goes, was a gambler in his youth, and in
spite of appeals from his father, a Baptist deacon, to join the church
and become a Christian, continued to spend his Sundays on the
banks of the Brazos River shooting dice with other wayward Negroes.
Elderly Negroes still living in the Brazos Bottoms say that they re-
member the very Sunday that young Williams decided to give up
"worldly ways" and "put on de armuh of de Lawd." One narrator
of the saga about young Williams' conversion thus describes the
incident:
"We was all listenin' to de preachuh an' jes' beginnin' to feel
de sperrit movin' in our haa'ts, when all of a sudden we heahs a hoss
gallopin' up to'a'ds de chu'chhouse ez fas' ez he kin trot. Evuhbody
wonder what de trouble be an' staa't lookin' outen de windows. Putty
soon dey seed a roan hoss stop out at de fence roun' de chu'chhouse
an' a boy git offen 'im. De boy staa'ted runnin' up to de chu'chhouse
an' when he gits close 'null we seed dat hit was L. K. Williams. He
had on his duckins an' dey was dirty ez dey could be an' his hair ain't
been combed, but he runned in de do' straight up to whar de preachuh
was preachin' an' say, 'Elduh, ah wants to jine de chu'ch an' be a
Christun.' His pappy was settin' on de front row an' soon as L. K.
said dis his pappy grab 'im an' staa't cryin' an' say, `Bless de Lawd!
Bless de Lawd! Mah prayers done been answered.' From dat day on
L. K. comed to chu'ch all day evuh Sunday, an' putty soon he come to
be a exhorter (dat's a preachuh tryin' to git on foot preachin', you
know). So putty soon dey calls 'im to pastuh a IN ole chu'ch, and he
comed to be one of de bes' preachuhs in de Bottoms. Dey say dat de
why he comed an' jined de chu'ch dat Sunday was 'caze he losed all
his money in a dice game down to Falls on de Brazos, and de Lawd
4
1
I
meck hit come to 'im to git shed of his sinful ways an' live a good
life."
L. K. Williams' record from that time on was one of goodness and
usefulness. just prior to his death in an airplane crash some years
ago, he served as vice-president of the Baptist World Alliance and
was pastor of the Olivet Baptist Church in Chicago, which at that
time was reputed to have the largest membership of any Protestant
church in the world.
Brazos Bottom Negroes refer to the Bible as "the Word" and
enjoy commenting on purported comical happenings of the past in-
volving the preacher and the members of the church. Human pleasure
in telling and listening to these tales accounts for their survival.
Today, in the Brazos Bottoms, few vestiges of the old plantation
life remain. The times that these tales tell about have almost passed
into oblivion. Many farms formerly occupied by master and slave,
boss-man and sharecropper, and later by Negro farm managers and
field-hands, are today occupied by Italians, Germans, Poles and other
relative newcomers, who manage and work them. Yet, in spite of all
changes, cotton, sugar cane and corn fields up and down the Brazos
are still worked by Negroes. The original Brazos Bottom Negro has
left his tracks in the soil, enriched it with his dust, and flavored it with
what we call, in a broad sense, his culture.
5
PART ONE
Bad Religion
V some
a brothuh o
dey live. Al
Baptis' chu'
armuh of di
he rech sixt
turnt to be
evuh grace
tion. But hi
nevuh set fc
Sid hab a
so one time
yeah since 1
gits thoo sh
say, "Ah w,
is.
"Sho," sa
patch an' 1,
grown, an 4
he'p of de
Revun look
The Preacher and His Farmer Brother
The Preacher and His Farmer Brother
0 F OCCASION IN DE BOTTOMS, in de same fam'ly, you kin fin'
some of de bestes' preachuhs dat done evuh grace a pulpit, an'
a brothuh or a sistuh what ain't nevuh set foot in de chu'ch ez long ez
dey live. Ah calls to min' Revun Jeremiah Sol'mon what pastuh de
Baptis' chu'ch down to Egypt, on Caney Creek. He done put on de
armuh of de Lawd when he rech fo'teen; he come to be a deacon when
he rech sixteen, an' dey 'dained 'im for to preach de Word when he
turnt to be eighteen. He one of de mos' pow'ful preachuhs dat done
evuh grace a Texas pulpit an' he de moderatuh of de St. John's 'Socia-
tion. But he hab a brothuh, what go by de name of Sid, what ain't
nevuh set foot in a chu'ch house in his life.
Sid hab a good spot of Ian' 'roun' 'bout Falls, on de Brazos, though;
so one time Revun Jeremiah 'cide to pay Sid a visit. Hit been twenty
yeah since he laid eyes on 'im; so he driv up to de house an' soon ez he
gits thoo shakin' han's wid Sid's wife, Lulu Belle, an' de chilluns, he
say, "Ah wants to see yo' fawm, Sid. Le's see what kinda fawmuh you
is."
"Sho," say Sid. So he gits his hat on an' dey goes down to de cawn
patch an' looks at de cawn Sid done planted an' what nelly 'bout
grown, an' de Revun say, "Sid, youse got a putty good cawn crop by de
he'p of de Lawd." Den dey goes on down to de cotton patch and de
Revun looks at hit an' 'low, "Sid, youse got a putty good cotton crop by
9
de he'p of de Lawd." Den dey moseys on down to de sugah cane patch
an' when de Revun eye dis, he say, "Sid, youse got a putty good cane
patch, by de he'p of de Lawd."
An' when he say dis, Sid eye 'im kinda disgusted lack, an' say,
"Yeah, but you oughta seed hit when de Lawd had it by Hisse'f."
A Job for God
Ax CALLS TO MIN' two han's on de ole Babb plannuhtation on de
Lowuh Brazos what was cuttin' logs on de wes' side of de rivuh
to buil' a bawn on de boss-man's premisus. Dey cut de cypress trees
down on de wes' side an' brung de logs 'cross to de eas' side on a liT
ole row boat. Hit wasn't far from de Gulf an' of occasion a alluh-
gattuh comed up in de back wattuh, but dey ain't seed one in dese
paa'ts for quite a spell. Anyhow, dese two han's, Tim Groce an'
Steve Risby, done been to chu'ch de Sunday 'fo' dey staa't to bringin'
de logs crost de rivuh, an' dey heahs Elduh Sample, de pastuh of
Mothuh Mt. Zion Chu'ch, say, "Gawd so lacked de worl' in sich a
way, dat he done sen' de onlies' son he got down to de urf so dat deco
what b'lieve on 'im gonna be saved."
Dat sermon stay on Steve's min'. He don' forgit hit. So Tim an'
Steve been cuttin' down de cypress trees an' bringin' de logs 'cross
de rivuh for four days now, an' dey ain't seed nor heerd tell of no
alluhgattuh yit, but when dey staa't back crost de rivuh wid dey las'
load dat Friday, what was de thirteenth of de mont'-dat's a bad luck
day, you knows-anyways, dey spy sump'n or 'nothuh swimmin'
to'a'ds 'em from de Gulf. "What's dat?" say Tim. "Looks lack a
alluhgattuh," say Steve. 'N' sho' 'null, 'fo' you c'd say, "amen," de
alluhgattuh done rech de boat an' turn hit ovuh an' lit out to swim-
min' attuh Steve an' Tim. Tim 'bout to git away, but de alluhgattuh
gainin' on Steve all de time; so Steve calls to min' what de preachuh
say, and he pray:
10
"Gawd, Ah knows youse got a habit of sen'in' yo' son down heah
to do yo' work, but Ah wanna tell you rat now, don' you come
Ben'in' yo' son down heah now, you come down heah you'se'f, 'caze
savin' me from dis alluhgattuh is a man's job."
Cussing for the Church
YOU KNOW DEY HAB A SAYIN' in de Bottoms in de Ole days dat
de preachuh hab de wustes' chillun in de worl', dat dey was
allus into sump'n or 'nothuh an' was rank sinnuhs. Dey brung many
a tear to dey pappies' an' mammies' eyes, Ah tells you. Ah calls to
min' de middle-size boy of Elduh Walker, pastuh of de li'1' ole chu'ch
up to Steele's sto'. De chu'ch hab a haa'd time gittin' on foot, 'caze
dey don' be many Mefdis's in dat paa't of de Bottoms. Bubbuh
Walker, dis middle-size boy of de pastuh's, was a great han' for
cussin'. He runned off from de plannuhtation time an' time again,
an' allus say:
"Ah wouldn't pick cotton
An' Ah wouldn't pitch hay;
Ah wouldn't do nothin'
Dat a white man .say."
Elduh Walker allus scairt de boss-man gonna light in on 'im an'
skin 'im alive one of dese days, but de boss-man don' nevuh ca'ie on
in dis wise yit. Well, anyways, de chu'ch hab some chairs an' some
carpet for de main chu'ch aisle what dey ain't paid for; so one Mon-
day mawnin', attuh dey done let a payment slip by, de furniture man
comed down from Calvert to Elduh Walker's house an' ast Bubbuh
whar his pappy be. Bubbuh tell 'im he don' know; so de man say,
"Ah'm gonna teck dis heah carpet an' dese chairs outen de chu'ch."
An' Bubbuh eye 'im rail mean lack an' say, "You ain't gonna teck a
damn thing outen dis heah chu'ch house." Den de man lef' an' tole
Elduh Walker an' de trustee boa'd 'bout Bubbuh cussin' 'im out; so
11
de chu'ch boa'd hab a meetin' an' try Bubbuh for usin' bad language. He 'low hi
When dey ast Bubbuh huccome 'im to cuss de white man out, he ahaid, he ri
say, "Ah was cussin' for de chu'ch." Well sub, dis surprise de boa'd (dey allus
so bad, dey gives Bubbuh a pawdun for breakin' de chu'ch rule an' night meet
meck 'im de sup'intendunt of de Sunday School. an' shout s
night dowi
Hit's cot
Elder Lott's Sunday Night Sermon
D E OLE TIME PREACHUH was way late gittin' off wid his preachin'
in de Bottoms. De boss-mens allus meck 'em stay off de plan-
nuhtations 'caze dey hol' chu'ch servus too far into de night time. Of
occasion sistuhs an' brothuhs git to shoutin' an' singin' an' a prayin'
till way pas' midnight. Dis heah fashion of ca'ien' on meck'em tiahed
on a Monday mawnin' an' de boss-mens don' git but pow'ful li'1' work
outen 'em on a Monday; so dey don' relish no chu'ch servus on a Sun-
day night for de han's. De han's sing so long some Sunday nights till
dey keep de boss-mens wake an' dey cain't go to sleep dey se'f. You
know dat song what go in dis heah wise:
"White folks go to chu'ch,
He nevuh crack a smile.
Nigguh go to chu'ch
You heah 'im laff a mile."
Well, dat's de gospel truf. Dat's jes' de fashion dey ca'ied on in de
Bottoms, but work comed fuss an' de Word comed secon'.
Oncet dey was a circuit preachuh what was sen' out by de bishop of
de Mefdis' Chu'ch to preach on de plannuhtations up an' down de
Bottoms. He hab a haa'd time gittin' to preach, 'caze de boss-mens don'
relish no preachin' in de cotton pickin' season noways, but fin'ly Elduh
Lott gits up 'nuff courage to go ast Mistuh Gabe Clark, de boss-man
of de ole Clark fawm down to Hearne, to gib him leave way to preach
to de han's on his plannuhtation dat Saddy night an' Sunday mawnin'.
12
~nnifAgflN~I91{14±Mn1!. :~7i7... 1
He 'low he ain't gonna preach Sunday night, so de boss-man say go
ahaid, he reckon, an' hol' de servus. Elduh Lott an' de pastuh's stewart
(dey allus ca'ied a officer of de chu'ch 'long wid 'em) called a Saddy
night meetin' an' a Sunday mawnin' meetin', an' de han's git so happy
an' shout so good an' ca'ie on so till dey plans a meetin' for Sunday
night down in de pasture what 'bout two mile from de Big House.
Hit's cotton pickin' time an' de han's am pullin' big drag sacks evuh
day; so dey habs a li'1' money in dey pockets rat now, an' dey 'vides up
wid de preachuh right smaa't. Elduh Lott lack dis heah fashion dey
got an' he wanna ca'ie all de money he kin outen de Bottoms while
pickin's am good. So de Lawd be praised if 'n he didn't call de Sunday
night meetin' sho' 'puff an' put a wash pot wid de outside turnt to'a'ds
de boss-man's house so de noun' of de singin' an' shoutin' cain't be
heerd. He hab a rousin' meetin', but hit so happen dat de boss-man an'
his son been visitin' a neighborin' plannuhtation an' dey rides back
home on de open side of de pot an' heahs all dis noise; so dey rides up
in de middle of de crowd an' squalls out, "Didn' Ah tell y'all not to
hab no preachin' on a Sunday night?"
De han's all scattuhs an' Elduh Lott an' de pastuh's Stewart staa'ts to
rennin' thoo de cotton patch, de boss-man an' his son rat behin' 'em.
But de boss-man's hoss cain't git thoo de barbwire fences lack de elduh
an' de pastuh's stewart; so dey runs ',bout a mile an' sets down on a
stump to res'. But 'fo' you kin say, "amen," dey looks up an' heah
comes de boss-man an' his son wid dey cap an' balls a shootin' at de
elduh an' de pastuh's stewart; so de elduh an' de stewart dey lit out to
runnin' again an' dey loses sight of de boss-man an' his son anothuh
time. But 'fo' dey sets down good dey looks up de cow trail an' see de
boss-man an' his son ridin' fas' to'a'ds 'em, jes' a shootin' to beat de
ban', so dey lit out to runnin' again. De pastuh's stewart say to Elduh
Lott, "We sho' has a haa'd time, Elduh. Does you reckon Gawd know
how bad dese white folks is treatin' us down heah
"Sho', he know," say Elduh Lott, a runnin' an' a pantin'. "He jes'
don' give a damn."
13
God Throws a Tree Limb
HIT TECxs LOTS OF PATIENCE to deal wid a sinnuh at de mounah's
bench. Dey hab a haa'd time comin' thoo, 'caze dey ain't yit
ready to jar loose from dey sinful acks. Hit don' matter how pulpit-
wise a preachuh be, he hab a job on his han's gittin' de haa'd-haa'ted
sinnuh man to settle on de chu'ch. Ah calls to min' a han' often de ole
Cole plannuhtation by de name of Pink Jackson. He de bigges' cotton
picker on de plannuhtation, but he de rankes' sinnuh, lackwise, an'
'sides dat he kinda simple-minded too.
His wife an' chilluns ,b'long to de Bethesda Baptis' Chu'ch down to
Reagan, an' dey very upset 'bout Pink. He know how to git de cotton
togethuh for de boss-man, but he cain't hitch hosses wid de Lawd. He
know hit bes' to teck one row o' cotton at a time an' to ca'ie a light
drag so's to pick de most poun's of cotton, but he don' know you got
to hab a clear conscience to git rail converted an' be save. De preachuh
work wid Pink evuh way he know how, but Pink don' chance to come
thoo.
Fin'ly, one night, though, Revun Randle, de pastuh, pray to de Lawd
speshly for Pink. He say, "Gawd, please come down heah an' hope me
wid dis heah sinnuh man what go by de name of Pink. Dis job Ah got
for you is too haa'd for a man an' too tedious for de angels." But wid
all dis prayin', Pink ain't nevuh chanced to come thoo yit. So fin'ly,
Revun Randle say, "Pink, Ah tells you what to do, if'n you railly wants
to be a true chile of Gawd: Go down in de pasture attuh sundown an'
pick yo'se'f out a pos'-oak tree an' light out down dere evuh night. Git
down on yo' knees unnuhneaf de tree an' ast de Lawd to convert you."
So Pink goes down to de pasture dat ver' same night, picks him out
a pos'-oak tree, gits down on his knees an' say, "Lawd, please convert
me! Oh, Lawd, please convert me!"
Dis heah goes on awright for three nights, but while Pink is prayin'
i
14
on de fo'th night, a dead tree limb falls offen de tree an' almos' hits
'im, so he lights out to runnin'. Hit's 'bout a week attuh dis 'fo'
Pink gits up 'nuff courage to go back out to de tree again, but on de
Friday night 'fo' de nex' Sunday, Pink goes back out to de tree, kinda
sidles up to hit an' say, "Gawd, Ah come out heah to hab a close-up
talk wid you 'bout dat tree limb you th'owed at me t'othuh night; you
know if'n you had of hit me, dese Nigguhs nevuh would of had no
mo' confidence in you."
Little Bill's Conversation with God
D E YOUNGUNS ON DE PLANNUHTATIONS in de Bottoms was
plenty smaa't. Dey take 'vantage of dey pappies an' mammies
bein' so wropped up in de Word and de chu'ch till dey study all kinds
of devulmint to git outen work by dey wits. When dey don' wanna
work 'roun' de house, chop cordwood, dry dishes, feed de cows, or
tote wattuh from de well, or de pump, dey allus go an' git de Bible
an' staa't to readin' hit, or de Sunday School quarterly. Den when dey
mammies ast 'em to do sump'n 'roun' de house, dey say, "Mammy,
Ah's readin' de Word; Ah wanna be a good Christun lack you an'
pappy an' work in de chu'ch, an' de Word'll gimme dat information
to go thoo. Ah heerd de pastuh say evuhbody ought to set down an'
keep comp'ny wid Gawd durin' of de weekadays ez well ez on a
Sunday." Dis heah kind of talk allus meck dey mammies happy, 'caze
dey ain't nothin' dey lack bettuh 'n habin' dey chilluns hab a love for
de chu'ch. So de younguns allus git out of work in dis wise.
Oncet dere was a li'1' yap down to Chinaberry Grove on de ole Lee
fawm name' Bill what hab dis style down pat. He gib his pappy a hot
time all de time by stealin' tea cakes outen de flow'r sack full dat his
mammy done bake; an' he lie on de othuh li'1' chilluns in de house
evuh day de Lawd sen' 'bout sump'n. Dey hab a ole rickety cawn
crib next to his pappy's shack, so evuh time he lie his pappy tell 'im
15
to go on up in de lof' of de cawn crib an' ast de Lawd to forgib 'im.
So Bill would go on up in de lof' in de cawn crib an' stay 'bout two
or three hours at a time. Tom, his pappy, allus ast him huccome he
stay up in de lof' so long. Den Bill would say, "Hit tuck a long time
for me to git de message thoo. Gawd a busy man, ain't he, pappy?"
Bill allus lie de fuss thing in de mawnin' jes' 'fo' dey staa't to de
fiel', 'caze he know his pappy gonna sen' 'im to de lof' to ast Gawd
to forgib 'im for de lie he done tole, an' he kin dodge work dat
mawnin'. He allus lolluhgag in de lof' long ez he kin. Dis sho' 'null
Bad Religion liT Bill practicin', but his pappy Tom jes' ez 'sponsibul
as liT Bill be; he didn' oughta sen' 'im to de lof' to pray.
Bill show his pappy good fashion one time, though. De ,boss-mens
in de Bottoms 'low dey ban's to go to Waco evuh year to de circus
on a speshul train; dat is if'n dey hab a good crop year an' de ban's
was pleasin' 'em. Hit happen de same year liT Bill was ca'ien' on his
foolishness dat de ban's work rail haa'd an' de boss-mens leave 'em
go to Waco to de circus. Dey allus sen' de obuhseers 'long wid de
ban's, so dey'll be sho' dey don' run off way somewhar. Dey hab pas-
senger coaches an' de Marlin shurf allus sen' 'long a dep'ty shurf to
keep down fights on de train. Lots of times de dep'ty shurfs fool de
ban's into a baggage car an' git 'em staa'ted in a crap game on de
speshul train an' den 'rest 'em fo' gamblin' an' teck 'em offen de
train 'fo' dey gits to Waco. Dey do dis heah to de ban's on de ole
Lee farm dis year, but Glenn Lee, dey boss-man, come up to Waco
an' tell de shurfs dey bettuh turn his Nigguhs loose; dat dem's his
Nigguhs an' dey ain't gonna pay no fine, an' to gib 'em de money
what dey done tuck 'way from 'em. So dey pays heed to 'im, 'caze
he fix dey bizniss good if'n dey don't. You couldn' 'res' a Nigguh in
de Bottoms lessen you git permishun from dey boss-mens.
Howbeevuh, de nex' day attuh de circus was work day on de ole
Lee farm, so liT Bill, lack his usual, don' relish goin' to work. So he
gottuh think up some kinda lie to tell his pappy at breakfast. So when
his pappy call 'im to come to breakfast, he comes on in an' staa't to
soppin' his biscuits in his 'lasses an' one-eyed gravy, an' fin'ly he look
up at his pappy an' say, "Pappy, one dem lions must of got loose up
16
dere at de circus yistiddy; Ah looked outen de window jes' now an'
seed a lion crossin' de lane goin' up to'a'ds de mule lot."
"You git rat up from heah," say Tom, his pappy, "an' go rat up
in de lof' an' ast de Lawd to forgib you. You know dat ain't nothin'
but Ole Lady Jackson's shaggy dog you seed." So Bill gits up from
de table an' goes up to de lof' in de cawn crib. He don' come down
no mo' till de dinnuh time bell soun'. Den he come an' tuck his seat
on de bench at de table 'side his ol'es' brothuh on one side an' his
pappy on de othuh. When his pappy spy 'im, he say, "Bill, is you
done gone up to de lof' an' ast de Lawd to forgib you lack Ah done
tole you?"
"Yas, suh," say Bill.
"What'd he say?" asts Tom.
"What'd he say?" 'low Bill. "He say, 'Go 'long boy, Ah thought
dat was a lion mahse'f.' "
Reverend Carter's Twelfth Anniversary Sermon
OUT TEN YEAR ATTUH FREEDOM done come in de Bottoms de
B membuhship gits pow'ful good to de pastuhs what done tuck
'em down from hangin' out on de promise limb an' brung 'em to dat
condition whar dey git dat whole thing lack de Word say, an' de
Lawd stick up to 'em, 'caze he glory in de style dey done tuck up wid.
Dey hab poun' paa'ties whar evuhbody brung a poun' o' victuals
to de pastuh evuh mont', an' dey staa't de style of de annuhversury
sermon, lackwise. De annuhversury sermon come oncet a yeah so de
membuhship kin help de pastuh 'long wid his duds ez well ez his
grub. Dey 'low he haftuh hab sump'n nothuh on his back ez well
ez in his stummick. Dey gibs 'im a liT money too, an' of occasion,
he gits a right smaa't in de collection when dey pass de hat 'roun'
mongst de membuhs.
One o' dese preachuhs in de Bottoms what been pastuhin' mought'
17
nigh on to twelve yeahs when dey staa't off dis fashion was name
"Ah l'e;
Elduh Neal. He de pastuh of de Ball Hill Baptis' Chu'ch what hab
Sunday a
a small membuhship, so he don' speck much outen de han's what
b'long to his chu'ch. He got a good sermon though. So when de Sun-
'
'
'
day
roll
roun for
im to preach his twelfth annuhversury sermon he
dike up in his frocktail coat, his stan'in' collar, an' his high silk hat
Sh
an' staa'ts to walking thoo de thickets to de chu'ch house wid his
Bible in his han'. He doin' what dey calls "cuttin' buddy short."
N DE 4
(Dat mean, teckin' a short cut thoo de woods, so you git whar you
buhs
goin' lots quicker'n goin' way 'roun' de dirt road.) But he ain't done
whar de i
had bettuh tuck dis heah fashion of gittin' to chu'ch, 'caze 'fo' he trace
a good li
his footsteps ver' far, he look up an' see a white man a straddle of de
de Word
lane he walkin' down on a white hoss wid a cap an' ball in his han'.
truf." Di
When Elduh Neal spy de man he try to dodge 'im an go thoo de
sermons i
cawn patch, but de white man call 'im back an' say, "Hol' on a
Ah cal
minnit, Elduh; Ah wants you to dance a li'1' bit for me."
was one
"Ah ain't gonna do no sich a thing," say Elduh Neal; "Ah done
whole cc
put away deco sinful things long time ago."
an' she s
"Aw, come on," say de white man, slingin' two cap an' balls, one
of faith
in one han' an' one in de othuh; "Ah'll gib you a ten dolluh bill if'n
edge 'im
you do a li'1' step for me."
nevuh sti
"Well, awright den," 'low Revun Neal, eyen' de caps and balls
I
for de L,
de man got pointed at 'im an' peekin' at de ten dolluh bill de white
now. Ha
man holdin' tween his thumb. "Ah ain't got much for time, though,"
of occasi
say Elduh Neal, "but Ah'll do a li'1' step for you bein' dat's de case."
One ti
So no quicker'n he say dis he clicks his heels togedduh an' do a li'1'
tation ar
jig-
Elduh V
De white man gib 'im de ten dolluh bill an' Revun Neal staa't on
de Sund:
down de lane again to'a'ds de chu'ch house. He ain't gone ver' far
in de Bo
though 'fo' he wheel 'roun' rail quick an' squall out to de white man
you diec
to wait a minnit, he wanna tell 'im sump'n. So de white man stop his
Sunday,
hoss smack dab in his tracks an' wait for Elduh Neal to ketch up
durin' do
wid 'im.
if'n a ni€
"What you want?" say de white man when Revun Neal git 'longst
I Anyhc
'side 'im.
talkie I
18
I
"Ah jes' wanna tell you," say Revun Neal, " dat Ah'll be heah evuh
Sunday at ten-thuhty from now on."
Sister Rosie and the African Missionary
I N DE OLDEN TIMEs de preachuh he git lots of he'p from de mem-
buhship when he preachin' a sermon. Dey hab a amen cawnuh
whar de membuhs squall out all de time when de preachuh put ovah
a good lick agin de Devul. Dey say, "Say yo' lesson suh," or, "Preach
de Word, Amen! Amen!" or "Tell hit, tell hit, tell de truf, tell de
truf." Dis heah lots of he'p to de preachuh an' dey hab some pow'ful
sermons in de Bottoms in dem days as a consequence.
Ah calls to min' up to McGill Chapel on de LiT Brazos Rivuh dere
was one sistuh what allus keep up de sperrit for de preachuhs an' de
whole congugation lackwise. Her name was Sistuh Rosie Thompson
an' she sump'n lack Naomi dat de Word tell 'bout. She hab dat style
of faith an' courage dat b'lieve in de Lawd an ain't 'fraid to 'knowl-
edge 'im in de public. She meck a big show at de servus, 'caze she
nevuh stop he'pin' de preachuh. Evuhtime de preachuh meck a stroke
for de Lawd, Sistuh Rosie 'ud squall out, "You sho' is tellin' de truf
now. Hab mercy, Lawd, hab mercy." She hones' in her 'pinion too, but
of occasion she fall by de wayside.
One time dere was a gambluh what died on de ole Burney plannuh-
tation an' his mammy b'long to de McGill Chapel Chu'ch. So dey ast
Elduh Waters to preach his funeral. He say dat's awright wid 'im. So
de Sunday roll 'roun' for de funeral. Dat's de onlies' day de boss-mens
in de Bottoms 'low de han's to hab funerals reckly attuh freedom. If'n
you died on a Sunday night dey'd haf to hol' you ovuh till de nex'
Sunday, 'caze de boss-mens ain't gonna gib no time off from work
durin' de week-a-days. Dey 'low if'n a mule die buy anothuh one, an'
if'n a nigguh die hire anothuh one.
Anyhow, Elduh Waters gits up de Sunday of de funeral an' staa't to
talkin' 'bout what a good boy dis gamblin' boy, Jessie, was; what a
19
good life he live an' what a shinin' light he was for de res' of de folks
in de Bottoms. Sister Rosie know dis heah ain't de truf, so she set dere
rail quiet for a long stretch an' don' say a mumblin' word. De people
all wonduh huccome Sistuh Rosie ain't sayin' nothin' today-huccome
she ain't talkin' back to de preachuh. So fin'ly, when de preachuh yell
out dat Jessie was one o' de bestes' Christuns he evuh seed, Sistuh
Rosie cain't hol' her peace no longuh; so she squall out rail loud,
"You sho' is a tellin' a lie now; hab mercy, Lawd, hab mercy!"
Sistuh Rosie 'low de preachuh practicin' Bad Religion, but putty
soon attuh de funeral a missionary come from Aferkuh to preach at de
chu'ch an' Sistuh Rosie fall by de wayside herse'f. De preachuh jes'
from Aferkuh whar he been for fo' years; he raisin' money for mis-
sionary work for de po' li'1' Aferkuns. In his sermon he tell 'bout how
much money de rich white peoples in de Norf done gib de po' li'1' ole
Aferkuns an' how much de Christun white folks in de Souf done did
for de po' li'1' ole Aferkuns, an' evuh time he tell what done been did
for de po' li'1' ole Aferkuns, Sistuh Rosie'd squall out, "Ride, salvation,
ride! Ride, salvation, ride!" Fin'ly de preachuh gits thoo wid his ser-
mon an' he say, "Now brothuhs an' sistuhs, Ah done tole y'all what
othuh peoples done did for de po' li'1' ole Aferkuns an' now Ah wants
evuhbody in dis heah chu'ch house to come up to de table an' lay a
dolluh down for de po' li'1' ole Aferkuns."
When de preachuh say dis Sistuh Rosie th'ow her haid way back,
th'ow her han's up in de air rail high an' squall out louduh dan evuh
befo', "Walk, salvation, walk!" Sistuh Rosie ain't 'tickluh 'bout trav-
elin' so fas' when hit come to jarrin' loose from a dolluh herse'f.
She lack dey say, "De Nigguh's long on religion, and short on Chris-
t'anity."
servus an
she gonna
to whar Si
20
The Tale of the Three Preachers
DE PREACHUHS SHO' LACK TO JOKE. Dat's dey inheritance. Dat's
all black folks' inheritance-to joke wid one 'nothuh. Ah calls
to min' three Baptist preachuhs in de Bottoms what was close frien's.
Dey was allus togethuh at de 'sociations an' conventions. Dey names
was Elduh Grimes, Elduh Wilson, an' Elduh Leonard. Elduh Wilson
was de rail ole preachuh in de ,bunch. Oncet dese two young preachuhs
put dey haids togedduh an' try to play a prank on de rail ole preachuh.
Dey was all at de 'sociation one year an' de young preachuhs goes up
to de moderatuh an' ast 'im to 'low de three frien's to all preach a ser-
mon de same night.
De moderatuh ain't nevuh heerd tell of sich foolishness as dat, but
he gib leave way for 'em to go ahead. So when de time come for de
night servus de fuss young preachuh ris' up attuh de song servus, open
up de Bible, an' say, "Ah'm goin' a fishin," an' set down. Den de secon'
young preachuh ris' up, pick up de Bible an' say, "Ah'm goin' wid
you," an' set back down. Den de rail ole preachuh ris' up, open out de
Bible an' say, "An' dey ketched nothin'."
Dey don' ketch de rail ole preachuh nappin' nohow, so dey's so out-
done till dey calls one de ole preachuh's membuhs, name Sistuh Josie,
off to one side an' fix hit up wid her to fool de rail ole preachuh when
she git back to Bryan, whar he pastuh.
So de nex' Sunday attuh de 'sociation done close, Sistuh Josie git all
set for to fool Revun Wilson, de rail ole preachuh. So soon ez he git to
whoopin' an' uh hollerin' rail good she teck out her hankershuf an'
staa't to cryin'. Dis heah meck Revun Wilson preach haa'duh an'
haa'duh. He say to hisse'f he sho' mus' hab on de armuh of de Lawd
dis mawnin to meck a sistuh happy as Sistuh Josie be. So soon ez de
servus am ovuh he heads straight for Sistuh Josie, 'caze he jes' know
she gonna tell 'im how much she done relish de sermon. When he git
to whar Sistuh Josie settin' she still cryin' wid her hankershuf ovuh her
21
mouf. So Revun Wilson say, "Don' cry Sistuh Josie; Ah knows how
you feels when de sermon done meck you so happy."
"Dat ain't hit, Revun," say Sistuh Josie; "Ah'm so sorry Ah did'n'
enjoy yo' sermon, but dis toofache was killin' me."
Sister Patsy's Error
A H CALLS TO MIN' a sistuh down to Gerle what allus hab a haa'd
time folluhin' de preachuh in his travels. She allus mess up serv-
us in some fashion or'nothuh evuh Sunday mawnin'. De deacon boa'd
done motion time an' time again to put Sistuh Patsy outen de chu'ch,
but Sistuh Patsy still a number in de chu'ch book an' she yit 'tend de
servus. But fin'ly, de pastuh teck Sistuh Patsy's case in his own han's
an' he 'low dat de ver' nex' time she do sump'n to vex de membuhship,
he gonna put her outen de ch'uch for good.
Sistuh Patsy don' pull no mo' bones for a mont' or mo', but 'bout
five weeks attuh dis when de pastuh was preachin' a sermon 'bout de
crucifixion an' tellin' how Pilot do de Lawd an' how Judas 'tray 'im,
an' how dey nail 'im to de cross an' he die, Sistuh Patsy what done
been asleep durin' all of de sermon, wake up jes' in time to heah de
pastuh talkin' 'bout de Lawd done die. So she rub her eyes, jump up
rail quick, an' squall out to de top of her voice, "Jes' a minnit, Elduh,
Ah didn' even know de po' chile was sick." Dis time, dey oust Sistuh
Patsy for keeps.
The Wrong Man in the Coffin
Y OU KNOW DE CHU'CH FOLKS in de Bottoms hab a love for big
funerals. 'Reckly attuh freedom, dey hab de funerals on Sun-
day, 'caze de boss-mens don' 'low no funerals in de week-a-days.
Nowadays, dey hab all funerals on a Sunday jes' for de sake of de
love of big funerals.
22
In der.
folks wh
good ma
De gals
evuhbod,
ain't no
band ain
ain't nev
su'ances,
One ti.
de name
think Ke
chu'ch re
tun, too.
what a
wife, an'
lack dat.
know de
say, "Jim
in dere."
DE`
ar
meckin' 1
a ole ma.
'fo' his d
de li'1' i
brothuh,
Inothuh t
of de MI
In deco days comin' up, womens ain't gonna talk 'bout dey men
folks while dey's livin'. Dey wanna keep folks thinkin' dey hab a
good man for a husband, but dese days an' times hit's a lot diffunt.
De gals what ma'ied nowadays talk 'bout dey husbands to any an'
evuhbody. You can heah 'em all de time talkin' 'bout "dat ole Nigguh
ain't no 'count." Dey say, " If'n you been ma'ied a yeah an' yo' hus-
band ain't nevuh paid a light bill, ain't nevuh bought a sack of flour,
ain't nevuh brung you a pair of stockin's, ain't nevuh paid on de in-
su'ances, what you think 'bout a Nigguh lack dat
One time dere was a ban' what died on de old McPherson fawm by
de name of Ken Parker. De membuhship of de Salem Baptis' Chu'ch
think Ken's a good man, 'caze he hab a fine big family an' he 'ten'
chu'ch regluh as de Sundays come. De pastuh think he a good Chris-
tun, too. So when he git up to preach Ken's funeral, he tell 'bout
what a good man Brothuh Ken was, 'bout how true he was to his
wife, an' what a good providuh he done been for his family an' all
lack dat. He keep on an' he keep on in dis wise, but Ken's wife Sadie
know de pastuh done errored; so she turn to de ol'es' boy, Jim, an'
say, "Jim, go up dere an' look in dat coffin an' see if'n dat's yo' pappy
in dere."
What Major Buford Knew
D E WORD AIN'T NOTHIN' TO JOKE WID, but some of de brothuhs
an' sistuhs in de chu'ch so full of devulmint till dey allus
meckin' light of de chu'ch in some fashion or nothuh. Ah calls to min'
a ole man what use to come ovuh here constant to paa'lance wid me
'fo' his daughtuh move offen de plannuhtation dat's way yonnuh pas'
de 11'1' rivuh. Dat's de ole Bass plannuhtation, an' dis heah ole
brothuh, what was called Major Buford, was allus doin' sump'n
Inothuh to tease de sistuhs, or to opset de pastuh an' de deacon boa'd
of de Mt. Gilead Chu'ch ovuh to Satan, a li'1' ole community on de
rivuh bed. Seem lack de Major got some of de name of dis place Satan
23
in his bones. De place call Satan, an' de Major got de Devul in 'im
all de time.
One Sunday he passes a bunch of liT ole boys on de plannuhtation
playin' marbles for keeps. So he ast 'em dey names an' writ 'em down
on a paper bag he hab in his han' an' brung 'em 'fore de deacon
boa'd for trial. De Major say de parent 'sponsible for de chile till he
come to be sebun yeahs ole; so all dese liT boys was five an' six an'
dey pappies had to 'ten' de meetin' wid dey chilluns. When dey all
done 'sembled, Revun Galloway, de pastuh, say, "Brothuh Buford,
what's de 'ditement 'gainst dese chillun?"
"Dey was playin' marbles on a Sunday for keeps," 'low de Major,
"an' de Bible say,'Don' do dat!' "
"Show us whar 'bouts in de Holy Writ do hit say not to play
marbles," 'low one of de pappies of de liT boys, name Silas Andrews.
"Awright," de Major reply, "Ah'm gonna turn to hit rat now." So
he turns ovuh to a passage of Scriptur' an' han' hit to de pastuh an'
tell 'im to read what hit say.
De pastuh tuck up de Bible an', lookin' at de passage de Major hab
mark, turnt back 'roun' to'a'ds de Major an' say, "Look heah,
Brothuh Buford, dis passage don't say 'Marble not,' dis heah passage
say `Marvel not.' "
"Huh, Ah knowed hit all de time," chuckled de Major. "Huccome
you didn' know?"
'Nothuh time we was all in a Sunday School teachuhs' meetin'
an' evuhbody haftuh ast a question 'bout de Word. So when Major
Buford's turn come, he say, "Who kin tell me de name of de dog
what lick Lazrus' sores?" Dis heah puzzle evuhbody, ebun down
to de pastuh. So fin'ly dey say, "We gibs up. What was his name?"
"Look a heah," say de Major openin' de Word an' p'intin' to a
verse. "Don't you see whar hit say heah 'Mo' Rover de dog lick Lazrus'
sores'?"
But de Major git de bigges' kick outen teasin' de sistuhs. Dey 'low
he bettuh stop playin' wid de Lawd's Word lack he do, too. If'n he
don', sump'n gonna happen to 'im, but de Major he 'low dat he don'
mean no haa'm.
24
One Sui
'Twas atti
whar a bi;
dinnuh to
knows evi
De sistu
'bout Gave
gion dey c
you know;
"Yeah,'
Mo'. Ah 1
heah him
rivuh an' d
AC-A
x Jan
He been t
pen oncet
an' he gor
somewhat
preachuhs
a charge o
When
preachuh.,
tuh 'n he
Dawson s
Sunday a
dolluhs tc
clothes fo
so dey do
De Revui
One Sunday de Major cap de climax sho' null wid his foolishness.
'Twas attuh de lebun o'clock servus an' ez usual he walks ovuh to
whar a big bunch of sistuhs am stan'in' 'roun' waitin' for de chu'ch
dinnuh to be put in de plates an' be pass 'roun', an' he say, "Gawd
knows evuhthing an' Ah knows mo'."
De sistuhs look at 'im lack dey think he done lose his min'. Talkin'
'bout Gawd knows evuhthing an' he knows mo'; dat's de wus reli-
gion dey done evuh heerd of; so dey say, "Gawd know evuhthing an'
you knows mo'
"Yeah," says de Major, "Gawd knows evuhthing an' Ah knows
Mo'. Ah knows ole man Billy Mo'." An' when he say dis you could
heah him Taff plum on down to de commissary, clean on crost de big
rivuh an' de liT rivuh, up to de Pos'-oak districk.
9
White and Black Theology
A H CALLS TO MIN' a Mefdis' preachuh what fill de pulpit at St.
James in Waco. He de bigges' preachuh on de Uppuh Brazos.
He been teachin' de preachuhs in Waco for many a yeah, but hit hap-
pen oncet dat he 'lected to go to de genul conference in Philadelphia
an' he gon mo'n a mont'. Dat's a long time for de teachuh to stay way
somewhar, so while he's gone a white preachuh comed 'long and de
preachuhs 'gage his servuses to teach 'em. De white preachuh meck
a charge of ten dolluhs an' he gib all de preachuhs a D.D.
When Revun Dawson come home from de genul conference de
preachuhs don' relish 'im teachin' 'em no mo'. Dey 'low dey's smaa'-
tuh 'n he be, 'caze dey got a D.D. an' he ain't got nare one. Revun
Dawson so outdone, he don' know what to do wid hisse'f, so de nex'
Sunday attuh he come back he ast his membuhship to gib 'im ten
dolluhs to git 'im a D.D. But de membuhship done gib 'im a suit of
clothes for de genul conference and fifty dolluhs for spendin' change;
so dey don' raise but five dolluhs for 'im in de collection for de D.D.
De Revun tell 'em he don' relish dat way of doin', but de trustee
25
boa'd tell 'im dey don' relish gibin' 'im no mo' money lackwise, so
build 'em
dey don' gib 'im anothuh red copper cent. Dey say, "Elduh you jes'
de chu'ch.
hab to .be 'Doctor D.' stid of 'Doctor D.D.' "
deacons n
Not long attuh dis de same white preachuh comed back to de Bot-
tellin' us
toms an' Revun Dawson, 'caze he outdone on de D.D. bizness, ast
Huccome
'im to teach de cullud preachuhs theology. So de white preachuh, he
"Dat st
say he think dey oughta staa't off de course in theology by studyin'
gonna ast
readin', writin' an' 'rifmuhtic, but dey say, "No brothuh, we knows
uels gits c
what we wanna study; we wanna study theology, an' if'n we cain't
'em a chu
git dat we don' wan' nuffin'."
deacons tc
So fin'ly de white preachuh git off to hisse'f an' he study haa'd,
'em to git
'caze he don' wanna lose dat good ole Brazos Bottoms money. So a
or sump'n
plan come to'im an' he trace his footsteps back to de cullud preachuhs
When c
an' he say, "Brothuhs, Ah tells you what Ah done 'cided to do. Ah'm
buh, an' n
gonna teach y'all heabunly articulation, Biblical recordin', an' eccle-
dey 'cides
siastical calculation." Den dey all squall out at de same time, "Brothuh,
ain't in n
dat's jes' what we wants." Dey ain't hab de wisdom to know dat's de
to use all
same thing ez readin', writin', an' 'rifmuhtic.
Elduh Sai
gonna do
Ah done
allus teck
How Elder Samuels Was Saved
"Sho', I
to pass."
N CALLS TO MIN' a preachuh down to Eloise what allus tellin'
So timt
his membuhship to ast de Lawd for evuh thing dey wants an'
ready to
de Lawd'11 gib hit to 'em. He been preachin' in dis heah fashion for
finish shij
ten yeahs now, but he ain't put his teachin' into practice, 'caze him
on de chu
an' de membuhship still worshipin' unnuh de same ole arbor what got
Evuhth
a dirt floor an' no walls on de side. Hit do putty good for de sum-
Elduh Sa:
muh servuses, but when de fall of de yeah roll 'roun' an' de northuhs
to do is t
staa't to blowin dey cain't in no wise hab servuses in hit, 'caze dey
an' staa'to
ain't no place to put a wood heater.
he'p me!'
De membuhship fin'ly gits tiahed of Elduh Samuels' (dat's de
you an' y
name de preachuh go by) tryin' to 'vise 'em to ast de Lawd for what
Samuels 1
dey wants an' he'll gib hit to 'em, 'caze he ain't yit ast de Lawd to
far out o
26
build 'em no chu'ch house in de whole ten yeahs he been pastuhin'
de chu'ch. So one night when dey was habin' boa'd meetin', one de
deacons name Henry Sample say "Look a heah, Elduh, you allus
tellin' us to ast de Lawd for what we wants an' he'll gib hit to us.
Huccome you don' ast de Lawd to gib us a new chu'ch house?"
"Dat sho' am de truf, Brothuh Sample," 'low de elduh, "so Ah'm
gonna ast de Lawd rat now to gib us a chu'ch house." So Elduh Sam-
uels gits down on his knees an' pray an' ast de Lawd to please gib
'em a chu'ch house to worship in. So dat same night he ast all de
deacons to go 'roun' from membuh to membuh's house an' ast all of
'em to gib a piece of lumbuh, a package of shingles, a keg of nails,
or sump'n 'nothuh to he'p staa't buildin' de chu'ch.
When de nex' boa'd meetin' rolled 'roun' de deacons hab 'null lum-
buh, an' nails an' shingles to buil' putty nice li'1' ole chu'ch house; so
dey 'cides to staa't buildin' de chu'ch house dat nex' comin' week. Dey
ain't in no wise got 'null money to hire no carpenter, so dey 'sides
to use all de men membuhs of de chu'ch to he'p wid de buildin'.
Elduh Samuels 'low he ain't no jack-leg carpenter hisse'f, but he
gonna do ez much work ez de nex' one on de chu'ch. He 'low, "Ain't
Ah done tole y'all dat de Lawd allus gib you what you asts for an'
allus teck keer of you in de time of trouble?"
"Sho', Elduh, sho'," say de deacons. "Evuhthing you say done come
to pass."
So time rolled on an' rolled on till de li'1' ole chu'ch house almos'
ready to go into. De onlies' thing lef' for de workers to do is to
finish shinglin' de roof, an' Elduh Samuels workin' rat 'long wid 'em
on de chu'ch puttin' on de shingles.
Evuhthing was goin' fine an' in tip-top shape till one day when
Elduh Samuels was runnin' his mouf an' braggin' 'bout all you got
to do is trus' Gawd an He'll teck keer of you, he loosed his balance
an' staa'ted fallin' off de roof of de chu'ch house. "He'p me, Lawd,
he'p me!" yelled Elduh Samuels ez he falled; "You knows Ah trus'
you an' you knows Ah knows you'll teck keer of me." But 'fo' Elduh
Samuels kin git de words outen his mouf good, a nail stickiri way
far out on one de walls of de chu'ch ketches 'im in de seat of de
27
pants an' hol's 'im. So Elduh Samuels looks up at de heabuns above
'im an' yells loud as he kin yell, "Nevuh min', Gawd; a nail's got
me now.
Sister Liza and the New Pastor
.K CALLS TO MIN' Sistuh Liza Johnson, what b'longed to de Pil-
grim Baptist Chu'ch, down on de ole Timson plannuhtation, on
the Big Brazos. Sistuh Liza hab a husban' what go by de name of Mose,
what used to backslide all de time, but Sistuh Liza don' in no wise 'low
nobody to lay Ole Mose's race out to her. She a good payin' membuh,
so de preachuhs don' nevuh chu'ch Ole Mose an' teck his name offen
de .books, don' give a nevuhmin' how much he cuss an' cavort an' shoot
craps up an' down de Bottoms. De preachuhs pays heed to de money
Sistuh Liza th'ows in de colleckshun plate evuh Sunday de Lord sen',
an' dey 'lows Ole Mose to be sho' 'null gone to de Devul ez far ez dey
is concerned.
Well, suh, things rolled on in dis wise for many a yeah till a rail
young preachuh comed to pastuh de chu'ch. Dis rail young preachuh
ain't in no wise sold on keepin' Ole Mose's name on de chu'ch rolls wid
'im gallavantin' up an' down de Bottoms gamblin' and cavortin' evuh
day de Lawd sen's, so he sen's Ole Mose a letter puttin' 'im outen de
chu'ch. Sistuh Liza so riled 'bout what de new preachuh done dat she
don' jar loose from no money no mo' when dey passes de colleckshun
plate 'roun', but she still 'tendin' de chu'ch servuses.
But hit so happen dat reckly aftuh de new preachuh done lit in de
Bottoms an' chu'ched Ole Mose dat Mose come down wid de dropsy
an' had to stay cooped up in de house, 'caze he done growed so big an'
fat he can't ebun wobble 'roun de room he's forced to set in all de time.
He plagued wid de misery so bad 'till 'tain't long 'fo' he kicks de buck-
et. Sistuh Liza ast de new preachuh to preach Ole Mose's funeral, but
de preachuh, what go by de name of Elduh Freeman, don' in no wise
want to falsify Ole Mose into heabun. But Sistuh Liza cry an' git down
28
I-
on her knees an' beg Elduh Freeman so ha'ad to preach de funeral,
since Mose been livin' rat 'roun' heah in de Bottoms all his life, till
Elduh Freeman give in to her an' say he'll do de job, but he ver' care-
ful 'bout what he say 'bout Ole Mose. When hit comed time for 'im
to put Ole Mose in heabun Elduh Freeman riz up his haid an' his
hands an' say "Brothuhs an' Sistuhs, Ah ain't been heahin' no good
repo'ts 'bout de deceased since Ah's been down heah in de Bottoms,
so Ah's jes' gonna put 'im on de Jordan, an' let whosoevuh wants 'im,
Gawd or de Devul, come an' git 'im."
Dis meck Sistuh Liza pow'ful mad, an' she 'low dat if'n hit tecks
her de res' of her nachul bawn days she gonna git ebun wid Elduh
Freeman for what he done did to Ole Mose.
So time rolled on, an' rolled on till fin'ly one Sunday de haid-
knocker of de Baptist convention comed to visit Elduh Freeman's
chu'ch to spy on 'im an' see how he feedin' de sheep in his flock. Sistuh
Liza say to herself, "Now's de time for me to git ebun wid Elduh Free-
man for what he done did to Mose, so rat aftuh Elduh Freeman done
tuck his tex' for de mawnin an' was gittin' all warmed up for de finish-
in' stretch of his sermon Sistuh Liza riz up outen her seat an' yelled
"Hol' on dere a minute Elduh ! Ah wants to tell mah determination."
Elduh Freeman eye her lack he could tar her to pieces for stoppin'
'im rat in de middle of his message when he tryin' so haa'd to show de
big-shot preachuh from de convention what a big hol' he got on de
membuhship, so he Bits mad as a hornet an' yells "Well, tell hit
Sistuh ! tell hit!"
"Ah cain't tell hit now," 'low Sistuh Liza; "Ah'm too full."
"You heerd what Ah said, didn't you, Sistuh Johnson yelled Elduh
Freeman; "Now you go on an' tell hit."
"An' Ah done told you Ah was too full to tell hit, too, ain't Ah?"
'low Sistuh Liza.
"Too full of what?" yelled Elduh Freeman, "De Holy Sperrit?"
"No sirree Bob!" shouted Sistuh Liza loud as she kin holler; "too
full of dat clabber milk Ah drunk dis mawnin'."
Halley's Comet and judgment Day
Y OU KNOW, DE WORD tell us dat de man ain't been bawn what
kin live 'hove sin; de Lawd an' Savior Jesus Chris' de onlies' one
what done rech dis stage on dis putty green carpeted soil what we calls
de urf. De preachuh stray off from de fold jes lack de membuhship an'
haf to be fetch back to hit, jes' lack Hezekiah, one time, haf to fetch
de peoples back in de Bible from dey sinful acks. Many a preachuh
rat heah in de Bottoms c'mit 'dult'ry, drunk his lickuh, an' ebun down
swo' in de pulpit; an' some of 'em ebun toted a pistol when dey comed
to preach.
You know, de Mefdis's ar (It Baptis s'spised one anothuh in de
Bottoms so much 'reckly attuh freedom when de chu'ch fuss staa't up
dat dey hab fis' fights, cuttin' scrapes, an' shootin' sprees all de time.
'Ed (Iey builded de chu'ch houses, de Baptis's an' de Mefdis's used to
sometime use de same buildin' when dey hol' chu'ch servus. Dey call
dis pulpit 'filiation. De Mefdis's used de house de fuss an' third Sun-
days, an' de Baptis's used de house de secon' an' fo'th Sundays in evuh
mont', an' when de fifth Sunday roll 'roun', sometime dey bofe hol'
servus togethuh.
One time dey was a Baptis' preachuh by de name of Whirlwin'
Johnson. So he say dat when de fifth Sunday come he gonna preach a
baptismal sermon down to de house what dey rentin' for de chu'ch to a
mix conguhgation. De Mefdis' preachuh, Elduh Cyclone Williams,
tell 'im he dare 'im to preach hit, but Whirlwin' preach hit jes' de
same on de fifth Sunday. De nex' day Cyclone Williams meet 'im on
de court house steps rat heah in Marlin, an' walk up to 'im, an' say,
"Didn' Ah tole you dat if'n you preach dat sermon Ah's gonna whip
de hell outen you?" An' he lam Whirlwin' rat smack dab on de jaw-
bone wid his fis'. Whirlwin' den tuck his cap an' ball an' shot
Cyclone in de leg, an' de county shurf put 'im in de jug, an' de Baptis'
30
Inominatio
outen de ja
Yas suh,
of things N
'bout all o-,
know de )X
Ole time pr
hit as he kiv
an' runned
sistuhs de r.
Ah calls
come to be
plannuhtat.
from heah.
come secon
bestes' Cott
poun's a d;
Nigguh he
"work haa'
is"abad r(
Fin'ly,
come to b
turnt out t
manager, ,
roamin' a]
occasion. I
Joshua cot
Istroyed at
you sump'
to 'fess to
Jones up ti
"Well,"
suppuh di;
don' wann
boy Jim, o
j 'nomination tuck up money ovuh de whole state to git Whirlwin'
outen de jail house.
Yas suh, de ole time preachuh cuss, fight, haa'k an' spit, an' do lots
of things what ain't laid down in Holy Writ. 'Speshly dem what go
'bout all ovuh de country preachin' heah an' dere, way somewhar. You
know de Word say, "Go ye into all de worl' an' preach de Gospel." De
ole time preachuh didn' git into all de worl', but he git into as much of
hit as he kin. Some of 'em lack dat condition "Go." Dey was 'vangelis's
an' runned 'tractive meetin's. Dem's de kin' what got out 'mongst de
sistuhs de mos' too.
Ah calls to min' a Baptis' preachuh, Elder Joshua Dennis, what
come to be ordained to preach by his boss-man on de ole Watkins
plannuhtation at Pitts' Bridge, 'bout eight mile down de main highway
from heah. You know work comed fuss on de Brazos, an' de Word
come secon'. De way Joshua comed to be a preachuh was by bein' de
bestes' cotton pickuh on de Watkins fawm. He pick 'bout a thousan'
poun's a day evuh day. So Ole Man Amos Watkins say dis de kinda
Nigguh he want preachin' to his han's, a Nigguh dat gonna preach
"work haa'd an ''bey yo' boss-man," an' tell 'em all dat a Nigguh needs
is "a,bad row, a sharp hoe, an' a mean boss."
Fin'ly, Joshua tuck up wid dis preachin' bizniss for keeps an' he
come to be one of de bestes' preachuhs up an' down de Brazos. He
turnt out to be a great 'vangelis'. His wife, Mary Ann, is a good fawm
manager, so he leave her an' de chilluns on de plannuhtation, an' he go
roamin' all ovuh de Bottoms a preachin', an' jes' stop by home of
occasion. De yeah dat Halley's Comet was s'pose' to 'stroy de worl',
Joshua comed home de night 'fo' de day dat was set for de worl' to be
Istroyed an' he say to Mary Ann, "Wife, set down. Ah wants to tell
you sump'n 'fo' Halley's Comet 'stroy de worl' tomorruh; Ah wants
to 'fens to you an' die wid a clear conscience. You know Sistuh Janie
Jones up to Mudville? Ah been goin' wid her for fo' yeahs."
"Well," say Mary Ann, dryin' her ban's whar she been washin' de
suppuh dishes, "Ah sho' is proud you done cleared yo' conscience. Ah
don' wanna die widdout clearin' mah conscience, lackwise. You see dat
boy Jim, ovuh dere on de pallet? Dat ain't yo' boy; dat's Deacon Abe
31
Solomon's boy. An' you see dat gal Mirandy, settin' on de flo' playin'
wid dat cat?-Dat's Elduh Henry Sims's gal. Fact of hit is, dey ain't
none of dese chilluns yourn."
"What?" yell Joshua, jumpin' up outen de rockin' chair he settin'
in. "Hit mought be judgment Day tomorruh, but hit's gonna be hell
heah tonight!"
Brother Gregg Identifies Himself
A H CALLS TO MIN' de Gregg fam'ly, what was croppers down on de
ole Davis plannuhtation, what runned jam up to de Li'1' Bra-
zos an stretch hitse'f out far ez you could peel yo' eye 'long de banks.
Dey hab a li'1' ole chu'ch house down dere what dey done builded
rat attuh freedom done come in a bulge an' hit yit stan'in' cep'n dey
cain't in no wise hol' servuses in hit when hit comes a big pour-down,
or a northuh. De roof needs shinglin' pow'ful bad, an' some of de
planks in de sides of de li'1' ole chu'ch done jarred loose, an' some no-
count triflin' Brazos Bottom Nigguhs done toted 'em off home for
kindlin' wood. Dey calls dis heah li'1' ole church Li'1' Mount Zion, an'
de Gregg fam'ly was one of de fuss fam'lies to jine hit. Dey was four
Gregg boys, an' evuh one of 'em hab a whole passel of younguns, what
of occasion brung salty tears to dey mammies an' pappies sorrowful
eyes, 'caze mos' of 'em growed up to be Saddy night gamblers, sloppy
drunkards, fas' womens, an' de Lawd in heabun knows what else dese
yaps didn't turn out to be.
All de brothuhs cep'n Bud Gregg, de ol'es' brothuh, gits so fed up
an' disgusted wid de sinful acks of dey younguns till dey done stop
tryin' to square accounts wid de Lawd. An' de why dat Bud ain't done
got on de don'-keer ban' wagon lack his brothuhs am dat he hab a
good Christun wife, Carrie, an' a tol'able fair set of younguns. His
gals was all married off to hard-workin' croppers an' his boys was all
lucky 'null to git gals for wives dat could do ez much work on de fawm
ez dey could. 'Sides dat, Bud's wife, Carrie, was de stan'by of de fam'ly
32
when hit comed to de chu'ch an' de why an wharfo' of all de chillun
bein' chu'ch membuhs. Carrie hab a good influence on Bud, lackwise,
an' keep a bee line on 'im cep'n Bud don' in no wise 'ten' chu'ch serv-
uses on Sundays. Sistuh Carrie go to chu'ch an' plank herse'f rat down
in de amen cawnuh evuh Sunday de Lawd sen', but Ole Bud, what was
quick ez greased lightnin' wid a shotgun, spen' all his Sundays a
huntin' an' a shootin' doves an' plovers an' rabbits evuh time he heah a
flip-flappin in de bushes an' weeds. Ole Bud was jes a number in de
chu'ch book, dat's all. Sistuh Carrie go pieceways wid 'im on de huntin'
side of de fence, but she 'low dat de week-a-days am time 'nuff for
carryin' on in dis wise. Bud don' give a whoop how much Sistuh Car-
rie try to 'suade 'im to go to chu'ch on a Sunday wid her, he jes keep
his potato trap shet an' don' say a mumblin' word when Sistuh Carrie
talk to 'im 'bout chu'ch. But dis don' in no wise disencourage Sistuh
Carrie; she 'low she b'lieve de Lawd kin still turn a miracle wid His
pow'ful awmighty han', so she don' gib up de cross.
Sistuh Carrie ain't in nowise gonna be disappointed neithuh, 'caze
'tain't long 'fo' a nachul bawn preachuh by de name of Hotwind John-
son comed to de Bottoms to 'duct a 'vivul an' tol de Brazos Bottom
Nigguhs dat de Lawd was gonna lay a heavy han' on 'em if'n dey didn'
git shed of dey sinful ways. Dis heah kind of th'owed a scare into Ole
Bud, so de nex' comin' Sunday night attuh Hotwind done comed to de
Bottoms Bud goes down to de chu'ch house wid Sistuh Carrie an' tecks
a seat rat in de amen cawnuh whar Sistuh Carrie drop herse'f all de
time. Dis de fuss time Bud done set foot in de chu'ch house in ten
yeahs so evuhbody in de chu'ch turnt 'roun' an' look at 'im. Dis meck
Ole Bud feel kind of out of place, too, but he try haa'd to brace his-
se'f an' ack lack he used to ,bein' in a chu'ch-house. He hol' hisse'f to-
gethuh putty good, too, till Hotwind comed in de pulpit an' raised a
song an' attuh de song done been finish turnt to whar Sistuh Carrie an'
Bud was settin' an' say, p'intin his finguh at Bud, "Brothuh Gregg,
lead us in a word of prayer."
Bud ain't nevuh prayed in his whole life befo', so he tremblin' lack
a leaf an' he don' feel lack doin' a jumpin' thing 'bout prayin'. But Sis-
tuh Carrie nudge 'im in de side wid her elbow an' tell 'im to go ahaid
33
an' do lack Hotwind done tole 'im to do, so Ole Bud pays heed to her,
an' kneels down on de chu'ch house floor. Den he puts his han's ovuh
his eyes an' says "Lawd, Ah reckon Ah bettuh tell you who Ah is befo'
Ah staa'ts dis prayer. Ah ain't John Gregg, de one what kin pick eight
hunnud poun's of cotton when he teckin' one row at a time; Ah ain't
Jim Gregg, de one what plays de fiddle an' de banjo evuh Saddy night
for de platform dances, an' Ah ain't Tom Gregg, de one what stealed
his boss-man's bes' pair of mules one Sunday night an runned off way
somewhars. Ah'm Ole Man Gregg, de one what shoots de gun so
good."
The Old Preacher's Will and the Young Wife
SOME OF DE OLE TIME PREACHUHS in de Bottoms was good man-
agers. Some of deco come to be well fixed wid Ian' an' de lack.
Dey do de membuhship some good an' deyse'f some good, lackwise.
Lots of 'em bargained for de Bottom lan' when hit was sellin' for
two an' three dollars a acre. Ah calls to min' Elduh Warren down to
Mussel Run Creek. He de pastuh of de onlies' Foot Washin' Baptis'
chu'ch in de Bottoms. So de han's what lack dis style of 'ligion corned
from evuhwhichuhwhar to Revun Warren's chu'ch. Dis meck'im hab
a pow'ful big membuhship.
He staa't to preachin' when he in his late sixties, so 'tain't long
'fo' his health staa't to failin' fas'. He hab a young wife for a secon'
wife, an' she wan' 'im to be sicker'n he is. So she calls all de chilluns
'roun' Elduh Warren's bedside one day an' she say, "Youse sinkin'
fas', Elduh Warren; you oughta meck yo' will."
"Awright, honey," say Revun Warren. "Git a pencil an' a tablet
an' run an' git Deacon Moore to come ovuh heah rail quick." So de
littles' boy runned an' got Deacon Moore an' Miz Warren gits a
pencil an' a tablet an' Revun Warren staa'ts to meckin' his will. He
say, "Oh, Lawd, Ah mecks dis as mah las' will an' testuhmint an' Ah
hopes hit'll be mah las' will. Ah wants mah wife to hab de two
34
hunnud an'
black mule
acres of Bc
hab de char.
"Chillun.
pappy; he's
"We's g
mama to to
ones in de
"Lissen,
dyin' wid h
"Ah got
"Give de c
>usan>."
`Now, w
hopes c
i'nevuh,
When Re
chair sh(
i, chillun
hunnud an' fifty acres of black Ian on de hill; an' de two spans of
black mules, Ah wants deco to go to mama, too. De five hunnud
acres of Bottom Ian' Ah wants mama to hab dat. Ah wants her to
hab de chariot an' de two surreys."
"Chillun," say de young w4fe, -jes come heah an' lissen to yo'
pappy; he's sho' dyin' wid his good senses."
"We's got lots of milk cows," say Revun Warren. "Ah wants
mama to teck de ones dat's in de uppuh pasture, an' de chillun de
ones in de lowuh pasture."
"Lissen, chillun, lissen," say de young wife. "Yo' pappy sho' is
dyin' wid his good senses."
"Ah got three thousan' dollars in de bank," say Revun Warren.
"Give de chilluns one thousan', an' Ah wants mama to hab two
thousan'."
"Now, wife," he say, "Ah'm de one what's de writer of dis will;
Ah hopes dis will be mah final an' las' will. An' now, mama, Ah
don' nevuh wan' you to marry no mo'."
When Revun Warren say dis, Miz Warren jump straight up from
de chair she settin' in an' yell loud as she kin, "Run an' git de Doc-
tuh, chillun, quick! Yo' pappy's talkin' out of his haid again!"
35
PART TWO
BaPtizings, Conversions, and Church
Meetings
w
I Uncle Ebun and the Sign of the Shooting Star
E VUH TIME DEY HAB A BIG CAMP-MEETIN' down to de Ebunezuh
Baptis' Chu'ch at Hearne all de han's on de plannuhtations in
dem paa'ts come to de meetin' evuh night 'caze dey allus hab de
bigges' preachuhs of the Baptis' 'nomination to run dese meetin's.
Oncet dey was a fam'ly livin' on de ole Steele plannuhtation by de
name of Hunt what was a good Christun fam'ly, but dey ain't yit got
dey pappy, Unkuh Ebun, to jine de chu'ch. He gittin' putty ole now
an' his wife, Aunt Eerie, worryin' rat smaa't 'bout his soul goin' to
torment.
So one summuh dey was habin' sich a rousin' meetin' down to
de Ebunezuh Chu'ch down to Hearne till Unkuh Ebun for de fuss
time in yeahs an' yeahs goes down to de meetin' on a Sunday night.
Dey hab a pow'ful preachuh runnin' de meetin' by de name of Elduh
Sanford. He preach a sermon dat Sunday night 'bout "Evuhthing dat
is, was, an' evuhthing dat ain't, ain't nevuh gonna be." Unkuh Ebun
lissen good to evuhthing de preachuh say an' he 'low dat he gonna
meck de preachuh out a lie 'caze he ain't nevuh b'long to de chu'ch,
but he gonna jine when dey calls for 'em to come to de mounah's
bench. So sho' 'null when dey calls for 'em to come up to de mounah's
bench Unkuh Ebun gits up wid de res' an' tecks a seat on de front
row. Evuhbody glad to see Unkuh Ebun teck a stan' for de Lawd, but
Unkuh Ebun don' chance to come thoo. Seem lack he cain't meck up
his min' whether or not he rail converted; so dat night on de way
39
back to de plannuhtation, his wife Sistuh Eerie say, "Ebun, if'n
youse in doubt ast de Lawd to show you a sign if'n youse rail con-
verted."
Hit was a putty moonlight night an' Aunt Eerie calls to min' de
sign of de shootin' star, an' she say: `°If'n youse done gone up to de
mounah's bench an' don' chance to come thoo an's in doubt, ast de
Lawd to shoot you a star, an' if'n you sees a star shoot crost de
heabuns reckly attuh dis, youse rail converted, but if'n you don' see
no star shoot dat's a sho' sign you ain't gone thoo de change." Unkuh
Ebun's ol'es' boy was drivin' de mules along at a slow pace an'
Unkuh Ebun was settin' on de front plank wid him whar he could
see de stars good, so he looked up to de skies an' he say, "Lawd,
shoot me a star." In a few minutes he seed a star shoot crost de sky,
but Unkuh Eben ain't satisfied yit; so he say, "Lawd, shoot me anothuh
star." In 'bout five minutes mo' Unkuh Ebun seent anothuh star shoot
crost de heabuns rat 'fo' his gaze, but dis ain't satisfy Unkuh Ebun yit;
so when dey staa't into de lane offen de dirt road what lead to de plan-
nuhtation, Unkuh Ebun look up at de sky again an' say, "Lawd, looks
lack hits kinda haa'd for me to get up ma faith tonight; so Ah tells you
what you do: Shoot me de moon."
"De moon!" say Gawd. "Ah wouldn' shoot you de moon for all
de Nigguhs in de Brazos Bottoms."
Sister Carrie and the Little White Man
Y ASSUH, DEY HAB A LOTS OF SIGNS in de ole days 'bout figurin'
out de rail convert. You know dey say if'n you believe you
converted, dat night when you leaves de chu'ch an' you cain't see
whar yo' footsteps meck a track, you is rail converted, 'caze in de
flesh, a Nigguh's foot is 'casion for a track. Dey also hab a sign
when you seekin' de Savior dat say if'n you dream of a black man
you ain't rail converted; you haf to go back and dream again till you
see a li'1' white man somewhar in yo' travels.
40
I
Uncle Ebun and the Sign of the Shooting Star
De speakin' meetin's de one what meet de favuh of mos' of de
preachuhs in de Bottoms. Dese meetin's cause lots of fam'ly trubbles
in de Bottoms, though, 'caze de sistuhs lack to 'ten' de meetin's but
dey husban's don' relish dis heah servus, and don' line up wid dey
wives only of occasion.
'Reckly attuh freedom dey staa't de Fuss Mefdis' Chu'ch down to
Asa an' de preachuh, Elduh Jones, go hog wil' 'bout de speakin'
meetin'. Mos' of de membuhship allus come to de meetin'. But dey
was one sistuh who hab a sinnuh man for a husban'. Sistuh Carrie
Smith was her name, an' she scairt to keep comin' to de meetin' by
herse'f, an' her husban' what go by de name of Nat 'low he ain't
goin' to no sich a meetin' as dis. Fin'ly one night, she 'vail wid Nat,
an' he 'cide to go 'long wid her jes' one time an' no mo', 'caze he
don' relish lissenin' to peoples tell dey Christun 'speriunces. Dis
mek Sistuh Carrie kinda worry. So she wait till attuh all de res' of
de brothuhs an' sistuhs gits thoo tellin' dey 'speriunce 'fo' she riz
to tell her 'speriunce.
When she riz up from de bench she was settin' on to tell her
'speriunce, she say, "Brothuh Pastuh, an' Brothuhs an' Sistuhs, Ah
wants to tell y'all 'bout twenty yeahs ago, 'bout twelve o'clock mid-
night, Ah goes down to de li'1' ole branch cross from de house an'
begins to talk wid mah Jesus, an' when Ah riz up offen mah knees
Ah seed a li'1' white man stan'in' cross de creek a beckonin' for me
to come ovuh dere, an' you know sump'n, Ah been seein' dat li'1'
white man evuh since."
"Oh! yeah?" say Nat, jumpin' up from his seat an' p'intin' his
finguh in Sistuh Carrie's face. "You gonna tell me what dat li'1' white
man's name is too!"
41
say to de e
dis heah cc
"Aw, d,
The Baptizing of the Cat Family pastuh. "J(
FISH CREEK was de bestes baptizin' wattuh hole in de Bottoms. De
T h4
chu'ches all up an' down de Bottoms use hit some, but Revun Tay-
lor, he use hit all de time. One of de bigges' deacons in de Bottoms
b'longed to Revun Taylor's flock. His name was Deacon Armstead an'
OME O
he hab a pow'ful big fam'ly. One Sunday dey baptize twenty converts
S state,
down to Fish Creek an' liT Paul, de deacon's baby boy what ain't yit
cain't read
turned six yeahs ole, hab a rippin' good time at de baptizin'.
preachuh '
So hit come to pass de nex' day dat de deacon an' his wife, Aunt
Zion comr.
Spicy, haf to go to de county seat to pay some back taxes an' dey leaves
Shiloh. He
de chilluns to deyse'f. Cotton choppin' time done come an' gone an'
Word. He
hit ain't yit time for cotton pickin'. So de liT chilluns is idlesome an'
Word git
don' hab nothin' to do lack de ol'es' chilluns. So dey studies up what
folks et al
kin dey do to pass de time away.
got de sub:
Soon as dey mammy and pappy lit out for town an' dey big brothuhs
de Word a
an' sistuhs done lef' to go fishin', de liT ole eight-yeah ole boy say,
git up he's
"What we gonna play dis mawnin' Den de liT ole six-yeah-ole baby
tuhs, Ah is
boy what 'joy de baptizin' so much say, "Le's play baptizin'." De liT
He pow'
sebun-yeah-ole boy say, "Yeah, dat'11 be funny, but what we gonna
down to S.
use for de converts?"
class an' vv
Den de eight-yeah-ole boy say, "Ah tells you what; Ah'll be de
Jackson
preachuh an' Bob (dat's de sebun-yeah-ole boy's name), you be de
Sunday Scl
haid deacon, an' we'll use de ole yalluh cat an' her kittens for de con-
chilluns qi
verts... Dat'll be awright," Bob say.
tions 'bout
So dey goes out to de win' mill an' pump some wattuh outen de
Holy Writ
pump into one o' dey mammy's wash tubs, an' fills hit up; den dey
an' nevuh
goes an' fetches de ole yalluh cat an' her kittuns from outen de hay
lack dis he
lof' an' lines 'em up for de baptizin'. Dey ducks 'em one by one till dey
in de Bottc
comes to de ole mammy cat, but she claw an' scratch so much an' try
an' don' y
to bite till Bob, de liT ole sebun-yeah-ole boy servin' as de haid deacon,
yeah.
42 11
say to de eight-yeah-ole ,boy, "Brothuh Pastuh, what we gonna do wid
dis heah convert what 'fuse to be 'mersed
"Aw, dat's awright,". 'low de ol'es' liT ole boy what servin' as de
pastuh. "Jes' sprinkle her an' let her go on to hell."
The Hare-lipped Man and the Speaking
Meeting
S ONCE of DE PASTUHS what hab de bigges' followin's in de whole
state was rat heah in de Bottoms, an' hit seem lack dat deco what
cain't read an' write hab de bestes' go. Ah calls to min' a big black
preachuh 'bout six foot sebun inches tall dat was raised in de Uppuh
Zion community. He hab de bigges' chu'ch in de Bottoms, down to
Shiloh. He don' know "A" from "Bullfrog," but he railly preach de
Word. He teck as his practice, "When de peoples git haa'd, let de
Word git haa'd." He say he lack Aunt Sally's white folks; de white
folks et all de chicken an' gib Aunt Sally de gravy, but Aunt Sally
got de substance. "De white preachuh preach de Word, an' Ah heahs
de Word an' of a consequence Ah gits de substance." Evuh time he'd
git up he'd staa't his sermon off wid de words, "Brothuhs an' Sis-
tuhs, Ah is heah; Ah didn't ride on a hossback; Ah comed on a mule."
He pow'ful haa'd on his membuhship. He ebun show up de teachuh
down to Shiloh one yeah. De teachuh allus teach de Sunday School
class an' when she git thoo wid de 'struction she allus call on Elduh
Jackson (dat was de pastuh's name, jasper Jackson) to 'view de
Sunday School lesson. So one Sunday he gits up an' stid of astin' de
chilluns questions, he lit in to astin' de teachuh, Miss Sneed, ques-
tions 'bout de Word. "Teachuh," he say, "tell us whar 'bout in de
Holy Writ do hit say dat Jesus walked forty miles on broken bottles
an' nevuh cut his foot?" De teachuh ain't nevuh heerd tell of nothin'
lack dis heah, so she say, "Ah don' know, Elduh." Attuh dis de folks
in de Bottoms say Elduh Jackson know a whole lot mo'n de teachuh,
an' don' you know, de teachuh lose her job teachin' de school dat
yeah.
43
Elduh Jackson speshly hab a hankerin' for de speakin' meetin'.
He hab dat evuh Chuesday night an' he allus meck all of de mem-
buhs git up an' tell dey Christun 'speriunces. One Sunday night a
hare-lip man what jes move into de Bottoms from farthuh up de
Rivuh roun' 'bout Waco come up an' jined Revun Jackson's chu'ch.
Dat nex' comin' Chuesday night he was at de speakin' meetin'. He
tuck a seat rat on de front row; so when Revun Jackson git to 'im he E BA
say, "Brothuh Brown, git up an' tell yo' Christun 'speriunce." Dbaw
"Ah ain't got nothin' to say," 'low Brothuh Brown. in de 'soci
Evuhbody look funny when Brothuh Brown speak in dis wise to Oncet dere
Revun Jackson 'caze dey knows de pastuh don' stan' for nobody to what jump
cross 'im. But Elduh Jackson pass on to de nex' pusson lack nothin' grudge spe
ain't riled 'im. He go rat on down de line till he come to de las' 'low dat R(
membuh, an' when de las' membuh done testify he come back to dat he's le
whar Brothuh Brown settin' again. He stan' up ovuh 'im an' he say, dat rock, d
"Brothuh Brown, Ah done tole you to git up an' tell yo' Christun preachuh, j
'speriunce." An' Brothuh Brown say lack as befo', "Ah ain't got eratuh, but
nothin' to say." hab a reviv
All de membuhs staa't to tremblin' an' gittin' scairt for Brothuh to come do,
Brown sho' 'null now, 'caze dey know Elduh Jackson gittin' sho' Eagle Lo
'nuff riled by dis time. But Elduh Jackson jes' eye 'im an' go on to of occasion
de pulpit an' raise a song an' offuh up a prayer. But attuh he done de moderat
'clude his prayer, he walk down offen de pulpit an' stan' rat in front. out de woi
of Brothuh Brown again. He p'int his finguh in his face an' he say, 'is baptizin'
"Look heah, Brothuh Brown, Ah'm astin' you de las' time to git up When d
from outen dat seat an' tell yo' Christun 'speriunce. Now you git up up an' dow
from dere rat now an' do what Ah says." doin's in d
Brothuh Brown was a li'1' bitty man, an' he so scairt he don' sight to se
know what to do wid hisse'f. So he git up tremblin' an' a shakin' wadin' boo
an' he say, "Ah been heahin' y'all gittin' up heah talkin' 'bout what white haid
de Lawd done did for you, an' how you lub de Lawd, an' all sich ez sun was w;
dat, an' Ah done tole you Ah ain't got nothin' to say; jes' look what in de line t,
a hell of a fix He done lef' me in." his Bible ir
cinda whet
dat paa't d(
44
The Moderator and the Alligator
D E BAPTIS' MODERATUH's a big dawg in de Baptis' Chu'ch. Dey
bawls de pastuhs out a goin' an' a comin'. Dey's de haid men
in de 'sociations an' was thick as fleas up an' down de Bottoms.
Oncet dere was a moderatuh what go by de name of Revun Williams,
what jump on de li'1' preachuh all de time wid bof feets. He hab a
grudge speshly 'ginst a young preachuh down to Eagle Lake. He
'low dat Revun Douglass, de young preachuh, don' baptize enuff an'
dat he's lettin' de 'nomination down. De Baptis' Chu'ch grow on
dat rock, de baptizin' rock, so he say. Revun Douglass, de young
preachuh, jes' ack meek lack an' don' change words wid de mod-
eratuh, but he gittin' ready to fix his bizniss good. Putty soon he
hab a revival an' Bits a lots of converts, so he sen' for de moderatuh
to come down an' do his baptizin' for 'im 'caze he got lots of converts.
Eagle Lake on de Lowuh Brazos almos' to de Gulf o' Mexico, an'
of occasion de wattuh back up from de Gulf into de rivuh. Anyhow,
de moderatuh 'joicin' 'caze Revun Douglass meckin' a 'tempt to carry
out de work 'cordin' to de Baptis' record, so he comed down to do
'is baptizin' for 'im.
When de Sunday comed for de baptizin', Nigguhs was strowed all
up an' down bof sides of de rivuh for de cer'mony. Baptizin' was ,big
doin's in dem times comin' up. De procession dis Sunday was a putty
sight to see. De moderatuh wid his putty white gloves an' rubber
wadin' boots was leadin' de way. De converts wid dey white robes an'
white haid rags was followin' rat behin' 'im. De day was clear an' de
sun was wahm, jes' de rat kin' o' day for sich ca'iens-on. De fuss one
in de line to be baptized was Sistuh Lucinda Pryor. De moderatuh tuck
his Bible in his han' an' was jes' fixin' to read de cer'mony to Sistuh Lu-
cinda when she tar her han' loose from his'n, keep her eyes glued on
dat paa't de rivuh to'a'ds de Gulf an' staa't to singin' :
45
"Ah don' lack dat comin' up younduh;
Ah don' lack dat comin' up younduh;
Ah don' lack dat comin' up younduh."
When Elduh Williams heah dis he puts on his specks, looks down de
rivuh to'a'ds de Gulf lackwise, an' sees a great big alluhgattuh swim-
min' rat to'a'ds dat paa't of de rivuh whar he baptizin'. When he see
dis, he light out to runnin' to'a'ds de rivuh bank hisse'f, rat in behin'
de converts, singin' :
"An' no, by Gawd, an' Ah don' eithuh;
An' no, by Gawd, an' Ah don' eithuh;
An' no, by Gawd, an' Ah don' eithuh."
The Preacher Who Walked on Dater
D E PREACHUHS IN DE BOTTOMS allus lack to meck a bettuh show
dan de othuh one. All de new preachuhs what follow de ole
ones what leave de Bottoms an' go way somewhar to preach wanna
show de membuhship dey knows mo' an' kin do mo'n de pastuh what
done gone way somewhar. Dey wanna show how dey Stan' in wid de
Lawd. Oncet dere was a new preachuh what been 'lected to pastuh de
Bethesda Baptis' Chu'ch down to Cedar Springs. He 'pend on Gawd
an' b'lieve Gawd ain't gonna fuhgit 'im, don' keer what he tell de
membuhship he gonna do. Dis preachuh, Elduh Washin'ton, hab a big
revival de fuss week he come to de Bottoms an' a heaps o' sinnuhs 'fess
an' jine de chu'ch.
De nex' Sunday he 'nounce dat he gonna hab a baptizin' down to de
rivuh where dey's lots o' wattuh. He 'low dat John de Baptis' didn'
pick no shallow wattuh to baptize in, an' dat he ain't gonna pick no
slough hisse'f, 'cane he gonna walk on de wattuh too, lack Christ done
did. So he tuck de haid deacon down to de deepes' spot of de rivuh
whar he gonna walk on de wattuh an' baptize de nex' Sunday an' hab
'im to hope 'im buil' a suppo't for a plank out in de rivuh 'bout two
feet wide, so hit won' fall down.
Elduh V
dat some li'
haid deacon
for hit. He
gits out of
done buil' '
outen de w;
down de Bi
De nex'
to walk on
whole eas'
tations frorr
Elduh Was]
sion. Putty s
converts, col
plank done
gits to de ed
rat off into c
dab in de riv
De haid c
Elduh."
"Look of
plank?"
T,
D E OLE
ignor
as far off ez
up to de p'ir
right, so de
dat song dat
46
Elduh Washin'ton got evuhthing set, he think, but he don' know
dat some li'1' ole boys what was fishin' on de rivuh done seed'im an' de
haid deacon teck de big plank an' put hit in de rivah an' buil' a suppo't
for hit. He don't know lackwise dat de minnit him an' de haid deacon
gits out of sight dese li'1' ole boys goes down to de place whar dey
done bull' de platform in de wattuh an' tecks de plank an' hits suppo'ts
outen de wattuh an' th'ows 'em out in de rivuh an' watch 'em float on
down de Brazos.
De nex' Sunday evenin' when de time come for Elduh Washin'ton
to walk on de wattuh an' do his baptizin' in de middle of de rivuh de
whole eas' side of de rivuh was lined wid han's from all de plannuh-
tations from fo' counties 'roun'. Dey done heerd 'bout de great miracle
Elduh Washin'ton gonna perform, so dey ain't aimin' to miss de 'ca-
sion. Putty soon heah come Elduh Washin'ton, de haid deacon, an' de
converts, comin' down de paff dat lead to dat paa't de rivuh whar de
plank done been put. Elduh Washin'ton was leadin' out, so when he
Bits to de edge of de wattuh whar de plank done s'pose to be, he walk
rat off into de wattuh lack he know he safe, an' kerflop! he fall smack
dab in de rivuh an' staa't yellin'.
De haid deacon, seein' 'im fall in de rivuh, holler, "Look out dere,
Elduh."
"Look out, Hell!" squall Elduh Washin'ton. "Who moved dat
plank?"
The Trustee Board and the Cuspidor
D E OLE TIME PREACHUH ain't by hisse'f when hit come to bein'
ignorant of de Word. De membuhship an' de 'fishul boa'ds jes
as far off ez de preachuhs. Hit teck a long time for 'em to fetch deyse'f
up to de p'int dey kin ca'ie out servus in good shape, but dey haa'ts was
right, so de Lawd stan' up to 'em an' show 'em de way. He pay heed to
dat song dat say:
"Oh mah Good Lawd, show me de way;
Show me de way to go home."
47
Evuhbody haftuh error 'fo' dey git on de rat road. Ah calls to min'
Nigguh thij
Babe Hines, what live down on de ole Ellison fawm on de eas' side of
look down c
de Brazos. He de pastuh's chief Stewart, an' de Scott Chapel Mefdis'
Dey allw
Chu'ch whar he b'long was gittin' ready to innuhtain de annual con-
attuh de sec
ference. Dey hab a new chu'ch buildin' an' putty green carpet leadin'
liT money is
up de aisle to de pulpit, but de pastuh, Revun Samson, 'low he wanna
uh's mitten;
hab evuhting jes' lack hit ought to be, 'caze he 'spirin' for a bgguh
Mt. Pisgah
charge. He smaa't too, 'caze he hab lots of book learnin' an' he study
crowd of yc
de bishop lackwise, so he desiah dat de Scott Chapel Mefdis' Chu'ch
leave way tc
hab evuhthing fuss rate for to innuhtain de conference. So he calls a
days comin'
meetin' of de trustee boa'd an' reads off a long lis' of supplies he wan'
ain't narry
c
'em to buy for to innuhtain de conference. De boa'd pass favorable on
don' git dat
all de list, but Revun Samson tell 'em to hol' on a minnit, dat he done
dey'sponsib
fuhgit sump'n' nothuh dey 'bliged to hab for de bishop an' dat's some
One yeah
cuspeedos, 'caze de Scott Chapel Mefdis' Chu'ch am de bigges' chu'ch
great big ev
in Cameron, an' for many miles 'roun'. "Brothuhs," he say, "you know
arbor an' yo
de conference cain't git long widout some cuspeedos."
what ain't d
When he say dis, Brothuh Babe Hines, de chief stewart, jump up
toms come 1
rail quick an' say, "Brothuh Pastuh, Ah moves you dat Brother Brown
groun'. Dey
be de cuspeedo, den we won' need no mo'." Den, Brothuh Booker,
preachuh to
Inothuh stewart, jump up rail quick an' secon' de motion, an' don' you
de 'vivul, m
know, 'fo' de pastuh kin 'splain an' straighten 'em out, dey done voted
up wid de V
to meck Brothuh Brown de cuspeedo.
When Sui
he don' git i
de day dat 1
cotton pickit
Why Abe Brown Went to the Revival
bestes' day i
kinda down
D EY'S LOTS OF SETTLEMENTS in de Bottoms whar de preachuh an' Sunday nigh
de membuhship don' relish no stray preachuhs nudgin' in on dey dey ain't nai
territory. Some of 'em gits pow'ful mad when a preachuh come from Toliver git s
way somewhar to preach in de Bottoms an' rouse de peoples up to dey pit an' staa'
dooty to de Awmighty. But dey don' think in dis wise up to de Pos'-oak an' a whool
districk. Pos'-oak Nigguh think he better'n de Bottom Nigguh any- was whoopij
how. Dey hab a sayin' in de Bottoms dat go in dis fashion: "Pos'-oak de arbor froi
48
Nigguh think he is better'n de Bottom Nigguh, an' de Town Nigguh
look down on de Pos'-oak Nigguh."
Dey allus brung a stray preachuh in to de Pos'-oak districk 'reckly
attuh de secon' pickin' of de cotton crop evuh year 'caze de ban's hab a
liT money in dey pockets an' kin do what dey calls " greasin' de preach-
uh's mittuns." De chu'ch what ca'ie on in dis fashion de mos' was de
Mt. Pisgah Baptis' Chu'ch. Hit was de chu'ch what hab de bigges'
crowd of younguns in de whole districk, 'caze de preachuh gib 'em
leave way to hab a fish fry evuh Saddy night. De chu'ch house in dem
days comin' up was de courtin' place for de young generation. But dey
ain't narry one dese heah younguns what b'long to Mt. Pisgah what
don' git dat thing lack de Word say when dey come to be de age whar
dey 'sponsible for de way dey 'duct deyse'f.
One yeah a preachuh coined to 'duct a 'vivul an' de crowds was so
great big evuh night till Nigguhs was stan'in' all 'roun' de sides of de
arbor an' you cain't see ha'f de time who's shoutin' de mos'. All dem
what ain't done come thoo in de othuh chu'ches up an' down de Bot-
toms come thoo in dis 'vivul wid dey feets set solid on de Christun
groun'. Dey jine de chu'ch so fas' till when hit come time for de
preachuh to light outen de Bottoms de first Sunday attuh he done staa't
de 'vivul, mos' evuhbody in dat paa't o' de Bottoms done link deyse'f
up wid de Word.
When Sunday mawnin' comed de preachuh try to outdo hisse'f, but
he don' git narry convert. De preachuh don' relish dis much, 'caze dis
de day dat he figurin' on gittin' a lots of dat good ole Brazos Bottom
cotton pickin' money to tote outen de Bottoms wid 'im, an' Sunday de
bestes' day to git hit, 'caze de han's gits paid on a Saddy. De elduh
kinda down in de dumps ',bout dese Sunday mawnin' doin's; so when
Sunday night come, he preach Christ on to de cross an' off again; but
dey ain't narry soul come up to de mounah's bench. Dis meck Elduh
Toliver git sho' 'null troubled in min', so he comes down offen de pul-
pit an' staa'ts walkin up an' down de chu'ch house aisle preachin'
an' a whoopin' an' a hollerin' lack he ain't nevuh befo'. While he
was whoopin' an' hollerin' a boy 'bout eighteen yeah ole comed into
de arbor from de outside whar dey was a lots o' peoples stan'in' 'roun'
49
an' staa't to walkin' up de aisle to'a'ds de pulpit, lookin' to de right an'
lef' of de aisle ez he walked. Elduh Toliver think de boy am haided
for de mounah's bench, an' he got a Sunday convert at las', so he cain't
wait till de boy gits up to de front of de chu'ch 'fo' he stop 'im in de
aisle an' say, "Young man, am you lookin' for Soul's Salvation?"
"Naw," 'low de boy; "Ah ain't lookin' for no Soul's Salvation; Ah'm
lookin' for Sal Jones."
The Old Moderator's Farewell Message
' ECKLY ATTUH DE YANKEE SOLDIERS done come in a bulge from
R way somewhars down de Gulf an' brung freedom to deco what
was raised unduh de whip an' lash, de po' slave 'tempt to git hisse'f to-
gethuh an' staa't up chu'ch servus in de Bottoms. De Mefdis', he staa't
off kinda slow lack, but de Baptis' 'nomination 'tempt to git hitse'f on
foot rat now; hit don' hab de wisdom to know dat hit got to crawl 'fo'
hit kin walk, dat hit got to folluh de style of de liT ole baby when hit
fuss try'n to pull hitse'f up on a straight chair an stan' lonely; dey ain't
peek far null back into de Word to know dat you cain't stan' on yo' feet
solid lack 'fo' de nachul time come less'n you stumbles an' falls.
De Mefdis', he don' gib a nevuhmin' who de leaduh be, but in de
Baptis' 'nomination, evuh dawg an' his brothuh wanna be de big
dawg in de chu'ch. Dis 'speshly true when hit come to de big chu'ch
gath'rin' what go by de name of de 'sociation. Dey staa't sich fussin'
an' fumin' an a goin-on 'bout who gonna be de leaduh till dey 'cides
de bes' way outen de mess is to 'leck what you calls a moderatuh to
'zide ovuh de 'sociation what meet evuh yeah durin' of de cotton pickin'
season while de han's in de Bottoms is got a liT money dey kin call
dey own. 'Count of hit bein' so haa'd to keep down trubble, dey allus
'leck a big black six-foot preachuh to be de moderatuh of de 'sociation,
'caze he de onlies' style o' preachuh kin hol' his groun' an' keep de
preachuhs from tacklin' one anothuh an' habin' fis' fights rat in de pul-
pit. Dese moderatuhs was ez strong ez oxens, toted pistols, an' was ez
50
quick on de trigger ez greased lightnin'. Ah tells you, de ole-time mo-
deratuh was a pow'ful man in de 'nomination; but lack as allus, dis
heah style cain't las' for allus; so putty soon de young Nigguh staa't
leanin' to'a'ds de min'stry an' gittin' on boa'd de Gospel Train. De
membuhship, lackwise, staa't teckin' up wid de young preachuh's style.
Ah calls to min' down to Yeawah Creek, one time, when de Mission-
ary Baptis' 'Sociation meet dere, dey hab a 'leckshun of de moderatuh
an' stid of 'lectin' de rail ole tall black preachuh, what been de moder-
atuh of de 'sociation for twenty-fo' yeahs, dey 'lects a tall han'some
brown-skin preachuh 'bout thirty-five yeah ole to be de moderatuh.
Dis meck Revun Holoway, de ole moderatuh, pow'ful mad, an' he eye
de young moderatuh lack he wanna tar 'im in two. So when de preach-
uh what was 'zidin' ovuh de leckshun call on de ole moderatuh to hab
a farewell say, de ole moderatuh riz up outen his seat, scowled at de
brothuhs an' sistuhs an' preachuhs what done tuck his job 'way from
'im, tuck a face towel what he use for a hankershuf outen his pocket,
wipe de sweat offen his face an' say:
"You know sumpin', y'all is jes' lack fishes. Now you teck de suckuh
fish; you' don' ebun haf to th'ow no bait in de wattuh to ketch 'im;
jes th'ow de hook in de wattuh an' he'll bite at hit. Dat's de way some
of you chu'ch membuhs is; de fuss thing de preachuh say, you bites at
hit an' dey ketches you nappin'.
"Den you teck de catfish; he's a ver' popluh fish-evuhbody lacks
him. You kin th'ow any kin' o' bait in de wattuh an' he'll bite at hit;
tain't much trubble to ketch 'im, but if'n you don't watch 'im close,
he'll git 'way from you. Dat's de way 'tis wid some of you membuhs;
you jines de chu'ch on mos' any kin' of sermon-don' keer who preach
hit an' dey ketches you nappin'.
"Den, dere's de flyin' fish, he's so fas' you cain't ketch 'im in de wat-
tuh, or outen de wattuh; paa't de time he's in de wattuh; nex' minnit
he's in de air. He don' stay nowhars. He jes' lack some o' you no 'count
triflin' membuhs; dis week you b'longs to St. John Chu'ch; nex' week
you jines up wid Mount Moriah; week attuh nex' yo' name's on de
books of St. James; nex' month, you done move you' membuhship to
Mt. Pisgah; you don' stay nowhars.
51
"Den you teck de blow fish; he looks lack a fish, he acks lack a fish, hab a me
an' you thinks deys a lots to 'im but dey ain't. As soon as de win's 'bout de j
blowed out of 'im dey ain't nothin' to 'im; he ain't no use to hisse'f an' know de
nobody else. Dat's de way 'tis wid some of you preachuhs; you looks she fail tc
lack a preachuh; you acks lack a preachuh, you gits up 'fo' de chu'ch crites an'
an' you brags an' you puffs yo'se'f out, but dey ain't nothin' to you. hab no gi
Youse jes' full of win' lack de blow fish. name of
"Den dere's de gol' fish; evuhbody lacks 'im; he's putty, he's allus Sistuh Su;
whar you kin see 'im, but you ain' s'pose to tech 'im. He's 'tractive, he's tuck Sistu
easy to look at, dey keep 'im in de house in a putty bowl. Folks don' try Mariah p(
to ketch 'im-dey tecks food to 'im, but if'n you tech 'im he'll die. Inothuh t
Dat's de way 'tis wid dese young preachuhs; he's dressy, he's cute, he's Susie do c
got his hair all slicked back, he ca'ies a powder puff wid 'im in de pul- When c
pit, he tecks his hankershuf, an' brushes hisse'f off durin' of de sermon, sermon S
he tecks a fan an' fans hisse'f in de pulpit; he's easy to look at; de sis- shuck his
tuhs feeds 'im, an' tecks on ovuh 'im, but he's easy kilt lack de gol' fish. preached;
"An las', but'n no wise de leastes', Ah wants evuh livin' soul heah say, "Loo',
tonight to keep dis in yo' 'membrance dat Ah mought gib out, but preach to
Ah ain't in no wise evuh gonna gib up. Amen!" five miles
no twenty
Sistuh l
she don'
The Complaining Church Sister in de Bott
of snuff a.
DON' MECK NO DIFFUNCE how good a sermon de preachuh ovuh to h
preach, dey's some folks dat don' lib lack dat Book say. Dey preach de;
teck up wid de style of de worl' an' stray off to de devul's side; dey "Naw,
ain't git dat whole thing lack dat Book say, an' dey 'low deyse'f to funce if'n
be tolled off in de dark so far 'til dey puts a rope 'round dey neck diffunt pl,
wid dey sinful acks. Sistuh i
Ali calls to min' a big fat sistuh what b'long to de li'1' ole Baptis' so she 'lo
chu'ch down to Ball Hill. She weigh 'bout two hunnud an' fifty whar evul,
poun's an' she go by de name of Mariah, but she sho'-fire proof dat Sistuh Sus
Bad Religion am still foot loose in de country. she git the
Sistuh Mariah speshly hab a habit of complainin' all de time; she So sho'
52
hab a mean habit an' a haa'd haa't an' she allus sayin' mean things
'bout de preachuhs an' de membuhship. She don' hab de wisdom to
know de diffunce twix, a true chile of Gawd an' a rank sinnuh; so
she fail to stay on her watch an' come to be one of de bigges' hypo-
crites an' backsliduhs on de east side of de Brazos. She 'speshly don'
hab no good blood for anothuh sistuh in de chu'ch, what go by de
name of Sistuh Susie. Dis de why she don' hab no good blood for
Sistuh Susie: dey bof got gals, an' Sistuh Susie's gal done went an'
tuck Sistuh Mariah's gal's beau an' marry 'im. Dis heah meck Sistuh
Mariah pow'ful mad, an' evuh time she git de chance to do sumpin'
Inothuh to meck Sistuh Susie feel bad she do it. Evuhthing Sistuh
Susie do or say, Sistuh Mariah would teck de op'site side.
When de new preachuh fuss come to de chu'ch an' preach his fuss
sermon, Sistuh Susie walk up to 'im attuh de sermon, shuck an' re-
shuck his han' an' say, "Elduh, dat sho' was a good sermon you
preached; Ah 'joyed it." Den Sistuh Mariah walk rat up 'hin' 'er an'
say, "Look a heah Elduh, lemme tell you sumpin', you gonna haf to
preach longer'n any twenty minnits from now on; Ah haf to walk
five miles to heah you, an' Ah ain't gwine walk no five miles to heah
no twenty-minnit sermon."
Sistuh Mariah staa't out to complainin' 'bout de new preachuh an'
she don' let up. 'Bout two mont's attuh de new preachuh done lit
in de Bottoms, Sistuh Mariah goes down to de commissary for a jar
of snuff an' meets Sistuh Susie. When she see Sistuh Susie, she walk
ovuh to her an' say, "Don' you git tiahed a lissenin' to de preachuh
preach de same sermon evuh Sunday de Lawd sen'
"Naw, Ah don' git tiahed," say Sistuh Susie. "Don' meck no dif-
funce if'n he do preach de same sermon evuh Sunday; he hollers in
diffunt places, don' he?"
Sistuh Mariah don' relish de ansuh Sistuh Susie give her a-tall,
so she 'low dat she gonna ebun up de score wid Sistuh Susie rat
whar evuhbody'll know hit, de ver' fuss chance she git. She 'low dat
Sistuh Susie done seent Little Hell, but she gonna see Big Hell fo'
she git thoo wid her, you kin bank on dat.
So, sho' 'null, de ver' nex' Wednesday night when dey hab de
53
speakin' meetin' down to de chu'ch house, an' hit come Sistuh Susie's
turn to tell her Christun 'speriunce, Sistuh Susie Bits up an' say,
"Brothuhs an' sistuhs, de night Ah comed thoo, Ah seed a thousand
cats," an' when Sistuh Susie say dis, Sistuh Mariah, what settin' on de
far side of de chu'ch house, jump up rail quick an' say, "Too many
cats."
"Well, den, brothuhs an' sistuhs," say Sistuh Susie, "Ah seed five
hunnud cats."
"Too many cats," yelled Sistuh Mariah, jumpin' up outen her seat
again.
"Well, den, brothuhs an' sistuhs," 'low Sistuh Susie; "Ah seed two
hunnud an' fifty cats, an' Ah ain't gonna teck anothuh damn cat off."
Attuh dis, de membuhship bar Sistuh Mariah from de speakin'
meetin', an' she come to meck her po' Christun life a average Christun
life in de chu'ch.
Sister Sadie Washington's Littlest Boy
S ISTUH SADIE WASHIN'TON was a widow woman, but one of de
trues' chillun of Gawd dat you gonna evuh run 'cross durin' of a
lifetime. Sistuh Sadie hab de record thoo de whole Bottoms of bein'
one o' de good uns when hit come to dem what hab paa'lance wid de
Lawd, an' she done got dat thing lack de Word say git hit.
But Sistuh Sadie hab one pow'ful regret-she hab a boy, her littlest
boy, what go by de name of Pete, what ain't yit fine de chu'ch an' come
to be a Christun. Pete out of his thirteen crowdin' his fo'teen, an' done
growed into de shape of a man, so Sistuh Sadie don' feel lack she
sponsible to Gawd for'im no mo'.
Don' keer how haa'd Sistuh Sadie an' de membuhship of de Mt.
Zion Chu'ch try, dey cain't in no-wise toll Pete off to de Christun faith.
Sistuh Sadie de mammy of fifteen yaps, an' Pete de onlies' one what
ain't come thoo an' be converted; he done rech his own 'sponsibility to
de Lawd, an' he ain't 'fessed religion yit. So Sistuh Sadie heah 'bout a
54 w
rousin' 'vivul dey was habin' up to Bryan 'mongst de Town Nigguhs
an' de Pos'-oak Nigguhs, an' she tuck liT ole Pete an' dragged 'im
out to de meetin' one night. She set 'im down rat by her so de triflin'
rascal cain't slip outen de chu'ch house an' cut buddy short back home.
Putty soon de preachuh what come from way somewhars to 'duct de
'vivul line a hymn for to staa't de servus an' den staa't blowin' Gawd's
word outen his system lack ole Number Three blow steam outen hits
smokestack when hit git to de railroad crossin' on de ole Carter plan-
nuhtation. Dat's de plannuhtation what Sistuh Sadie an' her chilluns
all mecks de day an' Bits dey pay from Ole Man Carter what own de
plannuhtation. Pete, he de wattuh boy for de han's on de plannuhta-
tion, an' he lackwise beats de sweep for de han's to knock off from
work an' come to dinnuh.
De preachuh hab a great big voice, an' weigh 'bout three hunnud
pounds. When he walk 'cross de flo', de whole chu'ch house rock an'
shake lack a cyclone done hit it. Dis kinda scare liT ole Pete; dis de
fuss time in his life he done evuh seed a preachuh dis big what kin
shake de flo', so he thinks hit's de Lawd shakin' de flo', an' he goes up
to de mounah's bench an' meck out he converted. Dat was de secon'
Saddy night in de mont' an' de pastuh of de chu'ch set de fo'th Sun-
day ez de day for de baptizin' of de new converts.
Sistuh Sadie so proud dat Pete done come thoo she don' know what
to do, so she go all up an' down de whole Bottoms tellin' evuhbody
she sees to be at de big baptizin' on de fo'th Sunday, down on de Big
Brazos, 'caze Pete gonna be baptized. So de fo'th Sunday coined an'
'bout sebun hunnud Town Nigguhs, Pos'-oak Nigguhs, an' Bottom
Nigguhs congugates on bof sides of de Big Brazos, jes' 'fo' hit gits to
de fork of de rivuh on de ole Washin'ton plannuhtation, to see de
baptizin'. De pastuh an' de 'vangelis' lines up de cannuhdates on de
banks of de rivuh. LiT Pete was number sebun in de line, an' evuh-
thing gittin' 'long fine till dey gits to Pete. De converts what baptized
'fo' Pete 'ud all holler, "Ah b'lieves de Lawd done saved mah soul,"
when de preachuh'd duck 'em under de wattuh; but when dey duck
liT ole Pete, he don' say narry word, jes' stan' dere in de wattuh an'
look.
55
So de preachuh push Pete to one side in de wattuh, an' go on an'
'long wid
duck anothuh convert, an' dis convert lack all de res' 'cep'n Pete yell,
teck chanc
"Ah b'lieves de Lawd done saved mah soul." Den de preachuh turn
'im, but he
'roun' to Pete, grab'im an' duck'im again, but Pete don' say nothin' yit;
hit's way c
he jes' stan' dere lack he in a transom or sump'n. So de preachuh
drive his 1
shove 'im to one side again an' go on an' duck anothuh convert, an' dis
git 'im a c
heah convert squall out jes' lack de res', "Ah b'lieves de Lawd done
some chew
saved mah soul." Den de preachuh turn 'roun' and grab li'1' ole Pete an'
Sin Killer
duck 'im again, an' dis time, when Pete come outen de wattuh, he yell,
think Unk
"Ah b'lieves, Oh! Ah b'lieves!"
you from,
Sistuh Sadie was stan'in' on t'othuh side of de rivuh, an' she so hap-
country, I
py dat Pete done come thoo an' confess till she yell back at 'im, "What
"What c
you b'lieve, son? Oh! what you b'lieve
"Ah say,
"Ah b'lieve," yell Pete, "dat dis damn preachuh tryin' to drown me;
"What
dat's what Ah b'lieve."
"Ah ain't
am, how do
"Well,
dere for t
Uncle Charlie Gets Directions
pos'-oak tj
till you co
NE DE BESTES' CHILLUN OF GAWD dat evuh plowed a row in de
branch; df
whole Bottoms was Unkuh Charlie Brown, what was a crop-
O
of pastebo
puh on de ole Martin plannuhtation his whole life thoo. Unkuh Charlie
a windin'
lacked all preachuhs, but he jes' wil' 'bout de preachuh what evuh-
wid a spo
body call Sin Killer Johnson. Sin Killer earn dis heah name 'raze
dere whar
de say he kill de sin in people and meek de Word soak into 'em so
zackly wh,
till dey comes to be Christuns.
Well, to meck a long story short, one time Sin Killer was runnin'
a 'vivul down to Bryan, an' Unkuh Charlie want to go an' heah Sin
Killer blow de Word of Gawd outen his system, an' kill de sin in de
peoples' haa'ts, an' meck 'em git dat thing lack de Word say git hit.
r
De meetin' was bein' held at de Mount Sinai Baptist Chu'ch up to
Bryan. Unkuh Charlie ain't nevuh been in de Pos'-oak districk befo',
let alone de town of Bryan, so he don't know zackly whar de Mount
Sinai Chu'ch house be. He 'vites his wife an' her mammy to go
z.
S6
'long wid 'im to heah Sin Killer preach one Saddy night, an' he
teck chances on somebody in Bryan pointin' out de chu'ch house to
'im, but he don' know dat de Mount Sinai Chu'ch ain't in town, dat
hit's way out in de country, 'bout five mile from Bryan. So when he
drive his hoss and buggy up to a drinkin' trough, so's de hoss kin
git 'im a drink, he ast a Nigguh stan'in' by de trough chewin' on
some chewin' tobaccuh whar de Mount Sinai Chu'ch house is whar
Sin Killer Johnson was preachin'. De Nigguh look at 'im lack he
think Unkuh Charlie out of his min' or sumpin', an' he say, "Whar's
you from, not knowin' de Mount Sinai Baptis' Chu'ch be in de
r country, 'bout five mile out of town?"
"What dat you say?" 'low Unkuh Charlie.
"Ah say, whar's you from?" de Nigguh say again.
"What you talkin' 'bout, where's mah from?" say Unkuh Charlie.
r "Ah ain't got no 'from,' Ah lef'hit at home. What Ah wants to know
am, how does Ah git to de Mount Sinai Baptis' Chu'ch
"Well, Ah tells you," say de Nigguh; "go rat down dat road
dere for two or three miles and turn to de right, and you'll see a
pos'-oak tree wid de bottom limb broke off; teck de lef'-han road
till you comes to a cane patch; go down de head row and cross de
branch; den turn back to de right an' you'll see a house wid a piece
of pasteboard in de window; turn norf at dat house and you'll strike
a windin' road; follow hit to de end and you'll come to a red house
wid a spotted yelluh dog in de yaa'd, an' ast de man what lives
dere whar de Mount Sinai Baptis' Chu'ch be, and he kin tell you
zackly whar de chu'ch be."
57
PART THREE
Good Religion
A Sermon, a Cat, and a Churn
HIT TECxs GOOD RELIGION for de great Gawd Awmighty to stan'
up to you an' pilot you to de promus Ian'. Mos' evuhbody got
Good Religion in de Bottoms nowadays. De white folks ebun down
got hit mo' so'n dey use to. White folks gittin' mo' lack black folks
evuh day an' black folks gittin' mo' lack white folks evuh day. De
white folks in de Bottoms sho' a long sight better'n dey was reckly at-
tuh 'mansuhpation.
Ah calls to min' de ole Jones plannuhtation down to Brazoria on de
Lowuh Brazos. Ole Colonel Jones hab a bell he done meck outen de
ole fam'ly silver what he hang on top of de cawn crib he done buil' in
de fawm yaa'd. He put a long rope on de bell what rech from de top of
de cawn crib clean on thoo de window to his baid, so's he could pull
de bell evuh mawnin' 'dout ebun gittin' outen his baid. All he haf to
do is to rech up whar he got de rope tied on to a nail driv in de baid
pos' an' pull hit. He do dis evuh mawnin' to call de han's to work long
'fo' sunup, 'bout a hour an' a ha'f 'fo' daybreak. Den, he meck 'em stay
in de fiel' till pitch dark. He say de moon change thirteen times a yeah
an' dat he gonna git thirteen mont's work outen his Nigguhs. Sich
ca'iens-on ain't in de Bottoms today. De white boss-mens what own de
plannuhtations stays in town way somewhar an' 'hab a Nigguh rider to
run de fawm. De Nigguh rider, he a rail obuhseer, but dey don' say so.
De boss-mens fin' out de Nigguh rider mecks mo' money for 'ern dan
a white obuhseer; dat's de why dey change dey fashion an' hire cullud
61
mens to look attuh dey fawms. Dey's lots of 'em in de Bottoms today.
Cose dey don' come out ahaid much, but dey fares way bettuh dan
befo'.
When a Nigguh used to go to de commissary to buy hisse'f a can of
molasses, or a plug of chewin' tobaccuh, or sump'n 'nothuh lack dat,
an' dey's a picture of some white pussun on de can label, he'd haf to
say, "Gimme a can of 'Miss Mary Jane molasses,' " or "Gimme a can of
'Mis'tuh Prince Albert tobaccuh.' " Well dis heah fashion done played
out now, an' mos' de Bottom white folks is marchin' in step wid de
Word.
De cullud preachuh used to hab a haa'd way to go in de Bottoms,
lackwise. De boss-mens tell 'im what to preach in his sermons. Dey
meck 'im preach obeyin' yo' ,boss-mens an' dey pays de preachuh off-
han' wid a silvuh dolluh or two. Dey don' ebun 'low 'im to ca'ie no mud
outen de Bottoms on his buggy wheels when hit rain; dey say de Brazos
Bottoms red stiff san' too good to ca'ie outen de Bottoms on buggy
wheels way somewhar, so dey mecks 'im clean de wheels off an' drive
his hors way 'roun', miles outen de way, when hit come a downpour of
rain. Dey done fin' out now, though, dat de show crop's on de sof' light
san'.
Ah calls to min' Sistuh Janie Moore what b'long to de Pleasant Val-
ley Baptis' Chu'ch down to de ole Coffee fawm. Sistuh Janie ver' faith-
ful membuh of de chu'ch. All de membuhship of dat chu'ch was faith-
ful lackwise. De pastuh, Revun Preston, a gravy train preachuh, an'
he allus tack de membuhship on some dark an' gloomy trip in his ser-
mons. He hab a practice dat de brothuhs an' sistuhs allus go back home
attuh he preach a sermon an' put de sermon into practice dat nex'
comin' week. He 'low dat he a preachuh what relish action in de mem-
buhship. Evuh Sunday attuh he gits thoo preachin', he allus gib space
for de ,brothuhs an' sistuhs to tell how dey done put into practice de
sermon he done preach de week befo'.
One Sunday, Revun Preston tuck for his tex' "You brung nothin'
heah, an' you ain't gonna teck nothin' away." So when de nex' Sunday
roll 'roun an' de time come for de membuhship to tell how dey done
put de sermon of de pas' Sunday into practice durin' de week, Sistuh
Janie git u
preach on
day, Ah le
kitchen wi
off. So why
of day wid
to see 'bou
ole black t,
'roun' in d4
"Well,
Ah grabs i
ovuh de cl
an' wipes <
den Ah saj
you ain't g,
The Pri
X CA
Chi
Hardin Ch
Hit's de k
'tend de s
some of d
he done p
dinnuh 'ce
Robinson
off at de mi
'vite Elduh
res' of de j
So whet
Elduh Mo.
Sunday ch
62
Janie git up an' say, "Ah wants to tell y'all what de sermon de pastuh
preach on las' Sunday done did for me. When Ah lef' home las' Sun-
day, Ah lef' de milk what Ah done churn 'fo' Ah come to chu'ch in de
kitchen wid de top offen hit so's de buttuh could rise to de top an' cool
off. So when de servus was ovuh las' Sunday an' Ah done pass de time
of day wid a few of de sistuhs, Ah goes on home an' goes in de kitchen
to see 'bout mah milk in de churn, an' what you reckon Ah seed? Mah
ole black tom cat, what done falled in de churn, a scramblin"roun' an'
'roun' in de milk tryin' to git out.
"Well, suh, de fuss thing Ah calls to min' is de pastuh's sermon; so
Ah grabs ole Tom by de nap of his neck, raises 'im up an' hol's 'im
ovuh de churn; den Ah reaches ovuh on de table an' Bits mah dish rag
an' wipes de milk an' buttuh offen 'im till dey ain't narry drop on 'im,
den Ah says to 'im 'fo' Ah turns 'im loose, 'You brung nothin' heah an'
you ain't gonna ca'ie nothin' away.' "
The Preacher Who Asked Too Many Questions
AH CALLS TO MIN' a preachuh what pastuh de Hardin Chapel
Chu'ch down to Jerusalem by de name of Elduh Morrow.
Hardin Chapel de ol'es' Baptis' Chu'ch in dem paa'ts of de Bottoms.
Hit's de bestes' chu'ch, 'caze de han's pay in de mos' money an'
'tend de servus mo' so'n de res'. Evuh Sunday de pastuh preach,
some of de membuhs 'vite 'im out to a big chicken dinnuh. Fin'ly
he done go de roun's till he been to all de membuhs' house for
dinnuh 'cep'n one, an' dis Brothuh an' Sistuh Robinson's; Brothuh
Robinson ain't so stuck on Elduh Morrow. He 'low he got de runnin'
off at de mouf too much, but fin'ly Sistuh Robinson'suade'im to let her
'vite Elduh Morrow to a Sunday chicken dinnuh, 'caze she say all de
res' of de membuhs done hab 'im ovuh to dey house.
So when de nex' Sunday come an' de mawnin' servus was ovuh,
Elduh Morrow goes to Brothuh an' Sistuh Robinson's house for his
Sunday chicken dinnuh. Dey hab three big fat hens on de table,
63
so attuh dey sets down to de table an' says grace, Brothuh Robinson
turret to Elduh Morrow an' say, "Elduh, what paa't of de chicken
does you lack bes'
-Ah lacks de breas' an' all de res'," say Elduh Morrow, jes' a
gigglin' an' actin' silly; so Brothuh Robinson serves 'im a big piece
of breas' an' a good ole juicy drumstick. De Elduh et dis an' 'tain't
long 'fo' he pass his plate again for some mo' dat good ole chicken.
He et dis, an' 'fo' you kin turn aroun', he done pass his plate de
third time for some mo' chicken. Brothuh Robinson, he look at
Sistuh Robinson, an' Sistuh Robinson eye Brothuh Robinson, but
dey don' say nothin'. Elduh Morrow, he don' say nothin', lackwise,
but he sho' eatin' dat good ole chicken. Putty soon, he pass his plate
do fo'th time for some mo' chicken. He clear his th'oat a little an'
rare way back in his chair, an' say, "Humph, dis sho' am good chicken;
Brothuh Deacon, whar you git good chicken lack dis
"Now, look a heah, Elduh," say Brothuh Robinson, "youse goin'
too far! Ah comes to chu'ch, an' Ah lissens to yo' sermons, an' Ah
enjoys 'em, but Ah don' ast you whar you gits 'em."
The Haunted Church and the Sermon on
Tithing
O NCET DOWN ON DE OLE WASHIN'TON FAWM dere was a Mef-
dis' preachuh by de name of Revun Logan what stay at de
same charge for thirty yeah or mo'. He hol' de membuhship togedduh
an' buil' de fuss chu'ch house in Eloise. Evuhbody in de Bottoms hab
a good feelin' for Revun Logan, so when de new bishop dey 'lected
hol' de annul conference down to Chilton one yeah, he change
Revun Logan from de Wes' Texas Conference an' move 'im to de
Texas Conference. Dis heah hurt Revun Logan's feelin's pow'ful
bad, 'caze he bred an' bawn in de Bottoms, an' he ain't wanna trace
his steps outen de Bottoms way dis late in life. He wropped up in
de membuhship an' de settlement, but de new bishop lack de 'pos't'
64
The Preacher Who Asked Too Many Questions
Paul dat de Word tell 'bout. He say don' none of dese things move
'im an' keep 'im from 'bidin' by de law what done been writ in de
displin'.
Revun Logan all bowed down in sorrow an' his haa't moughty
heaby wid de partin' from his chu'ch starin' 'im in de face; so de
nex' mawnin' attuh he comed back from de conference de ole man
what sweep up de chu'ch go by de li'1' pawsonage to pass de time
of day wid 'im an' fin' 'im dead on the kitchen flo'. So dey buries
'im in de graveyard on de chu'ch groun's what he done hab de
membuhship buy.
De nex' Sunday de preachuh what de bishop done sen' to teck
Revun Logan's place come to preach his fuss sermon. De new preach-
uhs in dem days comin' up allus preach dey fuss sermon in de night
time, so dis new preachuh gits up in de pulpit dat fuss night an' pray;
den he raise his voice to lead a song; nex' he light out to preachin', but
no sooner'n he staa't, de oil lamps all goes out an' ghostes staa'ts to
comin' into de chu'ch house thoo de windows and de doors. Sump'n
lack a gust of win' come thoo de whole chu'ch house. De pastuh, de
membuhship, an' de chilluns all lights out from dere for de dirt road.
De new preachuh saddle his hoss rail quick an' rides clear on outen de
Bottoms, an' dey don' nevuh heah tell of 'im from dat day to dis one.
De bishop sen's 'bout fo' mo' preachuhs to pastuh de charge attuh
dis, but lack as befo' de same thing happens an' dey saddles dey
bosses an' lights outen de Bottoms, an' don' nevuh come back no mo'.
De membuhship say dat dem ghostes was Revun Logan an' de ole
pilluhs of de chu'ch what buried in de chu'ch graveyard comin' back,
'caze dey ain't pleased wid de fashion de bishop done treat Revun
Logan.
Fin'ly, de bishop sen's a rail young preachuh what done finish up
in a Mefdis' Preachuh school way somewhar. Dis his fuss charge
an' he brung his wife wid 'im. De membuhship jes' know dis heah
young preachuh gonna be scairt to deaf Sunday night when he staa't
to preachin' an' de ghostes staa't to comin' in de windows, so dey
meck hit up dat dey ain't narry one of 'em goin' in de chu'ch dat
night; 'stid, dey gonna all congugate on t'othuh side de dirt road
65
'cross from de chu'ch house an' crack dey sides lafl"in' when de young
preachuh an' his wife come runnin' outen de chu'ch house when de
lamps goes out an' de ghostes staa'ts to comin' in.
Dey lines up cross de road from de chu'ch house long 'fo' de
young preachuh an' his wife goes into de chu'ch house dat night an'
lights de lamps. But fin'ly de preachuh an' his wife shows up an'
lights all de lamps in de pulpit an' 'roun' de walls. Den de preachuh
tuck his Bible an' his hymn book out, turnt to a page in de hymn
book an' raised a hymn. Den he put de hymn book down, open up
his Bible, an' read a passage of scripture. When he done did dis,
he offuh up a short prayer, den 'nounce his tex'. But de minnit he
Inounce his tex' de lamps goes out an' de ghostes staa'ts comin' in
thoo de windows lack ez befo'. But de preachuh an' his wife don'
budge. He keep rat on wid his sermon lack nothin' ain't done hap-
pen an' de sperrits an' ghostes all teck seats in de pews till he
finish his sermon. He preach a sermon 'bout tithin'-you gib one
tent' of you' wages to de chu'ch, he say. So when he git thoo wid de
sermon, he say to his wife, "Sistuh White, git de collection plate an'
pass hit 'roun' so's de Brothuhs an' Sistuhs kin th'ow in de collec-
tion." An' when he say dis, de ghostes staa'ts flyin' outen de win-
dows faster'n dey corned in, an' de lamps come to be lighted again.
When de membuhship see dis dey all staa't rennin' cross de road
to de chu'ch house whar de young preachuh an' his wife was gittin'
dey things togethuh to leave de chu'ch house. Dey rushes up to de
new preachuh, shakes his han' an tells 'im de bishop sho' done sen'
de rat preachuh to dis charge. Dey tells 'im he done broke de spell
of de ghostes, an' dis must of been de truf, 'caze de ghostes ain't
nevuh showed up no mo', from dat day to dis one.
66
i
Tho
S ISTUH
She h,
work for i
workin' fo
Coopers di
all de time
be de hour
Bible to b
didn' hab i
what name
de grove m
know dat c
her to stea
Li'1' Mil
preachuh c
in' in de B
was a li'1'
sionary, so
blin' an' Li
soon attuh
wan' some
piece of c,
an' walked
Cooper wa
nothin' till
de piece of
when you ;
Attuh d.
wonduhs i
I
The Lord Answers Sister Milly'sPrayer
S ISTUH MILLY HICKS was de bestes' Christun in de whole Bottoms.
She had dat talent to work in de chu'ch. She been doin' Gawd's
work for many a yeah. She staa't off when she a li'1' bitty ole gal
workin' for her ole Missy in slav'ry time. Sistuh Milly b'long to de
Coopers durin' slav'ry time an' her ole Missy hab her to wait on her
all de time. She keep li'1' Milly rat in de Big House an' she come to
be de house girl. Her ole Missy tuck a lackin' to her an' u'd read de
Bible to her evuh night de Lawd sen'. In deco days comin' up, dey
didn' hab no cullud preachuhs in de Bottoms, but dey hab a ole man
what name hisse'f de preachuh. He'd steal off of occasion down to
de grove wid a bunch of slaves an'- 'duct prayer an' song servus. He
know dat ole Missus read de Bible to li'1' Milly evuh night, so he ast
her to steal 'im a Bible.
Li'1' Milly know de Missus got three or fo' Bibles, so she steal de
preachuh one, an' ca'ie hit to 'im. Dis de way de fuss cullud preach-
in' in de Bottoms staa't, by Sistuh Milly stealin' dat Bible when she
was a liT slave gal. Hit come to Sistuh Milly dat she was a mis-
sionary, so dey was a ole slave by de name of Unkuh Bert what was
blin' an' Li'1' Milly knit 'im a pair of socks an' give 'em to 'im. Putty
soon attuh dis de ole man say to Sistuh Milly, "Mah daughtuh, Ah
wan' some cake." So de nex' Sunday, li'1' Milly stealed 'im a big
piece of cake from de Missus' cupboard an' put hit in her bosom
an' walked outen de kitchen pas' ole Massuh Cooper. Ole Massuh
Cooper was eyein' her when she go outen de door, but he don' say
nothin' till she done come back. Den he wanna whip her for stealin'
de piece of cake, an' he say, "Milly, yo' hubbies ain't big ez dey was
when you gone outen heah while ago."
Attuh dis li'1' Milly staa't to studyin' an' she say to herse'f, "Ah
wonduhs if'n Christ had to steal lack dis to do missionary work?"
67
But she growed on an' she growed on, so when freedom come in a
bulge 'fo' you c'd say, "Amen," an' dey staa't de Baptis' chu'ch down
to Wild Hoss Slew, dey p'int Sistuh Milly to he'p raise money to buil'
de chu'ch house, so she calls a meetin' of de sistuhs an' asts 'em what
kin we do to raise some money to he'p buil' de chu'ch house? She
say, "Ah ain't no woman for dancin'; we don' wanna do dat." Den
she say, "Ah knows what; evuhbody kin git some hens an' we'll hab
a hen barbecue an' sell 'em to de white peoples down to Calvert."
So de sistuhs pay heed to Sistuh Milly an' dey sells a hunnud dol-
lars worth of chickens an' raises de first hunnud dollars on dis chu'ch
down to Wild Hoss Slew, an' dey calls hit to dis day "Hicks Chapel,"
attuh Sistuh Milly.
Sistuh Milly worked in de chu'ch for many a yeah. She allus stan'
fas' by de pastuh an' his fam'ly; ain't nothin' she don' do for 'em no
time. But fin'ly she come to be 'bout ninety-nine yeahs ole an' her hus-
ban' an' two chilluns done gone on to glory long yeahs befo', so she
gittin' kinda tiahed of lingerin' down heah on urf by herse'f. She
cain't 'ten' de servus, 'caze she too feeble, bein' cripple wid de rheu-
matism, so she staa'ts to prayin' evuh night astin' de Lawd to come
git her, dat she ready to go home to heabun.
'Bout sebun weeks attuh Sistuh Milly staa't to prayin' an' astin'
de Lawd to come an' git 'er, a airplane come buzzin' 'roun' in de sky
while Sistuh Milly was out in de yaa'd an' she heah de noise an' look
up an' spy de airplane flyin' to'a'ds her li'1' ole shack. She ain't nevuh
heerd of no airplane, let alone seein' one, so she think de Lawd am
comin' for her, an' she fall flat down on de groun' rail quick an' squall
out, -Lawd, you said youse comin' from de eas'."
The Oxen and the Denominations
I F'N HIT DON' BE FOR DE OLE TIME NIGGUH PREACHUH de worl'
done fall from grace to dese many yeahs. Ah tells you, de ole
preachuh study to know; dey study de Word an' dey study'nomination,
lackwise. Ah calls to min' a soldier of de Cross by de name of Elduh
68
Green wh,
1:
Green what bear witness to dis fac'. Elduh Green hab a chu'ch down to
Valley junction, on a fawm, an' he wropped up in de glory Ian'. He
study way 'haid of his time on 'nomination.
One day when he was drivin' his oxens to Hearne, he pass a white
man an' de white man heah Revun Green talkin' to his oxen callin' 'em
by dey names, but he don' in no wise unnuhstan' de kinda language
Elduh Green usin', so he prick up his ears again an' see if'n he lissen-
in' right. Revun Green was talkin' to de oxens in dis wise, "Back gee
dere, Ole Baptis'; whoa, come 'ere, Ole Camelite; look heah, Ole
Mefdis', ain't doin' nothin'; giddy up dere, ole Prespuhteerun."
"Dem's moughty strange names you got for deco animals, Unkul,"
say de white man.
"Yas, suh, dat's right," say Revun Green, "but dem names suits evuh
one of dem oxens. You see ole Camelite dere, he runs into evuh
hole of wattuh he see; ole Prespuhteerun, he go along evuh day an'
you hardly knows he's dere; Ole Mefdis', he puffs an' he blows an'
goes 'roun' wid his tongue hangin' out, but he ain't pulled a poun';
Ole Baptis', when you turns 'im loose at night, jes' eats by hisse'f,
won't eat wid de rest of 'em."
Revun Green done study to know, Ah tells you.
The Preacher Who Talked in His Sleep
O F OCCASION DE OLE TIME PREACHUH was a gran' rascal. De sis-
tuhs spile 'im wid dey praisin' of his sermons an' raisin' money
wid dey Saddy night chitlin' suppuhs, fish fries and de lack. Many a
dolluh come to de preachuh thoo de sistuhs. Dey do mos' of de chu'ch
work an' 'vide mos' of de money for hits s'p'o't. Dey do widdout a
dress, a pair of shoes or sump'n nothuh to pay dey chu'ch dues, but
some of 'em wanna be good to de pastuh, lackwise; 'taint allus de
dooty to de chu'ch.
Some of de ol'es' preachuhs in de Bottoms hab chilluns scattuh'd
all up an' down de Bottoms. Lots of 'em was great big mens, an'
69
de sistuhs lack dis heah style of man. Dey think hit's a honnuh for
de pastuh to spen' time wid 'em. But some of de preachuhs didn'
ca'ie on in dis heah wise. Some of 'em was hones' to goodnes call by
de Lawd an' railly seed G. P. C. in de clouds what mean "Go Preach
Christ'anity," an' dey Stan' fas' by de teachin's of de Word. But
dey's some of 'em what seed G. P. C. what mean "Go Pick Cotton."
Oncet dey was one of dese good preachuhs what was pastuh of de
Secon' Baptis' Chu'ch in Hearne. His name was Elduh Curry, an'
he got a wife an' twelve chilluns. He hab a good name an' he jes
finish buildin' a new chu'ch house. Durin' de chu'ch rally, he haf to
be away from home a lots, but his wife know he a good puhviduh, so
she don' pay no 'tention to 'im bein' gone mos' de time. Her sistuh
come to see 'er one day though, an' she tell 'er dat de peoples is talkin'
bout de Elduh vis'tin' pow'ful lot of de sistuhs in de neighborhood,
so dis make Miz Curry git 'spishus an' she 'clare she gonna check up
on Elduh Curry's wharabouts. Her sistuh a terrible trouble mecker;
she glad to heah Miz Curry talkin' in dis fashion, so she say, "Ah tells
you a good way to fin' out if'n Elduh Curry been flyin' 'roun' wid
de sistuhs; when he go to sleep tonight, you git a wash pan full of
cold wattuh an' hol' his lef' han' down in hit an' he'll tell you his
guts."
So dat comin' Sunday night attuh Elduh Curry Bits home from de
servus, he so tiahed he go rat to bed. Ain't no time 'fo' he staa'ts to
snorin' rail loud, so Miz Curry say now's de time for her to git dat
wash pan of cold wattuh an' put de Elduh's lef' han' in hit.
Soon ez she done git de wattuh an' brung hit to de baid an' put Elduh
Curry's lef' han' in hit, he staa'ts to talkin' out loud in his sleep. He
say, "She's awright; she's awright." Dis meck his wife think he been
keepin' comp'ny wid de sistuhs sho' 'null, so she shake 'im by de
shoulduhs rail quick an' say, "Who's awright? Who's awright?" El-
duh Curry kinda roll ovuh on one side an' mumble to hisse'f, "De
chu'ch's awright, dat's who."
70
i
The Sunday School Scholar and the Pastor
Tgeneration AINT JES' DE OLE FOLKS What hab GOOd Rellglori; de young
hab hit, lackwise, an' of occasion mo' so'n de ole
folks. Ah calls to min' Unkuh George Winn's boy what de bes' 'rif-
muhtic scholar in de Bottoms. He could figguh mos' evuhting you ast
'im. He de onlies' one could git by Mistuh Wally, de boss-man.
Mistuh Wally'd allus tell de teachuhs what come to teach de school
at Pitt's' Bridge, "So you come to teach de school, did you? Well, jes
teach 'em a liT readin' an' writin'; needn' teach 'em no 'rifmuhtic."
Mistuh Wally'll do dey figgurin'.
But in spite of dis heah, a young woman teachuh coined to teach
de school one time, an' teached 'ein 'rifmuhtic jes de same. She ain't
pay no heed to what Mistuh Wally say. Fus' she hab a haa'd time
gittin' 'em to add; she say "Bring down yo' one an' ca'ie yo' two."
But de chilluns don' unnuhstan' her language; dat is, none of 'em
'cep'n Unkuh George's boy, Gabe, so he say, "Teachuh, Ah tells you
what you do: Tell 'em to bring down de one an' tote de two." De
teachuh do dis an' dey all says, "Yassum, we unnuhstan's hit now."
Dis boy Gabe putty smaa't, an' he a good chu'ch worker, too. He
come to be converted when he jes turnt fourteen, an' he been teachin'
in de Sunday School mo'n three yeahs now. He de 'sistunt supintendunt
of de Ebenezuh Baptis' Chu'ch Sunday School at Pitts's Bridge, an'
he cain't Stan' for no one to tell a lie. He'd tell ole folks or evuh-
body else to dey face when dey lie. So de pastuh, Elduh Simmons, run
crost 'im one day settin' on a barrel in front of de commissary eatin'
ginguh snaps an' a hunk of cheese, an' he say, "Gabe, dey's jes' one
thing Ah wants you to stop doin' an' dat's tellin' de grown folks to
dey face dey's lyin'. Stid of tellin' em dey's lyin', jes' whistle evuh
time you heah one of 'em tell a lie." So Gabe say, "Awright, Elduh,
Ah wants to do de rat thing."
71
Dat nex' comin' Sunday, Gabe goes to chu'ch an' durin' of his
sermon, Elduh Simmons say dat dey ain't nothin' kin nibble grass
ez close to de groun' ez a goose. When Gabe heah 'im say dis, he
whistle ez loud ez he kin.
When de servus done turned out, Elduh Simmons mecks his way
to whar Gabe was settin' an' he say, "Gabe, Ah heerd you whistle
durin' of de servus; who tole a lie?"
"Youse de one," say Gabe.
"Ah did?" 'low Elduh Simmons. "What'd Ah say?"
"You said," 'low Gabe, "dat dey wasn't nothin' c'd nibble grass ez
close to de groun' ez a goose. What 'bout a gander?"
The Mulatto Boys and the Religious Test
GOOD RELIGION ain't allus de bestes' thing 'mongst de livin', but
hit sho' hopes out a pow'ful lots gittin' into de Promus Lan'.
Ah calls to min' dat 'cross to Cameron was a cotton gin what gin mos'
de cotton what was raised in deco paa'ts of de Bottoms. Hit haf to
hab a lots of han's to run hit, but dey don' use nothin' 'cep'n white
han's. But ole man Anderson's three boys, an' ole man Jackson's two
boys, what all hab white granpappies an' what you cain't tell from
rail white folks by jes lookin' at 'em, gits tiahed workin' in de fiel'
an' 'cide dey gonna go 'cross to Cameron an' try to git on at de cotton
gin. De man what own de gin don' hab de knowledge to know dey's
cullud boys, so he hires'em.
Dese boys work 'cross to de gin for two mont's an' den come home
to Eloise for a visit wid dey pants chucked full of money. De cullud
population ver' curious to fin' out whar dey done meck so much
money, so one rail dark complected boy what dese boys been runnin'
'roun' wid gits stompin' down mad 'caze dey don' tell 'im whar deys
workin' at. He so mad 'till when dey leaves to go back to Cameron
on a Monday mawnin', dis heah dark complected boy follows 'em
back to Cameron an' on to de cotton gin whar dey works. He waits
72
till dey all gits inside de gin, den he slips 'roun' to de boss-man of de
gin an' tells 'im he wanna work at de gin. De boss-man tells 'im to
meck hisse'f scarce 'roun' dere, 'caze dey ain't hire'n no Nigguhs to
work at dis heah gin. Den Sam (dat's de dark complected boy's name)
up an' tells 'im, what he talkin' 'bout? he already got some Nigguhs
workin' dere. De boss-man say he ain't no sich a thing. He knows a
Nigguh when he see one. But Sam 'low he sho' ain't knowed 'em
when he seed 'em dis heah time, 'caze he sho' got some workin' dere.
Den Sam go on to 'splain huccome de boss-man don' know dey's
cullud, so de boss-man say, "But how's Ah'm gonna know 'em from
de whites?"
"Ah tells you what to do," 'low Sam. "Dis evenin' when hit's time
to knock off from work an' de ban's gits ready to leave jes' ast evuh-
body ez dey comes by if'n dey'll be back tomorruh to work, an' if'n
dey say "Sho, Ah'll be back," dat's a white man, but if'n dey don',
dat's a Nigguh." So de boss-man say he b'lieve he'll fit into dis plan.
So Sam goes an' hides in' a box car what's settin' on a track not
far from de gin to see what gonna happen dat evenin'. So long 'bout
quittin' time de boss-man lines all de he'p up an' tells 'em to pass by
'im, one by one, he wanna ast 'em sump'n nothuh. Evuhtime he'd ast a
white man will he be back tomorruh, de white man'd say, "Sho', Ah'11
be back."
'Bout de fuss twenty men he ast done say dis, so de boss-man 'gin
to doubt what Sam done tell 'im. But jes' when he 'bout to 'cide in
dis fashion, John, de ol'es' Anderson boy, comes up to 'im. De boss-
man say, "Will you be back to work tomorruh?" An' John 'low, "If'n
Ah lives an' nothin' happen"; so de boss-man say, "Uh huh!" an tell
'im to step to de side of de line a minnit, he wanna tell 'im sump'n
attuh while.
Toreckly heah come Jim, de secon' ol'es' Anderson boy, an' when
de boss-man ast 'im if 'n he'll be back to work tomorruh, he say, -If'n
de Lawd is willin' so de boss-man tell 'im to step aside.
An' den de younges' Anderson boy, Charley, come up an' when de
boss-man ast 'im de same question, he say, "If'n hits de Mastuh's will."
So de boss-man mecks 'im step aside, lackwise.
73
Fin'ly, he come to de two Jackson boys, one rat in 'hin t'othuh one,
an' when he ast deco if'n dey gonna be back to work tomorruh, dey
bof squall out at de same time, "If'n life las' an' death pass."
So all de boys lose dey jobs an' de boss-man say, "You Nigguhs
bettuh drag on back to Eloise, an' dat in a hurry, too."
Scott Mission Methodist Church Gets
a Full-time Pastor
USED TO BE A LI'L' BITTY OLE CHU'CH HOUSE rat ovuh yonduh
on dat slew whar mah finguh's p'intin' at dat de Mefdis's
builded reckly attuh de circuit-ridin' preachuhs done staa'ted rovin'
'roun' de country. Dey don' hab no preachin' in de li'1' ole chu'ch but
one Sunday durin' of de mont', 'caze dey ain't no more'n a han'ful
of Mefdis's on de ole Burleson Plannuhtation. Dat's de why de mem-
buhship cain't in no wise pay a full-time preachuh, an' dat's de why
de bishop allus sen' 'em a circuit-ridin' preachuh to preach de Word to
'em evuh fo'th Sunday.
But dis heah li'1' ole membuhship am rail hones' to goodness
Christuns an' dey don' relish de idea of holdin' servuses jes' one time
de whole mont' long, so one yeah dey hol's a boa'd meetin' an Ben's in
a petition to de bishop actin' him to sen' 'em a full-time preachuh,
'caze de Mefdis' cause am suff'rin' in dem dar paa'ts of de Bottoms.
An' well suh, if 'n hit didn't come to pass sho' 'nuff dat same yeah dat
a ole timey preachuh by de name of Revun Wheeler, what done rech
de pension age, was pleadin' wid de bishop to gib him a li'1' ole
charge some place or nothuh to he'p 'im keep body an' soul togethuh,
so de bishop pays heed to 'im an' sen's 'im down to dis heah li'1' ole
chu'ch on de Burleson plannuhtation, what go by de name of Scott
Mission. De membuhship so happy dey don' know what to do wid
deyse'f, but dey done brung double-trouble on deyse'f, 'caze dey ain't
ebun down got no house for de preachuh to live in. So dey hol's a
meetin' an dey say "What in de worl' we gonna do 'bout gittin' de
preachuh a house?"
74
i
Dey studies an' dey studies till hit fin'ly comes to 'em dey's a li'1'
ole woodshed rat in de chu'chyaa'd dat dey mought kin whip into
shape for de preachuh to live in. So some of de brothuhs gits some
hammers an' nails an saws, an' some ole pieces of tin what's layin'
'roun' on de groun' in de mule lot what was lef' ovuh from de time
when Ole Man Burleson done put a roof on his cottonseed house, an'
dey fixes de 11'1' ole woodshed so hit fitten to live in by de time Revun
Wheeler done rech de Bottoms.
But dey don' hab de wisdom to know dat Revun Wheeler's wife
done gone on to Glory an' he too feeble to cook for hisse'f till Revun
Wheeler done lit in de Bottoms. De membuhship say when dey done
foun' hit out, "We sho' done got us selves in a jam now sho' 'nuff,
'caze we's fo'ced to figguh out a way for Elduh Wheeler to git his
grub." But dey don' hab de wisdom to know dat dey don' in no wise
hab to lose no sleep 'bout Elduh Wheeler's grub, 'caze he got de
sumpin'-to-eat question all figguhed out 'fo' he hits de Bottoms good.
Yas, suh, he got hit all cut an' dried. De ver' fuss mawnin' he done
lit in de Bottoms, he hangs his ole frock-tail coat an' preachin'
breeches on a nail in de wall an' th'ows his of croaker-sack full of
bed clothes in one of de room corners, an den he tecks some ole tin
knives, an' forks, an' spoons, an' plates an' cups an' saucers outen
a ole straw basket he done brung wid him, an lays 'em on de ole raw-
hide chair what's settin' by de door of de liT ole room. Den he puts his
ole hick'ry walkin' cane in his rat han', grabs up his basket, chucks
hit unnuh his lef' arm, an haids straight for Brothuh Ben Turner's
house, what was catercawnered crost de road from de chu'ch house.
When he done rech Brothuh Turner's house he walks up an' raps on
de door an' when Brothuh Turner opens hit he say "Good mawnin,
Brothuh Turner, yo' honorey, Ah'm de new pastuh, Revun Wheeler.
Jes look in dis heah ole empty basket Ah's totin' 'roun'; wouldn't
some good ole thick slices of bacon an' some fresh fried eggs look
good in hit?"
"Sho' would," say Brothuh Turner, so he calls his wife Mandy
an' tells her to go an' cook Elduh Wheeler some good ole home-cured
bacon an' half a dozen fresh yaa'd eggs. Elduh Wheeler thanks 'em
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for de bacon an' eggs, puts 'em in his basket, an' den turns to Brothuh
Turner an' asts him wharbouts do de nex' closetest chu'ch membuh
live.
Brothuh Turner p'ints out Brothuh Tim Jordan's liT ole shack
to 'im, what's 'bout a qua'tuh of a mile up de lane on t'othuh side
of a stretch of pos'-oaks, an' Elduh Wheeler staa'ts on his roun's again.
When he gits to Brothuh Jordan's house Brothuh Jordan an' Sistuh
Jordan am settin' on de steps of dey gall'ry in front of de house mend-
in' cotton sacks what done got holes in 'em from bein' drug ovuh
rocky Ian'. Revun Wheeler ain't a bit shy; he walks rat up to whar
Sistuh Jordan an' Brothuh Jordan doin' dey mendin' an' say "Good
mawnin, Sistuh an' Brothuh Jordan, yo' honoreys, Ah'm de new
preachuh, Revun Wheeler, an' Ah wants y'all to come heah an' look
in dis heah basket at dis good ole home-cured fried bacon an' fresh
yaa'd eggs Brothuh Turner done gimme for mah breakfas'; wouldn't
some good ole fat hot biscuits go good wid 'em
Dey bof say "Sho' would," so Sistuh Jordan go rat in de house an'
bakes a steamin' hot pan of great big thick hot biscuits an' gibs 'em
to Elduh Wheeler. Elduh Wheeler puts de biscuits in his basket,
thanks Brothuh an' Sistuh Jordan for 'em, an' den asts 'em wharbouts
do de nex' closetest member of de chu'ch live?
So Brothuh Jordan p'ints out Sistuh Fanny Brown's liT cabin to
him, what's 'bout half a mile crost a big sugah cane patch. Smoke was
comin' outen de chimney of de liT ole shack, so Revun Wheeler ain't
gonna hab no trouble findin' hit an' he staa't goin' his roun's again.
He wobbles 'long till he fin'ly Bits to Sistuh Brown's yaa'd whar he
spy her hangin' out her washin' on de clothesline, so he walks rat up
to whar she takin' her clothes outen a wash pot an' hangin' 'em on de
line an' say "Good mawnin, Sistuh Brown, yo' honorey, Ah'm de new
preachuh, Revun Wheeler, an' Ah wants you to come heah rail quick
an' teck a peek in dis heah basket at dis good ole fried bacon an' eggs,
an' dese good ole steamin' hot biscuits Ah's got. Wouldn't some good
ole home-made 'lasses an' fresh buttuh go good wid 'em?"
"Sho' would," say Sistuh Fanny, so she go out to her smokehouse
an' fetch Revun Wheeler a whole gallon jug of good ole thick home-
76
made sorghums an' a putty poun' of buttuh she done jes' churned an'
gibs 'em to him. Elduh Wheeler got evuhthing he need now for his
breakfas', so he thanks Sistuh Brown, puts his 'lasses an' buttuh in de
basket, wheels 'roun' rail quick an' lights out for home.
Soon as he lights in de house he tecks his victuals outen de basket
an' puts 'em on de table, gits him a plate an' knife an' fork offen de
chair whar he done lef' 'em, an say his blessin's:
"De Lawd am good, an' life am sweet;
Thank you for dis sumpin' to eat."
Elduh Wheeler sho' done put his bes' foot forward, 'caze he ca'ie
on in dis same wise for his dinnuh an' suppuh dat same day, an' evuh
day de Lawd sen' de whole year thoo, goin' 'roun from membuh to
membuh's house astin' for de kind of grub he wants, an' dey pays
heed to 'im, an gives hit to 'im, an' comes to be thankful to de bishop
for sennin' 'em a full-time pastuh.
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PART FOUR
Heaven and Hell
The Guardian Angel and the Brazos Bottom Negroes
Why the Guardian Angel Let the Brazos
Bottom Negroes Sleep
WHEN A BRAZOs BOTTOM NIGGUH git mad he mad sho' 'null.
He don' know much else, but he know how to fight, an' he
know who to fight too-he fight his own color. Anytime a Texas Nig-
guh git bad de peoples say, "Dat Nigguh mus' be from de Brazos
Bottoms," 'caze dey hab de record for bein' de baddes' Nigguhs in de
whole state.
Jes' de same, mos' all of 'em goes to heabun when dey dies. Dey
done heerd Gawd's voice lack de prophet 'Lijuh an' paid heed on to
hit. When Guv'nuh E. J. Davis (what dey call de Nigguh Guv'nuh
'caze he de fuss guv'nuh attuh dey 'clare de Nineteenth of June), die
an' go to heabun, de Guardian Angel tuck 'im 'roun' an' showed 'im
de peoples he used to rule ovuh when he was de Nineteenth of June
Guv'nuh of Texas. Evuhwhar he'd go, he'd see a putty bright spot
along de heabunly lane, an' de Guardian Angel'd say: "Dem's yo'
white folks; dese heah's yo' Meskins; dere's yo' Germans." Dey was
all wide awake an' quiet lack, wasn't keepin' no noise, jes' settin'
'roun' in de sunshine lookin' at de putty flowers an' a smilin' at one
anothuh. De Guv'nuh powful happy to see his ole frien's joyin' dey-
se'f an' he ain't payin' much heed to whar he's haidin'; so he almos'
stumble ovuh a dark spot in de lane 'fo' he seed hit.
"What's dis?" he say to de Guardian Angel.
81
"Shh! be quiet!" say de Angel. "We gonna haf to tiptoe by heah;
dem's deco Brazos Bottom Nigguhs of your'n. Don' wake dem up,
'caze dey raises hell evuhwhar dey goes!"
The Baptist Negroes in Heaven
V AY FAR BACK Ah use to heah tell of de true chile of Gawd
dreamin' dey was in heabun. De preachuh 'speshly lack to
allus tell 'bout goin' up to heabun in his dreams an' habin' paa'lance
wid Gawd. Ah calls to min' Elduh Campbell what pastuh de chu'ch
down to de Ole Liendo Plannuhtation. De chu'ch was name de Zion
Hill Baptis' Chu'ch. Lots of de bestes' white peoples in de Bottoms
meck dey homes in dis districk in de ole days, so de Nigguh preachuh
wanna be sumpin' high class hisse'f 'caze he 'zidin' in a fuss class
paa't of de Bottoms. De onlies' way he kin think of to show hisse'f
off is to tell 'bout when he travel to heabun in his dreams, 'caze he
don' hab nothin' down heah on urf to brag offen.
Elduh Campbell jes' dis kinda preachuh. He allus gib de Baptis'
a big sen' off in his dreams, but oncet some of de deacons staa't to
fightin' 'im-you know de Baptis' 'nomination allus hab a split in
de chu'ch, mo' or less; dat's de why deys so many Baptis' chu'ches.
Anyways, Elduh Campbell gits up in de pulpit de nex' comin' Sun-
day attuh dey staa'ts de chu'ch fight on 'im an' 'fo' he staa'ts his ser-
mon he clears his tho'at, looks all 'roun' de chu'ch from rat to lef'
an' say, "Brothuhs an' sistuhs, Ah had a dream de othuh night, an'
Ah dreamed Ah was in heabun jes' a flyin' 'roun' an' a flyin' 'roun'
till Ah fin'ly foun' Gawd wid a big bunch of putty white angels stan'-
in' an' settin' all 'roun' his th'one. Ah looked to de rat an' dere was
de Camelites; Ah looked to de lef' an' dere was de Mefdis's; Ah
looked in de front, an' dere was de Prespuhteeruns. But Ah don'
chance to see de Baptis's nowhars; so Ah flies up to whar Gawd was
settin' on his th'one an' curtsies to 'im an' say, 'Gawd, whar's de Bap-
tis' folks? Ah ain't seed 'em no place.'
82
"So Ga:
dere 'hin'
many lies,
heah 'hin'
straight.' "
S OMETID
de Bot
time song:
Dey 'spe
pickin' tim
days an' soj
hit.
One yeal
de Mt. Moi
go to 'im a
so haa'd on
to happen t
right," he g
out.
So sho' 'r
tells 'im in
Brazos rat v
o'clock, an'
haa'd kin cl
mecks a ma:
dere on tim
"So Gawd look 'roun' behin' 'im an' say, 'Don' you see 'em back
dere 'hin' mah th'one, settin' on de flo' ? Dey's so devlish, dey tells so
many lies, dey do's so many mean tricks till Ah haf to keep 'em rat
heah 'hin' me whar Ah kin put mah han's on 'em an' keep 'em
straight.' "
The Pole That Led to Heaven
SOMETIME DE ROAD GIT MOUGHTY ROCKY for de fawm han's in
de Bottoms in de ole days, an' lots of 'em sing dat ole slav'ry
time song:
"Oh Freedom, Oh Freedom !
Befo' Ah'd be a slave
Ah'd be buried in mah grave
An' go home to mah Jesus an' be save."
Dey 'speshly sing dis heah song jes' 'fo' cotton choppin' an' cotton
pickin' time, evuh yeah, 'caze dey knows dey got to put in some long
days an' some haa'd work, an' dey ain't gonna git nothin' much outen
hit.
One yeah, jes' 'fo' cotton choppin' time roll 'roun', de membuhs of
de Mt. Moriah Baptis' Chu'ch, what hab a rail chile of Gawd pastuh,
go to 'im an' say, "Elduh Johnson, de work on de plannuhtations is
so haa'd on us dis heah time of yeah we wants you to pray for sump'n
to happen to git us outen de fix we's in." So Elduh Johnson say, "Aw-
right," he gonna ast Gawd to show 'im a sign to hope de membuhship
out.
So sho' 'null, he ca'ie out his promus he done meck 'em, an' Gawd
tells 'im in a dream dat He gonna put a pole on de wes' side of de -
Brazos rat whar de chu'ch hab its baptizin' de ver' nex' Sunday at three
o'clock, an' dat all de membuhs what tiahed of livin' an' workin' so _
haa'd kin climb dis pole to heabun if'n dey brings a box of chalk an'
mecks a mark for evuh lie dey done tole in dey life. But dey haf to be
dere on time, 'caze de pole jes gonna stay for fifteen minnits. Elduh
83
Johnson 'nounce dis to de membuhship at de prayer servos on a
Wednesday night. So all dem what rathuh go on to heabun now gits
'em a box of chalk an' comes down to de wes' side of de rivuh at de
baptizin' hole long 'fo' three o'clock dat Sunday, an' was stan'in' dere
waitin' wid dey boxes of chalk. Zackly at three o'clock de membuhs
heah a loud noise lack a urfquake or sup'n 'nothuh, an' jes' lack de
pastuh say a great big pole what rech so far to'a'ds de sky 'till you
cain't see de top comed up outen de groun', an' all de membuhs what
got dey chalk gits on de pole what habs a rope ladder on hit an' staa'ts
to climbin' an' a markin'. When de las' one done clum up on de lad-
der, de pole vanish jes' lack dat into thin air an' you don' see hit no
mo'.
Dat ver' same night de Lawd come to de preachuh again in a dream
an' tell 'im dat dis same time anothuh yeah he gonna meck a pole ap-
pear to de membuhship again at de baptizin' place. De preachuh
Inounce dis dream to de membuhship at de Monday night class meetin'
an' when de time roll 'roun' de nex' yeah for de pole to show up, dey
was a bigguh bunch of han's on de river banks dan dey was de yeah
befo'.
When de pole pop up outen de groun' ez befo', de fuss membuh
of de chu'ch to staa't up de pole was Elduh Roberts, what was de fuss
pastuh of de Mt. Moriah Chu'ch. His whole fam'ly done die out, so
he say dey ain't no need of 'im stayin' heah no longer. So, soon as de
pole comed outen de groun', he hobbles ovuh to hit, gits on de ladder
an' staa'ts to climbin'. But 'fo' narry othuh han' kin git staa'ted to
climbin', dey looks up an' sees Elduh Roberts almos' to de groun'
again comin' down de pole, so dey all wonduhs what de matter wid
de pole dis yeah. But 'taint de pole, hit's Elduh Roberts.
When Revun Johnson, de pastuh spy Elduh Roberts comin' down
de pole, he yell, "What's de mattuh, Elduh, ain't evuhthing awright
up dere
"Sho', sho'," say Elduh Roberts, jumpin' down offen de pole;
"Ah'm jes' comin' back attuh some mo' chalk."
84
Who Can Go to Heaven
HIT'S SOME SISTUHS IN DE CHU'CH what meck de preachuh rail
pow'ful in de pulpit by doin' what dey calls "talkin' back to
'im." Ah mean by dat, when a preachuh put ovuh a good lick again'
de Devul, dey say, "Preach de Word, son!" or, "You sho' is tellin'
de truf now." Dis he'p de preachuh to git right wid his preachin',
so he lack for de sistuhs to talk back to 'im. Dis meck 'im git in de
sperrit sho' 'null.
Ah calls to min' a sistuh down to Mudville by de name of Sistuh
Flora Hanks, what talked back to de preachuh all de time. Oncet de
pastuh, Elduh Waller, was preachin' a sermon 'bout de good-for-
nothin' young generation. He say, "Yeah, dey's goin' to hell in
Cadillacs; dey's goin' to hell in Packards; dey's goin' to hell in
Buicks; dey's goin' to hell in Dodges." He keep on talkin' in dis
fashion, namin' de diffunt kinds of cars de young generation goin'
to hell in, till fin'ly Sistuh Flora jumps up an' say, "Well, mah boy'll
be back, 'caze he's goin' in a T-model Fo'd."
Well, dis heah wasn't so bad, but when Sistuh Flora cap de cli-
max was de Sunday Elduh Waller preach his sermon on "Who Kin
Go to Heavun." He say, "None of you liahs, you cain't git in." "Tell
de truf shout Sistuh Flora. "None of you gamblers, you cain't git
in," say de Elduh. "Speak outen yo' soul!" squall Sistuh Flora. "None
of you whiskey drinkers, you cain't git in," say Elduh Waller. "Tell
de truf shout Sistuh Flora. "None of you snuff dippers," say
Elduh Waller, "you cain't git in," an' when he say dis heah, Sistuh
Flora what got her mouf full of snuff rat den, jump up an' p'int her
finguh in Elduh Waller's face an' say, "Wait a minnit, Bub; you
bettuh say, not ez you knows of."
85
Little Jim Lacey's Desires
F UNNY THING HOW PEOPLES BE'S DIFFUNT. MOs' white folks jes'
wants de same thing dey done hab while deys livin' when dey
Bits up to heabun, but de Nigguh, he don' relish de same thing he
done hab on urf-he wants evuhthing 'cep'n what he done hab down
heah.
Ah calls to min' a Germun what live up to Highbank by de name
of Michael Mayer. When he die an' go up to heabun de Lawd say,
"Michael, what does you want up heah in heabun
"All Ah wants," say Michael, "is a li'1' ole fawm lack Ah hab
down in de Bottoms, big enough for me an' mah wife an' chilluns to
make a livin' outen hit."
"Awright," say Gawd, "you kin hab hit."
Den dere was a Italian down to Highbank what runned a li'1'
liquor sto'. His name was Benito Franzetti, an' when he die an' go
up to heabun, de Lawd say, "Benito, what does you want up heah
in heabun
"All Ah wants," say Benito, "is a li'1' liquor sto' so's Ah kin
make a livin' for me an' mah li'1' bambinos."
"Awright," say Gawd, "you kin hab hit."
Den Li'1' Jim Lacey, de Nigguh obuhseer of de big Hawkins
plannuhtation, die an' go up to heabun an' de Lawd ast 'im lackwise,
"What do you wan' up in heabun
"Well," say Li'1' Jim scratchin' his haid an' lookin' down at de
shiny got' pavement of heabun, "Ah wants a Cadillac car lack de
boss-man's; Ah wants a Packard lack de boss-man's wife's for mah
wife; an' Ah wants two thousand acres of de bes' black Ian' you
got, an' fifty haid of de bestes' mules you got, an' a fawm house wid
twenty-two rooms; 'cides dat you mought th'ow in for good medjuh
ten thousan' dolluhs in de bank."
"Awright, Jim," say de Lawd, "you kin hab 'em."
86
Den Lil't' Jim Lacey's boss-man, Mistuh Hawkins, what live down
to Calvert, die an' go up to heabun an' de Lawd call 'im in to ques-
tion 'bout what do he want up in heabun. An' he say, "Ah don' want
nothin'. Jes' gimme dat damn Nigguh's address, an' Ah'll be satisfied."
Why So Many Negroes Are in Heaven
AH CALLS TO MIN' durin' of de Worl' War when de flu Bits on
a rampage in de Bottoms an' staa'ts killin' folks goin' an'
comin'. Hit done lay so many low till de doctuhs an' de nusses calls
a meetin' down to Calvert so dey kin tell de peoples how to teck
keer.
De doctuhs an' de nusses has dey say. Den dey calls on a ole-time
cullud preachuh what go by de name of Unkuh Aaron to hab a say.
Unkuh Aaron a stan'-pat Nigguh wid de white folks, so when dey
calls 'im up to de platform, he climbs up de steps, leans ovuh on his
ole hick'ry walkin' stick an' say, "Ah done lissen to all yo' logics
an' all yo' isms an' de lack ',bout de flu, but de Lawd's teckin' you
white folks outen de worl', 'caze he ain't pleased at de way y'all's
treatin' de Nigguhs. Dat's de why he's teckin' so many y'all outen de
worl'."
"But, Unkuh Aaron," say one of de doctuhs, "de stisticks shows
dat dey's mo' Nigguhs dyin' wid de flu dan dey is white folks."
"Dat's awright," 'low Unkuh Aaron; "Ah still hol's mah p'int.
Don' you know huccome de Lawd's teckin' all dem Nigguhs up to
heabun ? He's teckin' 'em up dere to testify 'ginst you white folks."
An' when Unkuh Aaron say dis, dis was de benediction; de meetin'
journ' for de night.
87
Good Friday in Hell
D E FAWM HAN'S SEED SICH A TURBLE TIME on de Ole Timmons
plannuhtation down to Big Creek till dey hab a lots of 'em to
run off. One of de fam'lies what b'long to dis fawm was name John-
son. Ole man Johnson was de pappy of twenty-fo' chilluns by de
same 'oman. De boss-man 'vide Unkuh Jonas Johnson wid a three-
room shotgun house, two bedrooms an' a kitchen, an' a grocery 'low-
ance at de commissary. But dis heah ain't mean much wid twenty-fo'
chilluns to feed, 'caze Unkuh Jonas's chilluns work pow'ful haa'd.
Fin'ly, one de ol'es' boys gits tiahed of workin' 'dout gittin' Sunday
clothes. He was gittin' to be courtin' age an' didn' wanna war brogan
shoes on a Sunday. He 'low dey gits by in de week-a-days, but dat
dey ain't fittin for dance an' chu'ch servus. Jes' de same Unkuh Jonas
don' pay 'im no heed, 'caze he a cropper on one of dem ride-off
fawms-dat's a fawm whar de obuhseer rides hoss-back all ovuh
de plannuhtation to keep de Nigguhs at work, an' if'n he evuh run
'cross a Nigguh dat's shirkin' he jumps offen de hoss's back on to
de Nigguh's back an gibs 'im a good floggin'.
Anyways, dis boy, Dick, run off 'bout cotton choppin' time one
yeah an' dey couldn' fin' 'im nowhars, but wasn't long attuh dis dat
dey was lots of stealin' goin' on 'roun' Marlin. De reports was out
dat dem dat was doin' de plunderin' was a Jew, a Nigguh, an' a
Meskin. Dey 'lowed de Nigguh in de bunch was Dick, dat de Jew
was de triflin' no-good son of a sto'-keepuh in Marlin, an' dat de
Meskin was a hoss thief what corned into Marlin from Wharton.
Dese hoodlums don' ebun skip de chu'ch in dey stealin'; dey tuck
de oil lamps outen de Mefdis' chu'ch down to Mudville, an' when
de St. Paul Mefdis' Chu'ch was puttin' up a new chu'ch house rat
heah in Marlin dey stealed de chu'ch bell 'fo' dey c'd put hit in de
bell tower. Wasn't nothin' unduh Gawd's sun dey wouldn' teck
if'n dey tuck a notion.
Fin'ly,
Eloise, ar.
'fo' dey a
Devul do
wid 'im t
Hit wa
an' when
as to whe
dere in h
evuh yeal
say de D,
down de
speak to
Jew; Jose
up on de
evuh yeah
kin do wt
come bacl
"has you
go back tc
no mo'."
`Naw,'
"Dat ai
Den he
If'n youse
haf to nev
"Me no
"Den ye
Den de
got ten do.
got ten do!
nevuh haf
"Naw,
you what,
Saddy."
88
Fin'ly, dey all Bits kilt one Saddy night in a dice game down to
Eloise, an' dey all dies an' goes to hell. But dey ain't in hell no time
'fo' dey ast to talk to de Devul, but de Haid Imp tells 'em dat de
Devul don' talk but oncet a yeah an' dey cain't hab no conference
wid 'im till dat time roll 'roun'.
Hit was de fall of de yeah when dey was kilt an' come to hell,
an' when hit come to be almos' Easter, dey was in a deep study
as to when de Devul gonna talk, 'caze dey don' relish stayin' down
dere in hell. Fin'ly, Good Friday roll 'roun', de day de Devul talk
evuh yeah, so de Head Imp call all de imps to de 'sembly room an'
say de Devul gonna talk. So sho' 'null, putty soon de Devul walk
down de aisle an' tuck his seat on de platform. De fuss ones he
speak to is dese three gamblers from de Brazos Bottoms, Levi, de
Jew; Jose, de Meskin, an Dick, de Nigguh. He 'vites 'em to come
up on de platform an' he say, "Fellows, dis am Good Friday an'
evuh yeah when hit comes to be Good Friday Ah let's de imps what
kin do what Ah say go back up to de urf an' dey don' nevuh haf to
come back to hell no mo'. Now, Ah tells you what," he say to Levi,
"has you got ten dollars? If'n youse got ten dollars, Ah'll let you
go back to de Bottoms an' you won' nevuh haf to come back to hell
no mo'."
"Naw," say Levi, "Ah's got nine dollars."
"Dat ain't 'nuff," 'low de Devul; "you gonna haf to stay heah."
Den he turnt to de Meskin an' say, "Jose, is you got ten dollars?
If'n youse got ten dollars you kin go on back to de Bottoms an' won'
haf to nevuh come back heah no mo'."
"Me no gottee nothin'," say Jose.
"Den you haf to stay heah, too," say de Devul.
Den de Devul p'int his finguh at Dick an' he say, `°Nigguh, is you
got ten dollars? We treats evuhbody alack down heah; so if'n youse
got ten dollars, Ah'11 let you go back up to de Bottoms an' you won't
nevuh haf to come back to hell no mo'."
"Naw, suh," say Dick, ".Ah ain't got no ten dollars, but Ah tell
you what Ah'11 do; if'n you lemme out, Ah'll gib you lebun dollars
Saddy."
89
John's Trip to Hell
H CALLS TO MIN"RECKLY ATTUH FREEDOM, when dey move Mar-
lin whar hit's settin' rat now, hit use to be de pick of de towns
in de Bottoms for de young generation. Dey call Marlin "De County
Seat of de Worl'." Evuh Saddy dey lack to figguh out a way to git
up to Wood Street in Marlin. Dey lack de harum-scarum life of de
Devul. De worl' got loose in dey han's an' dey lose holt on de Word
an' go de limit wid dey sinnin'. Dey ebun down go so far as to gib
dey pappies an' dey mammies sass. Dey poke fun at de minstuhs of
de Gospel. In dat time comin' up, dey insult de preachuh evuhwhich
way. Dey was goin' to hell head fo'mos'.
In dem days comin' up dey was a haid deacon of de Mt. Zion
Baptis' Chu'ch up at Rocky Hill by de name of Sandy Brown. He
hab a nice set of chillun 'cep'n one. He de black sheep of de fam'ly,
de baby boy, an' dey done spile 'im an' leave 'im hab his way too
much. Elduh Bailey, de pastuh, don' live in de Bottoms, so he allus
stop wid Deacon Brown when he come to preach evuh fo'th Sun-
day. Lack mos' preachuhs, he hab a weakness for chicken. Sistuh
Calline, Deacon Brown's wife, allus cook three or fo' of de fattes'
hens for de preachuh's Sunday dinnuh, but hit fix so dat de preachuh
lack de same paa't of de chicken dat dis li'1' ole bad boy, John, lack.
De Sundays dat de preachuh'd come for dinnuh, li'1' John haf to
eat de wing an' de neck. Dis meck 'im pow'ful mad an' he staa't
to sulkin' at de table.
De preachuh tell all his frien's 'bout dem good ole chicken din-
nuhs dat Sistuh Calline cook an' bless goodness if'n all de Baptis'
preachuhs dat pass thoo de Bottoms don' come to Sandy's house to
stay. Dis run on for a long stretch till fin'ly one Sunday, when li'1'
John done come to be fifteen, a new preachuh comed to teck de ole
preachuh's place, an' he lack de same paa't of de chicken dat John
90
lack jes' lack de ole preachuh. So when dey set down to de table dat
Sunday for dinnuh, de new preachuh rech cross de table an' tuck all de
drumsticks offen de platter an' put 'em on his plate.
Dis meck John so mail till he don' know what to do wid hisse'f.
So he jump up from de table an' say, "Ah'm gittin' tiahed of dese
damn preachuhs eatin' up mah paa't of de chicken." So his pappy
meck 'im go out on de gall'ry an' gib 'im a good whippin' an tell
'im don' he nevuh ca'ie on in dis wise no mo'. But de ver' nex' Sun-
day de moderatuh of de 'sociation comed by to hab Sunday dinnuh
wid Sandy, an' he jes' lack de res' of de preachuhs-he lack de same
paa't of de chicken dat li'1' John lack, an' he tuck de drumsticks
offen de platter an' put 'em on his plate.
John so mad he don' know what to do. He cain't hol' his peace
no longuh. So he jump up an' say, "Ah done tole y'all Ah'm gittin'
tiahed of dese damn preachuhs eatin' up mah paa't of de chicken."
An' when he say dis Sandy jump up from de table an' ca'ie 'im on out
on de gall'ry again an' gib 'im aoothuh good whippin', an' when he
git thoo lashin' 'im he look at 'im an' say, "John, youse goin' straight
to hell."
Hit was cotton pickin' season an' when dey rung de bell Monday
mawnin' for de chilluns to go to de fiel', John warn't nowhars to be
foun'. Evuhbody wonduh whar he done trace his footsteps. But Cal-
line, his mammy, don' worry much; she 'low dat she b'lieve he gonna
trace his footsteps back to de Bottoms again some time or 'nothuh.
But Sandy kinda opset; ez bad ez John was, Sandy hab a warm spot
in his haa't for de rascal. But he keep on habin' de big chicken din-
nuhs for de preachuhs what comed thoo de Bottoms.
Chrismus day of de same yeah dat John done go way somewhar,
Sandy an' Calline 'vites 'bout ten preachuhs up an' down de Bottoms
to dinnuh an' kills 'bout ten of de fatter' hens dey got for de dinnuh.
A fresh northuh blowed up dat mawnin' an' Sandy put some back
logs in de fiah-place in de front room, an' built a nice warm fiah. As
de preachuhs 'ud come in de front do', he'd teck dey ovuhcoats an'
put 'em on de bed in de bedroom what ain't got no fiah in hit. Fin'ly,
when de las' preachuh done come an' Sandy staa'ts in de bedroom to
91
put his ovuhcoat on de bed, what you reckon he seed? Dat bad boy
John stan'in' dere by de haid of de bed.
"Hello dere, John," say Sandy. "Whar you been?"
"Ah's been whar you tole 'me," 'low John-"to hell."
"Well, how is things down dere say Sandy.
"Jes' lack dey is heah," say John-"so many damn preachuhs 'roun'
de fiah till you cain't git to hit."
Uncle Si, His Boss-man, and Hell
D E HAN'S IN DE BOTTOMS mos' allus drawed envelopes wid a li'1'
greenback in 'em or a dollah or two in change when de time
roll 'roun' for dey share of de crops evuh yeah. Dem what drawed
envelopes or a li'1' cash was de han's dat hab a wife an' no chilluns.
Dem what hab lots of chilluns was de ones what didn' draw no
envelopes an' didn' git no cash. Unkuh Si Moore was one of dem
what didn' draw no envelope an' didn' draw no cash. He hab a big
bunch of chilluns when he comed to de ole Wilson plannuhtation
down to Jerusalem an', evuh yeah since he lit dere, his wife Sadie hab
a baby. But hit don' meck no diffunce how big Unkuh Si's fam'ly come
to be. When Unkuh Si go up to Colonel Wilson's house evuh yeah at
settlement time de Colonel 'ud say, "Well, Unkuh Si, lemme see: you
got fawty gallons of sorghums; 'bout eighty yaa'ds of calico, gingham
an' percale; fifty-eight pair of brogan shoes; twelve pair of duckins,
thuty-six jars of snuff, six barrels of sugah, fifteen barrels of flour, a
hundred plugs of chewin' tobackuh, fo' dozen pair of black cotton
stockin's, five dozen pair of socks, ten bottles of castuh oil, lebun boxes
of Black Draf', seventy poun's of dry salt bacon, ten sacks of navy
beans, an' 'bout twenty-five work hats."
When de Colonel git thoo readin' off dis list, he'd say, "Unkuh Si,
yo' bill am settled; you don' owe me nothin'."
Unkuh Si moughty tickled evuh yeah, 'cane his bill am settled. So
things run on in dis fashion for quite a spell. Ebun down when Unkuh
Si hab foi
dat Unku
Unkuh Si
a good h,
heed to h
nishin' de
call to mi
'bout de
meck 'im
Putty s
meck Unl
tation. H
lack dis h
ain't no R
Lawd to f
man. So 1
min' 'rout
So de n
Colonel r
readin' hi
tled; you c
"Dat's
bill am set
"A recf
Ain't Ah t
"Yas, s
now, an' y
when hit
heabun ar
heabunly
runnin' al
92
Si hab four gran'chilluns to come an' live wid 'im, de Colonel still 'low
dat Unkuh Si don' owe 'im nothin' evuh year when settlin' time come.
Unkuh Si lackun de Colonel to David dat de Word tell 'bout, who hab
a good haa't an' was allus bein' good to somebody. But he don' pay
heed to how many ban's he furnishin' for de Colonel's fawm; he fur-
nishin' de plannuhtation wid twenty-fo' good ban's evuh yeah. He jes'
call to min' what de Colonel do for 'im an' he allus goin' 'roun' talkin'
'bout de Colonel boun' to hab lub in his haa't for Jesus, 'caze he don'
meck 'im pay nothin' for stayin' on de plannuhtation.
Putty soon, though, de Colonel staa't to losin' lots of ban's an' he
meck Unkuh Si's fam'ly do mo'n dey share of de work on de plannuh-
tation. He ebun down meck 'em work on a Sunday. Unkuh Si don'
lack dis heah Sunday work 'caze he say dat de Word say de Sabbath
ain't no work-day. So he sets down an' begins to keep comp'ny wid de
Lawd to fin' out if'n he ain't done error 'bout de Colonel bein' a good
man. So he talks dis thing ovuh in secret wid de Lawd an' switch his
min' 'roun' 'bout de Colonel.
So de nex' yeah when de time roll 'roun' for de crop settlement, de
Colonel reads off Unkuh Si's list lack ez usual an' when he gits thoo
readin' hit off, he say lack ez allus, "Well, Unkuh Si, yo' bill am set-
tled; you don' owe me nothin'."
"Dat's awright, Boss," say Unkuh Si, "but gimme a receipt dat mah
bill am settled in full."
"A receipt?" yell de Colonel; "cain't you teck mah word for hit?
Ain't Ah been dealin' fair wid you all dese yeahs
"Yas, sub, dat's awright," 'low Unkuh Si. "But Ah'm gittin' ole
now, an' youse gittin' ole too, an' we mought die fo' nex' yeah dis time,
when hit comes to be time for de settlement, an' when Ah gits up to
heabun an' St. Peter asts me is mah bills all paid 'fo' he lets me in de
heabunly gates, Ah wants a receipt to show 'im; Ah don' wanna be
runnin' all ovuh hell lookin' for you."
93
PART FIVE
Preachers and Little Boys
Little David's Question
Little David's Question
OF OCCASION DE PREACHUH in de Bottoms stretch hisse'f out too
far and git hisse'f in a 'dickmint he cain't git outen. One time
dey hab a preachuh what hab dis style of ca'iein' on down to de Bap-
tis' chu'ch at Falls, on de Brazos. He allus jumpin' on de membuhship
wid ,bof feet 'bout tellin' lies. He bawl 'em out all de time 'bout bein'
sich big liahs. He say, "A Nigguh'd rathuh tell a lie on a credit dan to
tell de truf for cash." He say, "A Nigguh hate de truf worse'n de
Devul hate a .baptizin'." An' to cap de climax, if'n he didn't git up in
de pulpit one Sunday mawnin' an' say, "Brothuhs an' Sistuhs, for mah
message tonight, Ah'm gonna preach a sermon on liahs. So Ah wants
all y'all to teck yo' Bibles an' read de twenty-fuss chapter of Mark
'fo' you comes back to de chu'ch house tonight."
So dat Sunday night, attuh de song and prayer servus done come to
pass, de preachuh gits up, clears his th'oat a li'1', an' says, "Brothuhs
and Sistuhs, how many of y'all done read de twenty-fuss chapter of
Mark lack Ah done tole you to do 'fo' you comed back to de chu'ch
house tonight?" Evuhbody in de chu'ch house hist deyse'f outen dey
seat an' stan' up. So de preachuh laff out rail loud rat in de pulpit an'
say, "All you liahs set back down; you ain't read no sich a thing, 'caze
dey ain't but sixteen chapters in Mark."
De membuhship sho' outdone wid deyse'f, but dey don' lack dis
heah fashion of ca'iein' on by de pastuh neither. Dey scairt to call his
97
han' though; 'stid, dey jes' lay his race out 'hin' his back, an' 'roun' de
house, but dey ain't nevuh yit git up 'nuff courage to tell 'im to his face
dat de style he got of callin' de membuhship liahs evuh Sunday de
Lawd sen' don' set good on dey stummicks.
One time, though, a li'1' ole boy what go by de name of David, an'
what corned to be smaa't by beatin' de sweep for de han's on de plan-
nuhtation to knock off from work for dinnuh evuh day, an' what done
heerd his mammy complainin' 'roun' de house 'bout de preachuh
callin' de membuhship liahs, say he gonna fix de preachuh's bizniss
good one of dese days an' break 'im up from callin' de membuhship
liahs. So de nex' Sunday mawnin', Elduh Cooper (dat's de preachuh's
name), gits up in de pulpit an' staa'ts to callin' de membuhship liahs,
lack as allus. Den he lights out to preachin' 'bout Gawd am in de val-
ley; Gawd am on de hillside; Gawd am on de rivers; Gawd am in de
clouds; Gawd am in de Pos'-oak districk; Gawd am in de Brazos Bot-
toms. "Yeah, Gawd am evuhwhars," he say. An' when he talk in dis
wise, li'1' David, what am settin' on de front row of de chu'ch house
wid his mammy, jumps up rail quick an' yells, "Elduh, is he in mah
pocket?"
"Sho, he's in yo' pocket," say Elduh Cooper.
"Youse a liah," say Li'1' David; "Ah ain't ebun down got no
pocket."
An' he ain't got no pocket sho' 'null, 'caze he wearin' a pair of
mammy-made pants his mammy done cut outen a pair of his pappy's
ole wore-out britches, an' dey ain't got narry pocket in 'em.
Gabriel and the Elder's Coat
D E PREACHUH IN DE BOTTOMS clum on de ban' wagon wid de
membuhship when hit come to playin' wid de Word. Ah calls
to min' Elduh Mackey, what pastuh de Bethesda Baptis' Chu'ch down
to Black's Bridge. He lack to fool de membuhship all de time an'
show hisse'f off in front of de sistuhs. He 'low de brothuhs don' know
98
big wood from brush lack de sistuhs do. He a heaby drinker an' bully
de membuhship all de time. Evuh time he en' up a sermon he tuck a
flask of whiskey outen his duster, lit his pipe, an' den turnt de flask up
an' tuck a big swalluh of whiskey rat in de pulpit. De membuhs don'
say nothin' 'caze dey's scaid. He allus hab de haid deacon to go out to
whar his hoss am tied to de barbwire fence, look in his saddle bag an'
git his cap an' ball an' put hit on de pulpit jes' 'fo' de survus close. Den
he git up an' stick de gun down in his duster pocket an' say:
"Youse done shouted lack hell, an' youse done raise de Devul, an'
now you bettuh not walk outen dis heah chu'ch house till de benuh-
diction am said. If'n you do, de fuss damn rascal dat walks out of heah
Ah'm gonna lay 'im rat down at de do'."
He ca'ie on in dis fashion till one Sunday he 'nounce 'fo' ban' dat de
nex' Sunday night he gonna bring Gabul down to blow his trumpet rat
heah in de chu'ch house. Hit happen dat some li'1' ole boys heerd 'im
when he say dis, so dey frames up to git some cornets an' git up in de
attic of de chu'ch house 'fo' Elduh Mackey gits dere de nex' Sunday
night, an' hab deyse'f some fun. So sho' 'null dey beats Elduh Mackey
dere an' hides deyse'f in de attic so dey kin fix his bizniss good. Dey
'low he kin bully de membuhship, but dey sho' gonna gib 'im de scare
of his life dis time.
Fin'ly, Elduh Mackey comed in an' de membuhs all tuck dey seats.
He raises a song, an' when he finished wid de song, he lights out to
preachin'. But he ain't got staa'ted good 'fo' dese li'1' ole boys staa'ts
to blowin' de cornets an' de membuhship staa'ts to shoutin'. But Elduh
Mackey yells, "Not yit, Gabul, not yit," 'caze he don' know whar de
blowin' comin' from. So he lights out to preachin' again, but 'fo' he
kin git thoo wid de fuss line, de li'1' boys staa'ts to blowin' de horns
again. De mumbuhship say, "De Lawd be praised, jes' look what a
man of God Elduh Mackey be."
But Elduh Mackey gittin' scaid sho' 'null, 'caze he don' know de
why nor wharfo' of de horn blowin', an' he says as .befo', "Not yit
Gabul, not yit." Den he staa'ts out to preachin' again, when all of a
sudden a gust of win' blows thoo de chu'ch house from a northuh
comin' up an' blows out all de lamps. De li'1' ole boys blows dey horns
99
louduh'n evuh now, an' when de lamps goes out, Elduh Mackey an' de
whole membuhship lights out to runnin' ovuh de chairs an' into de
walls an' evuhwhar. Elduh Mackey so scairt till he misses de gate an'
runs into de barbwire fence on de way to whar his hoss am tied, an'
his coat Bits jerked clean offen 'im. He don' know how he lose his
coat, he jes' know he lose hit. So durin' of de nex' week when he
meets Unkuh Toby, de ole man what sweeps up de chu'ch house,
he say, "Unkuh Toby, has you been down to de chu'ch house dis
week?"
"Naw, suh, Ah ain't," say Unkuh Toby.
"Well, if'n you goes down dere anytime dis week," say Elduh Mac-
key, "an' you sees Gabul, tell him Ah say to please sen' me mah coat."
Heaven and the Post Office
H EABUN WAS ALLUS UPMOS' in de min's of de true chile of
Gawd. Dat's what meck 'em walk wid Gawd evuhday de
Lawd sen', 'caze dey wanna be in dat numbuh when de saints goes
marchin' in. Cose, lack as allus, of occasion you runs 'cross a rank
sinnuh what wanna th'ow a stumblin' block in de way of de true
chile of Gawd. Ah calls to min' a sportin' life gal up to Mudville on
de ole Pearson farm what hab a stray boy. Don' nobody know his
pappy; an' his mammy, dis sportin' life gal, what was name Liza
Randle, keep a silent tongue 'bout de boy's pappy. But one thing,
dis boy, lack mos' stray chilluns, don' relish workin' on de fawm.
He 'speshly don' lack to pick cotton, an' when he pickin' cotton,
evuhtime hit cloud up, he hab a liT song he sing dat go lack dis:
"Lawd, if you wanna sho' yo' powuh,
Please send a rain, don' send no showuh."
Ah calls to min' a ole man by de name of Unkuh Steve Gordon
who pass dis liT old boy one day an' say:
So Bud
Den de
But you
he ain't g(
Bud fin
some of r
staa'ts to 1
habits. He
School to
marbles, d
He ain't u
know mu(
office so h
Bud an' d
an' say, "L
"Sho',"
turns to de
"Thank
office. But
othuh liT
UP to 'em
heah shoot
wid me an'
An' whe
100
"Son, Ah don' teck you to be no fool;
Ah jes' wants a chew of yo' ole Brown Mule."
So Bud (dat's dis liT ole bad boy's name) say:
"Ah ain't sayin' hit to raise no hell,
But de Cap'n got plenty down to de commissary
to sell."
Den de ole man say:
"Ah pass by de commissary an' de commissary
was lock.
Dat's huccome Ah to ast you for some outen yo'
'backuh box."
But you know, Bud jes' tell de ole man to go straight to hell, dat
he ain't gonna gib 'im nothin' of de kind.
Bud fin'ly runned off an' rid a freight train to Hearne to live wid
some of his mammy's kin folks, but he ain't dere no time 'fo' he
staa'ts to teachin' de liT ole boys what live in de neighborhood bad
habits. He hab a lots of good 11'1' boys playin' hockey from Sunday
School to play marbles for keeps. One Sunday when dey was playin'
marbles, de new pastuh of de St. Paul Mefdis' Chu'ch comed along.
He ain't use to de town-he been a circuit-preachuh-an' he don't
know much 'bout city doin's. He tryin' to fin' his way to de pos'
office so he kin mail a bulletin an' a lettuh to de bishop. So he seed
Bud an' dese liT ole boys playin' marbles an' he walks up to 'em
an' say, "LiT boys, kin y'all tell me de way to de pos' office?"
"Sho'," say Bud. "You goes two blocks rat straight ahaid an'
turns to de right an' dere hit is rat 'fo' yo' eyes."
"Thank you, liT boys," say de Preachuh, an' he goes on to de pos'
office. But when he retrace his steps back, he heahs Bud cussin' de Tv
othuh liT ole boys out 'bout fudgin' in de marble game. So he walks `
up to 'em an' say, " LiT boys, y'all oughta be shame of yo'se'f 'roun' ;
heah shootin' marbles on a Sunday an' cussin'; y'all bettuh come go `F3
wid me an' lemme sho' you de way to heabun." ?
An' when he say dis, Bud eye 'im rail hateful lack an' say, "How
101
in de worl' you gonna sho' us de way to heabun if you don' ebun
down know de way to de pos' office
Little Ned and the Sweet Potato Pie
YOU KNOW DE PREACHUH haf to stay on his watch when he
preach de Word. If'n he don't, de membuhship quick to see his
weakness an' staa't to fault findin' wid 'im, an' lack as not dey gonna
ketch 'im nappin'. Dey was a preachuh down to Richmond once what
mess hisse'f up good fashion. His chu'ch ain't far distant from de
square whar de Jaybirds an' de Peckerwoods hab a big riot durin' of de
Koo Klux rampages. De Jaybirds was de Democrats an' de Pecker-
woods was de 'Publicans. Dey hab a big monument 'rected on de
square to de Jaybirds for whippin' de Peckerwoods one time. Well,
anyways, dis preachuh, Revun Brown, pastuh de Good Will Baptis'
Chu'ch straight on down de street from de monument.
De bes' chu'ch membuh he got is Sistuh Susan Collins. Evuh Sun-
day he preach Sistuh Susan 'vite 'im home for dinnuh, but Sistuh
Susan hab a li'1' ole boy what don' relish Revun Brown eatin' Sun-
day dinnuh wid 'em evuh Sunday de Lawd sen'. De reason he don'
relish Revun Brown bein' dere's 'caze Revun Brown allus eat all of
de pie an' he don' nevuh git parry piece. Dis li'1' ole boy git so mad
till he cuss 'bout hit attuh Revun Brown done leave de house. So de
nex' Sunday when Revun Brown comed to dinnuh, Sistuh Susan ast
'im to git attuh her li'1' ole boy, what name Ned, 'bout cussin'.
Soon's dey sets down to de table an' Revun Brown says de grace,
he looks cross de table at li'1' Ned an' say, "Ned, yo' mammy tells
me you been usin' de Lawd's name in vain."
"Humph, you cusses in de pulpit, don't you?" 'low li'1' Ned.
"No, Ah doesn't," say Revun Brown. "You knows youse lyin',
but Ah tells you what Ah'll do. De nex' time you heahs me cuss in
de pulpit, Ah'm gonna gib you a whole sweet potato pie."
"Awright," say li'1' Ned; "dat's a go."
Well s
preachuh
he hists h
wheel 'gir
by Gawd
"An' ye
teck dat s
Attuh c
plainin' '1
D E O:
La,
turnt out 1
pastuh de
Abraham,
tricks. Di;
of de Lac
she tuck
Don't you
for 'im
"Hump
ain't got 1
out rat nc
Revun
an' let 'it
he'p 'im i
boys he p
He say:
But on
de laflin'
102
Well suh, de Lawd be praised if'n de nex' Sunday when de
preachuh gits up an' staa'ts to preachin' he ain't lit out ver' far 'fo'
he hists his han' in de air an' hollers, "Ah yeah, when de harvest
wheel 'gin to rollin', you kin stan' rat up an' cry, 'By Gawd we libs,
by Gawd we dies!'"
"An' yeah," yell li'1' Ned, jumpin' up outen his seat, "Ah'm gonna
teck dat sweet potato pie."
Attuh dis Revun Brown don' pay Ned's mammy no min' 'bout her
plainin' 'bout 'im teckin' de Lawd's name in vain.
Reverend Black's Gifts from Heaven
D E OLE TIME PREACHUH try to mend his ways 'cordin' to de
Lawd's plan what laid down in de Word, but dey 'tempts
turnt out bad lots of times. Ah calls to min' Revun Aleck Black, what
pastuh de Mefdis' chu'ch out to Highbank an' who hab a li'1' ole boy,
Abraham, what he'p his daddy fool de membuhship wid all kinds of
tricks. Dis li'1' ole boy sassy, too. Oncet Sistuh Melvina Brown, haid
of de Ladies' Aid 'Ciety, heerd dis li'1' ole boy Abraham cussin'. So
she tuck 'im to task 'bout hit an' he say, "Who's you talkin' to?
Don't you know mah daddy's got a hunnud an' fifty Nigguhs workin'
for 'im?"
"Humph!" say Sistuh Melvina, who outdone wid his sassin'; "He
ain't got but a hunnud an' forty-nine now, honey, 'caze Ah's cuttin'
out rat now."
Revun Black done spile dis liT yap, 'caze he pull de curtains back
an' let 'im in on his devulment. He ebun down gib 'im money to
he' im fool de membuhshi Abraham allus tell de othuh li'1' ole
boys he play wid 'bout 'im he'pin' his pappy fool de membuhship.
He say:
"Ah use to do hit for de money;
Now Ah do's hit 'caze hit's funny." But oncet de tables turnt on 'im an' his pappy, an' dey come to be
de laffin' stock of de Bottoms, an' don' nevuh ca'ie on in dis wise no
103
mo'. One Sunday Revun Black 'nounce dat de nex' comin' Sunday
he gonna preach a sermon an' de Lawd gonna gib 'im evuhthing
he ast for. So lack ez befo', he gits dis li'1' ole boy of his'n to he'p
'im. Dat Saddy 'fo' Sunday come he goes down to de sto' an' buys
a lot of groc'ies an' puts 'em up in de attic of de chu'ch house. When
Sunday night come, li'1' Abraham goes to de chu'ch 'fo' de membuh-
ship gits dere an' hides hisse'f in de attic wid de groc'ies. He places
hisse'f rat whar de hole in de ceilin' is so he kin th'ow de groc'ies
down rail quick as his pappy calls 'ern off.
Fin'ly de membuhship all shows up an' Revun Black staa'ts to
preachin'. He say, "Lawd, th'ow me down some bacon." Abe
th'owed 'im a slab of bacon thoo de hole.
"Oh Lawd," say de Revun, "sen' me down some sugah." Down
comed a sack of sugah.
"Oh Lawd," say Revun Black, "sen' me down some 'lasses." An'
Abe th'owed him down a jug of 'lasses.
De membuhship don' know what to think. Dey say, "Dis heah's
a miracle for sho'."
"Oh Lawd," Revun Black keep on, "sen' me down some flour."
An' when he say dis, Abe stick 'is head down thoo de hole in de
ceilin' an' yell, "Pappy, you forgot de flour."
The Sinner Man's Son and the Preacher
LACK As EvuxvvxAR heaps of han's on de plannuhtations in de Bot-
toms didn't b'long to de Christun fam'ly. Lots of 'em was rank
sinnuhs an' raise dey chilluns lackwise. Mos'ly dey ain't nevuh trace
dey steps outen de Bottoms. All dey knowed was haa'd work, mean
obuhseers, chu'ch oncet a mont', big dinnuhs on a Sunday, Saddy
night chu'ch suppuhs, an' string ban' flang-dangs. In dat time comin'
up, dey didn' keep tune wid de pace of de worl'. Dey come up in
what you calls "Beck-time"-dat's de mule, you know, an' de time
was when ole Beck, an' cotton, an' de Nigguh was de stan'bys of de
country. De Nigguh was livin' mos'ly in de settlements far off from
104
de train track. When dey travel, dey do hit in fawm wagons a settin'
in chairs wid dey bottoms kivvered wid de hides of cows dey done
kilt for market meat to peddle all 'roun' de Bottoms. Lots of 'em
nevuh seed a train till dey come to be grown-up. Dey's UP yaps in
de Bottoms to dis day what ain't nevuh seed a engine pullin' coaches
on a track.
Oncet a liT ole boy what live wid his mammy an' pappy on de
ole Wallace plannuhtation 'bout eighteen miles from Calvert comed
to Calvert to ketch de train an' go to see his cousins what live in
Dallas. He de son of Jim Perkins, a sinnuh man, an' he ain't nevuh
chanced to see no train since he been bawn. He fifteen yeah ole now,
and he so fidgety at de depot he don't know what to do wid hisse'f.
Zack (dat's what his name ain't ebun been far as Calvert offen de
plannuhtation in his whole life, let alone seein' a train.
Putty soon heah comes de Houston Texas Central jes' a comin'
roun' de curve an' a blowin' loud ez hit kin. Zack so scairt he try to
pull loose from his mammy an' pappy an' run, but his pappy hol'
'im fas' an' he cain't git loose. He jes' shakin' lack he got de chills
an' fever an' when de train engine comed to a stop, dey gits 'im
on de train somehow 'fo' de train pulls out from de depot. He cain't
read an' write so his mammy hab his name an' whar he goin' writ
on a piece of paper an' penned to his duckins. Dey tell Zack whar
he's haided for, but he's so scairt of de train till he done clear forgot
whar he's s'pose' to go.
Fin'ly, de train staa'ts to pickin' up speed an' go to makin' 'bout
thuhty miles a houah. Zack ain't nevuh seed nuthin' in his life run
dis fas'. De fastes' thing he done seed 'fo' today was one of de boss-
man's ole mares name Nellie; she de fastes' hoss on de plannuhta-
tion. So when de train staa't to makin' thuhty miles a houah, Zack
poke his haid outen de window an' say, "Dawg gone!" Dey was a
preachuh settin' nex' to 'im in de train; so when he say dis de preachuh
stop readin' de paper he hab in his han' an' eye Zack rail haa'd, but he
don' say nothin'.
Putty soon de train staa't to makin' fo'ty miles a houah. Zack stick
his haid outen de window again an' say, "Gawd dawg!" De preachuh
105
stop readin' de paper an' eye Zack again, an' dis time he say, "LiT
boy, don't you know hits wrong to use bad language?" Zack eye
de preachuh, but he don' gib 'im no ansuh.
Fin'ly de train staa't to meckin' fifty miles a houah, an' dis time,
Zack poke his haid way outen de window so he kin see de engine
goin' 'roun' de curve, an' yell, "Gawd damn!"
"LiT boy," say de preachuh, "youse goin' straight to hell."
"Ah don' gib a damn," say Zack; "Ah's got a 'roun' trip ticket."
Little Tom and the One-eyed Preacher
H CALLS TO MIN' a cropper what was croppin' on de ole Bryan
A plannuhtation by de name of Big Tom Moore. Big Tom hab a
wife, Mariah, what sorta off in de bean, an' a boy what done rech eight
yeahs old an' crowdin' nine dat dey called LiT Tom. Dat paa't of de
plannuhtation what Big Tom crop on was rat on de banks of de Big
Brazos, an' de liT ole shack what he lived in ain't no mo'n a stone's
th'ow from de wattuh's edge. LiT Tom spen' mos' of his time goin'
down to de rivuh an' lookin' at de mud cats and perches swimmin'
'roun' in de wattuh, stickin' his han' down in de wattuh, an' grabbin'
han'fuls of clay an' meckin' mud houses, an' mud mules, an' hogs, an'
COWS.
LiT Tom ain't got no brothuhs an' sistuhs to play wid lack de rest
of de liT ole chilluns on de plannuhtation; so he sorta lonesome all de
time, an' teck de rivuh an' de mud outen hit for company keepers, 'caze
his mammy, Mariah, ain't in no wise fitten for a company keepuh. She
turrible mean to de liT ole boy. Ah calls to min' one day when Mariah
hab to go down to de commissary to git a basket of groc'ies dat she
leave a churn full of buttuhmilk she done churned in de churn, wid de
top off, an' she tell LiT Tom to keep a watch on de churn while she
gone for de groc'ies. But LiT Tom don' keep Bich good watch, 'cane he
wanna go down to de rivuh an' meek mud houses; so while he settin'
dere lookin' outen de door to'a'ds de rivuh an' wishin' he was down
dere, a k
Mariah d
all de mil
When
de churn 11
an' say,
LiT T,
at his ma
"A fly
"What r
Dis he.
be; so n(
down to
Well,
be a big
befo' on
'im a mu
togethuh
done fini
he goes c
man.
But I
washed I
down to
so he sta,
his man.
what, Tc
man der(
man." S(
'roun' Li
evuhbod,
Someh
Sunday i
preachut
say, "At
106
dere, a big fly buzzed in de window an' lit in de buttuhmilk what
Mariah done lef' in de churn. LiT Tom jumps up rail quick an' th'ows
all de milk outen de churn outen de back door.
When Mariah comed back she tuck a look in de churn an' seed dat
de churn was empty so she turnt to LiT Tom an' teck him to task,
an' say, "What you do wid all de milk, Tom?"
LiT Tom tuck his hands from out under his chin, looked straight up
at his mammy, an' say, "A fly falled in hit an' Ah th'owed hit all out."
"A fly falled in hit an' you th'owed hit all out!" yelled his mammy.
"What you do dat for? A fly couldn't drink much."
Dis heah go to show you how big a fool Mariah, LiT Tom's mammy,
be; so no wonder de liT boy wanna git 'way from de house an' go
down to de rivuh all de time.
Well, time rolled on, an' time rolled on till one time hit comed to
be a big rainy season in de Bottoms, an' dere was mo' mud dan evuh
befo' on de rivuh banks. So one day LiT Tom 'cided he gonna meck
'im a mud man, rail life size, so he work all day puttin' de mud man
togethuh, but dark comed and ketched him wid his work undone. He
done finished wid de man 'cep'n he ain't put but one eye in his haid, so
he goes on home an' 'cides to come back de nex' day an' finish his mud
man.
But dat night dey corned a big cloud burs' an' de rivuh riz up an'
washed LiT Tom's mud man away. De nex' day when LiT Tom went
down to de rivuh to finish his man he couldn't fin' hide nor hair of 'im,
so he staa'ts to boo-hooin' an' runs home an' tells his pappy 'bout losin'
his man. His pappy try to quiet de liT boy; so he say, "Ah tells you
what, Tom, when you goes to chu'ch Sunday, mebbe you kin fin' yo'
man dere; de fuss man you sees at chu'ch Sunday wid one eye, dat's yo' _ man." So dis ease LiT Tom's min' a liT an' when Sunday rolled
'roue' LiT Tom was rat on de front seat of de chu'ch house watchin'
evuhbody what comed in de door.
Somehow de Lord fixed hit so de preachuh what was preachin' dat
Sunday was a one-eyed man. So LiT Tom was so happy when de
preachuh stan' up an staa't de servus he don' know what to do. He
say, "Ah done fin' mah man, lack pappy say." So evuh time de
107
preachuh'd stan' up LiT Tom would stan' up; when de preachuh
would raise a song, LiT Tom would raise a song; when de preachuh
would set down, LiT Tom would set down; when de preachuh would
call on somebody to pray, LiT Tom would call on somebody to pray.
So fin'ly, de preachuh gits mad. He eye LiT Tom rail mean lack
an' say, "Look a heah, boy, what in de worl's de matter wid you? Evuh
time Ah stan's up, you stan's up; evuh time Ah sets down, you sets
down; evuh time Ah raises a song, you raises a song; evuh time Ah
calls on somebody to pray, you calls on somebody to pray. Now if'n
you don' stop actin' a fool Ah'm gonna put you outen dis church
house."
"You ain't gonna do no sich a thing," 'lows LiT Tom; "you b'longs
to me an' you gonna do what Ah say do. Now, what Ah wants to know
is, huccome you lef' from down to de rivuh befo' Ah finished you?"
Deacon Jones' Bo ys and the Greedy Preacher
TWO OF DE FAITHFULES' CHU'CH MEMBUHS Ah evuh seed, what
git dat thing lack de Word say git hit, was Deacon Henry Jones
an' his wife Sarah what b'long to de liT ole Baptis' chu'ch down to
Wild Horse Slew. An' you talkin' 'bout a woman what could cook-
dat was Sarah. She hab de reputation for bein' de bes' chicken fryer in
de whole Bottoms; so de pastuh of de liT ole church whar she ,b'long
allus hab de vis'tin' preachuhs to eat Sunday dinnuh an' suppuh wid
Deacon Jones, so Sarah kin fix 'em some of dem fine chicken dinnuhs
de whole Bottom's talkin' 'bout.
Deacon Jones hab two liT sebun-yeah-ole boys what was twinses dat
sho' was glad when de preachuhs comed to dey house for Sunday din-
nuh, 'raze dey knows dey gonna git some good ole juicy drum sticks
for dinnuh dat day. Sarah allus 'low dese liT ole boys to set at de table
wid dey mammy an' pappy an' de preachuh, 'caze dey ack nice an' don'
cut up. Dey's putty good liT ole boys an' don' raise no rukus lack lots
of younguns in de Bottoms when preachuhs comed to dey house to eat.
But Ah
comed frc
sen's him
So when S
de blessin
tuh an' p
twinses, E
to wash d
thoo; so
chicken p
chicken, n
stop chav
mean lacl
gravy's gc
Dat vet
uh comed
he saddle
cloth tabl
far till yo
cookin' a
preachuh
an' Bobb}
suppuh ar
When
an' called
'dout lool
de blessin
chicken b
neither, sc
When]
de table ai
108
But Ah calls to min' one Sunday mawnin' when a big black preachuh
comed from way somewhars to de chu'ch to preach, an' de pastuh
sen's him to eat wid Deacon Jones an' Sarah, lack he allus been doin'.
So when Sarah done put de victuals on de table, and de deacon done say
de blessin's, dis big black preachuh rech ovah an' tuck de chicken plat-
tuh an' pou'ed evuh las' piece of de chicken in his plate. De li'1'
twinses, Bubbuh an' Bobby, was late gittin' to de table 'cane dey hab
to wash dey ban's an' faces in de wash pan attuh de grown folks git
thoo; so when dey comed to de table an' set down an' looked at de
chicken plattuh an' seed dat hit was empty, dey says, "Whar's de
chicken, mammy?" But de preachuh don' gib Sarah time to ansuh. He
stop chawnkin' on a good ole juicy drumstick, eye de li'1' boys rail
mean lack, pints his finguh at de gravy bowl, an' say, "Eat gravy;
gravy's good."
Dat ver' same Sunday attuh de chu'ch servuses dat night, de preach-
uh comed back to Deacon Jones' house for'nothuh chicken dinnuh'fo'
he saddle his horse an' go way somewhar. Sarah hab a long red oil
cloth table cloth on de table what hang all de way down to de flo' so
far till you can't see unnerneaf hit to save yo' life; so while Sarah was
cookin' a hoe-cake in de skillet in de kitchen an' Deacon Jones an' de
preachuh was washin' dey ban's an' faces on de back gall'ry, Bubbuh
an' Bobby tuck de plattuh full of chicken Sarah hab on de table for
suppuh an' ca'ied hit under de table wid 'em an' et hit all up.
When de hoe-cake got done, Sarah tuck hit an' put hit on de table
an' called Henry an' de preachuh to come to suppuh; so in dey comes
'dout lookin' on de table, an' say de blessin's. When dey Bits thoo wid
de blessin's, de preachuh looks down in de middle of de table wbar de
chicken be at dinnuh time, but he don' see no chicken or plattuh
neither, so he say, "Sister Sarah, whar's de chicken?"
When he say dis, Bubbuh an' Bobby sticks dey ha-ids out from undah
de table an' say, "Eat gravy, Elduh; gravy's good."
109
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(Continued from back page)
meetings at Toronto, Yale, The Library of Con-
gress, and many other leading institutions. He
has also been the only Negro member of the
American Folklore Conference, which he has
addressed on two occasions, and has served on
the Executive Committee of the National Folk-
lore Conference for American Youth.
A native of Goliad, Texas, J. Mason Brewer
was educated in the public schools of Fannin
and Austin, and at Wiley College, Marshall,
Texas. In between teaching positions with the
public schools of Austin, Fort Worth, Dallas,
and Shreveport, he continued his education,
earning the degree of Master of Arts from the
University of Indiana. In 1944-45 he taught at
Clafflin College, Orangeburg, S. C. Since 1945
he has been a member of the faculty of Huston-
Tillotson College (formerly Samuel Huston Col-
lege) in Austin, where he now holds the posi-
tion of chairman of the division of English Lan-
guage and Literature. In 1951 he was awarded
the degree of Doctor of Literature by Paul
Quinn College, Waco.
It was in 1932 that J. Mason Brewer's first
publication of folk tales took place. His work
was brought to the attention of J. Frank Dobie,
secretary of the Texas Folklore Society, and a
collection of forty stories appeared in the Soci-
ety's annual publication under the title of "June-
teenth." Mr. Dobie's influence and that of Dr.
Stith Thompson of the University of Indiana
have been strong in shaping Mr. Brewer's sub-
sequent career.
"Juneteenth" has been followed by a long
series of publications in leading popular and
scholarly journals, and several books of folklore
and verse, including Humorous Folktales of the
South Carolina Negro.
In addition to the American Folklore Society
Mr. Brewer holds membership in a number of
scholarly and folklore groups. He has been the
recipient of grants from the General Education
Board and the American Philosophical Society
which have enabled him to carry forward his
principal life work - the development of a
major anthology of the authentic folklore of the
old-time American Negro.
UNIVERSITY OF TEXAS PRESS
PR"SBYTEBIAN
3a11n
mtograph bs 'ii Barnes
About the Author
JOHN MASON BREWER is a man with a mission. More completely than any other
American he has dedicated his life to the preservation of the fast-vanishing cultural
heritage which is the peculiar treasure of the American Negro.
The only Negro ever to serve on the Council of the American Folklore Society
or on its Research Committee, T. Mason Brewer has addressed [Continued on back flap
ets
tz
Mason
Brewer
TEXAS
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