HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Word on the BrazosE II :i , {j l 1I
The WORD
on the BRAZOS
V11-flt /'tlt t
on the
A & M COLLEGE OF TEXAS
�s3
J. MASON BREWER
Foreword by J. FRANK DOBIE
Illustrations by RALPH WHITE, JR.
1953. University of Texas Press. Austin
Negro Preacher Tales
from the Brazos Bottoms of Texas
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To the memory of
PINCKNEY MITCHELL AND JOE BREWER
my grandfathers, who were both wagoners, hauling farm tools and
implements, hardware, lumber, drugs, dry goods, groceries, and
notions from Victoria, Texas, to merchants in Goliad and Mission
Refugio long before the railroads came,
and to my father
J. H. BREWER,
a cowboy and assistant foreman, who drove cattle from the Santa
Rosa, or Media Luna Ranch, owned by Colonel D. R. Fant, to Fort
Supply in the Indian Territory during trail driving days.
It was from the lips of these three that I heard, as a child, fasci-
nating and dramatic stories of early life in Texas. From them stemmed
the resolution that some day I would collect and record some of the
Texas Negro's folk tales.
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A Word on The Word
By
J. FRANK DOBIE
J MASON BREWER is not a seventh son of a seventh son and he
makes no claim to special luck or wisdom; just the same, he has a
feeling for seven. He was strong on having the tales in this book num-
ber a multiple of seven; they number fifty -six. He began collecting
Negro folk tales twenty -eight years ago, and seven will evenly divide
1953, the year of final publication. His first publication of Negro tales
was twenty -one years ago, in 1932.
My interest in him and his work goes back to that year. I was then
secretary of the Texas Folklore Society and editor of its annual publi-
cations. One Sunday morning in the fall a stranger called me over
the telephone, gave his name, and said he had collected a large
number of Negro folk tales reflective of slavery times. I invited him
to meet me in my office, which was in the old Main Building, later de-
molished, of the University of Texas. It was very quiet there on Sun-
days, and things would come to a man's mind. Brewer brought his
manuscript in a cardboard box. I began reading at once and by the
time I had read two or three tales knew that their author had some-
thing genuine and delightful. Getting the dialect consistent and cor-
rectly marked required an enormous amount of editorial labor, but
vii
that fall we published forty tales under the title of " Juneteenth" in
the volume entitled Tone the Bell Easy (Publications X of The Texas
Folklore Society) .
During the twenty -one years that I acted as editor for the Texas
Folklore Society hundreds of contributions came to hand, but in my
estimation "Juneteenth" stands out with only three others as the fresh-
est, most original, and most significant. The tales in "Juneteenth" and
those in The Word on the Brazos complement each other, both in so-
ciological values and in charm.
Some treatments of folklore that are without charm have impor-
tance, but none without it is primary. As literature, Uncle Remus
stands above all comparative studies published on the folk tale. In an
introduction to his collection of Irish Fairy and Folk Tales, William
Butler Yeats wrote: "The various collectors of Irish folklore have,
from our point of view, one great merit, and from the point of view
of others, one great fault. They have made their work literature rather
than science, and told us of the Irish peasantry rather than of the primi-
tive religion of mankind, or whatever else the folklorists are on the gad
after.... They have caught the very voice of the people, the very pulse
of life, each giving what was most noticed in his day."
It must be kept in mind that the day of the Brazos Bottom Negroes
in Mr. Brewer's tales is not the day of President Truman's orders, con-
firmed by President Eisenhower, against segregation in the Armed
Forces. It is not the day when Negro students attend classes in the
University of Texas and, without discrimination, eat meals with stu-
dents of other skin pigmentation in the University Commons. The
time is generally the last third of the 19th century, coming down oc-
casionally to that of automobile swiftness. Ways of work and play, sin
and religion, acting and thinking, saying and not saying, of post -
slavery Negroes are almost unconsciously brought out by these tales.
One of their outstanding qualities is the charm of literalness, a con-
comitant not constant to literal people and writing. "Gawd am evuh-
whars," the preacher iterated, in swaying rhythm specifying valley,
hillside, rivers, clouds, post -oak thicket, Brazos Bottoms. "Elduh, is he
in mah pocket ?" little David jumped up to ask. "Sho, he's in yo'
viii
puc kel." "Youse a liah." David's "mammy -made pants" didn't have a
pocket.
l lode Beverley, who had been a slave as boy, and who learned to
rend, he said, by praying and leaving the Bible open under his pillow,
earned his living when I knew him long ago by preaching and carrying
clothes in a rickety one -horse shay to and from washer- women. There
was no vagueness in Uncle Beverley's preview of heaven. He knew
exactly how he would look — "white like you is "— sitting close to the
golden throne of God at the Banquet of the Saints. He knew how the
white- clothed table, piled high with chicken and other blessings,
would look, and he knew how many guests would be seated at it-
1 80,000, "according to His Word."
The naivete, the simplicity, the faith, the charm of this literalness!
Bud Gregg (in "Brother Gregg Identifies Himself ") was a sinful man
who habitually hunted and fished on Sunday, but his wife got him to
c lunch one Sunday and the preacher recognized the event by calling
upon hint In lead in prayer. I lc really did not have anything to say to
die 1.0rd 110 impediment either to any modern loud prayer over the
radio but he had to say something. He began by remembering that
he was a stranger to the Lord and that there were a lot of other Ne-
groes in the Mount Zion community named Gregg.
"Lawd," he called out, "Ah reckon Ah bettuh tell you who Ah is
befo' Alt staa'ts dis prayer. Ah ain't John Gregg, de one what kin pick
eight hunnud poun's of cotton when he teckin' one row at a time; Ah
ain't Jim Gregg, de one what plays de fiddle an' de banjo evuh Saddy
night for de platform dances, an' Ah ain't Tom Gregg, de one what
stealed his boss -man's bes' pair of mules one Sunday night an' sunned
off way somewhars. Ah'm Ole Man Gregg, de one what shoots de gun
so good."
The faith of a mustard seed could not go beyond this. It belongs to
primitive imagination, an imagination that sees the white teeth of a
skeleton ghost gleaming in the light of a kerosene lantern and that has
absolutely nothing to do with the rational. Considering elemental
imagination of this character and the portraying power of elemental
poets, Macaulay came to the sorrowful conclusion that "as civilization
ix
advances, poetry almost necessarily declines." If, however, nothing
beyond what is called civilization threatened poetry, lovers of it today
would have scant reason for fearing its decay.
Picturesqueness in speech is a phase of imagination playing on the
concrete, and The Word on the Brazos is sprinkled with words and
phrases fresh out of the earth: "de sumpin' -to -eat question," the "don' -
care bandwagon," "one -eyed gravy," "Beck time" (the time of Old
Beck, the mule), "going to hell head fo'most," too ignorant to "know
big wood from brush," "he jes kept his potato trap shet an' don' say a
mumblin' word." "Sinner man" is more concrete and visualizable than
the abstraction sinner, just as "the poor people" specified in acts of the
mediaeval parliament of Scotland connotes more of humanity than
"underprivileged" or "masses in the lower income brackets."
As in the ancient ballads of the Scottish border, the most economical
compositions in English literature, there is no comment about life.
Tragedy in the ballads rides, walks, sails:
Saddled and bridled and booted rode he,
A plume in his helmet, a sword at his knee.
To home came his saddle, all ,bloody to see,
Oh, home came his good horse, but never came he.
In "The Mulatto Boys and the Religious Test," five young mulattoes
white enough to pass the color line run away from poorly paid field
work and get fine - paying jobs in a cotton gin, which hires whites only.
But they are betrayed and put to a test that involves their deference to
God and not the skins inherited from their white grandpappies. They
fail the tests, "an' de bossman say, 'You Nigguhs bettuh drag on back
to Eloise, an' dat in a hurry, too.' " That's the end of the telling.
Sometimes, it appears that the highest form of art is artless. But one
can never be sure that the apparently artless artist is unconscious either
of his art or his artlessness. One of the old -time Negro sayings was:
"White man never knows what's inside black man above his mouth."
That depends on how sensitive and intelligent the white man is. A
x
11111e hay without brother or sister was "sorta lonesome all de time, an'
he le( k de rivuh an' de mud outen hit for company - keepers." Is this
nit less Perhaps some art, and that not of a low order, is instinctive.
Sal ire is perhaps never unconscious. The simplest forms of it come
flout mother wit. The satire in "White and Black Theology" could
cosily be extended to the reliance on degrees in the American education
aystrm; that in "The I Lipped Man and the Speaking Meeting,"
to the casuistry, which insults intelligence and flatters ignorance, in
arguments by modern mountebanks.
The essence of all the tales is humanity. There is truly a galaxy of
preachers supplemented by such Ameners as Sister Rosie, crying out,
"Ride, salvation, ride," until the collection hat was announced, when
she shouted, "Walk, salvation, walk." Here are Sin - Killer Jackson
and I lot winch Johnson; hider Joshua Dennis, who could pick about a
Ihoirtiacici pounds of cotton every day and whom the plantation owner
ordained to 'treat Il because he'd stress "work haa'd an' 'bey yo' boss
man" and tall th lucucls, "All dat a Ni ;;1;ull needs is a bad row, a
hllJllp hue and a mean boss "; Elder Sanford, who preached a sermon
about "Vvllhlhing ant is, was, an' evuhthing dat ain't, ain't never
►rlint I►r;" hl,Irr Jasper Jackson, big, black, six feet and seven
Inc hes tall, who habitually began his sermon by saying, "Brothuhs an'
Skluhs, All is henh; All didn' ride on hossback; Ah corned on a mule ";
ieviv,clists /;wetly to take away "some of dat good ole Brazos Bottoms
c nl ton pi( hill' mon ey "; the 01(1 war -time moderator, displaced for a
yu educated preacher, who, after likening his successor to a gold
fish, said, "All ncuuf;ht gib out, but All ain't in no wise evuh gonna gib
up "; Ihr happy bellied elder who upon being asked what was his fa-
Vol ite purl oI the c hic hen replied, "Alt larks the breas' an' all the res'."
Humanity never gels outdated, but modernity is here too. Elder
Waller was preaching on the good -for- nothingness of the younger
Arielaliun and Sisllrh Flora I tanks was shouting, "Tell de tru£!"
";Iprnlc nutrn yo' sold !" ;u Id 01 her cIIConnra f;ements. "Yeah, dey's goin'
to hell In Cadillac's, dey's join' Ill hell in Packards, dey's goin' to hell
4th Nicks, dey's I;uin' to I l l in l )udr;c.s," Elder Waller went on in the
Ilrr
'mental I 'prliiiu ass nl■rlll1er of ballad makers until Sistuh Flora
xi
Hanks jumped up shouking, "Well, mah boy'll be back, 'caze he's goin'
n a T -Model Fo'd."
Soon the T -Model Ford will need the same kind of explanatory foot -
iote that "Beck time" r1ow needs, but the Sister Floras and the Elder
Wailers won't need ex plaining any more than Chaucer's Wife of Bath
nd Pardoner do. Whey human beings are transplanted right off the
;round into print they " 'splain dere selfs."
xi i
The Preacher and His Farmer Brother
AI II nnwl( lrinents
A W1111I 1111 The II
1111 1 111 1111 1 11 01
Contents
161 Reli,eion
I'lll 1'11 and Ilk Finnic( ItI
9
A 1 1 141 c ,111 10
I 11 (,11111 1111 III, I 111111 II 11
Hill, r „II', ',IIII,Idy Nljllll iI'I1n1In 12
„0 I IIIII4%) I I 't'1„ ( mil) 14
II I I. I1111' , I Inn' III 1 X11 ;0(1 15
III 1, I, n,l I 111, 1 I'«1 (1111 ilnnivcl'sary Scrmon 17
( Il(vli1. ,ul,l ti A issionary 19
1111 I ,1l „I 111' 11111 1' I ,II Ilcrs 21
.v'., 22
Ill, W1 , n1� 11I,In in Ili,' (:1111111 22
WIInt
1\/li11n1 IIiil,11,I 1;111'W 23
While 111111 II ,ll I, 'Ili,'illn�:y 25
How IHI►Icr Salim. I., Waa Saved 26
MINI( +I' I,1to and III( Ncw 1'1(1111( 28
I IIIIItly'N 1;1111(1 uu(I �ullj {nuvll Illy 30
►Inlllty IIIrnlilicw I 32
nip/ 11,1.1, (1o//verr /0// Church Meetings
I'i t II,I hi d II, I ?l Will and 1114 Y(1unp, Wife 34
4 111, I, 1 ,In 4 Ih• Sign of thy Sllnotinj{ Star 39
111,1, 1 I 11111 and III, I.illl( Wllilc Man 40
'111 II II,II. 111' III Illy I ,11 I'AnIily 42
vi
vii
1
The Hare - lipped Man and the Speaking Meeting
- The Moderator and the Alligator
The Preacher Who Walked on Water
The Trustee Board and the Cuspidor
Why Abe Brown Went to the Revival
The OId Moderator's Farewell Message
The Complaining Church Sister
Sister Sadie Washington's Littlest Boy
Uncle Charlie Gets Directions
Good Religion
A Sermon, a Cat, and a Churn
The Preacher Who Asked Too Many Questions
'The Haunted Church and the Sermon on Tithing
The Lord Answers Sister Milly's Prayer
The Oxen and the Denominations
The Preacher Who Talked in His Sleep
The Sunday School Scholar and the Pastor
The Mulatto Boys and the Religious Test
Scott Mission Methodist Church Gets a Full -time Pastor
Heaven and Hell
Why the Guardian Angel Let the Brazos Bottom Negroes
;' The Baptist Negroes in Heaven
The Pole That Led to Heaven
Who Can Go to Heaven
Little Jim Lacey's Desires
Why So Many Negroes Are in Heaven
Good Friday in Hell
John's Trip to Hell
Uncle Si, His Boss -man, and Hell
Preachers and Little Boys
Little David's Question
Gabriel and the Elder's Coat
Heaven and the Post Office
Little Ned and the Sweet Potato Pie
Reverend Black's Gifts from Heaven
The Sinner Man's Son and the Preacher
Little Tom and the One -eyed Preacher
Deacon Jones's Boys and the Greedy Preacher
xi
43
45
46
47
48
50
52
54
56
61
63
64
67
68
69
71
72
74
Sleep 81
82
83
85
86
87
88
90
92
97
98
100
102
103
104
106
108
I In I Ilrnra+
Illustrations
I lu Jib , 1„'r and J III I+rrt+r'r Ilriillir t'
Ills Iii 1 i++ul Ilm '�IIr ++ ul Iln ';liuidin Sin
I'lu' 1', pn In l 11'I+si AA' NIiu+y (1u+ ^+liuny
`MIA (111d1'IIIIIII Alio I iii i Il+r II+,+'nis IIu(luttl Negroes
IllIn I)I(vI+I'M Q11(1111,11
Endpapers
Opposite page
9
40
64
81
97
I ( 11, Pi II 1■11 1 I I .0 , 1 Hi-, IIII' (,1111111)' III Christ. Long before
ii ,1 1,1 u, • .,, II,,,,,, , ,I11•I 111,II',I, IIIr' d I ols1 rative tale was
I 1 1 I, 11 1 n , ■ I ■ 11.111 I, ,1I 111 , III,I,I`'I',I I() illustrate or
.11-1 , 1 , 1 1 . 1 I H i m ' I I u' titnventh to the
,,1 IIII ',•' IIIUI'alizing tales and
, I I I, y I , I ,• ,I 111 11111'1' 1u'4'II I111)Ic i,l0pular than
, .I 11,1 11'14• 111 111(' ('xrnlillum in the
„1 ,1 1 I,,,,, lu„ „ I .11110 111111 111 Illc fourlccnth century
I I H , 11I■ Ir1SiMI( 1..I „'.1111',1 11 by Chaucer, Dante,
I I 1,,, „.I „Iln I „ 1111 1,1Otcst against its use
, 1 , „ I 1 I , . , 1 , 1 , 1 , I „ 1 1 1 I , I I , 1 1 1 , .1 I , '11111 ('cnlary, the exem-
I I ,,, „ 1",11, 111 111, 1 n „I 111,1 4)11111C European continent
..) ,u,•, ,1 ,,, 1 111 I I
:r,,,,! , 1111, h
11 III. I i,,,I „I ,l.11, II 1, 111,11 III(' (unllil'ions necessary
I I ,11., II, „1. 111111 1111,1 1.11„ , ,, I'll(' 111',f' {I!•IIII1. here exempla
1111, 1 I ' n„ I oh 111 III ,, , I I II1.11 I„11' 1I I1OW(_'1'Iul agents in
„I I 1 ,,,i,,,,1 II ( I111',11,111 1111(1tinc. The sending
I , ,,, ', I,1,, I,, \I11, I. 1 111 1111 )1,11 I //I II) 1)rl)p;tgatethefaith
I I I,,, I. , 111,1,1„ III it •,1 1111 1 Ir';Illug a situation
II,,1 Inn„1 ,1 I II. II „ 1 , 1111 111 (III'. IIIII11IIy,
, 1„ 111,1, 111,1111,11, ;1',11u1y and the frontier preachers
1
associated with him learned that the best way to hold their audiences
was by the frequent use of anecdote. Lorenzo Dow, who was dele-
gated to expand the work of Methodism in the South, was also aware
of the practicality of the use of the comic tale as a means of impress-
ing the congregations to which he spoke. Dow's contemporaries of the
Baptist and other creeds likewise adopted the anecdote as a device
for clinching a sermonly point.
Dow and his fellow - ministers spoke principally to plantation own-
ers and other whites, but in many instances slaves were permitted to
attend religious services along with their masters and mistresses.
Consequently, when the slaves were freed and began to establish
churches of their own, there were some among them who not only
knew enough about the Bible to interpret it but were able also to
support their beliefs with appropriate tales.
Granted that Negro religious tales fail in many instances to con-
form to the pattern of the traditional exempla and fall short of the
requirements that would qualify them to be classed with the moraliz-
ing, or illustrative, tale of antiquity, it must still be conceded that they
have one characteristic in common with this particular genre of folk -
narrative —the attribute of entertainment.
The term "preacher tale" was widely used by Negroes when re-
ferring to their religious anecdotes. It included both stories told by
preachers in the pulpit and those related about preachers.
Although now in a period of decline as a pulpit device, preacher
tales are still in the living tradition of the Negro. They are still told
to some extent in pulpits by Negro preachers and in Negro homes
by parents to their children. They are also told on trains, buses, and
street corners, and in barber shops and taverns by church and non -
church -going Negro folk. Naturally, however, they thrive more abun-
dantly in certain remote recesses of the South than in other areas.
The sea - islands of South Carolina, the Florida East Coast, and the
Brazos River Bottoms of Texas provide the most fertile fields for the
collector.
In the lower Brazos Valley of Texas, where the plantation culture
of the old South flourished, a large number of religious anecdotes
2
P
WON 1IMV Itt. t lty Nrhttlrtt, Itut Ihry must ditto have acquired a wealth
ill liar Inblll (ho wllllcn, ntnl r ninny of Ilse (ales of this vicinity are
48111 01 Illitillplionll Mundt Amok ll, The vrimions in this collection,
hotyrVt +I, Intva lira 1ho1ol0Jtllly 1011(1tt'tI (o Ihr rrltion and reflect ac-
ell`AItIIy 11111 1111 l,l uhilr'in 01141 uIl iiiIi'S of n Nr1;tu generation now
pulling hum Ills Nrr'r,
li11001P4 troll''( Noltio ph I wi toles, till houl;h humorous in nature,
Altllllltl null In'vey thte ilea Iltui Ihr Iir;v.os Bottom Negro preacher
Autl IIIN 11IIInwrin wrrr showmen or that they did not take their re-
IIMIllll NoiIntIMIy, Ilui#os (b■itom Negroes were devout and sincere
C1111111111114 dlld'411011y weir t he esstaa e of humility, even though their
1'.I14l0l4 htlptt wilt(' illten not iiitdl in I lilt me. These tales followed the
Iulllrilll III d IIOIIIIhn lolls tole Type lound in (lie oral literatures of
iiillt.l t'Ilulll 11II1110, uuunnrly Ihr (lime( ttnrttlulc -a device invented
by ibp 111iAJtt44 J+r ballpoint their' k'tt+ lets and ,superiors. The preacher
WO diIIdyu Iur«tmll Ibis Iu ltilowlrtlltrtl liftIi'i In the Negro community,
dull III NIIIII 110 huh !won putt hull ;ill ill 'bony witty stories told by his
ftlifi11V11111 I i` it% 1064 n odd otlll'l{ "illy Word" out the Brazos are in-
III0I11111M I III 111141)110 nl lolls empic',sMiiiiI.
r I)M I111,1 Ili Ilm 111041111 , ollrl I IIIII wrrr t 1tllrtl in the bottom lands
1111IIIP bitiihM III Ihr IIIIIIIN Ithvt'r in (;ural and South Texas.
thiutiHNP ill III(' I ri l ll ll y of Ihr 4111( ill (Ills Se( I ion, pioneers were early
NIIIdr1M1l III Nnlllr holy will rnlulllinh extensive plantations. Stephen F.
I Amalfi Illtinlull his hint !amines wound Washington, on the Brazos
IIIVMI I llhtn Nrtllrnuiuils soon billowed, and almost simultaneously
1.1IvV.11114,1 wow 1111110w ell (o plant, titivate, and harvest the crops.
t 1 1 IIN11 Ills Nt+4I1I Ibattllnr+ a 14111 of Ihr lontl, worked it, and drew life
Ism H N u ltr III' Illy lrtiµrsl plantations in this district were located
ikt. 11t %'gilt, 111tltt.ttnttit, Ms Ic'tuu414, Ittl4 Itrni.os, and Washington
f't11111IINN.
'I'IIN Pk MI11Vti who Irlitolnwtl on Iii hive'(' Bottom plantations
Wlltir tI 11tiurs wren given Own Heelb on pine 19, 1865, were be-
IlwYrnl by No111ot n 11 in lithe' 'tilt Iitltln 111 'I'rxas to be the most
1111110 111., I8II111I11P, (tutu uulnllt•tlled Nrl;tot'n in the slate. A common ex-
1;11140101 11181811; "'moll Nogio I 111111101 several decades ago, when
1
they wanted to poke fun at their playmates for being ignorant, was,
"You mus' be from de Brazos Bottoms," or `You ack jes' lack a Brazos
Bottom Nigguh."
In spite of the conditions that produced this sarcasm, many Negroes
of the Brazos Bottoms overcame the stigma and achieved distinction.
L. K. Williams, world - renowned Baptist leader, is perhaps the out-
standing example of Negro leadership that emerged from this section.
L. K. Williams, the story goes, was a gambler in his youth, and in
spite of appeals from his father, a Baptist deacon, to join the church
and become a Christian, continued to spend his Sundays on the
banks of the Brazos River shooting dice with other wayward Negroes.
Elderly Negroes still living in the Brazos Bottoms say that they re-
member the very Sunday that young Williams decided to give up
"worldly ways" and "put on de armuh of de Lawd." One narrator
of the saga about young Williams' conversion thus describes the
incident:
"We was all listenin' to de preachuh an' jes' beginnin' to feel
de sperrit movin' in our haa'ts, when all of a sudden we heahs a hoss
gallopin' up to'a'ds de chu'chhouse ez fas' ez he kin trot. Evuhbody
wonder what de trouble be an' staa't lookin' outen de windows. Putty
soon dey seed a roan hoss stop out at de fence roun' de chu'chhouse
an' a boy git offen 'im. De boy staa'ted runnin' up to de chu'chhouse
an' when he gits close 'nuff we seed dat hit was L. K. Williams. He
had on his duckins an' dey was dirty ez dey could be an' his hair ain't
been combed, but he runned in de do' straight up to what de preachuh
was preachin' an' say, 'Elduh, ah wants to jine de chu'ch an' be a
Christun.' His pappy was settin' on de front row an' soon as L. K.
said dis his pappy grab 'im an' staa't cryin' an' say, `Bless de Lawd!
Bless de Lawd! Mah prayers done been answered.' From dat day on
L. K. corned to chu'ch all day evuh Sunday, an' putty soon he come to
be a exhorter (dat's a preachuh tryin' to git on foot preachin', you
know) . So putty soon dey calls 'im to pastuh a li'l ole chu'ch, and he
corned to be one of de bes' preachuhs in de Bottoms. Dey say dat de
why he corned an' jined de chu'ch dat Sunday was 'caze he losed all
his money in a dice game down to Falls on de Brazos, and de Lawd
4
{
InP111 IIII I 11urr to 'tut III Ail nlunI 111 his ntuful ways an' live a good
1110"
I IC YYI�I1111111' icloiII 1111111 tllllt
1101011I1),N1 ifiki Irrha Ito bird (froth
N�hl, III AIV V011 on vlll' l'lr'iidr'Ill 111
MIA I►NNIIII 111 Ill('I Rivet Ilal+tisl
Willi WO reputed to have the lay'
1 IIIUI II III Illy wnl ld.
Marlon Killian Ncprors refer to he Bible as "the Word" and
PIIIIIy
1111111111 1111 Inlrpin led comical happenings of the past in-
■+11IvI11'I Ihr pi lain rIntl and Ihr members of the church. Human pleasure
hi 1,1114 mill (lAlvning lu Ihewc• tales accounts for their survival.
Today, In Ow IIIiiiva Itnllo1115, few vestiges of the old plantation
IIIn In'unlln The Iluios Illal Ihrse tales tell about have almost passed
111111 nllllvi11ii Many 1011114 11111Ilrrly oil 'pied by master and slave,
111114 1111(11 Mill 411NIry1 IIippm, Null later by Negro farm managers and
Ih1t1xllnlulN N t.11 u 1 Ny ni I u1►Irll by Ihlllans ( irllunns, Poles and other
tet 1%vi1 I11 °� Wliii manage and win I% 1111'111. Yet, in spite of all
I lIl 111#4, I Allj1NI '111110 ta 1 111 n f ields up and down the Brazos
NIP nllll Will 641 by Nrgtoes, The niigu Brazos Bottom Negro has
if 1IiN 11111 dtA hl flea N liI, rurli hrd II with his dust, and flavored it with
WIINI wP 1 IIII,111 N InuNll srnsr, his( nl fare,
lint(' on was one of goodness and
in an airplane crash some years
the Baptist World Alliance and
Inns h iu Chicago, which at that
'st a entbership of any Protestant
I I I I I I I
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11
de he'p of de Lawd." Den dey moseys on down to de sugah cane patch
an' when de Revun eye dis, he say, "Sid, youse got a putty good cane
patch, by de he'p of de Lawd."
An' when he say dis, Sid eye 'im kinda disgusted lack, an' say,
"Yeah, but you oughta seed hit when de Lawd had it by Hisse'f."
A j ob for God
A H CALLS TO MIN' two han's on de ole Babb plannuhtation on de
Lowuh Brazos what was cuttin' logs on de wes' side of de rivuh
to buil' a bawn on de boss -man's premisus. Dey cut de cypress trees
down on de wes' side an' brung de logs 'cross to de eas' side on a li'l'
ole row boat. Hit wasn't far from de Gulf an' of occasion a alluh-
gattuh corned up in de back wattuh, but dey ain't seed one in dese
paa'ts for quite a spell. Anyhow, dese two han's, Tim Groce an'
Steve Risby, done been to chu'ch de Sunday 'fo' dey staa't to bringin'
de logs crost de rivuh, an' dey heahs Elduh Sample, de pastuh of
Mothuh Mt. Zion Chu'ch, say, "Gawd so lacked de worl' in sich a
way, dat he done sen' de onlies' son he got down to de urf so dat dem
what b'lieve on 'im gonna be saved."
Dat sermon stay on Steve's min'. He don' forgit hit. So Tim an'
Steve been cuttin' down de cypress trees an' bringin' de logs 'cross
de rivuh for four days now, an' dey ain't seed nor heerd tell of no
alluhgatuh yit, but when dey staa't back crost de rivuh wid dey las'
load dat Friday, what was de thirteenth of de mont' —dat's a bad luck
day, you knows — anyways, dey spy sump'n or 'nothuh swimmin'
to'a'ds 'em from de Gulf. "What's dat ?" say Tim. "Looks lack a
allugattuh," say Steve. 'N' sho' 'null, 'fo' you c'd say, "amen," de
alluhgattuh done rech de boat an' turn hit ovuh an' lit out to swim -
min' attuh Steve an' Tim. Tim 'bout to git away, but de alluhgattuh
gamin' on Steve all de time; so Steve calls to min' what de preachuh
say, and he pray:
10
"Gawd, Ah knows youse got a habit of sen'in' yo' son down heah
to do yo' work, but Ah wanna tell you rat now, don' you come
srcc'ini' yo' son down heah now, you come down heah you'se'f, 'caze
savin' me from dis alluhgattuh is a man's job."
Cussing for the Church
y ou KNOW DIiY HAB A SAYIN' in de Bottoms in de ole days dat
de preachuh hab de wustes' chillun in de worl', dat dey was
allus into sump'n or 'nothuh an' was rank sinnuhs. Dey brung many
it Irar to (ley ripples' an' mammies' eyes, Ah tells you. Ah calls to
niin' tic nniddicr sizr boy of 1?Iduh Walker, pastuh of de li'l' ole chu'ch
nip to Slrrlr'N slo', De chu'c h hab a haa'd time gittin' on foot, 'caze
clay c lan' be ninny Mrfdk's in ( paa't of de Bottoms. Bubbuh
Walker, dis middle size l of de pastuli's, was a great han' for
I nnaln', Ile mined oil from de plannuhtation time an' time again,
an' allus say:
"Ah wouldn't pick cotton
An' Ah wouldn't pitch hay;
Ah wouldn't do nothin'
Dat a white man say."
I'slduh Walker allus scairt de boss -man gonna light in on 'im an'
skin 'im alive one of dese days, but de boss -man don' nevuh ca'ie on
in dis wise yit. Well, anyways, de chu'ch hab some chairs an' some
carpet for de main chu'ch aisle what dey ain't paid for; so one Mon -
day mawnin', attuh dey done let a payment slip by, de furniture man
coined down from Calvert to Elduh Walker's house an' ast Bubbuh
whar his pappy be. Bubbuh tell 'im he don'' know; so de man say,
"Ah'm gonna teck dis heah carpet an' dese chairs outen de chu'ch."
An' Bubbuh eye 'im rail mean lack an' say, "You ain't gonna teck a
damn thing outen dis heah chu'ch house." Den de man lef' an' tole
l;Iduli Walker an' de trustee boa'd 'bout Bubbuh cussin' 'im out; so
11
de chu'ch boa'd hab a meetin' an' try Bubbuh for usin' bad language.
When dey ast Bubbuh huccome 'im to cuss de white man out, he
say, "Ah was cussin' for de chu'ch." Well sub, dis surprise de boa'd
so bad, dey gives Bubbuh a pawdun for breakin' de chu'ch rule an'
meck 'im de sup'intendunt of de Sunday School.
Elder Lott's Sunday Night Sermon
D OLE TIME PREACHUH was way late gittin' off wid his preachin'
in de Bottoms. De boss -mens allus meck 'em stay off de plan-
nuhtations 'caze dey hol' chu'ch servus too far into de night time. Of
occasion sistuhs an' brothuhs git to shoutin' an' singin' an' a prayin'
till way pas' midnight. Dis heah fashion of ca'ien' on meck 'em tiahed
on a Monday mawnin' an' de boss -mens don' git but pow'ful li'l' work
outen 'em on a Monday; so dey don' relish no chu'ch servus on a Sun-
day night for de ban's. De ban's sing so long some Sunday nights till
dey keep de boss -mens wake an' dey cain't go to sleep dey se'f. You
know dat song what go in dis heah wise:
"White folks go to chu'ch,
He nevuh crack a smile.
Nigguh go to chu'ch
You heah 'im laff a mile."
Well, dat's de gospel truf. Dat's jes' de fashion dey ca'ied on in de
Bottoms, but work corned fuss an' de Word corned secon'.
Oncet dey was a circuit preachuh what was sen' out by de bishop of
de Mefdis' Chu'ch to preach on de plannuhtations up an' down de
Bottoms. He hab a haa'd time gittin' to preach, 'caze de boss -mens don'
relish no preachin' in de cotton pickin' season noways, but fin'ly Elduh
Lott gits up 'nuff courage to go ast Mistuh Gabe Clark, de boss -man
of de ole Clark fawm down to Hearne, to gib him leave way to preach
to de han's on his plannuhtation dat Saddy night an' Sunday mawnin'.
12
11e 'low he ain't gonna preach Sunday night, so de boss -man say go
Omit I, lie reckon, an' hol' de servus. Elduh Lott an' de pastuh's stewart
(de) al lus ca'ied a officer of de chu'ch 'long wid 'em) called a Saddy
night nwetin' an' a Sunday mawnin' meetin', an' de han's git so happy
tin' shout so good an' ca'ie on so till dey plans a meetin' for Sunday
night clown in de pasture what 'bout two mile from de Big House.
Kit's cotton pickin' time an' de ham's am pullin' big drag sacks evuh
dtiy; so (ley hates a li'l' money in dey pockets rat now, an' dey 'vides up
wid (lc preachuh right smaa't. Elduh Lott lack dis heah fashion dey
got tin' he wanna ca'ie all de money he kin outen de Bottoms while
1111 I;iul's ant good. So de Lawd be praised if'n he didn't call de Sunday
Iliglll meet in' sho' ' Huff an' put a wash pot wid de outside turnt to'a'ds
de boss nl,u1's house so de soup' of de singin' an' shoutin' cain't be
heel
■ I. I le hob a cousin' mectin', but hit so happen dat de boss -man an'
((tn mutt 'teen viMitin' a neig111)0•i11' plannuhtationl an' dey rides back
I10nie 0n 11e 011en ride 01 de 1101 an' hc•ahs all dis noise; so dey rides up
III 1I1 1,11.111Ie ill 11e 1 111W1 tin ttc111■IIs 0111, " 1)Idn ' Ah tell y'all not to
h1111 till pit iu inn' on it Sunday IIrghl ?
I ►e111111 n1 till tilts an Ithluh I. oll an de pastuh's stewart staa'tsto
oilmen' Thou de cutlun latch, de boss -man an' his son rat behin' 'em.
till Ile boss limit's buss cain't git thou de barbwire fences lack de elduh
tin' de lastuh's stewart; so dey runs 'bout a mile an' sets down on a
!dump to res Rut 'fo' you kin say, "amen," dey looks up an' heah
1 onles de boss -man an' his son wid dey cap an' balls a shootin' at de
elduh an' de pastuh's stewart; so de elduh an' de stewart dey lit out to
lnnuin' again an' dey loses sight of de boss -man an' his son anothuh
I inu . Rut 'fo' dey sets down good dey looks up de cow trail an' see de
buss elan an' his son ridin' fas' to'a'ds 'em, jes' a shootin' to beat de
bail', so (Icy lit out to runnin' again. De pastuh's stewart say to Elduh
I.ott, "We sho' has a haa'd time, Elduh. Does you reckon Gawd know
how 1w bad dese white folks is treatin' us down heah ?"
"Sho', he know," say Elduh Lott, a runnin' an' a pantin'. "He jes'
don' give a damn."
13
God Throws a Tree Limb
H IT TAKES LOTS OF PATIENCE to deal wid a sinnuh at de mounah's
bench. Dey hab a haa'd time comin' thoo, 'caze dey ain't yit
ready to jar loose from dey sinful acks. Hit don' matter how pulpit -
wise a preachuh be, he hab a job on his han's gittin' de haa'd - haa'ted
sinnuh man to settle on de chu'ch. Ah calls to min' a Ilan' offen de ole
Cole plannuhtation by de name of Pink Jackson. He de bigges' cotton
picker on de plannuhtation, but he de rankes' sinnuh, lackwise, an'
'sides dat he kinda simple- minded too.
His wife an' chilluns .b'long to de Bethesda Baptis' Chu'ch down to
Reagan, an' dey very upset 'bout Pink. He know how to git de cotton
togethuh for de boss -man, but he cain't hitch hosses wid de Lawd. He
know hit bes' to teck one row o' cotton at a time an' to ca'ie a light
drag so's to pick de most poun's of cotton, but he don' know you got
to hab a clear conscience to git rail converted an' be save. De preachuh
work wid Pink evuh way he know how, but Pink don' chance to come
thoo.
Fin'ly, one night, though, Revun Randle, de pastuh, pray to de Lawd
speshly for Pink. He say, "Gawd, please come down heah an' hope me
wid dis heah sinnuh man what go by de name of Pink. Dis job Ah got
for you is too haa'd for a man an' too tedious for de angels." But wid
all dis prayin', Pink ain't nevuh chanced to come thoo yit. So fin'ly,
Revun Randle say, "Pink, Ah tells you what to do, if'n you railly wants
to be a true chile of Gawd: Go down in de pasture attuh sundown an'
pick yo'se'f out a pos' -oak tree an' light out down dere evuh night. Git
down on yo' knees unnuhneaf de tree an' ast de Lawd to convert you."
So Pink goes down to de pasture dat ver' same night, picks him out
a pos' -oak tree, gits down on his knees an' say, "Lawd, please convert
me! Oh, Lawd, please convert me!"
Dis heah goes on awright for three nights, but while Pink is prayin'
on de fo'th night, a dead tree limb falls offen de tree an' almos' hits
14
•
'ttn, ao he lights out to rennin'. I lit's 'bout: a week attuh dis 'fo'
I'illb On 1111 ' null mural e to 1;11 hack olll to de tree again, but on de
Volk/ ui '11,' dr ilex' Sunday, Pink goes hack out to de tree, kinda
Mille' ►111 Io hit an' say, "Gawd, All come out heah to hab a close -up
lath will you 'bunt dat tree limb you (Wowed at me t'othuh night; you
know il'n you had of hie mc, dese Niggulls nevuh would of had no
IIUI' ( no1111Na e in you."
Little Bill's Conversation with God
I )I I VIIIINIIOINS ON DU 1'IANNIIII'I'ATIONS in de Bottoms was
_ 11I1'llly sinita'I, I )ry Inkr 'vantage of dey pappies an' mammies
Iultn' all wru11lird up in dr Word and de cilu'cl► till dey study all kinds
ill dllvlllnllni to All outru w411 k by dry wits. When dey don' wanna
wolh '1u11n' ,II. Ilullnr, I III rordwcu,d, dry dishes, feed de cows, or
Into w1IlI11h Iime dr well, or de pump, dey allus go an' git de Bible
1111' ah111'I to Iciiillu' Ilil, or de Sunday School quarterly. Den when dey
111111nnUrs list 'rue to do sunlp'u 'roun' de house, dey say, "Mammy,
All's readin' dr Word; Ali wanna be a good Christun lack you an'
l,Ill,py ; work in do cul'ch, an' de Word'll gimme dat information
to go Ihoo. All hcerd de pastuh say evuhbody ought to set down an'
keep I olllp'ny wid Gawd durin' of de weekadays ez well ez on a
Sunday." Dis heah kind of talk allus mock dey mammies happy, 'caze
dry ain't nothin' (Icy lack bettuh 'n habin' dey chilluns hab a love for
dc. chu'ch. So de younguns allus git out of work in dis wise.
)nccl dcrc was a Ii'1' yap down to Chinaberry Grove on de ole Lee
( mvnl nainc' Bill what hab dis style down pat. He gib his pappy a hot
liner all de time by stealin' tea cakes outen de flow'r sack full dat his
nI.1111nly done bake; an' he lie on de othuh li'l' chilluns in de house
evlll► day de Lawd sen' 'bout sump'n. Dey hab a ole rickety cawn
I Ill) next to his pappy's shack, so evuh time he lie his pappy tell 'im
to go on up in de lof' of de cawn crib an' ast de Lawd to forgib 'im.
15
So Bill would go on up in de lof' in de cawn crib an' stay 'bout two
or three hours at a time. Tom, his pappy, allus ast him huccome he
stay up in de lof' so long. Den Bill would say, "Hit tuck a long time
for me to git de message thoo. Gawd a busy man, ain't he, pappy ?"
Bill allus lie de fuss thing in de mawnin' jes' 'fo' dey staa't to de
fiel', 'caze he know his pappy gonna sen' 'im to de lof' to ast Gawd
to forgib 'im for de lie he done tole, an' he kin dodge work dat
mawnin'. He allus lolluhgag in de lof' long ez he kin. Dis sho' 'null
Bad Religion li'l' Bill practicin', but his pappy Tom jes' ez 'sponsibul
as li'l' Bill be; he didn' oughta sen' 'im to de lof' to pray.
Bill show his pappy good fashion one time, though. De boss-mens
in de Bottoms 'low dey han's to go to Waco evuh year to de circus
on a speshul train; dat is if'n dey hab a good crop year an' de han's
was pleasin' 'em. Hit happen de same year li'l' Bill was ca'ien' on his
foolishness dat de han's work rail haa'd an' de boss -mens leave 'em
go to Waco to de circus. Dey allus sen' de obuhseers 'long wid de
han's, so dey'll be sho' dey don' run off way somewhar. Dey hab pas-
senger coaches an' de Marlin shurf allus sen' 'long a dep'ty shurf to
keep down fights on de train. Lots of times de dep'ty shurfs fool de
han's into a baggage car an' git 'em staa'ted in a crap game on de
speshul train an' den 'rest 'em fo' gamblin' an' teck 'em offen de
train 'fo' dey gits to Waco. Dey do dis heah to de han's on de ole
Lee farm dis year, but Glenn Lee, dey boss -man, come up to Waco
an' tell de shurfs dey bettuh turn his Nigguhs loose; dat dem's his
Nigguhs an' dey ain't gonna pay no fine, an' to gib 'em de money
what dey done tuck 'way from 'em. So dey pays heed to 'im, 'caze
he fix dey bizniss good if'n dey don't. You couldn' 'res' a Nigguh in
de Bottoms lessen you git permishun from dey boss -mens.
Howbeevuh, de nex' day attuh de circus was work day on de ole
Lee farm, so li'l' Bill, lack his usual, don' relish goin' to work. So he
gottuh think up some kinda lie to tell his pappy at breakfast. So when
his pappy call 'im to come to breakfast, he comes on in an' staa't to
soppin' his biscuits in his 'lasses an' one -eyed gravy, an' fin'ly he look
up at his pappy an' say, "Pappy, one dem lions must of got loose up
dere at de circus yistiddy; Ah looked outen de window jes' now an'
16
r H.'„
A & M I ; ; ; I I I ( , I UI I I XAS
Mil A r tit' Lint' );,tilt' oft IU (1c mule lot."
11 1'1 1II 1611 I 4)I' Iinto henh," sty 'Toni, his pappy, "an' go rat up
III 110 lot' 4)n' III dc I,,cwcI Io lorj;ib you. 1'4)11 know dat ain't nothin'
1)111 (1ln I,1111y ,tut knot's shapj;y (for, y seed." So Bill gits up from
IIIa I►II,IIt lull' ',poi up Io do lot' in (Ice cuwn crib, lie don' come down
II11 11111' IIII do dinnuh link Itch sm I)(• 1 11e come an' tuck his seat
1111 Ill' 110111 I► nl de luhle 'side his ol'cs' brolhuh on one side an' his
1111J111y on do till When Ins pappy spy 'im, he say, "Bill, is you
riimr1 Il 11 In de lot' an' ast de Lawd to forgib you lack Ah done
11111 y1 III i"
"Trut null soy hill,
cr
Wh1rl'cl he Nay(' a s k I'om.
"Whul'cl he nay,'" 'low Bill. "Ile say, 'Go 'long boy, Ah thought
11►II W$1 1 1 d HIM nurhlr
rr'JJ'r'1 Ph Anniversary Sermon
1111'1' '1'1111 1'l1AII A'1 "1'1111 1/11 1111110M done come in de Bottoms de
Inru11ulhnh111 jc,ll'I (,ow'Ir11 j,o(td to de hastuhs what clone tuck
'r�ul 1111wr1 Mont hulljlln' 11111 on dc' promise limb an' brung'em to dat
1 on11l1 lon whirr cic'y Ail dal whole Ihinj, lack de Word say, an' de
l rlwrl rII I ail fit '1111, '( crxr he j;lory i4) do style cloy done tuck up wid.
I 4 lullr ltrnur' luu1 What cvullltody hump, a poun' o' victuals
III . I • 1 1,INluh r V1111 1tonl nn' dry stu,1't (le style of do annuhversury
1 1 onion, Irlr kwl'u 1 1,. ,itt1111vl l • lII 54'11111111 tome oncet a yeah so de
4)u r111u1h'111111 1.111 11,1p d,• i 1,11111 'Io11j, wid his duels ez well ez his
µlull, I )1'y 'low her h 1111)11 11,11 tmthuh on his back ez well
•s lit Ilk hIun I I icy jlibs 'int .1 li'I' money loo, an' of occasion,
III 1 {Iln r1 I l1;11l 51114)1'1 In do c1111el Iio11 when (ley Bass de hat 'roun'
11111111 {q1 1111 II m1rI111114,
Inv o' drno pleat hulrn In de I lot loins what been pastuhin' mought'
73
!/
nigh on to twelve yeahs when dey staa't off dis fashion was name
Elduh Neal. He de pastuh of de Ball Hill Baptis' Chu'ch what hab
a small membuhship, so he don' speck much outen de han's what
b'long to his chu'ch. He got a good sermon though. So when de Sun-
day 'roll 'roun for 'im to preach his twelfth annuhversury sermon he
dike up in his frocktail coat, his stan'in' collar, an' his high silk hat
an' staa'ts to walking thoo de thickets to de chu'ch house wid his
Bible in his han'. He doin' what dey calls "cuttin' buddy short."
(Dat mean, teckin' a short cut thoo de woods, so you git whar you
goin' lots quicker'n goin' way 'roun' de dirt road.) But he ain't done
had bettuh tuck dis heah fashion of gittin' to chu'ch, 'caze 'fo' he trace
his footsteps vet' far, he look up an' see a white man a straddle of de
lane he walkin' down on a white hoss wid a cap an' ball in his han'.
When Elduh Neal spy de man he try to dodge 'im an go thoo de
cawn patch, but de white man call 'im back an' say, "Hol' on a
minnit, Elduh; All wants you to dance a li'l' bit for me."
"Ah ain't gonna do no sich a thing," say Elduh Neal; "Ah done
put away dem sinful things long time ago."
"Aw, come on," say de white man, slingin' two cap an' balls, one
in one han' an' one in de othuh; "Ah'll gib you a ten dolluh bill if'n
you do a li'l' step for me."
"Well, awright den," 'low Revun Neal, eyen' de caps and balls
de man got pointed at 'im an' peekin' at de ten dolluh bill de white
man holdin' tween his thumb. "Ah ain't got much for time, though,"
say Elduh Neal, "but Ah'll do a li'l' step for you bein' dat's de case."
So no quicker'n he say dis he clicks his heels togedduh an' do a li'l'
jig.
De white man gib 'im de ten dolluh bill an' Revun Neal staa't on
down de lane again to'a'ds de chu'ch house. He ain't gone ver' far
though 'fo' he wheel 'roun' rail quick an' squall out to de white man
to wait a minnit, he wanna tell 'im sump'n. So de white man stop his
hoss smack dab in his tracks an' wait for Elduh Neal to ketch up
wid 'im.
"What you want ?" say de white man when Revun Neal git 'longst
'side 'im.
18
"Ah tote mom It'II you," nay )(twilit Neal, "dat Ah'll be heah evuh
�hllltlay al Iri 11111111y front now nn."
,S'i Ur1' Roll(' and Jlw African Missionary
I N !III 1 tl.nuN Ti ni 11,4 dr. pica( huh lie git lots of he'p from de mem-
111111 hllc when hr 'Heil( I1io' a sermon. Dey hab a amen cawnuh
what de tirutbuhrl squall (ul all de time when de preachuh put ovah
it iti it ail Ii, 11 obit cur I ) (Will. I )ey say, "Say yo' lesson suh," or, "Preach
110 Wiatd, Amen! Amen!" or "'I'cll hit, tell hit, tell de truf, tell de
I Ill('," I )Ih 'mall Inls ill he), lu dc' preachul► an' (ley hab some pow'ful
IIPil11ul►h In alt' Il lit dcnI clays its a consequence.
Alt t allh III Ruin' 11p lu Ms( ;ill Chapel on dr Li '1' Brazos Rivuh dere
WiIN 111111 41411111 WIIIII OHM Itrty) itI' dr hperrii for de I,reachuhs an' de
Wlllllp I IIIII(IIiallult las Wks Het statue was ,Sislult Rosie 'Thompson
ttlt' how Ittttttl+'tt l ►ti 4 N►tcaui clal Ile Wutd tell 'honi. She hab dat style
nl Iallh ail' 1111110p' 11111 111111e ill (le I.awd an ain't 'fraid to 'knowl-
tallyt' '1111 In de public, She wet I, 41 big show at de servos, 'caze she
(IPV1111 4(1111 ltr'I►ht' tle 1111'1111111h. i'.vt►htintc de preachuh meck a stroke
rill tin bawd, rSIrilaul Rosie 'rid squall oui, "You sho' is tellin' de truf
1I11W, nab melt y, I,awd, hab mercy," SI1r hones' in her 'pinion too, but
11f 11t r 114lnil hilt' Iall by de way,'idr.
()no (Mlle tlt'ie wail a );an1b11111 viu ill rlicc1 on de ole Burney plannuh-
tallun an' Ills mammy h'lour; lode r'lc (;ill Chapel Chu'ch. So dey ast
111c1u t wolr I'1 to Irli i, 11 hi l tuneud, I le say days awright wid 'im. So
Ile ,Nunlloy loll 'loon' lot It I11n(9,11, I )111 (IC onlics day de boss -mens
III dp Iluliuuin'Iow ill hr in 11,1h Iunrluls rc'ckly alluh freedom. 1£'n
yeti tiled tun a Sunday iiil;hl (1(.0l hill to hill' you ovuh till de nex'
Monthly, 't lint de IIm►hh riuv►n ain'I );onnu Oh no lime off from work
!Ube rht' Wrrle a dayh. 1)ry low if 'is a mule die buy anothuh one, an'
Witt( nlµAull (Ile Hier anulhtlh one,
Anyhow, Illd Wulrru 1 lls Ills de Soolloy of cur funeral an' staa't to
lalfiilt' 'luuli who) a poo,i boy dis gitiubliiu' boy, Jessie, was; what a
19
good life he live an' what a shinin' light he was for de res' of de folks
in de Bottoms. Sister Rosie know dis heah ain't de truf, so she set dere
rail quiet for a long stretch an' don' say a mumblin' word. De people
all wonduh huccome Sistuh Rosie ain't sayin' nothin' today — huccome
she ain't talkin' back to de preachuh. So fin'ly, when de preachuh yell
out dat Jessie was one o' de bestes' Christuns he evuh seed, Sistuh
Rosie cain't hol' her peace no longuh; so she squall out rail loud,
"You sho' is a tellin' a lie now; hab mercy, Lawd, hab mercy!"
Sistuh Rosie 'low de preachuh practicin' Bad Religion, but putty
soon attuh de funeral a missionary come from Aferkuh to preach at de
chu'ch an' Sistuh Rosie fall by de wayside herse'f. De preachuh jes'
from Aferkuh whar he been for fo' years; he raisin' money for mis-
sionary work for de po' li'l' Aferkuns. In his sermon he tell 'bout how
much money de rich white peoples in de Norf done gib de po' li'1' ole
Aferkuns an' how much de Christun white folks in de Souf done did
for de po' li'l' ole Aferkuns, an' evuh time he tell what done been did
for de po' li'l' ole Aferkuns, Sistuh Rosie'd squall out, "Ride, salvation,
ride! Ride, salvation, ride!" Fin'ly de preachuh gits thoo wid his ser-
mon an' he say, "Now brothuhs an' sistuhs, Ah done tole y'all what
othuh peoples done did for de po' li'1' ole Aferkuns an' now Ah wants
evuhbody in dis heah chu'ch house to come up to de table an' lay a
dolluh down for de po' li'1' ole Aferkuns."
When de preachuh say dis Sistuh Rosie th'ow her haid way back,
th'ow her han's up in de air rail high an' squall out louduh clan evuh
befo', "Walk, salvation, walk!" Sistuh Rosie ain't 'tickluh 'bout trav-
elin' so fas' when hit come to jarrin' loose from a dolluh herse'f.
She lack dey say, "De Nigguh's long on religion, and short on Chris -
t'anity."
20
'I'/,e '.'ale of //,e 'I'/,i'c.e Preachers
II I'Illm■ 111111'. t.II1,' 1 Al I< '1't) ii wit, I )411's (ley inheritance. Dat's
IIII IIII, I, lotto' illhe'rilan, r to joke wid one 'nothuh. Ah calls
III min' Ihir.' 1111111 i5 pied( Mills in de Bottoms what was close frien's.
II y mei a 1111 l0,',1 at de 'social ions an' conventions. Dey names
WIIM IIIIIIIII I iiinir.,, IJ Wilson, an' lildult Leonard. Elduh Wilson
WWI , I1' I 'Ill 111,' picot hall in de huntll. ()met dese two young preachuhs
011 Ill 1101111 (11l;e.I.Imh nn' I 1 Io play a prank on de rail ole preachuh.
I ltty svo% Mt 11i ,Ie ',,n, win') one year an' de young preachuhs goes up
lit III 11111111 ,In' ,e,l 'ilm Io 'low Ile Iluee frien's to all preach a ser-
1111111 Ill' 4,11111 Illllhl
I lo pia it .,hull a 1)'1 nevllh he, ld lelI 1)1 sil h foolishness as dat, but
In) 14111 I►41V1. way 1111 'IIII III j111 ahead, do when de lime come for de
114411I Arl vIIM Ile Illrla yoolijt pleat huh Hs' up 0111111 de song scrvus, open
lipiili 1111111', all NIIy, " Ah ' 11111III1I ' ,I t1 Shill," 4111' SCI (111W11. Dell desecon'
younl4 farm huh 1111' 11p, p11 I, up de Ilihle an' say, "Ah'm goin' wid
ynu," 111x' nil 1111, Is 1111wn, I )en dt' rail HIV j ris' up, open out de
11111111 an' M,Iy, "An' 'ley Lel(lied nothio'.''
ley 'ha l' 10'11 It ,It' rail Hie 1)1V:1( 111111 Mullin' nohow, so dey's so out -
1IIUu1 IIII Ilel 1 11111 oue the ole prrrlthull mrlllbuhs, name Sistuh Josie,
IIII In rime 4111r oil' II 1 up wid her to local etc rail ole preachuh when
4111 hdo I, I11 111 y,1 n, whin hepa'Iluh.
dirt IIa I ION ' ,'irm,lay ,Itluh I I1' 'MI,I iol11111 11111,e close, Sistuh Josie git all
NO hu III 1o01 Ill van \ \M1hk'in, II,. nlil nit. pre;u huh, Si soon ez he git to
Wh1111plii' on' 1111 111 dirt tall .;nod she letl< 1)111 her hankerslncf an'
)11.1.1`1 10 11yon', I115 herd' me. I, Itevun Wilson preach haa'duh an'
iia i',Inll 1 le a Is) 11i5 e5e'I he 51)11' 111115' hag on Ile arnnlh of de Lawd
1114 Illllwlllll It) lmei I, 11 nlntllll happy as SisI'III lusie he, So soon ez de
ilei viii ow nvllll he ll1'l1,Is 11111101l fnl Sislllll 11,xie, 'cane he jes' know
NIn 01111111 loll '11)1 hit 11'11, II l, .lone relish dr sermon. When he git
Iii WIUU $IMIIIII j11tilr it'll in' 4he ii ill I I yin' will her hankershuf ovuh her
''I
mouf. So Revun Wilson say, "Don' cry Sistuh Josie; Ah knows how
you feels when de sermon done meck you so happy."
"Dat ain't hit, Revun," say Sistuh Josie; "Ah'm so sorry Ah did'n'
enjoy yo' sermon, but dis too£ache was killin' me."
Sister Patsy's Error
A H CALLS TO MIN' a sistuh down to Genie what allus hab a haa'd
time folluhin' de preachuh in his travels. She allus mess up serv-
us in some fashion or 'nothuh evuh Sunday mawnin'. De deacon boa'd
done motion time an' time again to put Sistuh Patsy outen de chu'ch,
but Sistuh Patsy still a number in de chu'ch book an' she yit 'tend de
servus. But fin'ly, de pastuh teck Sistuh Patsy's case in his own han's
an' he 'low dat de ver' nex' time she do sump'n to vex de membuhship,
he gonna put her outen de ch'uch for good.
Sistuh Patsy don' pull no mo' bones for a mont' or mo', but 'bout
five weeks attuh dis when de pastuh was preachin' a sermon 'bout de
crucifixion an' tellin' how Pilot do de Lawd an' how Judas 'tray 'im,
an' how dey nail 'im to de cross an' he die, Sistuh Patsy what done
been asleep durin' all of de sermon, wake up jes' in time to heah de
pastuh talkie' 'bout de Lawd done die. So she rub her eyes, jump up
rail quick, an' squall out to de top of her voice, "Jes' a minnit, Elduh,
Ah didn' even know de po' chile was sick." Dis time, dey oust Sistuh
Patsy for keeps.
The Wrong Man in the Coffin
Y OU KNOW DE CHU'CH FOLKS in de Bottoms hab a love for big
funerals. 'Reckly attuh freedom, dey hab de funerals on Sun-
day, 'cane de boss -mens don' 'low no funerals in de week -a -days.
Nowadays, dey hab al funerals on a Sunday jes' for de sake of de
love of big funerals.
22
III tlNlll d11yN l lllII II Illy, WI lttauY 111111 j,1,n la balk 'bout dey men
I 1VIIIIn Iley'a kin', I )1'y wrlllu +0 Levi) folks II►inl;in' (ley hab a
i�Sil 111111) Itti 1' {it)abuui {, but d'',1' duys an' Iif hit's a lot diffunt.
1)0 AIIIN WIIIII I,IJi'1rdd IIIIwilIIuys lull, 'limn dry husbands to any an'
tw11161111y. Vim I nn hruh 'eel Jill rlr Iinlr lullcin' 'h(,ul "clan olc Nigguh
11t10 lu► '1 ounl " I )1'y NIIy, "It'll you !wen u a yeah an' yo' hus-
band ,1111'1 111 v1111 1)0111 a 111,111 bill, Jiiu't nrvuh bought a sack of flour,
0111'1 IIl vul0 I111uij yI,1I ,1 1rui1 of stolkin's, ain't iicvuh paid on de in-
NII'tllltt'N, y„11I11u11.'h, oil ;I Nim; lack dat ?"
()no I lnu' 111'11 w,1', ,1 11,101 wllal died on de old McPherson fawm by
Ili mime of 1.1 11 1',116.1 0 I )r nlrhIhuhsllip of de Salem Baptis' Chu'ch
IlII11lI I\I+II'N II good won, 'l axe hr huh a line big family an' he 'ten'
tllll'111 1t+µ11111 aN Ilr'iIIII111ryN (ouu, I)1' hasluh think he a good Chris -
11111, (uu. Su w11ru 111' ll,it op to {Incu( It Ken's funeral, he tell 'bout
Wlllll II Nod (111111 IIIIIIIIIIII I \I'll wis, 'how how true he was to his
wit*, U who' II µuHOI Ililv111nh Ito dour. 1)r1n11 for his family an' all
Itltk dal Tito +ter l:IItt on' he licit oil 1(1 dis v .r, but Ken's wife Sadie
IiIIIIW IIM 0101111111111P rIIU1111; Nu 8111' In1111 to de ol'cs' boy, Jim, an'
NIIy
11111, III In Iui' Iuul, lu 11111 I olhn an' sc1' if'u (tan's yo' pappy
Ili Ikte."
II " /h,al Major 13ii f orcl Knew
) II WIIau AIN'T Nu'I'IIIN''lu 1 /lc ll win, 1)111 some of de brothuhs
on' 8ellill1'I in dr 11111'111 11011 oi devulmint till dey allus
iii ,,, I. h lipid tIl Ili I Jni'r11 in 8110 Iwittir►1I 11( flotilla). All calls to min'
I I o 1 111,)1 a' 1,11 uvi III , 111111' i,vuh 11111' t onsl;ull to ps lance wid me
'Io 1114 ,I, nurvr 1,11(11 di. Irl,1unu11141 c,n Hat's way yonnuh pas'
tint 11'1' Ilvulu 1 )11I's ill. id, 11,1•,.4 1'1,uun1111ulion, an' dis heah ole
Ittlllllllll, whin wlln r allr,l f\i,11411 IIn01oI1I, \us ;llllls loin' sump'n
1111111/111 In Icor ,I1' NIaluh'i, ni III t,lrsrl d,. Ii;Isluh an' de deacon boa'd
ill de All 1 1111',111 . ; I1 ovli11 I1', Salmi, ;1 li'I' ole community on de
I Ivllll lint, Sevin 1'1,1, 111' fllujl 11' oil cl of (lc name of dis place Satan
in his bones. De place call Satan, an' de Major got de Devul in 'im
all de time.
One Sunday he passes a bunch of li'l' ole boys on de plannuhtation
playin' marbles for keeps. So he ast 'em dey names an' writ 'em down
on a paper bag he hab in his han' an' brung 'em 'fore de deacon
boa'd for trial. De Major say de parent 'sponsible for de chile till he
come to be sebun yeahs ole; so all dese li'l' boys was five an' six an'
dey pappies had to 'ten' de meetin' wid dey chilluns. When dey all
done 'sembled, Revun Galloway, de pastuh, say, "Brothuh Buford,
what's de 'ditement 'gainst dese chillun ?"
"Dey was playin' marbles on a Sunday for keeps," 'low de Major,
"an' de Bible say, `Don' do dat!' "
"Show us whar 'bouts in de Holy Writ do hit say not to play
marbles," 'low one of de pappies of de li'l' boys, name Silas Andrews.
"Awright," de Major reply, "Ah'm gonna turn to hit rat now." So
he turns ovuh to a passage of Scriptur' an' han' hit to de pastuh an'
tell 'im to read what hit say.
De pastuh tuck up de Bible an', lookin' at de passage de Major hab
mark, turnt back 'roun' to'a'ds de Major an' say, "Look heah,
Brothuh Buford, dis passage don't say `Marble not,' dis heah passage
say `Marvel not.' "
"Huh, Ah knowed hit all de time," chuckled de Major. "Huccome
you didn' know ?"
'Nothuh • time we was all in a Sunday School teachuhs' meetin'
an' evuhbody haftuh ast a question 'bout de Word. So when Major
Buford's turn come, he say, "Who kin tell me de name of de dog
what lick Lazrus' sores ?" Dis heah puzzle evuhbody, ebun down
to de pastuh. So fin'ly dey say, "We gibs up. What was his name ?"
"Look a heah," say de Major openin' de Word an' p'intin' to a
verse. "Don't you see whar hit say heah `Mo' Rover de dog lick Lazrus'
sores' ?"
But de Major git de bigges' kick outen teasin' de sistuhs. Dey 'low
he bettuh stop playin' wid de Lawd's Word lack he do, too. If'n he
don', sump'n gonna happen to 'im, but de Major he 'low dat he don'
mean no haa'm.
24
One Sunday de Major cap de climax sho' null wid his foolishness.
'Twas attuh de lebun o'clock servus an' ez usual he walks ovuh to
whar a big bunch of sistuhs am stan'in' 'roue' waitin' for de chu'ch
dinnuh to be put in de plates an' be pass 'roun', an' he say, "Gawd
knows evuhthing an' Ah knows mo'."
De sistuhs look at 'im lack dey think he done lose his min'. Talkin'
'bout Gawd knows evuhthing an' he knows mo' ; dat's de wus reli-
gion dey done evuh heerd of; so dey say, "Gawd know evuhthing an'
you knows mo' ?"
"Yeah," says de Major, "Gawd knows evuhthing an' Ah knows
Mo'. Ah knows ole man Billy Mo'." An' when he say dis you could
heah him laff plum on down to de commissary, clean on crost de big
rivuh an' de li'l' rivuh, up to de Pos' -oak districk.
White and Black Theology
A . CALLS TO MIN' a Mefdis' preachuh what fill de pulpit at St.
James in Waco. He de bigges' preachuh on de Uppuh Brazos.
He been teachin' de preachuhs in Waco for many a yeah, but hit hap-
pen oncet dat he 'lected to go to de genul conference in Philadelphia
an' he gon mo'n a mont'. Dat's a long time for de teachuh to stay way
somewhar, so while he's gone a white preachuh corned 'long and de
preachuhs 'gage his servuses to teach 'em. De white preachuh meck
a charge of ten dolluhs an' he gib all de preachuhs a D.D.
When Revun Dawson come home from de genul conference de
preachuhs don' relish 'im teachin' 'em no mo'. Dey 'low dey's smaa'-
tuh 'n he be, 'caze dey got a D.D. an' he ain't got nare one. Revun
Dawson so outdone, he don' know what to do wid hisse'f, so de nex'
Sunday attuh he come back he ast his membuhship to gib 'im ten
dolluhs to git 'im a D.D. But de membuhship done gib 'im a suit of
clothes for de genul conference and fifty dolluhs for spendin' change;
so dey don' raise but five dolluhs for 'im in de collection for de D.D.
De Revun tell 'em he don' relish dat way of doin', but de trustee
25
boa'd tell 'im dey don' relish gibin' 'im no mo' money lackwise, so
dey don' gib 'im anothuh red copper cent. Dey say, "Elduh you jes'
hab to be `Doctor D.' stid of `Doctor D.D.' "
Not long attuh dis de same white preachuh corned back to de Bot-
toms an' Revun Dawson, 'caze he outdone on de D.D. bizness, ast
'im to teach de cullud preachuhs theology. So de white preachuh, he
say he think dey oughta staa't off de course in theology by studyin'
readin', writin' an' 'rifmuhtic, but dey say, "No brothuh, we knows
what we wanna study; we wanna study theology, an' if'n we cain't
git dat we don' wan' nuffin'."
So fin'ly de white preachuh git off to hisse'f an' he study haa'd,
'caze he don' wanna lose dat good ole Brazos Bottoms money. So a
plan come to 'im an' he trace his footsteps back to de cullud preachuhs
an' he say, "Brothuhs, Ah tells you what Ah done 'tided to do. Ah'm
gonna teach y'all heabunly articulation, Biblical recordin', an' eccle-
siastical calculation." Den dey all squall out at de same time, " Brothuh,
dat's jes' what we wants." Dey ain't hab de wisdom to know dat's de
same thing ez readin', writin', an' 'rifmuhtic.
How Elder Samuels Was Saved
A H CALLS TO MIN' a preachuh down to Eloise what allus tellin'
his membuhship to ast de Lawd for evuh thing dey wants an'
de Lawd'll gib hit to 'em. He been preachin' in dis heah fashion for
ten yeahs now, but he ain't put his teachin' into practice, 'caze him
an' de membuhship still worshipin' unnuh de same ole arbor what got
a dirt floor an' no walls on de side. Hit do putty good for de sum -
muh servuses, but when de fall of de yeah roll 'roun' an' de northuhs
staa't to blowin dey cain't in no wise hab servuses in hit, 'caze dey
ain't no place to put a wood heater.
De membuhship fin'ly gits tiahed of Elduh Samuels' (dat's de
name de preachuh go by) tryin' to 'vise 'em to ast de Lawd for what
dey wants an' he'll gib hit to 'em, 'caze he ain't yit ast de Lawd to
26
build 'em no chu'ch house in de whole ten yeahs he been pastuhin'
de chu'ch. So one night when dey was habin' boa'd meetin', one de
deacons name Henry Sample say "Look a heah, Elduh, you allus
tellin' us to ast de Lawd for what we wants an' he'll gib hit to us.
Huccome you don' ast de Lawd to gib us a new chu'ch house ?"
"Dat sho' am de truf, Brothuh Sample," 'low de elduh, "so Ah'm
gonna ast de Lawd rat now to gib us a chu'ch house." So Elduh Sam-
uels gits down on his knees an' pray an' ast de Lawd to please gib
'ern a chu'ch house to worship in. So dat same night he ast all de
deacons to go 'roun' from membuh to membuh's house an' ast all of
'em to gib a piece of lumbuh, a package of shingles, a keg of nails,
or sump'n 'nothuh to he'p staa't buildin' de chu'ch.
When de nex' boa'd meetin' rolled 'roun' de deacons hab 'nuff lum-
buh, an' nails an' shingles to buil' putty nice li'l' ole chu'ch house; so
dey 'tides to staa't buildin' de chu'ch house dat nex' comin' week. Dey
ain't in no wise got 'nuff money to hire no carpenter, so dey 'sides
to use all de men membuhs of de chu'ch to he'p wid de buildin'.
Elduh Samuels 'low he ain't no jack -leg carpenter hisse'f, but he
gonna do ez much work ez de nex' one on de chu'ch. He 'low, "Ain't
Ah done tole y'all dat de Lawd allus gib you what you asts for an'
allus teck keer of you in de time of trouble ?"
"Sho', Elduh, sho'," say de deacons. " Evuhthing you say done come
to pass."
So time rolled on an' rolled on till de li'l' ole chu'ch house almos'
ready to go into. De onlies' thing lef' for de workers to do is to
finish shinglin' de roof, an' Elduh Samuels workin' rat 'long wid 'em
on de chu'ch puttin' on de shingles.
Evuhthing was goin' fine an' in tip -top shape till one day when
Elduh Samuels was runnin' his mouf an' braggin' 'bout all you got
to do is trus' Gawd an He'll teck keer of you, he loosed his balance
an' staa'ted fallin' off de roof of de chu'ch house. "He'p me, Lawd,
he'p me!" yelled Elduh Samuels ez he failed; "You knows Ah trus'
you an' you knows Ah knows you'll teck keer of me." But 'fo' Elduh
Samuels kin git de words outen his mouf good, a nail stickin' way
far out on one de walls of de chu'ch ketches 'fin in de seat of de
27
pants an' hol's 'im. So Elduh Samuels looks up at de ceilin' of de
chu'ch an yells loud as he kin yell, " Nevuh min' Gawd; a nail's got
me now.
Sister Liza and the New Pastor
A H CALLS TO MIN' Sistuh Liza Johnson, what b'longed to de Pil-
grim Baptist Chu'ch, down on de ole Timson plannuhtation, on
the Big Brazos. Sistuh Liza hab a husban' what go by de name of Mose,
what used to backslide all de time, but Sistuh Liza don' in no wise 'low
nobody to lay Ole Mose's race out to her. She a good payin' membuh,
so de preachuhs don' nevuh chu'ch Ole Mose an' teck his name offen
de books, don' give a nevuhmin' how much he cuss an' cavort an' shoot
craps up an' down de Bottoms. De preachuhs pays heed to de money
Sistuh Liza th'ows in de colleckshun plate evuh Sunday de Lord sen',
an' dey 'lows Ole Mose to be sho' 'null gone to de Devul ez far ez dey
is concerned.
Well, suh, things rolled on in dis wise for many a yeah till a rail
young preachuh corned to pastuh de chu'ch. Dis rail young preachuh
ain't in no wise sold on keepin' Ole Mose's name on de chu'ch rolls wid
'im gallavantin' up an' down de Bottoms gamblin' and cavortin' evuh
day de Lawd sen's, so he sen's Ole Mose a letter puttin' 'im outen de
chu'ch. Sistuh Liza so riled 'bout what de new preachuh done dat she
don' jar loose from no money no mo' when dey passes de colleckshun
plate 'roun', but she still 'tendin' de chu'ch servuses.
But hit so happen dat reckly aftuh de new preachuh done lit in de
Bottoms an' chu'ched Ole Mose dat Mose come down wid de dropsy
an' had to stay cooped up in de house, 'caze he done growed so big an'
fat he can't ebun wobble 'roun de room he's forced to set in all de time.
He plagued wid de misery so bad 'till 'tain't long 'fo' he kicks de buck-
et. Sistuh Liza ast de new preachuh to preach Ole Mose's funeral, but
de preachuh, what go by de name of Elduh Freeman, don' in no wise
want to falsify Ole Mose into heabun. But Sistuh Liza cry an' git down
28
4
on her knees an' beg Elduh Freeman so ha'ad to preach de funeral,
since Mose been livin' rat 'roun' heah in de Bottoms all his life, till
Elduh Freeman give in to her an' say he'll do de job, but he ver' care-
ful 'bout what he say 'bout Ole Mose. When hit corned time for 'im
to put Ole Mose in heabun Elduh Freeman riz up his haid an' his
hands an' say "Brothuhs an' Sistuhs, Ah ain't been heahin' no good
repo'ts 'bout de deceased since Ah's been down heah in de Bottoms,
so Ah's jes' gonna put 'im on de Jordan, an' let whosoevuh wants 'im,
Gawd or de Devul, come an' git 'im."
Dis meek Sistuh Liza pow'ful mad, an' she 'low dat if'n hit tecks
her de res' of her nachul bawn days she gonna git ebun wid Elduh
Freeman for what he done did to Ole Mose.
So time rolled on, an' rolled on till fin'ly one Sunday de haid-
knocker of de Baptist convention corned to visit Elduh Freeman's
chu'ch to spy on 'im an' see how he feedin' de sheep in his flock. Sistuh
Liza say to herself, "Now's de time for me to git ebun wid Elduh Free-
man for what he done did to Mose, so rat aftuh Elduh Freeman done
tuck his tex' for de mawnin an' was gittin' all warmed up for de finish -
in' stretch of his sermon Sistuh Liza riz up outen her seat an' yelled
"Hol' on dere a minute Elduh! Ah wants to tell mah determination."
Elduh Freeman eye her lack he could tar her to pieces for stoppin'
'im rat in de middle of his message when he tryin' so ha'ad to show de
big - shot preachuh from de convention what a big hol' he got on de
membuhship, so he gits mad as a hornet an' yells "Well, tell hit
Sistuh! tell hit!"
"Ah cain't tell hit now," 'low Sistuh Liza; "Ah'm too full."
"You heerd what Ah said, didn't you, Sistuh Johnson ?" yelled Elduh
Freeman; "Now you go on an' tell hit."
"An' Ah done told you Ah was too full to tell hit, too, ain't Ah ?"
'low Sistuh Liza.
"Too full of what ?" yelled Elduh Freeman, "De Holy Sperrit ?"
"No sirree Bob!" shouted Sistuh Liza loud as she kin holler; "too
full of dat clabber milk Ah drunk dis mawnin'."
29
Halley's Comet and Judgment Day
Y OU KNOW, DE Woiw tell us dat de man ain't been bawn what
kin live 'bove sin; de Lawd an' Savior Jesus Chris' de onlies' one
what done rech dis stage on dis putty green carpeted soil what we calls
de urf. De preachuh stray off from de fold jes lack de membuhship an'
haf to be fetch back to hit, jes' lack Hezekiah, one time, haf to fetch
de peoples back in de Bible from dey sinful acks. Many a preachuh
rat heah in de Bottoms c'mit 'dult'ry, drunk his lickuh, an' ebun down
swo' in de pulpit; an' some of 'em ebun toted a pistol when dey conned
to preach.
You know, de Mefdis's an' de Baptis's 'spised one anothuh in de
Bottoms so much 'reckly attuh freedom when de chu'ch fuss staa't up
dat dey hab fis' fights, cuttin' scrapes, an' shootin' sprees all de time.
'Fo' dey builded de chu'ch houses, de Baptis's an' de Mefdis's used to
sometime use de same buildin' when dey hol' chu'ch servus. Dey call
dis pulpit 'filiation. De Mefdis's used de house de fuss an' third Sun-
days, an' de Baptis's used de house de secon' an' fo'th Sundays in evuh
mont', an' when de fifth Sunday roll 'roun', sometime dey bofe hol'
servus togethuh.
One time dey was a Baptis' preachuh by de name of Whirlwin'
Johnson. So he say dat when de fifth Sunday come he gonna preach a
baptismal sermon down to de house what dey rentin' for de chu'ch to a
mix conguhgation. De Mefdis' preachuh, Elduh Cyclone Williams,
tell 'im he dare 'im to preach hit, but Whirlwin' preach hit jes' de
same on de fifth Sunday. De nex' day Cyclone Williams meet 'im on
de court house steps rat heah in Marlin, an' walk up to 'im, an' say,
"Didn' Ah tole you dat if'n you preach dat sermon Ah's gonna whip
de hell outen you ?" An' he lam Whirlwin' rat smack dab on de jaw-
bone wid his fis'. Whirlwin' den tuck his cap an' ball an' shot
Cyclone in de leg, an' de county shurf put 'im in de jug, an' de Baptis'
30
'nomination tuck up money ovuh de whole state to git Whirlwin'
outen de jail house.
Yas suh, de ole time preachuh cuss, fight, haa'k an' spit, an' do lots
of things what ain't laid down in Holy Writ. 'Speshly dem what go
'bout all ovuh de country preachin' heah an' dere, way somewhar. You
know de Word say, "Go ye into all de wort' an' preach de Gospel." De
ole time preachuh didn' git into all de worl', but he git into as much of
hit as he kin. Some of 'em lack dat condition "Go." Dey was 'vangelis's
an' runned 'tractive meetin's. Dem's de kin' what got out 'mongst de
sistuhs de mos' too.
Ah calls to min' a Baptis' preachuh, Elder Joshua Dennis, what
come to be ordained to preach by his boss -man on de ole Watkins
plannuhtation at Pitts' Bridge, 'bout eight mile down de main highway
from heah. You know work corned fuss on de Brazos, an' de Word
come secon'. De way Joshua corned to be a preachuh was by bein' de
bestes' cotton pickuh on de Watkins fawm. He pick 'bout a thousan'
poun's a day evuh day. So Ole Man Amos Watkins say dis de kinda
Nigguh he want preachin' to his han's, a Nigguh dat gonna preach
work haa'd an' 'bey yo' boss - man," an' tell 'em all dat a Nigguh needs
is "a bad row, a sharp hoe, an' a mean boss."
Fin'ly, Joshua tuck up wid dis preachin' bizniss for keeps an' he
come to be one of de bestes' preachuhs up an' down de Brazos. He
turnt out to be a great 'vangelis'. His wife, Mary Ann, is a good fawm
manager, so he leave her an' de chilluns on de plannuhtation, an' he go
roamin' all ovuh de Bottoms a preachin', an' jes' stop by home of
occasion. De yeah dat Halley's Comet was s'pose' to 'stroy de wort',
Joshua corned home de night 'fo' de day dat was set for de worl' to be
'stroyed an' he say to Mary Ann, "Wife, set down. Ah wants to tell
you sump'n 'fo' Halley's Comet 'stroy de worl' tomorruh; Ah wants
to 'fess to you an' die wid a clear conscience. You know Sistuh Janie
Jones up to Mudville? Ah been goin' wid her for fo' yeahs."
"Well," say Mary Ann, dryin' her han's whar she been washin' de
suppuh dishes, "Ah sho' is proud you done cleared yo' conscience. Ah
don' wanna die widdout clearin' mah conscience, lackwise. You see dat
boy Jim, ovuh dere on de pallet? Dat ain't yo' boy; dat's Deacon Abe
31
Solomon's boy. An' you see dat gal Mirandy, settin' on de flo' playin'
wid dat cat ?—Dat's Elduh Henry Sims's gal. Fact of hit is, dey ain't
none of dese chilluns yourn."
"What ?" yell Joshua, jumpin' up outen de rockin' chair he settin'
in. "Hit mought be Judgment Day tomorruh, but hit's gonna be hell
heah tonight!"
Brother Gregg Identifies Himself
A H CALLS TO MIN' de Gregg fam'ly, what was croppers down on de
ole Davis plannuhtation, what runned jam up to de Li'l' Bra-
zos an stretch hitse'f out far ez you could peel yo' eye 'long de banks.
Dey hab a li'l' ole chu'ch house down dere what dey done builded
rat attuh freedom done come in a bulge an' hit yit stan'in' cep'n dey
cain't in no wise hol' servuses in hit when hit comes a big pour -down,
or a northuh. De roof needs shinglin' pow'ful bad, an' some of de
planks in de sides of de li'l' ole chu'ch done jarred loose, an' some no-
count triflin' Brazos Bottom Nigguhs done toted 'em off home for
kindlin' wood. Dey calls dis heah li'l' ole church Li'l' Mount Zion, an'
de Gregg fam'ly was one of de fuss fam'lies to jine hit. Dey was four
Gregg boys, an' evuh one of 'em hab a whole passel of younguns, what
of occasion brung salty tears to dey mammies an' pappies sorrowful
eyes, 'caze mos' of 'em growed up to be Saddy night gamblers, sloppy
drunkards, fas' womens, an' de Lawd in heabun knows what else dese
yaps didn't turn out to be.
All de brothuhs cep'n Bud Gregg, de ol'es' brothuh, gits so fed up
an' disgusted wid de sinful acks of dey younguns till dey done stop
tryin' to square accounts wid de Lawd. An' de why dat Bud ain't done
got on de don' -keer ban' wagon lack his brothuhs am dat he hab a
good Christun wife, Carrie, an' a tol'able fair set of younguns. His
gals was all married off to hard - workin' croppers an' his boys was all
lucky 'nuff to git gals for wives dat could do ez much work on de fawm
ez dey could. 'Sides dat, Bud's wife, Carrie, was de stan'by of de fam'ly
32
when hit corned to de chu'ch an' de why an wharfo' of all de chillun
bein' chu'ch membuhs. Carrie hab a good influence on Bud, lackwise,
an' keep a bee line on 'im cep'n Bud don' in no wise 'ten' chu'ch serv-
uses on Sundays. Sistuh Carrie go to chu'ch an' plank herse'f rat down
in de amen cawnuh evuh Sunday de Lawd sen', but Ole Bud, what was
quick ez greased lightnin' wid a shotgun, spen' all his Sundays a
huntin' an' a shootin' doves an' plovers an' rabbits evuh time he heah a
flip- flappin in de bushes an' weeds. Ole Bud was jes a number in de
chu'ch book, dat's all. Sistuh Carrie go pieceways wid 'im on de huntin'
side of de fence, but she 'low dat de week -a -days am time 'nuff for
carryin' on in dis wise. Bud don' give a whoop how much Sistuh Car-
rie try to 'suade 'im to go to chu'ch on a Sunday wid her, he jes keep.
his potato trap shet an' don' say a mumblin' word when Sistuh Carrie
talk to 'im 'bout chu'ch. But dis don' in no wise disencourage Sistuh
Carrie; she 'low she b'lieve de Lawd kin still turn a miracle wid His
pow'ful awmighty han', so she don' gib up de cross.
Sistiih r I ie a in't ill nowise gonna be disappointed neithuh, 'caze
't:I111't Iutig 'to' a nit( VIII bawn preachuh by de name of Hotwind John-
son <uincd to do Bot loins to 'duct a 'vivul an' tol de Brazos Bottom
Nigguhs dat de Lawd was gonna lay a heavy han' on 'em if'n dey didn'
git shed of dey sinful ways. Dis heah kind of th'owed a scare into Ole
Bud, so de nex' comin' Sunday night attuh Hotwind done corned to de
Bottoms Bud goes down to de chu'ch house wid Sistuh Carrie an' tecks
a seat rat in de amen cawnuh whar Sistuh Carrie drop herse'f all de
time. Dis de fuss time Bud done set foot in de chu'ch house in ten
yeahs so evuhbody in de chu'ch turnt 'roun' an' look at 'im. Dis meck
Ole Bud feel kind of out of place, too, but he try haa'd to brace his-
se'f an' ack lack he used to ,bein' in a chu'ch - house. He hol' hitse'f to-
gethuh putty good, too, till Hotwind corned in de pulpit an' raised a
song an' attuh de song done been finish turnt to whar Sistuh Carrie an'
Bud was settin' an' say, p'intin his finguh at Bud, "Brothuh Gregg,
lead us in a word of prayer."
Bud ain't nevuh prayed in his whole life befo', so he tremblin' lack
a leaf an' he don' feel lack doin' a jumpin' thing 'bout prayin'. But Sis-
tuh Carrie nudge 'im in de side wid her elbow an' tell 'im to go ahaid
33
an' do lack Hotwind done tole 'im to do, so Ole Bud pays heed to her,
an' kneels down on de chu'ch house floor. Den he puts his han's ovuh
his eyes an' says "Lawd, Ah reckon Ah bettuh tell you who Ah is befo'
Ah staa'ts dis prayer. Ah ain't John Gregg, de one what kin pick eight
hunnud poun's of cotton when he teckin' one row at a time; Ah ain't
Jim Gregg, de one what plays de fiddle an' de banjo evuh Saddy night
for de platform dances, an' Ah ain't Tom Gregg, de one what stealed
his boss -man's bes' pair of mules one Sunday night an runned off way
somewhars. Ah'm Ole Man Gregg, de one what shoots de gun so
good."
The Old Preacher's Will and the Young Wi f e
S OME OF DE OLE TIME PREACHUHS in de Bottoms was good man-
agers. Some of dem come to be well fixed wid lan' an' de lack.
Dey do de membuhship some good an' deyse'f some good, lackwise.
Lots of 'em bargained for de Bottom Ian' when hit was sellin' for
two an' three dollars a acre. Ah calls to min' Elduh Warren down to
Mussel Run Creek. He de pastuh of de onlies' Foot Washin' Baptis'
chu'ch in de Bottoms. So de han's what lack dis style of 'ligion corned
from evuhwhichuhwhar to Revun Warren's chu'ch. Dis meck 'im hab
a pow'ful big membuhship.
He staa't to preachin' when he in his late sixties, so 'tain't long
'fo' his health staa't to failin' fas'. He hab a young wife for a secon'
wife, an' she wan' 'im to be sicker'n he is. So she calls all de chilluns
'roun' Elduh Warren's bedside one day an' she say, "Youse sinkin'
fas', Elduh Warren; you oughta meck yo' will."
"Awright, honey," say Revun Warren. "Git a pencil an' a tablet
an' run an' git Deacon Moore to come ovuh heah rail quick." So de
littles' boy runned an' got Deacon Moore an' Miz Warren gits a
pencil an' a tablet an' Revun Warren staa'ts to meckin' his will. He
say, "Oh, Lawd, Ah mecks dis as mah las' will an' testuhmint an' Ah
hopes hit'll be mah las' will. Ah wants mah wife to hab de two
34
hunnud an' fifty acres of black lan' on de hill; an' de two spans of
black mules, Ah wants dem to go to mama, too. De five hunnud
acres of Bottom lan' Ah wants mama to hab dat. Ah wants her to
hab de chariot an' de two surreys."
"Chillun," say de young wife, "jes come heah an' lissen to yo'
pappy; he's sho' dyin' wid his good senses."
"We's got lots of milk cows," say Revun Warren. "Ah wants
mama to teck de ones dat's in de uppuh pasture, an' de chillun de
ones in de lowuh pasture."
"Lissen, chillun, lissen," say de young wife. "Yo' pappy sho' is
dyin' wid his good senses."
"Ah got three thousan' dollars in de bank," say Revun Warren.
"Give de chilluns one thousan', an' Ah wants mama to hab two
thousan'."
"Now, wife," he say, "Ah'm de one what's de writer of dis will;
Ah hopes dis will be mah final an' las' will. An' now, mama, Ah
don' ncvuh wan' you to marry no mo'."
Wbcn Revun Warren say dis, Miz Warren jump straight up from
dc (hair she settin' in an' yell loud as she kin, "Run an' git de Doc -
tub chillun, quick! Yo' pappy's talkin' out of his haid again!"
35
PART TWO
Baptizings, Conversions, and Church
Meetings
Uncle Ebun and the Sign of the Shooting Star
E VUH TIME DEY HAB A BIG CAMP - MEETIN' down to de Ebunezuh
Baptis' Chu'ch at Hearne all de han's on de plannuhtations in
dem paa'ts come to de meetin' evuh night 'caze dey allus hab de
bigges' preachuhs of the Baptis' 'nomination to run dese meetin's.
Oncet dey was a fam'ly livin' on de ole Steele plannuhtation by de
name of Hunt what was a good Christun fam'ly, but dey ain't yit got
dey pappy, Unkuh Ebun, to jine de chu'ch. He gittin' putty ole now
an' his wife, Aunt Eerie, worryin' rat smaa't 'bout his soul goin' to
torment.
So one summuh dey was habin' sich a rousin' meetin' down to
de Ebunezuh Chu'ch down to Hearne till Unkuh Ebun for de fuss
time in yeahs an' yeahs goes down to de meetin' on a Sunday night.
Dey hab a pow'ful preachuh runnin' de meetin' by de name of Elduh
Sanford. He preach a sermon dat Sunday night 'bout " Evuhthing dat
is, was, an' evuhthing dat ain't, ain't nevuh gonna be." Unkuh Ebun
lissen good to evuhthing de preachuh say an' he 'low dat he gonna
meck de preachuh out a lie 'caze he ain't nevuh b'long to de chu'ch,
but he gonna jine when dey calls for 'em to come to de mounah's
bench. So sho' 'null when dey calls for 'em to come up to de mounah's
bench Unkuh Ebun gits up wid de res' an' tecks a seat on de front
row. Evuhbody glad to see Unkuh Ebun teck a stan' for de Lawd, but
Unkuh Ebun don' chance to come thoo. Seem lack he cain't meck up
his min' whether or not he rail converted; so dat night on de way
39
back to de plannuhtation, his wife Sistuh Eerie say, "Ebun, if'n
youse in doubt ast de Lawd to show you a sign if'n youse rail con-
verted."
Hit was a putty moonlight night an' Aunt Eerie calls to min' de
sign of de shootin' star, an' she say: "If'n youse done gone up to de
mounah's bench an' don' chance to come thoo an's in doubt, ast de
Lawd to shoot you a star, an' if'n you sees a star shoot crost de
heabuns reckly attuh dis, youse rail converted, but if'n you don' see
no star shoot dat's a sho' sign you ain't gone thoo de change." Unkuh
Ebun's ol'es' boy was drivin' de mules along at a slow pace an'
Unkuh Ebun was settin' on de front plank wid him whar he could
see de . stars good, so he looked up to de skies an' he say, "Lawd,
shoot me a star." In a few minutes he seed a star shoot crost de sky,
but Unkuh Eben ain't satisfied yit; so he say, "Lawd, shoot me anothuh
star." In 'bout five minutes mo' Unkuh Ebun seent anothuh star shoot
crost de heabuns rat 'fo' his gaze, but dis ain't satisfy Unkuh Ebun yit;
so when dey staa't into de lane offen de dirt road what lead to de plan -
nuhtation, Unkuh Ebun look up at de sky again an' say, "Lawd, looks
lack hits kinda ha'ad for me to git up ma faith tonight; so Ah tells you
what you do: Shoot me de moon."
"De moon!" say Gawd. "Ah wouldn' shoot you de moon for all
de Nigguhs in de Brazos Bottoms."
Sister Carrie and the Little Wlhite Man
y ASSUH, DEY HAB A LOTS OF SIGNS in de Ole days 'bout figurin'
out de rail convert. You know dey say if'n you believe you
converted, dat night when you leaves de chu'ch an' you cain't see
whar yo' footsteps meck a track, you is rail converted, 'caze in de
flesh, a Nigguh's foot is 'casion for a track. Dey also hab a sign
when you seekin' de Savior dat say if'n you dream of a black man
you ain't rail converted; you haf to go back and dream again till you
see a li'l' white man somewhar in yo' travels.
40
Uncle Ebun and the Sign of the Shooting Star
De speakin' meetin's de one what meet de favuh of mos' of de
preachuhs in de Bottoms. Dese meetin's cause lots of fam'ly trubbles
in de Bottoms, though, 'caze de sistuhs lack to 'ten' de meetin's but
dey husban's don' relish dis heah servus, and don' line up wid dey
wives only of occasion.
' attuh freedom dey staa't de Fuss Mefdis' Chu'ch down to
Asa an' de preachuh, Elduh Jones, go hog wil' 'bout de speakin'
meetin'. Mos' of de membuhship allus come to de meetin'. But dey
was one sistuh who hab a sinnuh man for a husban'. Sistuh Carrie
Smith was her name, an' she scairt to keep comin' to de meetin' by
herse'f, an' her husban' what go by de name of Nat 'low he ain't
goin' to no sich a meetin' as dis. Fin'ly one night, she 'vail wid Nat,
an' he 'cide to go 'long wid her jes' one time an' no mo', 'caze he
don' relish lissenin' to peoples tell dey Christun 'speriunces. Dis
mek Sistuh Carrie kinda worry. So she wait till attuh all de res' of
de brothuhs an' sistuhs gits thoo tellin' dey 'speriunce 'fo' she riz
to tell her 'speriunce.
When she riz up from de bench she was settin' on to tell her
'speriunce, she say, "Brothuh Pastuh, an' Brothuhs an' Sistuhs, Ah
wants to tell y'all 'bout twenty yeahs ago, 'bout twelve o'clock mid-
night, Ah goes down to de li'l' ole branch cross from de house an'
begins to talk wid mah Jesus, an' when Ah riz up offen mah knees
Ah seed a li'l' white man stan'in' cross de creek a beckonin' for me
to come ovuh dere, an' you know sump'n, Ah been seein' dat
white man evuh since."
"Oh! yeah ?" say Nat, jumpin' up from his seat an' p'intin' his
finguh in Sistuh Carrie's face. "You gonna tell me what dat li'l' white
man's name is too!"
41
The Baptizing of the Cat Family
F ISH CREEK was de bestes baptizin' wattuh hole in de Bottoms. De
chu'ches all up an' down de Bottoms use hit some, but Revun Tay-
lor, he use hit all de time. One of de bigges' deacons in de Bottoms
b'longed to Revun Taylor's flock. His name was Deacon Armstead an'
he hab a pow'ful big fam'ly. One Sunday dey baptize twenty converts
down to Fish Creek an' li'l' Paul, de deacon's baby boy what ain't yit
turned six yeahs ole, hab a rippin' good time at de baptizin'.
So hit come to pass de nex' day dat de deacon an' his wife, Aunt
Spicy, haf to go to de county seat to pay some back taxes an' dey leaves
de chilluns to deyse'f. Cotton choppin' time done come an' gone an'
hit ain't yit time for cotton pickin'. So de li'l' chilluns is idlesome an'
don' hab nothin' to do lack de ol'es' chilluns. So dey studies up what
kin dey do to pass de time away.
Soon as dey mammy and pappy lit out for town an' dey big brothuhs
an' sistuhs done lef' to go fishin', de li'l' ole eight -yeah ole boy say,
"What we gonna play dis mawnin' ?" Den de li'l' ole six - yeah -ole baby
boy what 'joy de baptizin' so much say, "Le's play baptizin'." De li'l'
sebun - yeah -ole boy say, "Yeah, dat'll be funny, but what we gonna
use for de converts ?"
Den de eight- yeah -ole boy say, "Ah tells you what; Ah'll be de
preachuh an' Bob (dat's de sebun - yeah -ole boy's name), you be de
haid deacon, an' we'll use de ole yalluh cat an' her kittens for de con-
verts." " Dat'll be awright," Bob say.
So dey goes out to de win' mill an' pump some wattuh outen de
pump into one o' dey mammy's wash tubs, an' fills hit up; den dey
goes an' fetches de ole yalluh cat an' her kittuns from outen de hay
lof' an' lines 'em up for de baptizin'. Dey ducks 'em one by one till dey
comes to de ole mammy cat, but she claw an' scratch so much an' try
to bite till Bob, de li'l' ole sebun- yeah -ole boy servin' as de haid deacon,
42
say to de eight - yeah -ole boy, "Brothuh Pastuh, what we gonna do wid
dis heah convert what 'fuse to be 'mersed ?"
"Aw, dat's awright," 'low de oyes' li'l' ole boy what servin' as de
pastuh. "Jes' sprinkle her an' let her go on to hell."
The Hare - lipped Man and the Speaking
Meeting
S OME OF DE PASTUHS what hab de bigges' followin's in de whole
state was rat heah in de Bottoms, an' hit seem lack dat dem what
cain't read an' write hab de bestes' go. Ah calls to min' a big black
preachuh 'bout six foot sebun inches tall dat was raised in de Uppuh
Zion community. He hab de bigges' chu'ch in de Bottoms, down to
Shiloh. He don' know "A" from "Bullfrog," but he railly preach de
Word. 1 -Ie teck as his practice, "When de peoples git haa'd, let de
Word git haa'd." He say he lack Aunt Sally's white folks; de white
folks et al l de chicken an' gib Aunt Sally de gravy, but Aunt Sally
got de substance. "De white preachuh preach de Word, an' Ah heahs
de Word an' of a consequence Ah gits de substance." Evuh time he'd
git up he'd staa't his sermon off wid de words, "Brothuhs an' Sis-
tuhs, Ah is heah; Ah didn't ride on a hossback; Ah corned on a mule."
He pow'ful haa'd on his membuhship. He ebun show up de teachuh
down to Shiloh one yeah. De teachuh allus teach de Sunday School
class an' when she git thoo wid de 'struction she allus call on Elduh
Jackson (dat was de pastuh's name, Jasper Jackson) to 'view de
Sunday School lesson. So one Sunday he gits up an' stid of astin' de
chilluns questions, he lit in to astin' de teachuh, Miss Sneed, ques-
tions 'bout de Word. "Teachuh," he say, "tell us whar 'bout in de
Holy Writ do hit say dat Jesus walked forty miles on broken bottles
an' nevuh cut his foot ?" De teachuh ain't nevuh heerd tell of nothin'
lack dis heah, so she say, "Ah don' know, Elduh." Attuh dis de folks
in de Bottoms say Elduh Jackson know a whole lot mo'n de teachuh,
an' don' you know, de teachuh lose her job teachin' de school dat
yeah.
43
Elduh Jackson speshly hab a hankerin' for de speakin' meetin'.
He hab dat evuh Chuesday night an' he allus meck all of de mem-
buhs git up an' tell dey Christun 'speriunces. One Sunday night a
hare -lip man what jes move into de Bottoms from farthuh up de
Rivuh roun' 'bout Waco come up an' jined Revun Jackson's chu'ch.
Dat nex' comin' Chuesday night he was at de speakin' meetin'. He
tuck a seat rat on de front row; so when Revun Jackson git to 'im he
say, "Brothuh Brown, git up an' tell yo' Christun 'speriunce."
"Ah ain't got nothin' to say," 'low Brothuh Brown.
Evuhbody look funny when Brothuh Brown speak in dis wise to
Revun Jackson 'caze dey knows de pastuh don' stan' for nobody to
cross 'im. But Elduh Jackson pass on to de nex' pusson lack nothin'
ain't riled 'im. He go rat on down de line till he come to de las'
membuh, an' when de las' membuh done testify he come back to
whar Brothuh Brown settin' again. He stan' up ovuh 'im an' he say,
"Brothuh Brown, Ah done tole you to git up an' tell yo' Christun
' speriunce." An' Brothuh Brown say lack as befo', "Ah ain't got
nothin' to say."
All de membuhs staa't to tremblin' an' gittin' scairt for Brothuh
Brown sho' 'null now, 'caze dey know Elduh Jackson gittin' sho'
'null riled by dis time. But Elduh Jackson jes' eye 'im an' go on to
de pulpit an' raise a song an' offuh up a prayer. But attuh he done
'dude his prayer, he walk down offen de pulpit an' stan' rat in front.
of Brothuh Brown again. He p'int his finguh in his face an' he say,
"Look heah, Brothuh Brown, Ah'm astin' you de las' time to git up
from outen dat seat an' tell yo' Christun 'speriunce. Now you git up
from dere rat now an' do what Ah says."
Brothuh Brown was a li'l' bitty man, an' he so scairt he don'
know what to do wid hisse'f. So he git up tremblin' an' a shakin'
an' he say, "Ah been heahin' y'all gittin' up heah talkin' 'bout what
de Lawd done did for you, an' how you lub de Lawd, an' all sich ez
dat, an' Ah done tole you Ah ain't got nothin' to say; jes' look what
a hell of a fix He done lef' me in."
44
The Moderator and the Alligator
D E BAPTIS MODERATUH'S a big dawg in de Baptis' Chu'ch. Dey
'speriunce." bawls de pastuhs out a goin' an' a comin'. Dey's de haid men
in de 'sociations an' was thick as fleas up an' down de Bottoms.
Oncet dere was a moderatuh what go by de name of Revun Williams,
what jump on de li'l' preachuh all de time wid bof feets. He hab a
grudge speshly 'ginst a young preachuh down to Eagle Lake. He
'low dat Revun Douglass, de young preachuh, don' baptize enuff an'
dat he's lettin' de 'nomination down. De Baptis' Chu'ch grow on
dat rock, de baptizin' rock, so he say. Revun Douglass, de young
preachuh, jes' ack meek lack an' don' change words wid de mod -
(rtul', but he gittin' ready to fix his bizniss good. Putty soon he
hal) a revival an' j;its a lots of converts, so he sen' for de moderatuh
to come down an' do his baptizin' for 'im 'caze he got lots of converts.
Eagle Lake on de Lowuh Brazos almos' to de Gulf o' Mexico, an'
of occasion de wattuh back up from de Gulf into de rivuh. Anyhow,
de moderatuh 'joicin' 'cane Revun Douglass meckin' a 'tempt to carry
out de work 'cordin' to de Baptis' record, so he corned down to do
'is baptizin' for 'im.
When de Sunday corned for de baptizin', Nigguhs was strowed all
up an' down bof sides of de rivuh for de cer'mony. Baptizin' was big
doin's in dem times comin' up..De procession dis Sunday was a putty
sight to see. De moderatuh wid his putty white gloves an' rubber
wadin' boots was leadin' de way. De converts wid dey white robes an'
white haid rags was followin' rat behin' 'im. De day was clear an' de
sun was wahm, jes' de rat kin' o' day for sich ca'iens —on. De fuss one
in de line to be baptized was Sistuh Lucinda Pryor. De moderatuh tuck
his Bible in his han' an' was jes' fixin' to read de cer'mony to Sistuh Lu-
cinda when she tar her han' loose from his'n, keep her eyes glued on
dat paa't de rivuh to'a'ds de Gulf an' staa't to singin' :
45
"Ah don' lack dat comin' up younduh;
Ah don' lack dat comin' up younduh;
Ah don' lack dat comin' up younduh."
When Elduh Williams heah dis he puts on his specks, looks down de
rivuh to'a'ds de Gulf lackwise, an' sees a great big alluhgattuh swim -
min' rat to'a'ds dat paa't of de rivuh whar he baptizin'. When he see
dis, he light out to runnin' to'a'ds de rivuh bank hisse'f, rat in behin'
de converts, singin':
"An' no, by Gawd, an' Ah don' either;
An' no, by Gawd, an' Ah don' either;
An, no, by Gawd, an' Ah don' either."
The Preacher Who Walked on Water
D E PREACHUHS IN DE BOTTOMS allus lack to meck a bettuh show
dan de othuh one. All de new preachuhs what follow de ole
ones what leave de Bottoms an' go way somewhar to preach wanna
show de membuhship dey knows mo' an' kin do mo'n de pastuh what
done gone way somewhar. Dey wanna show how dey stan' in wid de
Lawd. Oncet dere was a new preachuh what been 'lected to pastuh de
Bethesda Baptis' Chu'ch down to Cedar Springs. He 'pend on Gawd
an' b'lieve Gawd ain't gonna fuhgit 'im, don' keer what he tell de
membuhship he gonna do. Dis preachuh, Elduh Washin'ton, hab a big
revival de fuss week he come to de Bottoms an' a heaps o' sinnuhs 'fess
an' jine de chu'ch.
De nex' Sunday he 'flounce dat he gonna hab a baptizin' down to de
rivuh where dey's lots o' wattuh. He 'low dat John de Baptis' didn'
pick no shallow wattuh, to baptize in, an' dat he ain't gonna pick no
slough hisse'f, 'caze he gonna walk on de wattuh too, lack Christ done
did. Se he tuck de haid deacon down to de deepes' spot of de rivuh
whar he gonna walk on de wattuh an' baptize de nex' Sunday an' hab
'im to hope 'im buil' a suppo't for a plank out in de rivuh 'bout two
feet wide, so hit won' fall down.
46
Elduh Washin'ton got evuhthing set, he think, but he don' know
dat some li'1' ole boys what was fishin' on de rivuh done seed 'im an' de
haid deacon teck de big plank an' put hit in de rivah an' buil' a suppo't
for hit. He don't know lackwise dat de minnit him an' de haid deacon
gits out of sight dese li'1' ole boys goes down to de place whar dey
done buil' de platform in de wattuh an' tecks de plank an' hits suppo'ts
outen de wattuh an' th'ows 'em out in de rivuh an' watch 'em float on
down de Brazos.
De nex' Sunday evenin' when de time come for Elduh Washin'ton
to walk on de wattuh an' do his baptizin' in de middle of de rivuh de
whole eas' side of de rivuh was lined wid han's from all de plannuh-
tations from fo' counties 'roun'. Dey done heerd 'bout de great miracle
lilduh Washin'ton gonna perform, so dey ain't aimin' to miss de 'ca-
sion. Putty soon heah come Elduh Washin'ton, de haid deacon, an' de
converts, cumin' down de haft' dat lead to dat paa't de rivuh what de
I�I.u�k ,Ion ' I)(•c.11 poi huh Washin'ton was leadin' out, so when he
II IJ; � l , IF w;� I( u h whar de plank done s'pose to be, he walk
1.11 ∎III miu dc: w;illuli I;ick he know he safe, an' kerfiop! he fall smack
'hi. ui IF rivuh an' staa't ycflin'.
),. Iii , 1 ■ Ic.0 un, scein' 'im fall in de rivuh, holler, "Look out dere,
If1,11111."
"Look out, Hell!" squall Elduh Washin'ton. "Who moved dat
plank ?"
The Trustee Board and the Cuspidor
D E OLE TIME PREACHUH ain't by hisse'f when hit come to bein'
ignorant of de Word. De membuhship an' de 'fishul boa'ds jes
as far off ez de preachuhs. Hit teck a long time for 'em to fetch deyse'f
up to de p'int dey kin ca'ie out servus in good shape, but dey haa'ts was
right, so de Lawd stan' up to 'em an' show 'em de way. He pay heed to
dat song dat say:
"Oh mah Good Lawd, show me de way;
Show me de way to go home."
47
Evuhbody haftuh error 'fo' dey git on de rat road. Ah calls to min'
Babe Hines, what live down on de ole Ellison fawm on de eas' side of
de Brazos. He de pastuh's chief stewart, an' de Scott Chapel Mefdis'
Chu'ch whar he b'long was gittin' ready to innuhtain de annual con-
ference. Dey hab a new chu'ch buildin' an' putty green carpet leadin'
up de aisle to de pulpit, but de pastuh, Revun Samson, 'low he wanna
hab evuhting jes' lack hit ought to be, 'caze he 'spirin' for a bigguh
'charge. He smaa't too, 'caze he hab lots of book learnin' an' he study
de bishop lackwise, so he desiah dat de Scott Chapel Mefdis' Chu'ch
hab evuhthing fuss rate for to innuhtain de conference. So he calls a
meetin' of de trustee boa'd an' reads off a long Es' of supplies he wan'
'em to buy for to innuhtain de conference. De boa'd pass favorable on
all de list, but Revun Samson tell 'em to hod' on a minnit, dat he done
fuhgit sump'n' nothuh dey 'bliged to hab for de bishop an' dat's some
cuspeedos, 'caze de Scott Chapel Mefdis' Chu'ch am de bigges' chu'ch
in Cameron, an' for many miles 'roun'. "Brothuhs," he say, "you know
de conference cain't git long widout some cuspeedos."
When he say dis, Brothuh Babe Hines, de chief stewart, jump up
rail quick an' say, "Brothuh Pastuh, Ah moves you dat Brother Brown
be de cuspeedo, den we won' need no mo'." Den, Brothuh Booker,
'nothuh stewart, jump up rail quick an' secon' de motion, an' don' you
know, 'fo' de pastuh kin 'splain an' straighten 'em out, dey done voted
to meck Brothuh Brown de cuspeedo.
Why Abe Brown Went to the Revival
D EY'S LOTS OF SETTLEMENTS in de Bottoms whar de preachuh an'
de membuhship don' relish no stray preachuhs nudgin' in on dey
territory. Some of 'em Bits pow'ful mad when a preachuh come from
way somewhar to preach in de Bottoms an' rouse de peoples up to dey
dooty to de Awmighty. But dey don' think in dis wise up to de Pos' -oak
districk. Pos' -oak Nigguh think he better'n de Bottom Nigguh any-
how. Dey hab a sayin' in de Bottoms dat go in dis fashion: "Pos' -oak
48
Nl.lylult Illlult he IN beller'n dr Bottom Nigguh, an' de Town Nigguh
look down 1111 11C I'ON oalc NirR1111."
I )ray ullua blimp, a stray preachuh in to do Pos' -oak districk 'reckly
Minh (I1' Net on' I►ie deli' of de cotton crop evul' year 'caze de han's hab a
II'I' motley Jn (try pockets an' kin do what dcy calls "greasin' de preach-
tam Itllitutts," I)e chu'ch what ca'ie on in dis fashion de mos' was de
Mt, l'iN}t,ult lUuptis' Chu'ch. Flit was de chu'ch what hab de bigges'
( iowd of younguns in de whole districk, 'caze de preachuh gib 'em
leave way to hab a fish fry cvuh Saddy night. De chu'ch house in dem
(lays routin' up was de Courtin' place for de young generation. But dey
ain't harry one dese heal' younguns what b'long to Mt. Pisgah what
don' Rif dal (bill); lack de Word say when dey come to be de age whar
(ley'sponsiblc for the way they 'duct deyse'f.
One yeah a pivot huh c to 'duct a 'vivul an' de crowds was so
rtrat Iclr, with ttil;ht till Nii;pults was sla all 'noun' de sides of de
at lit n 1)n' you culn't NIT ha de time who's shoutin' de mos'. All dem
whin 01t'1 done (nine thou in the olhult c birches up an' down de Bot-
totuh t 1)1111' Ihuo 111 1Il4 ' vivid Will dry feels set solid on de Christun
1tlunn', I >ey line de chu't Ii so las' fill when hit come time for de
viva( halt to brill oulen de Iloltoms de first Sunday attuh he done staa't
+I+ 'vJvu1, utos' evt.rhbody in dat paa't o' do Bottoms done link deyse'f
up wld dr Word,
Wltrn Sund mawnin' coined de preachuh try to outdo hisse'f, but
it dial' 101 ninny convert. De preachuh don' relish dis much, 'caze dis
IIC day clan he ligurin' on gittin' a lots of dat good ole Brazos Bottom
«111( al 1)i( kit1' moury to tole olden de Bottoms wid 'im, an' Sunday de
I►rc+lrN' clay to rit Itit, 'raze de ham's pits paid on a Saddy. De elduh
IchUla clown in (le dumps 'how dem! Sunday mawnin' (loin's; so when
8111111(1y ni1�,h1 n he prep( h (:heist oil to de cross an' off again; but
dry ain't nutty soul co up 11) d1' utounath's bench. Dis meek Elduh
'I'ollver Ail sl 'till In►cildc'd in min', so hr comes down offen de pul-
pIt' an' Nt ; WARM up an' down de ci'n'ch house aisle preachin'
rut' it whuopiu' an at hullc'rin' lack he ain't nevuh befo'. While he
wuN whoupin' au c Iadleriu' a boy 'bout eighteen yeah ole corned into
tir arbor Iro' (le outside whar dey was a lots o' peoples stan'in' 'roun'
49
an' staa't to walkin'. up de aisle to'a'ds de pulpit, lookin' to de right an'
lef' of de aisle ez he walked. Elduh Toliver think de boy am haided
for de mounah's bench, an' he got a Sunday convert at las', so he cain't
wait till de boy gits up to de front of de chu'ch 'fo' he stop 'im in de
aisle an' say, "Young man, am you lookin' for Soul's Salvation ?"
"Naw," 'low de boy; "Ah ain't lookin' for no Soul's Salvation; Ah'm
lookin' for Sal Jones."
The Old Moderator's Farewell Message
ECKLY ATTUH DE YANKEE SOLDIERS done come in a bulge from
way somewhars down de Gulf an' brung freedom to dem what
was raised unduh de whip an' lash, de po' slave 'tempt to git hitse'f to-
gethuh an' staa't up chu'ch servus in de Bottoms. De Mefdis', he staa't
off kinda slow lack, but de Baptis' 'nomination 'tempt to git hitse'f on
foot rat now; hit don' hab de wisdom to know dat hit got to crawl 'fo'
hit kin walk, dat hit got to folluh de style of de li'l' ole baby when hit
fuss try'n to pull hitse'f up on a straight chair an stan' lonely; dey ain't
peek far nuff back into de Word to know dat you cain't stan' on yo' feet
solid lack 'fo' de nachul time come less'n you stumbles an' falls.
De Mefdis', he don' gib a nevuhmin' who de leaduh be, but in de
Baptis' 'nomination, evuh dawg an' his brothuh wanna be de big
dawg in de chu'ch. Dis 'speshly true when hit come to de big chu'ch
gath'rin' what go by de name of de 'sociation. Dey staa't sich fussin'
an' fumin' an a goin –on 'bout who gonna be de leaduh till dey 'tides
de bes' way outen de mess is to 'leck what you calls a moderatuh to
'tide ovuh de 'sociation what meet evuh yeah durin' of de cotton pickin'
season while de han's in de Bottoms is got a li'l' money dey kin call
dey own. 'Count of hit bein' so haa'd to keep down trubble, dey allus
'leck a big black six -foot preachuh to be de moderatuh of de 'sociation,
'caze he de onlies' style o' preachuh kin hol' his groun' an' keep de
preachuhs from tacklin' one anothuh an' habin' fis' fights rat in de pul-
pit. Dese moderatuhs was ez strong ez oxens, toted pistols, an' was ez
50
Inn I. on de I ez greased lightnin'. Ah tells you, de ole -time mo-
tini.iluh was a pow'ful man in de 'nomination; but lack as allus, dis
I .I ..Iyle cain't las' for allus; so putty soon de young Nigguh staa't
to'a'ds de nuin'stry an' gittin' on boa'd de Gospel Train. De
inc ii i 1 a p, I ackwise, staa't teckin' up wid de young preachuh's style.
Ah calls to min' down to Yeawah Creek, one time, when de Mission-
ary 13aptis' ' Sociation meet dere, dey hab a 'leckshun of de moderatuh
an' still of 'lectin' de rail ole tall black preachuh, what been de moder-
atuh of de 'sociation for twenty -fo' yeahs, dey 'lects a tall han'some
brown -skin preachuh 'bout thirty -five yeah ole to be de moderatuh.
I)is meek Revun Holoway, de ole moderatuh, pow'ful mad, an' he eye
do young moderatuh lack he wanna tar 'im in two. So when de preach-
till what was 'zidin' ovuh de leckshun call on de ole moderatuh to hab
a farewell say, de ole moderatuh riz up outen his seat, scowled at de
l i ll nihs an' sisluhs an' preachuhs what done tuck his job 'way from
'ini, I ui G. a fug e• towel what he use for a hankershuf outen his pocket,
wit • dr• sweat (den his face an' say:
"1'�ni I;now sunil�in' y'all is jes' lack fishes. Now you teck de suckuh
lisp; y don' (Amin haf to th'ow no bait in de wattuh to ketch 'im;
jes 111'ow de hook in dc wattuh an' he'll bite at hit. Dat's de way some
of you chu'ch membuhs is; de fuss thing de preachuh say, you bites at
(tit an' dey ketches you nappin'.
"Den you teck de catfish; he's a ver' popluh fish — evuhbody lacks
him. You kin th'ow any kin' o' bait in de wattuh an' he'll bite at hit;
taint much trubble to ketch 'im, but if'n you don't watch 'im close,
he'll git 'way from you. Dat's de way 'tis wid some of you membuhs;
you jines de chu'ch on mos' any kin' of sermon —don' keer who preach
hit an' dey ketches you nappin'.
"Den, dere's de flyin' fish, he's so fas' you cain't ketch 'im in de wat-
nth, or outen de wattuh; paa't de time he's in de wattuh; nex' minnit
he's in de air. He don' stay nowhars. He jes' lack some o' you no 'count
trill in' membuhs; dis week you b'longs to St. John Chu'ch; nex' week
you jines up wid Mount Moriah; week attuh nex' yo' name's on de
books of St. James; nex' month, you done move you' membuhship to
Mt. Pisgah; you don' stay nowhars.
51
"Den you teck de blow fish; he looks lack a fish, he acks lack a fish,
an' you thinks deys a lots to 'im but dey ain't. As soon as de win's
blowed out of 'im dey ain't nothin' to 'im; he ain't no use to hisse'f an'
nobody else. Dat's de way 'tis wid some of you preachuhs; you looks
lack a preachuh; you acks lack a preachuh, you gits up 'fo' de chu'ch
an' you brags an' you puffs yo'se'f out, but dey ain't nothin' to you.
Youse jes' full fo win' lack de blow fish.
"Den dere's de gol' fish; evuhbody lacks 'im; he's putty, he's allus
whar you kin see 'im, but you air' s'pose to tech 'im. He's 'tractive, he's
easy to look at, dey keep 'im in de house in a putty bowl. Folks don' try
to ketch 'im —dey tecks food to 'im, but if'n you tech 'im he'll die.
Dat's de way 'tis wid dese young preachuhs; he's dressy, he's cute, he's
got his hair all slicked back, he ca'ies a powder puff wid 'im in de pul-
pit, he tecks his hankershuf, an' brushes hisse'f off durin' of de sermon,
he tecks a fan an' fans hisse'f in de pulpit; he's easy to look at; de sis-
tuhs feeds 'im, an' tecks on ovuh 'im, but he's easy kilt lack de gol' fish.
"An las', but'n no wise de leastes', Ah wants evuh livin' soul heah
tonight to keep dis in yo' 'membrane dat Ah mought gib out, but
Ah ain't in no wise evuh gonna gib up. Amen!"
The Complaining Church Sister
D ON' MECK NO DIFFUNCE how good a sermon de preachuh
preach, dey's some folks dat don' lib lack dat Book say. Dey
teck up wid de style of de worl' an' stray off to de devul's side; dey
ain't git dat whole thing lack dat Book say, an' dey 'low deyse'f to
be tolled off in de dark so far `till dey puts a rope 'round dey neck
wid dey sinful acks.
Ah calls to min' a big fat sistuh what b'long to de li'l' ole Baptis'
chu'ch down to Ball Hill. She weigh 'bout two hunnerd an' fifty
poun's an' she go by de name of Mariah, but she sho' -fire proof dat
Bad Religion am still foot loose in de country.
Sistuh Mariah speshly hab a habit of complainin' all de time; she
52
hab A mean I,;tIkil an' ;t haa'd haa't an' she allus sayin' mean things
'bout de ?rem hubs an' de membuhship. She don' hab de wisdom to
know do durance twix a true chile of Gawd an' a rank sinnuh; so
she fail to stay on her watch an' come to be one of de bigges' hypo -
crites an' hacksliduhs on de east side of de Brazos. She 'speshly don'
hub no good blood for anothuh sistuh in de chu'ch, what go by de
name of Sistuh Susie. Dis de why she don' hab no good blood for
Sistuh Susie: dey bof got gals, an' Sistuh Susie's gal done went an'
tuck Sistuh Mariah's gal's beau an' marry 'im. Dis heah meck Sistuh
Mariah pow'ful mad, an' evuh time she git de chance to do sumpin'
'nothuh to meck Sistuh Susie feel bad she do it. Evuhthing Sistuh
Susie do or say, Sistuh Mariah would teck de op'site side.
WI ten de new preachuh fuss come to de chu'ch an' preach his fuss
sermon, Sistuh Susie walk up to 'im attuh de sermon, shuck an' re-
shut I< lii. li,ui' ;ui' say, "lilduh, dat sho' was a good sermon you
pt'cut:hc•d ; All ' juyed it ." Den Sistuh Marian walk rat up 'bin' 'er an'
Any, "Look a Iwali IiIdult, Ic•nuue tell you sumpin', you gonna haf to
Fro( h Itatiwr'n any twenty utinnits from now on; Ah haf to walk
livr utilc•s to heap you, an' All ain't gwine walk no five miles to heah
uo Iwcnly- minnit sermon."
Sistuh Mariah staa't out to complainin' 'bout de new preachuh an'
she don' let up. 'Bout two mont's attuh de new preachuh done lit
in de Bottoms, Sistuh Mariah goes down to de commissary for a jar
of snuff an' meets Sistuh Susie. When she see Sistuh Susie, she walk
ovuh to her an' say, "Don' you git tiahed a lissenin' to de preachuh
preach de same sermon evuh Sunday de Lawd sen' ?"
"Naw, Ah don' git tiahed," say Sistuh Susie. "Don' meck no dif-
funce if'n he do preach de same sermon evuh Sunday; he hollers in
diffunt places, don' he ?"
Sistuh Mariah don' relish de ansuh Sistuh Susie give her a -tall,
so she 'low dat she gonna ebun up de score wid Sistuh Susie rat
whar evuhbody'll know hit, de ver' fuss chance she git. She 'low dat
Sistuh Susie done seent Little Hell, but she gonna see Big Hell fo'
she git thoo wid her, you kin bank on dat.
So, sho' 'null, de vet' nex' Wednesday night when dey hab de
53
speakin' meetin' down to de chu'ch house, an' hit come Sistuh Susie's
turn to tell her Christun 'speriunce, Sistuh Susie gits up an' say,
"Brothuhs an' sistuhs, de night Ah comed thoo, Ah seed a thousand
cats," an' when Sistuh Susie say dis, Sistuh Mariah, what settin' on de
far side of de chu'ch house, jump up rail quick an' say, "Too many
cats."
"Well, den, brothuhs an' sistuhs," say Sistuh Susie, "Ah seed five
hunnud cats."
"Too many cats," yelled Sistuh Mariah, jumpin' up outen her seat
again.
"Well, den, brothuhs an' sistuhs," 'low Sistuh Susie; "Ah seed two
hunnud an' fifty cats, an' Ah ain't gonna teck anothuh damn cat off."
Attuh dis, de membuhship bar Sistuh Mariah from de speakin'
meetin', an' she come to meek her po' Christun life a average Christun
life in de chu'ch.
Sister Sadie Washington's Littlest Boy
S ISTUH SADIE WASHIN'TON was a widow woman, but one of de
trues' chillun of Gawd dat you gonna evuh run 'cross durin' of a
lifetime. Sistuh Sadie hab de record thoo de whole Bottoms of bein'
one o' de good uns when hit come to dem what hab paa'lance wid de
Lawd, an' she done got dat thing lack de Word say git hit.
But Sistuh Sadie hab one pow'ful regret —she hab a boy, her littlest
boy, what go by de name of Pete, what ain't yit jine de chu'ch an' come
to be a Christun. Pete out of his thirteen crowdin' his fo'teen, an' done
growed into de shape of a man, so Sistuh Sadie don' feel lack she
'sponsible to Gawd for 'im no mo'.
Don' keer how haa'd Sistuh Sadie an' de membuhship of de Mt.
Zion Chu'ch try, dey cain't in no -wise toll Pete off to de Christun faith.
Sistuh Sadie de mammy of fifteen yaps, an' Pete de onlies' one what
ain't come thoo an' be converted; he done rech his own 'sponsibility to
de Lawd, an' he ain't 'fessed religion yit. So Sistuh Sadie heah 'bout a
54
cousin' ' vivul dry was habin' up to Bryan 'mongst de Town Nigguhs
an' do Pos'' oak Nigguhs, an' she tuck li'l' ole Pete an' dragged 'im
out Io (le meet in' one eight. She set 'im down rat by her so de triflin'
rascal c ain't slily outer tic chu'ch house an' cut buddy short back home.
Putty soon de preachuh what come from way somewhars to 'duct de
'vivul line a hymn for to staa't de servus an' den staa't blowin' Gawd's
word outen his system lack ole Number Three blow steam outen hits
smokestack when hit git to de railroad crossin' on de ole Carter plan-
nuhlatiou. Dat's de plannuhtation whar Sistuh Sadie an' her chilluns
all 'necks de day an' gits dey pay from Ole Man Carter what own de
plannuhtation. Pete, he de wattuh boy for de han's on de plannuhta-
1 ion, an' he lackwise beats de sweep for de han's to knock off from
work an come to dinnuli.
I>c prearhul► hab a great big voice, an' weigh 'bout three hunnud
pounds. When he walk 'cross de flo', de whole chu'ch house rock an'
shake la( k a ( )(clone clone hit: it. Dis kinda scare li'l' ole Pete; dis de
Iuss Time in his Zile he done evuh seed a preachuh dis big what kin
shake do Ilo', so he thii►ks hit's de Lawd shakin' de flo', an' he goes up
to de mccuoalu's bench an' meek out he converted. Dat was de secon'
Saddy night in do moat' an' de pastuh of de chu'ch set de fo'th Sun -
day ez de day for de baptizin' of de new converts.
Sistull Sadie so proud dat Pete done come thoo she don' know what
to do, so she go all up an' down de whole Bottoms tellin' evuhbody
she sees to be at de big baptizin' on de fo'th Sunday, down on de Big
Brazos, 'caze Pete gonna be baptized. So de fo'th Sunday corned an'
'bout sebun hunnud Town Nigguhs, Pos' -oak Nigguhs, an' Bottom
Nigguhs congugates on bof sides of de Big Brazos, jes' 'fo' hit gits to
de fork of de rivuh on de ole Washin'ton plannuhtation, to see de
haptizin'. Dc pastuh an' de 'vangelis' lines up de cannuhdates on de
banks of de rivuh. Li'l' Pete was number sebun in de line, an' evuh-
thing gittin' 'long fine till dey gits to Pete. De converts what baptized
'fo' Pete 'ud all holler, "Ah b'lieves de Lawd done saved mah soul,"
when de preachuh'd duck 'em under de wattuh; but when dey duck
Ii'I' ole Pete, he don' say narry word, jes' stan' dere in de wattuh an'
look.
55
So de preachuh push Pete to one side in de wattuh, an' go on an'
duck anothuh convert, an' dis convert lack all de res' 'cep'n Pete yell,
"Ah b'lieves de Lawd done saved mah soul." Den de preachuh turn
'roun' to Pete, grab 'im an' duck 'in]. again, but Pete don' say nothin' yit;
he jes' Stan' dere lack he in a transom or sump'n. So de preachuh
shove 'im to one side again an' go on an' duck anothuh convert, an' dis
heah convert squall out jes' lack de res', "Ah b'lieves de Lawd done
saved mah soul." Den de preachuh turn 'roun' and grab li'l' ole Pete an'
duck 'im again, an' dis time, when Pete come outen de wattuh, he yell,
"Ah b'lieves, Oh! Ah b'lieves!"
Sistuh Sadie was stan'in' on t'othuh side of de rivuh, an' she so hap-
py dat Pete done come thoo an' confess till she yell back at 'im, "What
you b'lieve, son? Oh! what you b'lieve?"
"Ah b'lieve," yell Pete, "dat dis damn preachuh tryin' to drown me;
dat's what Ah b'lieve."
Uncle Charlie Gets Directions
® NE DE BESTES' CHILLUN OF GOD dat evuh plowed a row in de
whole Bottoms was Unkuh Charlie Brown, what was a crop -
puh on de ole Martin plannuhtation his whole life thoo. Unkuh Charlie
lacked all preachuhs, but he jes' wil' 'bout de preachuh what evuh-
body call Sin Killer Johnson. Sin Killer earn dis heah name 'caze
de say he kill de sin in people and meck de Word soak into 'em so
till dey comes to be Christuns.
Well, to meck a long story short, one time Sin Killer was rennin'
a 'vivul down to Bryan, an' Unkuh Charlie want to go an' heah Sin
Killer blow de Word of God outen his system, an' kill de sin in de
peoples' haa'ts, an' meck 'em git dat thing lack de Word say git hit.
De meetin' was bein' held at de Mount Sinai Baptist Chu'ch up to
Bryan. Unkuh Charlie ain't nevuh been in de Pos' -oak districk befo',
let alone de town of Bryan, so he don't know zackly what de Mount
Sinai Chu'ch house be. He 'vites his wife an' her mammy to go
56
1
'lung, wid 'hu to Beal) Sin Killer preach one Saddy night, an' he
teck chances on somebody in Bryan pointin' out de chu'ch house to
'hit, but he don' know dat dc Mount Sinai Chu'ch ain't in town, dat
hit's way out in do country, 'bout five mile from Bryan. So when he
drive his !WY; and buggy up to a drinkin' trough, so's de hoss kin
Ail 'int a drink, he ast a Nigguh stan'in' by de trough chewin' on
some chewin' tobaccuh whar de Mount Sinai Chu'ch house is whar
Sin Killer Johnson was preachin'. De Nigguh look at 'im lack he
Think Unkuh Charlie out of his min' or sumpin', an' he say, "Whar's
you from, not knowin' de Mount Sinai Baptis' Chu'ch be in de
country, 'bout five mile out of town ?"
" WI iat slat you say ?" 'low Unkuh Charlie.
"Ali say, what's you from ?" de Nigguh say again.
"What yo ► lalkin' 'bout, where's mah from ?" say Unkuh Charlie.
"Ah ain't got no 'from,' Al! Id' hit at home. What Ah wants to know
ant, how dues Ali j;it toile Mount Sinai Baptis' Chu'ch?"
"Will, Ah tells you," say do Nigguh; "go rat down dat road
dere for Iwo or II►ree Wailes and turn to de right, and you'll see a
pupa' oak free wid do bottom limb broke off; teck de lef' - han road
till you comes to a cane patch; go down de head row and cross de
branch; den turn back to de right an' you'll see a house wid a piece
of pasteboard in de window; turn norf at dat house and you'll strike
a windin' road; follow bit to de end and you'll come to a red house
wid a spotted yelluh dog in de yaa'd, an' ast de man what lives
dere what de Mount Sinai Baptis' Chu'ch be, and he kin tell you
zackly whar de chu'ch be."
57
A Sermon, a Cat, and a Churn
rr I IU .KS Goon RELIGION for de great Gawd Awmighty to stan'
i i l , I + . yin' a r' 'idol: you to de promus Ian'. Mos' evuhbody got
;in.! ,Ii• nowadays. De white folks ebun down
iyit rrn,' 41, 1 use to. White folks gittin' mo' lack black folks
evnh iI:+t Jut' l !.+ I. t dI 'c i>iltin' mu' lack white folks evuh day. De
wl u l (• I ' l l . +r+ , Ii I t, )1 k +n15 silo' a lung sight better'n dey was reckly at-
Illli 'r+i•ui .i I I .+l a n+.
A l + , A l . . . de e ul a Jones plannuhtation down to Brazoria on de
I ,ow l i t ,+ z+ s. Ole Colonel Jones hab a bell he done meck outen de
ule rnin'Iy silver what he hang on top of de cawn crib he done buil' in
de fawm yaa'd. He put a long rope on de bell what rech from de top of
de cawn crib clean on thoo de window to his baid, so's he could pull
de bell evuh mawnin' 'dout ebun gittin' outen his baid. All he haf to
do is to tech up what he got de rope tied on to a nail driv in de baid
pus' an' pull hit. He do dis evuh mawnin' to call de han's to work long
'fa' sunup, 'bout a hour an' a ha'f 'fo' daybreak. Den, he meck 'em stay
in de feel' till pitch dark. He say de moon change thirteen times a yeah
an' slat he gonna git thirteen mont's work outen his Nigguhs. Sich
ca' lens -on ain't in de Bottoms today. De white boss -mens what own de
plannuhtation stays in town way somewhat an' 'hab a Nigguh rider to
run de fawm. De Nigguh rider, he a rail obuhseer, but dey don' say so.
De boss -mens fin' out de Nigguh rider mecks mo' money for 'em dan
a white obuhseer; dat's de why dey change dey fashion an' hire cullud
61
mens to look attuh dey fawms. Dey's lots of 'em in de Bottoms today.
Cose dey don' come out ahaid much, but dey fares way bettuh dan
befo'.
When a Nigguh used to go to de commissary to buy hisse'f a can of
molasses, or a plug of chewin' tobaccuh, or sump'n nothuh lack dat,
an' dey's a picture of some white pussun on de can label, he'd haf to
say, "Gimme a can of 'Miss Mary Jane molasses,' " or "Gimme a can of
`Mistuh Prince Albert tobaccuh.' " Well dis heah fashion done played
out now, an' mos' de Bottom white folks is marchin' in step wid de
Word.
De cullud preachuh used to hab a haa'd way to go in de Bottoms,
lackwise. De boss -mens tell 'im what to preach in his sermons. Dey
meck 'im preach obeyin' yo' ,boss -mens an' dey pays de preachuh off -
han' wid a silvuh dolluh or two. Dey don' ebun 'low 'im to ca'ie no mud
outen de Bottoms on his buggy wheels when hit rain; dey say de Brazos
Bottoms red stiff san' too good to ca'ie outen de Bottoms on buggy
wheels way somewhar, so dey mecks 'im clean de wheels off an' drive
his hoss way 'roun', miles outen de way, when hit come a downpour of
rain. Dey done fin' out now, though, dat de show crop's on de sof' light
san'.
Ah calls to min' Sistuh Janie Moore what b'long to de Pleasant Val-
ley Baptis' Chu'ch down to de ole Coffee fawm. Sistuh Janie ver' faith-
ful membuh of de chu'ch. All de membuhship of dat chu'ch was faith-
ful lackwise. De pastuh, Revun Preston, a gravy train preachuh, an'
he allus tack de membuhship on some dark an' gloomy trip in his ser-
mons. He hab a practice dat de brothuhs an' sistuhs allus go back home
attuh he preach a sermon an' put de sermon into practice dat nex'
comin' week. He 'low dat he a preachuh what relish action in de mem-
buhship. Evuh Sunday attuh he gits thoo preachin', he allus gib space
for de . brothuhs an' sistuhs to tell how dey done put into practice de
sermon he done preach de week befo'.
One Sunday, Revun Preston tuck for his tex' "You brung nothin'
heah, an' you ain't gonna teck nothin' away." So when de nex' Sunday
roll 'roun an' de time come for de membuhship to tell how dey done
put de sermon of de pas' Sunday into practice durin' de week, Sistuh
62
Ionic All till tin' soy, "Ah wonls Io Ic ll y'all what de sermon de pastuh
plOo, it (lit 1114 Sinoloy done did Ior urc. When Ali left' home las' Sun -
titty, Alt 10' tit. tunic who! Alt done churn 'fu' All come to chu'ch in de
I, In hen wid Ile lop offrn hil so's de bun uh could rise to de top an' cool
oil, do when de servus w ;11 ovuh Ias' Sunday an' All clone pass de time
of Ilay wil I a few of de sistuhs, A1► goes on home an' goes in de kitchen
to Net' ' lulu) nl;lh mill: in do churn, an' what you reckon Ah seed? Mah
ole IIIuch Ions cal, what clone failed in de churn, a scramblin' 'roun' an'
'roun' in de milk tryiu' to git out.
"Well, stilt, de fuss thing Ah calls to min' is de pastuh's sermon; so
Ah grills oh' 'foil by de nap of his neck, raises 'im up an' hol's 'im
nvtih de churn; den Ah reaches ovuh on de table an' gits mah dish rag
tin' wipes de mill; all' bulluh offen'im till dey ain't narry drop on 'im,
den Alt Nuys to 'in I ' fo' Al l Innis 'im loose, 'You brung nothin' heah an'
you 11111'1 Illllllm l II'Ir Ilollllll' away.' "
'I'lh Preacher who Asked Too Many Questions
A II e:Al,is '1 MIN' a preachuh what pastuh de Hardin Chapel
(:hu'ch down to Jerusalem by de name of Elduh Morrow.
I lardin Chapel de ol'es' Baptis' Chu'ch in dem paa'ts of de Bottoms.
I lit's de bcstes' chu'ch, 'caze de han's pay in de mos' money an'
'tend de servus mo' so'n de res'. Evuh Sunday de pastuh preach,
some of de membuhs 'vice 'im out to a big chicken dinnuh. Fin'ly
he clone go de roun's till he been to all de membuhs' house for
dinnuh 'cep'n one, an' dis Brothuh an' Sistuh Robinson's; Brothuh
Robinson ain't so stuck on Elduh Morrow. He 'low he got de runnin'
off at de motif too much, but fin'ly Sistuh Robinson 'suade 'im to let her
'vitc Elduh Morrow to a Sunday chicken dinnuh, 'caze she say all de
res' of de membuhs done hab 'im ovuh to dey house.
So when de nex' Sunday come an' de mawnin' servus was ovuh,
Elduh Morrow goes to Brothuh an' Sistuh Robinson's house for his
Sunday chicken dinnuh. Dey hab three big fat hens on de table,
63
so attuh dey sets down to de table an' says grace, Brothuh Robinson
turnt to Elduh Morrow an' say, " Elduh, what paa't of de chicken
does you lack bes' ?"
"Ah lacks de breas' an' all de res'," say Elduh Morrow, jes' a
gigglin' an' actin' silly; so Brothuh Robinson serves 'im a big piece
of breas' an' a good ole juicy drumstick. De Elduh et dis an' 'tain't
long 'fo' he pass his plate again for some mo' dat good ole chicken.
He et dis, an' 'fo' you kin turn aroun', he done pass his plate de
third time for some mo' chicken. Brothuh Robinson, he look at
Sistuh Robinson, an' Sistuh Robinson eye Brothuh Robinson, but
dey don' say nothin'. Elduh Morrow, he don' say nothin', lackwise,
but he sho' eatin' dat good ole chicken. Putty soon, he pass his plate
do fo'th time for some mo' chicken. He clear his th'oat a little an'
rare way back in his chair, an' say, "Humph, dis sho' am good chicken;
Brothuh Deacon, whar you git good chicken lack dis ?"
"Now, look a heah, Elduh," say Brothuh Robinson, "youse goin'
too far! Ah comes to chu'ch, an' Ah lissens to yo' sermons, an' Ah
enjoys 'em, but Ah don' ast you whar you gits 'em."
The Haunted Church and the Sermon on
Tithing
Q NCET DOWN ON DE OLE WASHIN'TON FAWM dere was a Mef-
dis' preachuh by de name of Revun Logan what stay at de
same charge for thirty yeah or mo'. He hol' de membuhship togedduh
an' buil' de fuss chu'ch house in Eloise. Evuhbody in de Bottoms hab
a good feelin' for Revun Logan, so when de new bishop dey 'lected
hol' de annul conference down to Chilton one yeah, he change
Revun Logan from de Wes' Texas Conference an' move 'im to de
Texas Conference. Dis heah hurt Revun Logan's feelin's pow'ful
bad, 'caze he bred an' bawn in de Bottoms, an' he ain't wanna trace
his steps outen de Bottoms way dis late in life. He wropped up in
de membuhship an' de settlement, but de new bishop lack de 'pos'l'
64
The Preacher Who Asked Too Many Questions
Paul dat de Word tell 'bout. He say don' none of dese things move
'int an' keep 'im from 'bidin' by de law what done been writ in de
displin'.
It (Nun Logan all bowed down in sorrow an' his haa't moughty
Ircaby wid de partin' from his chu'ch starin' 'im in de face; so de
ncx' mawnin' attuh he corned back from de conference de ole man
what sweep up de chu'ch go by de li'l' pawsonage to pass de time
of day wid 'im an' fin' 'im dead on the kitchen Ho'. So dey buries
'im in de graveyard on de chu'ch groun's what he done hab de
cembuhship buy.
De nex' Sunday de preachuh what de bishop done sen' to teck
Revun Logan's place come to preach his fuss sermon. De new preach -
uhs in dem days comin' up allus preach dey fuss sermon in de night
time, so dis new preachuh gits up in de pulpit dat fuss night an' pray;
den he raise his voice to lead a song; nex' he light out to preachin', but
no sooner'n he staa't, de oil lamps all goes out an' ghostes staa'ts to
comin' into de chu'ch house thoo de windows and de doors. Sump'n
lack a gust of win' come thoo de whole chu'ch house. De pastuh, de
membuhship, an' de chilluns all lights out from dere for de dirt road.
De new preachuh saddle his boss rail quick an' rides clear on outen de
Bottoms, an' dey don' nevuh heah tell of 'im from dat day to dis one.
De bishop sen's 'bout fo' mo' preachuhs to pastuh de charge attuh
dis, but lack as befo' de same thing happens an' dey saddles dey
bosses an' lights outen de Bottoms, an' don' nevuh come back no mo'.
De membuhship say dat dem ghostes was Revun Logan an' de ole
pilluhs of de chu'ch what buried in de chu'ch graveyard comin' back,
'caze dey ain't pleased wid de fashion de bishop done treat Revun
Logan.
Pin'ly, de bishop sen's a rail young preachuh what done finish up
in a Mefdis' Preachuh school way somewhar. Dis his fuss charge
an' he brung his wife wid 'im. De membuhship jes' know dis heah
young preachuh gonna be scairt to deaf Sunday night when he staa't
to preachin' an' de ghostes staa't to comin' in de windows, so dey
meck hit up dat dey ain't narry one of 'ern goin' in de chu'ch dat
night; 'stid, dey gonna all congugate on t'othuh side de dirt road
65
'cross from de chu'ch house an' crack dey sides laflin' when de young
preachuh an' his wife come runnin' outen de chu'ch house when de
lamps goes out an' de ghostes staa'ts to comin' in.
Dey lines up cross de road from de chu'ch house long 'fo' de
young preachuh an' his wife goes into de chu'ch house dat night an'
lights de lamps. But fin'ly de preachuh an' his wife shows up an'
lights all de lamps in de pulpit an' 'noun' de walls. Den de preachuh
tuck his Bible an' his hymn book out, turnt to a page in de hymn
book an' raised a hymn. Den he put de hymn bock down, open up
his Bible, an' read a passage of scripture. When he done did dis,
he offuh up a short prayer, den 'nounce his tex'. But de minnit he
'nounce his tex' de lamps goes out an' de ghostes staa'ts comin' in
thoo de windows lack ez befo'. But de preachuh an' his wife don'
budge. He keep rat on wid his sermon lack nothin' ain't done hap-
pen an' de sperrits an' ghostes all teck seats in de pews till he
finish his sermon. He preach a sermon 'bout tithin' —you gib one
tent' of you' wages to de chu'ch, he say. So when he git thoo wid de
sermon, he say to his wife, "Sistuh White, git de collection plate an'
pass hit 'roun' so's de Brothuhs an' Sistuhs kin th'ow in de collec-
tion." An' when he say dis, de ghostes staa'ts flyin' outen de win-
dows faster'n dey corned in, an' de lamps come to be lighted again.
When de membuhship see dis dey all staa't runnin' cross de road
to de chu'ch house whar de young preachuh an' his wife was gittin'
dey things togethuh to leave de chu'ch house. Dey rushes up to de
new preachuh, shakes his han' an tells 'im de bishop sho' done sen'
de rat preachuh to dis charge. Dey tells 'im he done broke de spell
of de ghostes, an' dis must of been de truf, 'caze de ghostes ain't
nevuh showed up no mo', from dat day to dis one.
66
TA) 1,ttl'rl /V.111y'sPrayer
4 1 1 ' 1 1 ' 1 u I (v i i i 1 v I i u r. % w:e, do bcsies' ( ;heist un in de whole Bottoms.
k '1111 hint 11411 I01e11 Io wort; in de chu'ch. She been doin' Gawd's
wnil, Iii nwny a ye.111. She slant off when she a li'l' bitty ole gal
will 1nill' Ion liar oar Missy in slav'ry time. Sistuh Milly b'long to de
( 4444i41'1s 41111 in' !sill v'iy Iinw an' her ole Missy hab her to wait on her
4111 414 Iline, 1ilii I,ec•1) Ii'l' Milly rat in de Big House an' she come to
11 41 11ou , u l . 114 1 4 41, M i ;sy I u ck a lackin' to her an' u'd read de
1111th Ili ht with nI }1,111 dc' I,snv,I r In dent clays comin' up, dey
4114111' I141b 1111 111111141 1414',1( 111111'1 111 dr Iti,11cm1s, hut dey hab a ole man
who) Irrtrrlr Iib,"r 111 l+rr•,r, 11(•',1 sIc•a1 off of occasion clown to
tlw Ilo4vti wail II 1111111 II ill slaves an' 'due I prayer an' song servus. He
Iiii11W 11111 lily MINNIIN Iraq Ile Ilihle lo Ii'I' Milly cvuh night, so he ast
hill 111 411111 'fill II 1111111
I4I'I' 1v11IIy hinny de Misaus got tliice or fo' Bibles, so she steal de
Iural huh on0, an' 1 a'ie hit hi 'MI, I)is de way de fuss cullud preach-
hi' Iii 1111 114)1I11111N NIlla'I, by Sistuh Milly stealin' dat Bible when she
WIIN 1I li'I' slave oil, lilt conic to Sistuh Milly dat she was a mis-
alunsly, No dey was a tilt' slave by de name of Unkuh Bert what was
111 111' It11' I,I'I' Milly Icnil 'MI a pair of socks an' give 'em to 'im. Putty
N1s11► 11111111 din de ole 1111111 so-
y to Sislull Milly, "Mali daughtuh, Ah
WW1' s11n10 1111,0," So do neK' Sunday, li'I' Milly stealed 'im a big
photo III rIIIra how 1111 MINIais' cupboard an' put hit in her bosom
All' WIIIItt41l olden 11e IA hen pas' ode Massuh Cooper. Ole Massuh
(''.titlli@ W11N ryrlli' her when she go to uteri do door, but he don' say
no111111' 1111 Nh0 done , onsc back. I )en he wanlla whip her for stealin'
1111111m 0 of c a1ce, an Ile say, - Melly, you bubl►ies ain't big ez dey was
WIwit you gone oufro heah while ago."
Mull rlkN I1'1' Milly staa't to sludyin' an' she say to herse'f, "Ah
Wtlluhll►M II'n Christ had to ;Ural lack dis to do missionary work ?"
But she growed on an' she growed on, so when freedom come in a
bulge '£o' you c'd say, "Amen," an' dey staa't de Baptis' chu'ch down
to Wild Hoss Slew, dey p'int Sistuh Milly to he'p raise money to buil'
de chu'ch house, so she calls a meetin' of de sistuhs an' asts 'em what
kin we do to raise some money to he'p buil' de chu'ch house? She
say, "Ah ain't no woman for dancin'; we don' wanna do dat." Den
she say, "Ah knows what; evuhbody kin git some hens an' we'll hab
a hen barbecue an' sell 'em to de white peoples down to Calvert."
So de sistuhs pay heed to Sistuh Milly an' dey sells a hunnud dol-
lars worth of chickens an' raises de first hunnud dollars on dis chu'ch
down to Wild Hoss Slew, an' dey calls hit to dis day "Hicks Chapel,"
attuh Sistuh Milly.
Sistuh Milly worked in de chu'ch for many a yeah. She allus stan'
fas' by de pastuh an' his fam'ly; ain't nothin' she don' do for 'em no
time. But fin'ly she come to be 'bout ninety -nine yeahs ole an' her hus-
ban' an' two chilluns done gone on to glory long yeahs befo', so she
gittin' kinda tiahed of lingerin' down heah on urf by herse'f. She
cain't 'ten' de servus, 'caze she too feeble, bein' cripple wid de rheu-
matism, so she staa'ts to prayin' evuh night astin' de Lawd to come
git her, dat she ready to go home to heabun.
'Bout sebun weeks attuh Sistuh Milly staa't to prayin' an' astin'
de Lawd to come an' git 'er, a airplane come buzzin' 'roun' in de sky
while Sistuh Milly was out in de yaa'd an' she heah de noise an' look
up an' spy de airplane flyin' to'a'ds her li'l' ole shack. She ain't nevuh
heerd of no airplane, let alone seein' one, so she think de Lawd am
comin' for her, an' she fall flat down on de groun' rail quick an' squall
out, "Lawd, you said youse comin' from de eas'."
The Oxen and the Denominations
I F'N HIT DON' BE FOR DE OLE TIME NIGGUH PREACHUH de wort'
done fall from grace lo dese many yeahs. Ah tells you, de ole
preachuh study to know; dey study de Word an' dey study 'nomination,
lackwise. Ah calls to min' a soldier of de Cross by de name of Elduh
68
thaell WIUII hrdt wiliirMN to ills Isic% Itlditlt ('rccn hah a chu'ch down to
VtiII► ►y Jlllu Ilull, till it lttwnt, 1111' lie wruppecl up in (le glory lan'. He
�lutly wily 'l ill hits Illtie tut 'montinntiot►.
OI►tt tl►ty whrl► Ilr WON drlvlm his nxcns to 1 Icaine, the pass a white
Milli till' alt+ whil(1 man hrrtlt Itevutt (;rem talk in' to his oxen callin''em
by tlpy Iltittu(N, but he don' in nu wise unn de kinda language
I14 +4ttll ( }rt'rn mitt', no he pH( k up his cars again an' see if'n he lissen-
III' I1,1I1I, l(rwun ( ;Fern wits talk ill' to dc oxens iu dis wise, "Back gee
(Imo, OIo Iluplis'; whoa, ( ant e 'crc Ole Camelite; look heah Ole
Mefd1N', uln'I loin' nothin'; giddy up dcrc, ole Prespuhteerun."
''I)rnt'N multi/ sirattge names you got for dem animals, Unkul,"
Ntty tl(1 whilr l
"Vim, Holt, dtil'11 right," say Itrvun Green, "but dem names suits evuh
two id dint uxrnn, 1'uu sec ole Camelite dcrc, he runs into evuh
hulr 111 watllttlt hr nee; nle I'resptilttcrrun, he go along evuh day an'
yell boldly Itnuwn Ilt''a deer; ()Ir Meldis', he ptal'fs an' he blows an'
iitlrN 'milli' will I11'1 lult��uc Itauai;lIl ou t, but he ain't pulled a poun';
( litt Ildlillt', will to Mott loins 'int louse al night, jes' cats by hisse'f,
woll'I 1411 Wlal alt I'nl ul '1411."
Ilrvtl11 I ita em dome nitl(ly to know, Ah Iells you.
'1' he Preacher her U"ho 'I'dlhed in His Sleep
a t' t It I Alit IN nil ( 11,11 't'I1v111 1 %11m:11111 was a gran' rascal. De sis-
WIN Npilt. 'int wid dey pruisiu' of his sermons an' raisin' money
%I11 dry Soddy IIIghl t lid lin' nttppuhs, fish fries and de lack. Many a
iiidltlll 1 11111 Io de picot Inch Ihoo do sistuhs. I)cy do n►os' of de chu'ch
wulic till' 'vl(Ir ntos' of de stoney for hits s'p'o't. 1)cy do widdout a
tllttsN, It 11111r III nhue' or sttlatp'n nolhull to pay dey chu'ch dues, but
4111111+ of 'rn1 w,l►►n,t I)r• good III dc pastuh, lacacwise; 'taint allus de
dimity toilet hit'( It,
I'lullua of de uI'cs' pica( (hubs in the Bottoms hab chilluns scattuh'd
MI tip ►m' down he li■ll)nis. Lots of 'cm was great big mens, an'
(19
de sistuhs lack dis heah style of man. Dey think hit's a honnuh for
de pastuh to spen' time wid 'em. But some of de preachuhs didn'
ca'ie on in dis heah wise. Some of 'em was hones' to goodnes call by
de Lawd an' railly seed G. P. C. in de clouds what mean "Go Preach
Christ'anity," an' dey stan' fas' by de teachin's of de Word. But
dey's some of 'em what seed G. P. C. what mean "Go Pick Cotton."
Oncet dey was one of dese good preachuhs what was pastuh of de
Secon' Baptis' Chu'ch in Hearne. His name was Elduh Curry, an'
he got a wife an' twelve chilluns. He hab a good name an' he jes
finish buildin' a new chu'ch house. Durin' de chu'ch rally, he haf to
be away from home a lots, but his wife know he a good puhviduh, so
she don' pay no 'tention to 'im bein' gone mos' de time. Her sistuh
come to see 'er one day though, an' she tell 'er dat de peoples is talkin'
bout de Elduh vis'tin' pow'ful lot of de sistuhs in de neighborhood,
so dis make Miz Curry git 'spishus an' she 'dare she gonna check up
on Elduh Curry's wharabouts. Her sistuh a terrible trouble mecker;
she glad to heah Miz Curry talkin' in dis fashion, so she say, "Ah tells
you a good way to fin' out if'n Elduh Curry been flyin' 'roun' wid
de sistuhs; when he go to sleep tonight, you git a wash pan full of
cold wattuh an' hol' his lef' han' down in hit an' he'll tell you his
guts."
So dat comin' Sunday night attuh Elduh Curry gits home from de
servus, he so tiahed he go rat to bed. Ain't no time 'fo' he staa'ts to
snorin' rail loud, so Miz Curry say now's de time for her to git dat
wash pan of cold wattuh an' put de Elduh's lef' han' in hit.
Soon ez she done git de wattuh an' brung hit to de baid an' put Elduh
Curry's lef' han' in hit, he staa'ts to talkin' out loud in his sleep. He
say, "She's awright; she's awright." Dis meck his wife think he been
keepin' comp'ny wid de sistuhs sho' 'null, so she shake 'im by de
shoulduhs rail quick an' say, "Who's awright? Who's awright ?" El-
duh Curry kinda roll ovuh on one side an' mumble to hisse'f, "De
chu'ch's awright, dat's who."
70
The Sunday School Scholar and the Pastor
' � AINT JES DE OLE FOLKS what hab Good Religion; de young
generation hab hit, lackwise, an' of occasion mo' so'n de ole
folks. Ah calls to min' Unkuh George Winn's boy what de bes' 'rif-
muhtic scholar in de Bottoms. He could figguh mos' evuhting you ast
im. He de onlies' one could git by Mistuh Wally, de boss -man.
Mistuh Wally'd allus tell de teachuhs what come to teach de school
at Pitt's' Bridge, "So you come to teach de school, did you? Well, jes
teach 'em a li'l' readin' an' writin'; needn' teach 'em no 'rifmuhtic."
Mistuh Wally'll do dey figgurin'.
But in spite of dis heah, a young woman teachuh corned to teach
de school one time, an' teached 'em 'rifmuhtic jes de same. She ain't
pay no heed to what Mistuh Wally say. Fus' she hab a haa'd time
gittin' 'em to add; she say "Bring down yo' one an' ca'ie yo' two."
But de chilluns don' unnuhstan' her language; dat is, none of 'em
'cep'n Unkuh George's boy, Gabe, so he say, "Teachuh, Ah tells you
what you do: Tell 'em to bring down de one an' tote de two." De
teachuh do dis an' dey all says, "Yassum, we unnuhstan's hit now."
Dis boy Gabe putty smaa't, an' he a good chu'ch worker, too. He
come to be converted when he jes turnt fourteen, an' he been teachin'
in de Sunday School mo'n three yeahs now. He de 'sistunt supintendunt
of de Ebenezuh Baptis' Chu'ch Sunday School at Pitts's Bridge, an'
he cain't Stan' for no one to tell a lie. He'd tell ole folks or evuh-
body else to dey face when dey lie. So de pastuh, Elduh Simmons, run
crost 'im one day settin' on a barrel in front of de commissary eatin'
ginguh snaps an' a hunk of cheese, an' he say, "Gabe, dey's jes' one
thing Ah wants you to stop doin' an' dat's tellin' de grown folks to
dey face dey's lyin'. Stid of tellin' em dey's lyin', jes' whistle evuh
time you heah one of 'em tell a lie." So Gabe say, "Awright, Elduh,
Ah wants to do de rat thing."
71
Dat nex' comin' Sunday, Gabe goes to chu'ch an' durin' of his
sermon, Elduh Simmons say dat dey ain't nothin' kin nibble grass
ez close to de groun' ez a goose. When Gabe heah 'im say dis, he
whistle ez loud ez he kin.
When de servus done turned out, Elduh Simmons mecks his way
to whar Gabe was settin' an' he say, "Gabe, Ah heerd you whistle
durin' of de servus; who tole a lie ?"
"Youse de one," say Gabe.
"Ah did ?" 'low Elduh Simmons. "What'd Ah say ?"
"You said," 'low Gabe, "dat dey wasn't nothin' c'd nibble grass ez
close to de groun' ez a goose. What 'bout a gander ?"
The Mulatto Boys and the Religious Test
G OOD RELIGION ain't allus de bestes' thing 'mongst de livin', but
hit sho' hopes out a pow'ful lots gittin' into de Promus Lan'.
Ah calls to min' dat 'cross to Cameron was a cotton gin what gin mos'
de cotton what was raised in dem paa'ts of de Bottoms. Hit haf to
hab a lots of han's to run hit, but dey don' use nothin' 'cep'n white
han's. But ole man Anderson's three boys, an' ole man Jackson's two
boys, what all hab white granpappies an' what you cain't tell from
rail white folks by jes lookin' at 'em, gits tiahed workin' in de fiel'
an' 'tide dey gonna go 'cross to Cameron an' try to git on at de cotton
gin. De man what own de gin don' hab de knowledge to know dey's
cullud boys, so he hires 'em.
Dese boys work 'cross to de gin for two mont's an' den come home
to Eloise for a visit wid dey pants chucked full of money. De cullud
population ver' curious to fin' out whar dey done meck so much
money, so one rail dark complected boy what dese boys been runnin'
'roun' wid gits stompin' down mad 'caze dey don' tell 'im what deys
workin' at. He so mad 'till when dey leaves to go back to Cameron
on a Monday mawnin', dis heah dark complected boy follows 'em
back to Cameron an' on to de cotton gin whar dey works. He waits
72
till dey all gits inside de gin, den he slips 'noun' to de boss -man of de
gin an' tells 'im he wanna work at de gin. De boss -man tells 'im to
meck hisse'f scarce 'roun' dere, 'caze dey ain't hire'n no Nigguhs to
work at dis heah gin. Den Sam (dat's de dark complected boy's name)
up an' tells 'im, what he talkin' 'bout? he already got some Nigguhs
workin' dere. De boss -man say he ain't no sich a thing. He knows a
Nigguh when he see one. But Sam 'low he sho' ain't knowed 'em
when he seed 'em dis heah time, 'caze he sho' got some workin' dere.
Den Sam go on to 'splain huccome de boss -man don' know dey's
cullud, so de boss -man say, "But how's Ah'm gonna know 'em from
de whites ?"
"Ah tells you what to do," 'low Sam. "Dis evenin' when hit's time
to knock off from work an' de han's gits ready to leave jes' ast evuh-
body ez dey comes by if'n dey'll be back tomorruh to work, an' if'n
dey say "Sho; Ah'll be back," dat's a white man, but if'n dey don',
dat's a Nigguh." So de boss -man say he b'lieve he'll fit into dis plan.
So Sam goes an' hides in' a box car what's settin' on a track not
far from de gin to see what gonna happen dat evenin'. So long 'bout
quittin' time de boss -man lines all de he'p up an' tells 'em to pass by
'im, one by one, he wanna ast 'ern sump'n nothuh. Evuhtime he'd ast a
white man will he be back tomorruh, de white man'd say, "Sho', Ah'll
be back."
'Bout de fuss twenty men he ast done say dis, so de boss -man 'gin
to doubt what Sam done tell 'im. But jes' when he 'bout to 'tide in
dis fashion, John, de ol'es' Anderson boy, comes up to 'im. De boss -
man say, "Will you be back to work tomorruh?" An' John 'low, "If'n
Ah lives an' nothin' happen "; so de boss -man say, "Uh huh!" an tell
'im to step to de side of de line a minnit, he wanna tell 'im sump'n
attuh while.
Toreckly heah come Jim, de secon' ol'es' Anderson boy, an' when
de boss -man ast 'im if'n he'll be back to work tomorruh, he say, "If'n
de Lawd is willin' "; so de boss -man tell 'im to step aside.
An' den de younges' Anderson boy, Charley, come up an' when de
boss -man ast 'im de same question, he say, "If'n hits de Mastuh's will."
So de boss -man mecks 'im step aside, lackwise.
73
Fin'ly, he come to de two Jackson boys, one rat in 'hin t'othuh one,
an' when he ast dem if'n dey gonna be back to work tomorruh, dey
bof squall out at de same time, "If'n life las' an' death pass."
So all de boys lose dey jobs an' de boss -man say, "You Nigguhs
bettuh dragon back to Eloise, an' dat in a hurry, too."
Scott Mission Methodist Church Gets
a Full -time Pastor
U SED TO BE A LI'L' BITTY OLE CHU'CH HOUSE rat ovuh yonduh
on dat slew whar mah finguh's p'intin' at dat de Mefdis's
builded reckly attuh de circuit - ridin' preachuhs done staa'ted rovin'
'roun' de country. Dey don' hab no preachin' in de li'l' ole chu'ch but
one Sunday durin' of de mont', 'caze dey ain't no more'n a han'ful
of Mefdis's on de ole Burleson Plannuhtation. Dat's de why de mem-
buhship cain't in no wise pay a full -time preachuh, an' dat's de why
de bishop allus sen' 'em a circuit- ridin' preachuh to preach de Word to
'em evuh fo'th Sunday.
But dis heah li'l' ole membuhship am rail hones' to goodness
Christuns an' dey don' relish de idea of holdin' servuses jes' one time
de whole mont' long, so one yeah dey hol's a boa'd meetin' an sen's in
a petition to de bishop astin' him to sen' 'em a full -time preachuh,
'caze de Mefdis' cause am suff'rin' in dem dar paa'ts of de Bottoms.
An' well suh, if'n hit didn't come to pass sho' 'nuff dat same yeah dat
a ole timey preachuh by de name of Revun Wheeler, what done rech
de pension age, was pleadin' wid de bishop to gib him a li'l' ole
charge some place or nothuh to he'p 'im keep body an' soul togethuh,
so de bishop pays heed to 'im an' sen's 'im down to dis heah Ii'l' ole
chu'ch on de Burleson plannuhtation, what go by de name of Scott
Mission. De membuhship so happy dey don' know what to do wid
deyse'f, but dey done brung double - trouble on deyse'f, 'caze dey ain't
ebun down got no house for de preachuh to live in. So dey hol's a
meetin' an dey say "What in de wort' we gonna do 'bout gittin' de
preachuh a house ?"
74
Dey studies an' dey studies till hit fin'ly comes to 'em dey's a li'l'
ole woodshed rat in de chu'chyaa'd dat dey mought kin whup into
shape for de preachuh to live in. So some of de brothuhs gits some
hammers an' nails an saws, an' some ole pieces of tin what's layin'
'roun' on de groun' in de mule lot what was lef' ovuh from de time
when Ole Man Burleson done put a roof on his cottonseed house, an'
dey fixes de li'l' ole woodshed so hit fitten to live in by de time Revun
Wheeler done rech de Bottoms.
But dey don' hab de wisdom to know dat Revun Wheeler's wife
done gone on to Glory an' he too feeble to cook for hisse'f till Revun
Wheeler done lit in de Bottoms. De membuhship say when dey done
foun' hit out, "We sho' done got us selves in a jam now sho' 'nuff,
'caze we's fo'ced to figguh out a way for Elduh Wheeler to git his
grub." But dey don' hab de wisdom to know dat dey don' in no wise
hab to lose no sleep 'bout Elduh Wheeler's grub, 'caze he got de
sumpin' -to -eat question all figguhed out 'fo' he hits de Bottoms good.
Yas, suh, he got hit all cut an' dried. De ver' fuss mawnin' he done
lit in de Bottoms, he hangs his ole frock -tail coat an' preachin'
breeches on a hail in de wall an' th'ows his of croaker -sack full of
bed clothes in one of de room corners, an den he tecks some ole tin
knives, an' forks, an' spoons, an' plates an' cups an' saucers outen
a ole straw basket he done brung wid him, an lays 'em on de ole raw-
hide chair what's settin' by de door of de li'l' ole room. Den he puts his
ole hick'ry walkin' cane in his rat han', grabs up his basket, chucks
hit unnuh his lef' arm, an haids straight for Brothuh Ben Turner's
house, what was catercawnered crost de road from de chu'ch house.
When he done rech Brothuh Turner's house he walks up an' raps on
de door an' when Brothuh Turner opens hit he say "Good mawnin,
Brothuh Turner, yo' honorey, Ah'm de new pastuh, Revun Wheeler.
Jes look in dis heah ole empty basket Ah's totin' 'roun'; wouldn't
some good ole thick slices of bacon an' some fresh fried eggs look
good in hit ?"
"Sho' would," say Brothuh Turner, so he calls his wife Mandy
an' tells her to go an' cook Elduh Wheeler some good ole home -cured
bacon an' half a dozen fresh yaa'd eggs. Elduh Wheeler thanks 'em
75
for de bacon an' eggs, puts 'em in his basket, an' den turns to Brothuh
Turner an' asts him wharbouts do de nex' closetest chu'ch membuh
live.
Brothuh Turner p'ints out Brothuh Tim Jordan's li'l' ole shack
to 'im, what's 'bout a qua'tuh of a mile up de lane on t'othuh side
of a stretch of pos' -oaks, an' Elduh Wheeler staa'ts on his roun's again.
When he gits to Brothuh Jordan's house Brothuh Jordan an' Sistuh
Jordan am settin' on de steps of dey gall'ry in front of de house mend -
in' cotton sacks what done got holes in 'em from bein' drug ovuh
rocky Ian'. Revun Wheeler ain't a bit shy; he walks rat up to whar
Sistuh Jordan an' Brothuh Jordan doin' dey mendin' an' say "Good
mawnin, Sistuh an' Brothuh Jordan, yo' honoreys, Ah'm de new
preachuh, Revun Wheeler, an' Ah wants y'all to come heah an' look
in dis heah basket at dis good ole home -cured fried bacon an' fresh
yaa'd eggs Brothuh Turner done gimme for mah breakfas'; wouldn't
some good ole fat hot biscuits go good wid 'em ?"
Dey bof say "Sho' would," so Sistuh Jordan go rat in de house an'
bakes a steamin' hot pan of great big thick hot biscuits an' gibs 'em
to Elduh Wheeler. Elduh Wheeler puts de biscuits in his basket,
thanks Brothuh an' Sistuh Jordan for 'em, an' den asts 'em wharbouts
do de nex' closetest member of de chu'ch live ?
So Brothuh Jordan p'ints out Sistuh Fanny Brown's li'l' cabin to
him, what's 'bout half a mile crost a big sugah cane patch. Smoke was
comin' outen de chimney of de li'l' ole shack, so Revun Wheeler ain't
gonna hab no trouble findin' hit an' he staa't goin' his roun's again.
He wobbles 'long till he fin'ly gits to Sistuh Brown's yaa'd whar he
spy her hangin' out her washin' on de clothesline, so he walks rat up
to whar she takin' her clothes outen a wash pot an' hangin' 'em on de
line an' say "Good mawnin, Sistuh Brown, yo' honorey, Ah'm de new
preachuh, Revun Wheeler, an' Ah wants you to come heah rail quick
an' teck a peek in dis heah basket at dis good ole fried bacon an' eggs,
an' dese good ole steamin' hot biscuits Ah's got. Wouldn't some good
ole home -made 'lasses an' fresh buttuh go good wid 'em ?"
"Sho' would," say Sistuh Fanny, so she go out to her smokehouse
an' fetch Revun Wheeler a whole gallon jug of good ole thick home-
76
made sorghums an' a putty poun' of buttuh she done jes' churned an'
gibs 'em to him. Elduh Wheeler got evuhthing he need now for his
breakf as', so he thanks Sistuh Brown, puts his 'lasses an' buttuh in de
basket, wheels 'roun' rail quick an' lights out for home.
Soon as he lights in de house he tecks his victuals outen de basket
an' puts 'em on de table, gits him a plate an' knife an' fork offen de
chair whar he done lef' 'em, an say his blessin's:
"De Lawd am good, an' life am sweet;
Thank you for dis sumpin' to eat."
Elduh Wheeler sho' done put his bes' foot forward, 'caze he ca'ie
on in dis same wise for his dinnuh an' suppuh dat same day, an' evuh
day de Lawd sen' de whole year thoo, goin' 'roun from membuh to
membuh's house astin' for de kind of grub he wants, an' dey pays
heed to 'im, an gives hit to 'im, an' comes to be thankful to de bishop
for sennin' 'em a full -time pastuh.
77
b
H
0
The Guardian Angel and the Brazos Bottom Negroes
Why the Guardian Angel Let the Brazos
Bottom Negroes Sleep
W HEN A Bxnzos BOTTOM NIGGUH git mad he mad sho' 'null.
He don' know much else, but he know how to fight, an' he
know who to fight too—he fight his own color. Anytime a Texas Nig-
guh git bad de peoples say, "Dat Nigguh mus' be from de Brazos
Bottoms," 'caze dey hab de record for bein' de baddes' Nigguhs in de
whole state.
Jes' de same, mos' all of 'em goes to heabun when dey dies. Dey
done heerd Gawd's voice lack de prophet 'Lijuh an' paid heed on to
hit. When Guv'nuh E. J. Davis (what dey call de Nigguh Guv'nuh
'caze he de fuss guv'nuh attuh dey 'dare de Nineteenth of June), die
an' go to heabun, de Guardian Angel tuck 'im 'roun' an' showed 'im
de peoples he used to rule ovuh when he was de Nineteenth of June
Guv'nuh of Texas. Evuhwhar he'd go, he'd see a putty bright spot
along de heabunly lane, an' de Guardian Angel'd say: "Dem's yo'
white folks; dese heah's yo' Meskins; dere's yo' Germans." Dey was
all wide awake an' quiet lack, wasn't keepin' no noise, jes' settin'
'roun' in de sunshine lookin' at de putty flowers an' a smilin' at one
anothuh. De Guv'nuh powful happy to see his ole frien's 'joyin' dey-
se'f an' he ain't payin' much heed to whar he's haidin'; so he almos'
stumble ovuh a dark spot in de lane 'fo' he seed hit.
"What's dis ?" he say to de Guardian Angel.
81
"Shh! be quiet!" say de Angel. "We gonna haf to tiptoe by heah;
dem's dem Brazos Bottom Nigguhs of your'n. Don' wake dem up,
'caze dey raises hell evuhwhar dey goes!"
The Baptist Negroes in Heaven
W AY FAR BACK Ah use to heah tell of de true chile of Gawd
dreamin' dey was in heabun. De preachuh 'speshly lack to
allus tell 'bout goin' up to heabun in his dreams an' habin' paa'lance
wid Gawd. Ah calls to min' Elduh Campbell what pastuh de chu'ch
down to de Ole Liendo Plannuhtation. De chu'ch was name de Zion
Hill Baptis' Chu'ch. Lots of de bestes' white peoples in de Bottoms
meek dey homes in dis districk in de ole days, so de Nigguh preachuh
wanna be sumpin' high class hisse'f 'caze he 'zidin' in a fuss class
paa't of de Bottoms. De onlies' way he kin think of to show hisse'f
off is to tell 'bout when he travel to heabun in his dreams, 'caze he
don' hab nothin' down heah on urf to brag offen.
Elduh Campbell jes' dis kinda preachuh. He allus gib de Baptis'
a big sen' off in his dreams, but oncet some of de deacons staa't to
fightin' 'im —you know de Baptis' 'nomination allus hab a split in
de chu'ch, mo' or less; dat's de why deys so many Baptis' chu'ches.
Anyways, Elduh Campbell gits up in de pulpit de nex' comin' Sun-
day attuh dey staa'ts de chu'ch fight on 'im an' 'fo' he staa'ts his ser-
mon he clears his tho'at, looks all 'roun' de chu'ch from rat to lef'
an' say, "Brothuhs an' sistuhs, Ah had a dream de othuh night, an'
Ah dreamed Ah was in heabun jes' a flyin' 'roun' an' a flyin' 'roun'
till Ah fin'ly foun' Gawd wid a big bunch of putty white angels stan'-
in' an' settin' all 'roun' his th'one. Ah looked to de rat an' dere was
de Camelites; Ah looked to de lef' an' dere was de Mefdis's; Ah
looked in de front, an' dere was de Prespuhteeruns. But Ah don'
chance to see de Baptis's nowhars; so Ah flies up to whar Gawd was
settin' on his th'one an' curtsies to 'im an' say, `Gawd, whar's de Bap -
tis' folks ? Ah ain't seed 'em no place.'
82
"So Gawd look 'roun' behin' 'im an' say, `Don' you see 'em back
dere 'hin' mah th'one, settin' on de flo' ? Dey's so devlish, dey tells so
many lies, dey do's so many mean tricks till Ah haf to keep 'em rat
heap 'hin' me whar Ah kin put mah ban's on 'em an' keep 'em
straight.' "
The Pole That Led to Heaven
S OMETIME DE ROAD GIT MOUGHTY ROCKY for de fawm han's in
de Bottoms in de ole days, an' lots of 'em sing dat ole slav'ry
time song:
"Oh Freedom, Oh Freedom!
Befo' Ah'd be a slave
Ah'd be buried in mah grave
An' go home to mah Jesus an' be save."
Dey ' speshly sing dis heah song jes' 'fo' cotton choppin' an' cotton
pickin' time, evuh yeah, 'caze dey knows dey got to put in some long
days an' some haa'd work, an' dey ain't gonna git nothin' much outen
hit.
One yeah, jes' 'fo' cotton choppin' time roll 'roun', de membuhs of
de Mt. Moriah Baptis' Chu'ch, what hab a rail chile of Gawd pastuh,
go to 'im an' say, "Elduh Johnson, de work on de plannuhtations is
so haa'd on us dis heah time of yeah we wants you to pray for sump'n
to happen to git us outen de fix we's in." So Elduh Johnson say, "Aw-
right," he gonna ast Gawd to show 'im a sign to hope de membuhship
out.
So sho' 'puff, he ca'ie out his promus he done meck 'em, an' Gawd
tells 'im in a dream dat He gonna put a pole on de wes' side of de
Brazos rat whar de chu'ch hab its baptizin' de ver' nex' Sunday at three
o'clock, an' dat all de membuhs what tiahed of livin' an' workin' so
haa'd kin climb dis pole to heabun if'n dey brings a box of chalk an'
mecks a mark for evuh lie dey done tole in dey life. But dey haf to be
dere on time, 'caze de pole jes gonna stay for fifteen minnits. Elduh
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Johnson 'flounce dis to de membuhship at de prayer servus on a
Wednesday night. So all dem what rathuh go on to heabun now gits
'em a box of chalk an' comes down to de wes' side of de rivuh at de
baptizin' hole long 'fo' three o'clock dat Sunday, an' was stan'in' dere
waitin' wid dey boxes of chalk. Zackly at three o'clock de membuhs
heah a loud noise lack a urfquake or sup'n 'nothuh, an' jes' lack de
pastuh say a great big pole what rech so far to'a'ds de sky 'till you
cain't see de top corned up outen de groun', an' all de membuhs what
got dey chalk gits on de pole what habs a rope ladder on hit an' staa'ts
to climbin' an' a markin'. When de las' one done clum up on de lad-
der, de pole vanish jes' lack dat into thin air an' you don' see hit no
mo'.
Dat ver' same night de Lawd come to de preachuh again in a dream
an' tell 'im d at dis same time anothuh yeah he gonna meck a pole ap-
pear to de membuhship again at de baptizin' place. De preachuh
'flounce dis dream to de membuhship at de Monday night class meetin'
an' when de time roll 'roun' de nex' yeah for de pole to show up, dey
was a bigguh bunch of han's on de river banks dan dey was de yeah
befo'.
When de pole pop up outen de groun' ez befo', de fuss membuh
of de chu'ch to staa't up de pole was Elduh Roberts, what was de fuss
pastuh of de Mt. Moriah Chu'ch. His whole fam'ly done die out, so
he say dey ain't no need of 'im stayin' heah no longer. So, soon as de
pole corned outen de group', he hobbles ovuh to hit, gits on de ladder
an' staa'ts to climbin'. But 'fo' narry othuh han' kin git staa'ted to
climbin', dey looks up an' sees Elduh Roberts almos' to de groun'
again comin' down de pole, so dey all wonduhs what de matter wid
de pole dis yeah. But 'taint de pole, hit's Elduh Roberts.
When Revun Johnson, de pastuh spy Elduh Roberts comin' down
de pole, he yell, "What's de mattuh, Elduh, ain't evuhthing awright
up dere ?"
"Sho', sho'," say Elduh Roberts, jumpin' down offen de pole;
"Ah'm jes' comin' back attuh some mo' chalk."
Who Can Go to Heaven
H IT'S SOME SISTUHS IN DE cxu'cx what meck de preachuh rail
pow'ful in de pulpit by loin' what dey calls "talkin' back to
'im." Ah mean by dat, when a preachuh put ovuh a good lick again'
de Devul, dey say, "Preach de Word, son!" or, "You sho' is tellin'
de truf now." Dis he'p de preachuh to git right wid his preachin',
so he lack for de sistuhs to talk back to 'im. Dis meck 'im git in de
sperrit sho' 'null.
Ah calls to min' a sistuh down to Mudville by de name of Sistuh
Flora Hanks, what talked back to de preachuh all de time. Oncet de
pastuh, Elduh Waller, was preachin' a sermon 'bout de good -for-
nothin' young generation. He say, "Yeah, dey's goin' to hell in
Cadillacs; dey's goin' to hell in Packards; dey's goin' to hell in
Buicks; dey's goin' to hell in Dodges." He keep on talkin' in dis
fashion, namin' de diffunt kinds of cars de young generation goin'
to hell in, till fin'ly Sistuh Flora jumps up an' say, "Well, mah boy'll
be back, 'caze he's goin' in a T -model Fo'd."
Well, dis heah wasn't so bad, but when Sistuh Flora cap de cli-
max was de Sunday Elduh Waller preach his sermon on "Who Kin
Go to Heavun." He say, "None of you liahs, you cain't git in." "Tell
de truf !" shout Sistuh Flora. "None of you gamblers, you cain't git
in," say de Elduh. "Speak outen yo' soul !" squall Sistuh Flora. "None
of you whiskey drinkers, you cain't git in," say Elduh Waller. "Tell
de truf !" shout Sistuh Flora. "None of you snuff dippers," say
Elduh Waller, "you cain't git in," an' when he say dis heah, Sistuh
Flora what got her mouf full of snuff rat den, jump up an' p'int her
finguh in Elduh Waller's face an' say, "Wait a minnit, Bub; you
bettuh say, not ez you knows of."
ill
II�
u
Little Jim Lacey's Desires
F UNNY THING HOW PEOPLES BE'S DIFFUNT. Mos' white folks jes'
wants de same thing dey done hab while deys livin' when dey
gits up to heabun, but de Nigguh, he don' relish de same thing he
done hab on urf —he wants evuhthing 'cep'n what he done hab down
heah.
Ah calls to min' a Germun what live up to Highbank by de name
of Michael Mayer. When he die an' go up to heabun de Lawd say,
"Michael, what does you want up heah in heabun ?"
"All Ah wants," say Michael, "is a li'l' ole fawm lack Ah hab
down in de Bottoms, big enough for me an' mah wife an' chilluns to
make a livin' outen hit."
"Awright," say Gawd, "you kin hab hit."
Den dere was a Italian down to Highbank what runned a li'l'
liquor sto'. His name was Benito Franzetti, an' when he die an' go
up to heabun, de Lawd say, "Benito, what does you want up heap
in heabun ?"
"All Ah wants," say Benito, "is a li'l' liquor sto' so's Ah kin
make a livin' for me an' mah li'l' bambinos."
"Awright," say Gawd, "you kin hab hit."
Den Li'l' Jim Lacey, de Nigguh obuhseer of de big Hawkins
plannuhtation, die an' go up to heabun an' de Lawd ast 'im lackwise,
"What do you wan' up in heabun ?"
"Well," say Li'l' Jim scratchin' his haid an' lookin' down at de
shiny gol' pavement of heabun, "Ah wants a Cadillac car lack de
boss - man's; Ah wants a Packard lack de boss -man's wife's for mah
wife; an' Ah wants two thousand acres of de bes' black Ian' you
got, an' fifty haid of de bestes' mules you got, an' a fawm house wid
twenty -two rooms; 'cides dat you mought th'ow in for good medjuh
ten thousan' dolluhs in de bank."
"Awright, Jim," say de Lawd, "you kin hab 'em."
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LIBRARY
A & M COLLEGE OF TEXAS
Den Lil'1' Jim Lacey's boss -man, Mistuh Hawkins, what live down
to Calvert, die an' go up to heabun an' de Lawd call 'im in to ques-
tion 'bout what do he want up in heabun. An' he say, "Ah don' want
nothin'. Jes' gimme dat damn Nigguh's address, an' Ah'll be satisfied."
Why So Many Negroes Are in Heaven
A H CALLS TO MIN' durin' of de Wonl' War when de flu gits on
a rampage in de Bottoms an' staa'ts killin' folks goin' an'
comin'. Hit done lay so many low till de doctuhs an' de nusses calls
a meetin' down to Calvert so dey kin tell de peoples how to teck
keen.
De doctuhs an' de nusses has dey say. Den dey calls on a ole -time
cullud preachuh what go by de name of Unkuh Aaron to hab a say.
Unkuh Aaron a stan' -pat Nigguh wid de white folks, so when dey
calls 'im up to de platform, he climbs up de steps, leans ovuh on his
ole hick'ry walkin' stick an' say, "Ah done lissen to all yo' logics
an' all yo' isms an' de lack 'bout de flu, but de Lawd's teckin' you
white folks outen de worl', 'caze he ain't pleased at de way y'all's
treatin' de Nigguhs. Dat's de why he's teckin' so many y'all outen de
worl'."
"But, Unkuh Aaron," say one of de doctuhs, "de stisticks shows
dat dey's mo' Nigguhs dyin' wid de flu dan dey is white folks."
"Dat's awright," 'low Unkuh Aaron; "Ah still hol's mah p'int.
Don' you know huccome de Lawd's teckin' all dem Nigguhs up to
heabun? He's teckin' 'em up dere to testify 'ginst you white folks."
An' when Unkuh Aaron say dis, dis was de benediction; de meetin'
'journ' for de night.
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Good Friday in Hell
D E FAWM HAN'S SEED SICH A TURBLE TIME on de Ole Timmons
plannuhtation down to Big Creek till dey hab a lots of 'em to
run off. One of de fam'lies what b'long to dis fawm was name John-
son. Ole man Johnson was de pappy of twenty -fo' chilluns by de
same 'oman. De boss -man 'vide Unkuh Jonas Johnson wid a three -
room shotgun house, two bedrooms an' a kitchen, an' a grocery 'low-
once at de commissary. But dis heah ain't mean much wid twenty -fo'
chilluns to feed, 'caze Unkuh Jonas's chilluns work pow'ful haa'd.
Fin'ly, one de oyes' boys gits tiahed of workin' 'dout gittin' Sunday
clothes. He was gittin' to be courtin' age an' didn' wanna war brogan
shoes on a Sunday. He 'low dey gits by in de week -a -days, but dat
dey ain't fittin for dance an' chu'ch servus. Jes' de same Unkuh Jonas
don' pay 'im no heed, 'caze he a cropper on one of dem ride -off
fawms —dat's a fawm whar de obuhseer rides hoss -back all ovuh
de plannuhtation to keep de Nigguhs at work, an' if'n he evuh run
'cross a Nigguh dot's shirkin' he jumps off en de hoss's back on to
de Nigguh's back an gibs 'im a good floggin'.
Anyways, dis boy, Dick, run off 'bout cotton choppin' time one
yeah an' dey couldn' fin' 'im nowhars, but wasn't long attuh dis dat
dey was lots of stealin' goin' on 'roun' Marlin. De reports was out
dat dem dat was doin' de plunderin' was a Jew, a Nigguh, an' a
Meskin. Dey 'lowed de Nigguh in de bunch was Dick, dat de Jew
was de triflin' no -good son of a sto'- keepuh in Marlin, an' dat de
Meskin was a hoss thief what corned into Marlin from Wharton.
Dese hoodlums don' ebun skip de chu'ch in dey stealin'; dey tuck
de oil lamps outen de Mefdis' chu'ch down to Mudville, an' when
de St. Paul Mefdis' Chu'ch was puffin' up a new chu'ch house rat
heah in Marlin dey stealed de chu'ch bell 'fo' dey c'd put hit in de
bell tower. Wasn't nothin' unduh Gawd's sun dey wouldn' teck
if'n dey tuck a notion.
88
Fin'ly, dey all gits kilt one Saddy night in a dice game down to
Eloise, an' dey all dies an' goes to hell. But dey ain't in hell no time
'fo' dey ast to talk to de Devul, but de Haid Imp tells 'em dat de
Devul don' talk but oncet a yeah an' dey cain't hab no conference
wid 'im till dat time roll 'roun'.
Hit was de fall of de yeah when dey was kilt an' come to hell,
an' when hit come to be almos' Easter, dey was in a deep study
as to when de Devul gonna talk, 'caze dey don' relish stayin' down
dere in hell. Fin'ly, Good Friday roll 'roun', de day de Devul talk
evuh yeah, so de Head Imp call all de imps to de 'sembly room an'
say de Devul gonna talk. So sho' 'null, putty soon de Devul walk
down de aisle an' tuck his seat on de platform. De fuss ones he
speak to is dese three gamblers from de Brazos Bottoms, Levi, de
Jew; Jose, de Meskin, an Dick, de Nigguh. He 'vites 'em to come
up on de platform an' he say, "Fellows, dis am Good Friday an'
evuh yeah when hit comes to be Good Friday Ah let's de imps what
kin do what Ah say go back up to de urf an' dey don' nevuh haf to
come back to hell no mo'. Now, Ah tells you what," he say to Levi,
"has you got ten dollars? If'n youse got ten dollars, Ah'll let you
go back to de Bottoms an' you won' nevuh haf to come back to hell
no mo'."
"Naw," say Levi, "Ah's got nine dollars."
"Dat ain't 'null," 'low de Devul; "you gonna haf to stay heah."
Den he turnt to de Meskin an' say, "Jose, is you got ten dollars?
If'n youse got ten dollars you kin go on back to de Bottoms an' won'
haf to nevuh come back heah no mo'."
"Me no gottee nothin'," say Jose.
"Den you haf to stay heah, too," say de Devul.
Den de Devul p'int his finguh at Dick an' he say, " Nigguh, is you
got ten dollars? We treats evuhbody alack down heah; so if'n youse
got ten dollars, Ah'll let you go back up to de Bottoms an' you won't
nevuh haf to come back to hell no mo'."
"Naw, suh," say Dick, "Ah ain't got no ten dollars, but Ah tell
you what Ah'll do; if'n you lemme out, Ah'll gib you lebun dollars
Saddy."
89
John's Trip to Hell
H CALLS TO MIN ''RECKLY ATTUH FREEDOM, when dey move Mar-
lin what hit's settin' rat now, hit use to be de pick of de towns
in de Bottoms for de young generation. Dey call Marlin "De County
Seat of de W orl'." Evuh Saddy dey lack to figguh out a way to git
up to Wood Street in Marlin. Dey lack de harum - scarum life of de
Devul. De wort' got loose in dey han's an' dey lose holt on de Word
an' go de limit wid dey sinnin'. Dey ebun down go so far as to gib
dey pappies an' dey mammies sass. Dey poke fun at de minstuhs of
de Gospel. In dat time comin' up, dey insult de preachuh evuhwhich
way. Dey was goin' to hell head fo'mos'.
In dem days comin' up dey was a haid deacon of de Mt. Zion
Baptis' Chu'ch up at Rocky Hill by de name of Sandy Brown. He
hab a nice set of chillun 'cep'n one. He de black sheep of de fam'ly,
de baby boy, an' dey done spile 'im an' leave 'im hab his way too
much. Elduh Bailey, de pastuh, don' live in de Bottoms, so he allus
stop wid Deacon Brown when he come to preach evuh fo'th Sun-
day. Lack mos' preachuhs, he hab a weakness for chicken. Sistuh
Calline, Deacon Brown's wife, allus cook three or £o' of de fattes'
hens for de preachuh's Sunday dinnuh, but hit fix so dat de preachuh
lack de same paa't of de chicken dat dis li'l' ole bad boy, John, lack.
De Sundays dat de preachuh'd come for dinnuh, li'l' John haf to
eat de wing an' de neck. Dis meck 'im pow'ful mad an' he staa't
to sulkin' at de table.
De preachuh tell all his frien's 'bout dem good ole chicken din-
nubs dat Sistuh Calline cook an' bless goodness if'n all de Baptis'
preachuhs dat pass thoo de Bottoms don' come to Sandy's house to
stay. Dis run on for a Iong stretch till fin'ly one Sunday, when li'l'
John done come to be fifteen, a new preachuh corned to teck de ole
preachuh's place, an' he lack de same paa't of de chicken dat John
lack jes' lack de ole preachuh. So when dey set down to de table dat
Sunday for dinnuh, de new preachuh rech cross de table an' tuck all de
drumsticks offen de platter an' put 'em on his plate.
Dis meck John so mad till he don' know what to do wid hisse'f.
So he jump up from de table an' say, "Ah'm gittin' tiahed of dese
damn preachuhs eatin' up mah paa't of de chicken." So his pappy
meck 'im go out on de gall'ry an' gib 'im a good whippin' an tell
'im don' he nevuh ca'ie on in dis wise no mo'. But de ver' nex' Sun-
day de moderatuh of de 'sociation corned by to hab Sunday dinnuh
wid Sandy, an' he jes' lack de res' of de preachuhs —he lack de same
paa't of de chicken dat li'1' John lack, an' he tuck de drumsticks
off en de platter an' put 'em on his plate.
John so mad he don' know what to do. He cain't hol' his peace
no longuh. So he jump up an' say, "Ah done tole y'all Ah'm gittin'
tiahed of dese damn preachuhs eatin' up mah paa't of de chicken."
An' when he say dis Sandy jump up from de table an' ca'ie 'im on out
on de gall'ry again an' gib 'im anothuh good whippin', an' when he
git thoo lashin' 'im he look at 'im an' say, "John, youse goin' straight
to hell."
Hit was cotton pickin' season an' when dey rung de bell Monday
mawnin' for de chilluns to go to de fiel', John warn't nowhars to be
foun'. Evuhbody wonduh whar he done trace his footsteps. But Cal -
line, his mammy, don' worry much; she 'low dat she b'lieve he gonna
trace his footsteps back to de Bottoms again some time or 'nothuh.
But Sandy kinda opset; ez bad ez John was, Sandy hab a warm spot
in his haa't for de rascal. But he keep on habin' de big chicken din -
nuhs for de preachuhs what corned thoo de Bottoms.
Chrismus day of de same yeah dat John done go way somewhar,
Sandy an' Calline 'vites 'bout ten preachuhs up an' down de Bottoms
to dinnuh an' kills 'bout ten of de fattes' hens dey got for de dinnuh.
A fresh northuh blowed up dat mawnin' an' Sandy put some back
logs in de fiah -place in de front room, an' built a nice warm fiah. As
de preachuhs 'ud come in de front do', he'd teck dey ovuhcoats an'
put 'em on de bed in de bedroom what ain't got no fiah in hit. Fin'ly,
when de las' preachuh done come an' Sandy staa'ts in de bedroom to
put his ovuhcoat on de bed, what you reckon he seed? Dat bad boy
John stan'in' dere by de haid of de bed.
"Hello dere, John," say Sandy. "Whar you been ?"
"Ah's been whar you tole me," 'low John — "to hell."
"Well, how is things down dere ?" say Sandy.
"Jes' lack dey is heah," say John — "so many damn preachuhs 'roun'
de fiah till you cain't git to hit."
Uncle Si, His Boss -man, and Hell
D E HAN'S IN DE BOTTOMS mos' allus drawed envelopes wid a li'1'
greenback in 'em or a dollah or two in change when de time
roll 'roun' for dey share of de crops evuh yeah. Dem what drawed
envelopes or a Ii'1' cash was de han's dat hab a wife an' no chilluns.
Dem what hab lots of chilluns was de ones what didn' draw no
envelopes an' didn' git no cash. Unkuh Si Moore was one of dem
what didn' draw no envelope an' didn' draw no cash. He hab a big
bunch of chilluns when he corned to de ole Wilson plannuhtation
down to Jerusalem an', evuh yeah since he lit dere, his wife Sadie hab
a baby. But hit don' meck no diffunce how big Unkuh Si's farn'ly come
to be. When Unkuh Si go up to Colonel Wilson's house evuh yeah at
settlement time de Colonel 'ud say, "Well, Unkuh Si, lemme see: you
got fawty gallons of sorghums; 'bout eighty yaa'ds of calico, gingham
an' percale; fifty-eight pair of brogan shoes; twelve pair of duckins,
thuty -six jars of snuff, six barrels of sugah, fifteen barrels of flour, a
hundred plugs of chewin' tobackuh, fo' dozen pair of black cotton
stockin's, five dozen pair of socks, ten bottles of castuh oil, lebun boxes
of Black Draf', seventy poun's of dry salt bacon, ten sacks of navy
beans, an' 'bout twenty-five work hats."
When de Colonel git thoo readin' off dis Iist, he'd say, "Unkuh Si,
yo' bill am settled; you don' owe me nothin'."
Unkuh Si moughty tickled evuh yeah, 'caze his bill am settled. So
things run on in dis fashion for quite a spell. Ebun down when Unkuh
Si hab four gran'chilluns to come an' live wid 'im, de Colonel still 'low
dat Unkuh Si don' owe 'im nothin' evuh year when settlin' time come.
Unkuh Si lackun de Colonel to David dat de Word tell 'bout, who hab
a good haa't an' was allus bein' good to somebody. But he don' pay
heed to how many han's he furnishin' for de Colonel's fawm; he fur -
nishin' de plannuhtation wid twenty-fo' good han's evuh yeah. He jes'
call to min' what de Colonel do for 'im an' he allus goin' 'roun' talkin'
'bout de Colonel boun' to hab lub in his haa't for Jesus, 'caze he don'
meck 'im pay nothin' for stayin' on de plannuhtation.
Putty soon, though, de Colonel staa't to losin' lots of han's an' he
meck Unkuh Si's fam'ly do mo'n dey share of de work on de plannuh-
tation. He ebun down meck 'em work on a Sunday. Unkuh Si don'
lack dis heah Sunday work 'caze he say dat de Word say de Sabbath
ain't no work -day. So he sets down an' begins to keep comp'ny wid de
Lawd to fin' out if'n he ain't done error 'bout de Colonel bein' a good
man. So he talks dis thing ovuh in secret wid de Lawd an' switch his
min 'roun' 'bout de Colonel.
So de nex' yeah when de time roll 'roun' for de crop settlement, de
Colonel reads off Unkuh Si's list lack ez usual an' when he gits thoo
readin' hit off, he say lack ez allus, "Well, Unkuh Si, yo' bill am set-
tled; you don' owe me nothin'."
"Dat's awright, Boss," say Unkuh Si, "but gimme a receipt dat mah
bill am settled in full."
"A receipt ?" yell de Colonel; "cain't you teck mah word for hit?
Ain't Ah been dealin' fair wid you all dese yeahs ?"
"Yas, suh, dat's awright," 'low Unkuh Si. "But Ah'm gittin' ole
now, an' youse gittin' ole too, an' we mought die fo' nex' yeah dis time,
when hit comes to be time for de settlement, an' when Ah gits up to
heabun an' St. Peter asts me is mah bills all paid 'fo' he lets me in de
heabunly gates, Ah wants a receipt to show 'im; Ah don' wanna be
runnin' all ovuh hell lookin' for you."
PART FIVE
Preachers and Little Boys
Little David's Question
Little David's Question
O F OCCASION DE PREACHUH in de Bottoms stretch hisse'f out too
far and git hisse'f in a 'dickmint he cain't git outen. One time
dey hab a preachuh what hab dis style of ca'iein' on down to de Bap -
tis' chu'ch at Falls, on de Brazos. He allus jumpin' on. de membuhship
wid bof feet 'bout tellin' lies. He bawl 'em out all de time 'bout bein'
sich big liahs. He say, "A Nigguh'd rathuh tell a lie on a credit dan to
tell de truf for cash." He say, "A Nigguh hate de truf worse'n de
Devul hate a baptizin'." An' to cap de climax, if'n he didn't git up in
de pulpit one Sunday mawnin' an' say, "Brothuhs an' Sistuhs, for mah
message tonight, Ah'm gonna preach a sermon on liahs. So Ah wants
all y'all to teck yo' Bibles an' read de twenty -fuss chapter of Mark
'fo' you comes back to de chu'ch house tonight."
So dat Sunday night, attuh de song and prayer semis done come to
pass, de preachuh gits up, clears his th'oat a li'l', an' says, "Brothuhs
and Sistuhs, how many of y'all done read de twenty -fuss chapter of
Mark lack Ah done tole you to do 'fo' you corned back to de chu'ch
house tonight ?" Evuhbody in de chu'ch house hist deyse'f outen dey
seat an' stan' up. So de preachuh laff out rail loud rat in de pulpit an'
say, "All you liahs set back down; you ain't read no sich a thing, 'caze
dey ain't but sixteen chapters in Mark."
De membuhship sho' outdone wid deyse'f, but dey don' lack dis
heah fashion of ca'iein' on by de pastuh neither. Dey scairt to call his
97
han' though; 'stid, dey jes' lay his race out 'hin' his back, an' 'noun' de
house, but dey ain't nevuh yit git up 'null courage to tell 'im to his face
dat de style he got of callin' de membuhship liahs evuh Sunday de
Lawd sen' don' set good on dey stummicks.
One time, though, a li'l' ole boy what go by de name of David, an'
what comed to be smaa't by beatin' de sweep for de han's on de plan -
nuhtation to knock off from work for dinnuh evuh day, an' what done
heerd his mammy complainin' 'roun' de house 'bout de preachuh
callin' de membuhship liahs, say he gonna fix de preachuh's bizniss
good one of dese days an' break 'im up from callin' de membuhship
liahs. So de nex' Sunday mawnin', Elduh Cooper (dat's de preachuh's
name), gits up in de pulpit an' staa'ts to callin' de membuhship liahs,
lack as allus. Den he lights out to preachin' 'bout Gawd am in de val-
ley; Gawd am on de hillside; Gawd am on de rivers; Gawd am in de
clouds; Gawd am in de Pos' -oak districk; Gawd am in de Brazos Bot-
toms. "Yeah, Gawd am evuhwhars," he say. An' when he talk in dis
wise, li'l' David, what am settin' on de front row of de chu'ch house
wid his mammy, jumps up rail quick an' yells, "Elduh, is he in mah
pocket ?"
"Sho, he's in yo' pocket," say Elduh Cooper.
"Youse a liah," say Li'1' David; "Ah ain't ebun down got no
pocket."
An' he ain't got no pocket sho' 'null, 'caze he wearin' a pair of
mammy -made pants his mammy done cut outen a pair of his pappy's
ole wore -out britches, an' dey ain't got narry pocket in 'em.
Gabriel and the Elder's Coat
D E PREACHUH IN DE BOTTOMS clam on de ban' wagon wid de
membuhship when hit come to playin' wid de Word. Ah calls
to min' Elduh Mackey, what pastuh de Bethesda Baptis' Chu'ch down
to Black's Bridge. He lack to fool de membuhship all de time an'
show hisse'f off in front of de sistuhs. He 'low de brothuhs don' know
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big wood from brush lack de sistuhs do. He a heaby drinker an' bully
de membuhship all de time. Evuh time he en' up a sermon he tuck a
flask of whiskey outen his duster, lit his pipe, an' den turnt de flask up
an' tuck a big swalluh of whiskey rat in de pulpit. De membuhs don'
say nothin' 'caze dey's scaid. He allus hab de haid deacon to go out to
whar his boss am tied to de barbwire fence, look in his saddle bag an'
git his cap an' ball an' put hit on de pulpit jes' 'fo' de survus close. Den
he git up an' stick de gun down in his duster pocket an' say:
"Youse done shouted lack hell, an' youse done raise de Devul, an'
now you bettuh not walk outen dis heah chu'ch house till de benuh-
diction am said. If'n you de de fuss damn rascal dat walks out of heah
Ah'm gonna lay 'im rat down at de do'."
He ca'ie on in dis fashion till one Sunday he 'nounce 'fo' han' dat de
nex' Sunday night he gonna bring Gabul down to blow his trumpet rat
heah in de chu'ch house. Hit happen dat some li'l' ole boys heerd 'im
when he say dis, so dey frames up to git some comets an' git up in de
attic of de chu'ch house 'fo' Elduh Mackey gits dere de nex' Sunday
night, an' hab deyse'f some fun. So sho' 'null dey beats Elduh Mackey
dere an' hides deyse'f in de attic so dey kin fix his bizniss good. Dey
'low he kin bully de membuhship, but dey sho' gonna gib 'im de scare
of his life dis time.
Fin'ly, Elduh Mackey corned in an' de membuhs all tuck dey seats.
He raises a song, an' when he finished wid de song, he lights out to
preachin'. But he ain't got staa'ted good 'fo' dese li'1' ole boys staa'ts
to blowin' de comets an' de membuhship staa'ts to shoutin'. But Elduh
Mackey yells, "Not yit, Gabul, not yit," 'caze he don' know whar de
blowin' comin' from. So he lights out to preachin' again, but 'fo' he
kin git thoo wid de fuss line, de li'l' boys staa'ts to blowin' de horns
again. De mumbuhship say, "De Lawd be praised, jes' look what a
man of God Elduh Mackey be."
But Elduh Mackey gittin' scaid sho' 'null, 'caze he don' know de
why nor wharfo' of de horn blowin', an' he says as befo', "Not yit
Gabul, not yit." Den he staa'ts out to preachin' again, when all of a
sudden a gust of win' blows thoo de chu'ch house from a northuh
comin' up an' blows out all de lamps. De li'l' ole boys blows dey horns
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louduh'n evuh now, an' when de lamps goes out, Elduh Mackey an' de
whole membuhship lights out to runnin' ovuh de chairs an' into de
walls an' evuhwhar. Elduh Mackey so scairt till he misses de gate an'
runs into de barbwire fence on de way to whar his hoss am tied, an'
his coat gits jerked clean offen 'im. He don' know how he lose his
coat, he jes' know he lose hit. So durin' of de nex' week when he
meets Unkuh Toby, de ole man what sweeps up de chu'ch house,
he say, "Unkuh Toby, has you been down to de chu'ch house dis
week ?"
"Naw, suh, Ah ain't," say Unkuh Toby.
"Well, if'n you goes down dere anytime dis week," say Elduh Mac-
key, "an' you sees Gabul, tell him Ah say to please sen' me mah coat."
Heaven and the Post Office
H EABUN WAS ALLUS UPMOS' in de min's of de true chile of
Gawd. Dat's what meck 'ern walk wid Gawd evuhday de
Lawd sen', 'caze dey wanna be in dat numbuh when de saints goes
marchin' in Cose, lack as allus, of occasion you runs 'cross a rank
sinnuh what wanna th'ow a stumblin' block in de way of de true
chile of Gawd. Ah calls to min' a sportin' life gal up to Mudville on
de ole Pearson farm what hab a stray boy. Don' nobody know his
pappy; an' his mammy, dis sportin' life gal, what was name Liza
Randle, keep a silent tongue 'bout de boy's pappy. But one thing,
dis boy, lack mos' stray chilluns, don' relish workin' on de fawm.
He 'speshly don' lack to pick cotton, an' when he pickin' cotton,
evuhtime hit cloud up, he hab a li'l' song he sing dat go lack dis:
"Lawd, if you wanna sho' yo' powuh,
Please send a rain, don' send no showuh."
Ah calls to min' a ole man by de name of Unkuh Steve Gordon
who pass dis li'l' old boy one day an' say:
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F'
"Son, Ah don' teck you to be no fool;
Ah jes' wants a chew of yo' ole Brown Mule."
So Bud (dat's dis li'1' ole bad boy's name) say:
"Ah ain't sayin' hit to raise no hell,
But de Cap'n got plenty down to de commissary
to sell."
Den de ole man say:
"Ah pass by de commissary an' de commissary
was lock.
Dat's huccome Ah to ast you for some outen yo'
'backuh box."
But you know, Bud jes' tell de ole man to go straight to hell, dat
he ain't gonna gib 'im nothin' of de kind.
Bud fin'ly runned off an' rid a freight train to Hearne to live wid
some of his mammy's kin folks, but he ain't dere no time 'fo' he
staa'ts to teachin' de li'l' ole boys what live in de neighborhood bad
habits. He hab a lots of good li'l' boys playin' hookey from Sunday
School to play marbles for keeps. One Sunday when dey was playin'
marbles, de new pastuh of de St. Paul Mefdis' Chu'ch corned along.
He ain't use to de town —he been a circuit - preachuh —an' he don't
know much 'bout city doin's. He tryin' to fin' his way to de pos'
office so he kin mail a bulletin an' a lettuh to de bishop. So he seed
Bud an' dese li'l' ole boys playin' marbles an' he walks up to 'em
an' say, "Li'l' boys, kin y'all tell me de way to de pos' office ?"
"Sho'," say Bud. "You goes two blocks rat straight ahaid an'
turns to de right an' dere hit is rat 'fo' yo' eyes."
"Thank you, li'l' boys," say dep reachuh, an' he goes on to de pos'
office. But when he retrace his steps back, he heahs Bud cussin' de
othuh li'l' ole boys out 'bout fudgin' in de marble game. So he walks
up to 'em an' say, "Li'l' boys, y'a11 oughta be shame of yo'se'f 'noun'
heah shootin' marbles on a Sunday an' cussin'; y'all bettuh come go
wid me an' lemme sho' you de way to heabun."
An' when he say dis, Bud eye 'im rail hateful lack an' say, "How
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in de worl' you gonna sho' us de way to heabun if you don' ebun
down know de way to de pos' office ?"
Little Ned and the Sweet Potato Pie
y OU KNOW DE PREACHUH haf to stay on his watch when he
preach de Word. If'n he don't, de membuhship quick to see his
weakness an' staa't to fault findin' wid 'im, an' lack as not dey gonna
ketch 'im nappin'. Dey was a preachuh down to Richmond once what
Mess hisse'f up good fashion. His chu'ch ain't far distant from de
square whar de Jaybirds an' de Peckerwoods hab a big riot durin' of de
Koo Klux rampages. De Jaybirds was de Democrats an' de Pecker -
woods was de 'Publicans. Dey hab a big monument 'rected on de
square to de Jaybirds for whippin' de Peckerwoods one time. Well,
anyways, dis preachuh, Revun Brown, pastuh de Good Will Baptis'
Chu'ch straight on down de street from de monument.
De bes' chu'ch membuh he got is Sistuh Susan Collins. Evuh Sun-
day he preach Sistuh Susan 'vite 'im home for dinnuh, but Sistuh
Susan hab a li'l' ole boy what don' relish Revun Brown eatin' Sun-
day dinnuh wid 'em evuh Sunday de Lawd sen'. De reason he don'
relish Revun Brown bein' dere's 'caze Revun Brown allus eat all of
de pie an' he don' nevuh git nanny piece. Dis li'l' ole boy git so mad
till he cuss 'bout hit attuh Revun Brown done leave de house. So de
nex' Sunday when Revun Brown corned to dinnuh, Sistuh Susan ast
'im to git attuh her li'l' ole boy, what name Ned, 'bout cussin'.
Soon's dey sets down to de table an' Revun Brown says de grace,
he looks cross de table at li'l' Ned an' say, "Ned, yo' mammy tells
me you been usin' de Lawd's name in vain."
"Humph, you cusses in de pulpit, don't you ?" 'low li'l' Ned.
"No, Ah doesn't," say Revun Brown. "You knows youse lyin',
but Ah tells you what Ah'll do. De nex' time you heahs me cuss in
de pulpit, Ah'm gonna gib you a whole sweet potato pie."
"Awright," say li'l' Ned; "dat's a go."
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11
Well suh, de Lawd be praised if'n de nex' Sunday when de
preachuh gits up an' staa'ts to preachin' he ain't lit out ver' far 'fo'
he hists his han' in de air an' hollers, "Ah yeah, when de harvest
wheel 'gin to rollin', you kin stan' rat up an' cry, `By Gawd we libs,
by Gawd we dies!' "
"An' yeah," yell li'l' Ned, jumpin' up outen his seat, "Ah'm gonna
teck dat sweet potato pie."
Attuh dis Revun Brown don' pay Ned's mammy no min' 'bout her
'plainin' 'bout 'im teckin' de Lawd's name in vain.
Reverend Black's Gifts from Heaven
D E OLE TIME PREACHUH try to mend his ways 'cordin' to de
Lawd's plan what laid down in de Word, but dey 'tempts
turnt out bad lots of times. Ah calls to min' Revun Aleck Black, what
pastuh de Mefdis' chu'ch out to Highbank an' who hab a li'l' ole boy,
Abraham, what he'p his daddy fool de membuhship wid all kinds of
tricks. Dis li'l' ole boy sassy, too. Oncet Sistuh Melvina Brown, haid
of de Ladies' Aid 'Ciety, heerd dis li'l' ole boy Abraham cussin'. So
she tuck 'im to task 'bout hit an' he say, "Who's you talkin' to ?
Don't you know mah daddy's got a hunnud an' fifty Nigguhs workin'
for 'inn ?"
"Humph!" say Sistuh Melvina, who outdone wid his sassin'; "He
ain't got but a hunnud an' forty -nine now, honey, 'caze Ah's cuttin'
out rat now."
Revun Black done spile dis li'l' yap, 'caze he pull de curtains back
an' let 'im in on his devulment. He ebun down gib 'im money to
he'p 'im fool de membuhship. Abraham allus tell de othuh li'l' ole
boys he play wid 'bout 'im he'pin' his pappy fool de membuhship.
He say:
"Ah use to do hit for de money;
Now Ah do's hit 'caze hit's funny."
But oncet de tables turnt on 'im an' his pappy, an' dey come to be
de laffin' stock of de Bottoms, an' don' nevuh ca'ie on in dis wise no
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mo'. One Sunday Revun Black 'nounce dat de nex' comin' Sunday
he gonna preach a sermon an' de Lawd gonna gib 'im evuhthing
he ast for. So lack ez befo', he gits dis li'1' ole boy of his'n to he'p
im. Dat Saddy 'fo' Sunday come he goes down to de sto' an' buys
a lot of groc'ies an' puts 'em up in de attic of de chu'ch house. When
Sunday night come, li'l' Abraham goes to de chu'ch 'fo' de membuh-
ship gits dere an' hides hisse'f in de attic wid de groc'ies. He places
hisse'f rat whar de hole in de ceilin' is so he kin th'ow de groc'ies
down rail quick as his pappy calls 'em off.
Fin'ly de membuhship all shows up an' Revun Black staa'ts to
preachin'. He say, "Lawd, th'ow me down some bacon." Abe
th'owed 'im a slab of bacon thoo de hole.
"Oh Lawd," say de Revun, "sen' me down some sugah." Down
corned a sack of sugah.
"Oh Lawd," say Revun Black, "sen' me down some 'lasses." An'
Abe th'owed him down a jug of 'lasses.
De membuhship don' know what to think. Dey say, "Dis heah's
a miracle for sho'."
"Oh Lawd," Revun Black keep on, "sen' me down some flour."
An' when he say dis, Abe stick 'is head down thoo de hole in de
ceilin' an' yell, "Pappy, you forgot de flour."
The Sinner Man's Son and the Preacher
A CK AS EVUHWHAR heaps of han's on de plannuhtations in de Bot-
toms didn't b'Iong to de Christun fam'ly. Lots of 'em was rank
sinnuhs an' raise dey chilluns lackwise. Mos'ly dey ain't nevuh trace
dey steps outen de Bottoms. All dey knowed was haa'd work, mean
obuhseers, chu'ch oncet a mont', big dinnuhs on a Sunday, Saddy
night chu'ch suppuhs, an' string ban' flang- dangs. In dat time comin'
up, dey didn' keep tune wid de pace of de worl'. Dey come up in
what you calls "Beck- time " — dat's de mule, you know, an' de time
was when ole Beck, an' cotton, an' de Nigguh was de stan'bys of de
country. De Nigguh was livin' mos'ly in de settlements far off from
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de train track. When dey travel, dey do hit in fawm wagons a settin'
in chairs wid dey bottoms kivvered wid de hides of cows dey done
kilt for market meat to peddle all 'roun' de Bottoms. Lots of 'em
nevuh seed a train till dey come to be grown -up. Dey's li'l' yaps in
de Bottoms to dis day what ain't nevuh seed a engine pullin' coaches
on a track.
Oncet a li'l' ole boy what live wid his mammy an' pappy on de
ole Wallace plannuhtation 'bout eighteen miles from Calvert corned
to Calvert to ketch de train an' go to see his cousins what live in
Dallas. He de son of Jim Perkins, a sinnuh man, an' he ain't nevuh
chanced to see no train since he been bawn. He fifteen yeah ole now,
and he so fidgety at de depot he don't know what to do wid hisse'f.
Zack (dat's what his name) ain't ebun been far as Calvert offen de
plannuhtation in his whole life, let alone seein' a train.
Putty soon heah comes de Houston Texas Central jes' a comin'
'roun' de curve an' a blowin' loud ez hit kin. Zack so scairt he try to
pull loose from his mammy an' pappy an' run, but his pappy hol'
im fas' an' he cain't git loose. He jes' shakin' lack he got de chills
an' fever an' when de train engine corned to a stop, dey gits 'im
on de train somehow 'fo' de train pulls out from de depot. He cain't
read an' write so his mammy hab his name an' whar he goin' writ
on a piece of paper an' penned to his duckins. Dey tell Zack whar
he's haided for, but he's so scairt of de train till he done clear forgot
whar he's s'pose' to go.
Fin'ly, de train staa'ts to pickin' up speed an' go to makin' 'bout
thuhty miles a houah. Zack ain't nevuh seed nuthin' in his life run
dis fas'. De fastes' thing he done seed 'fo' today was one of de boss -
man's ole mares name Nellie; she de fastes' hoss on de plannuhta-
tion. So when de train staa't to makin' thuhty miles a houah, Zack
poke his haid outen de window an' say, "Dawg gone!" Dey was a
preachuh settin' nex' to 'im in de train; so when he say dis de preachuh
stop readin' de paper he hab in his han' an' eye Zack rail haa'd, but he
don' say nothin'.
Putty soon de train staa't to makin' fo'ty miles a houah. Zack stick
his haid outen de window again an' say, "Gawd dawg!" De preachuh
105
stop readin' de paper an' eye Zack again, an' dis time he say, "Li'l'
boy, don't you know hits wrong to use bad language ?" Zack eye
de preachuh, but he don' gib 'im no ansuh.
Fin'ly de train staa't to meckin' fifty miles a houah, an' dis time,
Zack poke his haid way outen de window so he kin see de engine
goin' 'noun' de curve, an' yell, "Gawd damn !"
"Li'l' boy," say de preachuh, " youse goin' straight to hell."
"Ah don' gib a damn," say Zack; "Ah's got a 'roun' trip ticket."
Little Tom and the One -eyed Preacher
H CALLS TO MIN' a cropper what was croppin' on de ole Bryan
plannuhtation by de name of Big Tom Moore. Big Tom hab a
wife, Mariah, what sorta off in de bean, an' a boy what done rech eight
yeahs old an' crowdin' nine dat dey called Li'l' Tom. Dat paa't of de
plannuhtation what Big Tom crop on was rat on de banks of de Big
Brazos, an' de li'l' ole shack what he lived in ain't no mo'n a stone's
th'ow from de wattuh's edge. Li'l' Tom spen' mos' of his time goin'
down to de rivuh an' lookin' at de mud cats and perches swimmin'
'roun' in de wattuh, stickin' his han' down in de wattuh, an' grabbin'
han'fuls of clay an' meckin' mud houses, an' mud mules, an' hogs, an'
cows.
Li'l' Torn ain't got no brothuhs an' sistuhs to play wid lack de rest
of de li'l' ole chilluns on de plannuhtation; so he sorta lonesome all de
time, an' teck de rivuh an' de mud outen hit for company keepers, 'caze
his mammy, Mariah, ain't in no wise fitten for a company keepuh. She
turrible mean to de li'l' ole boy. Ah calls to min' one day when Mariah
hab to go down to de commissary to git a basket of groc'ies dat she
leave a churn full of buttuhmilk she done churned in de churn, wid de
top off, an' she tell Li'l' Tom to keep a watch on de churn while she
gone for de groc'ies. But Li'l' Tom don' keep sich good watch, 'caze he
wanna go down to de rivuh an' meek mud houses; so while he settin'
dere lookin' outen de door to'a'ds de rivuh an' wishin' he was down
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dere, a big fly buzzed in de window an' lit in de buttuhmilk what
Mariah done lef' in de churn. Li'l' Tom jumps up rail quick an' th'ows
all de milk outen de churn outen de back door.
When Mariah corned back she tuck a look in de churn an' seed dat
de churn was empty so she turret to Ll'1' Tom an' teck him to task,
an' say, "What you do wid all de milk, Tom ?"
Li'l' Tom tuck his hands from out under his chin, looked straight up
at his mammy, an' say, "A fly failed in hit an' Ah th'owed hit all out."
"A fly failed in hit an' you th'owed hit all out!" yelled his mammy.
"What you do dat for? A fly couldn't drink much."
Dis heah go to show you how big a fool Mariah, Li'l' Tom's mammy,
be; so no wonder de li'l' boy wanna git 'way from de house an' go
down to de rivuh all de time.
Well, time rolled on, an' time rolled on till one time hit corned to
be a big rainy season in de Bottoms, an' dere was mo' mud dan evuh
befo' on de rivuh banks. So one day Li'l' Tom 'tided he gonna meck
'im a mud man, rail life size, so he work all day puttin' de mud man
togethuh, but dark corned and ketched him wid his work undone. He
done finished wid de man 'cep'n he ain't put but one eye in his haid, so
he goes on home an' 'tides to come back de nex' day an' finish his mud
man.
But dat night dey corned a big cloud burs' an' de rivuh riz up an'
washed Li'l' Tom's mud man away. De nex' day when Li'l' Tom went
down to de rivuh to finish his man he couldn't fin' hide nor hair of 'im, .
so he staa'ts to boo- hooin' an' runs home an' tells his pappy 'bout losin'
his man. His pappy try to quiet de li'l' boy; so he say, "Ah tells you
what, Tom, when you goes to chu'ch Sunday, mebbe you kin fin' yo'
man dere; de fuss man you sees at chu'ch Sunday wid one eye, dat's yo'
man." So dis ease Li'l' Tom's min' a li'l' an' when Sunday rolled
'roun' Li'l' Tom was rat on de front seat of de chu'ch house watchin'
evuhbody what corned in de door.
Somehow de Lord fixed hit so de preachuh what was preachin' dat
Sunday was a one -eyed man. So Li'l' Tom was so happy when de
preachuh stan' up an staa't de servus he don' know what to do. He
say, "Ah done fin' mah man, lack pappy say." So evuh time de
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preachuh'd stan' up Li'l' Tom would Stan' up; when de preachuh
would raise a song, Li'l' Tom would raise a song; when de preachuh
would set down, Li'l' Tom would set down; when de preachuh would
call on somebody to pray, Li'l' Tom would call on somebody to pray.
So fin'ly, de preachuh gits mad. He eye Li'l' Tom rail mean lack
an' say, "Look a heah, boy, what in de worl's de matter wid you? Evuh
time Ah stan's up, you stan's up; evuh time Ah sets down, you sets
down; evuh time Ah raises a song, you raises a song; evuh time Ah
calls on somebody to pray, you calls on somebody to pray. Now if'n
you don' stop actin' a fool Ah'm gonna put you outen dis chu'ch
house."
"You ain't gonna do no sich a thing," 'lows Li'l' Tom; "you b'longs
to me an' you gonna do what Ah say do. Now, what Ah wants to know
is, huccome you lef' from down to de rivuh befo' Ah finished you ?"
Deacon Jones' Boys and the Greedy Preacher
T WO OF DE FAITHFULES' CHU'CH MEMBUHS Ah evuh seed, what
git dat thing lack de Word say git hit, was Deacon Henry Jones
an' his wife Sarah what b'long to de li'l' ole Baptis' chu'ch down to
Wild Horse Slew. An' you talkin' 'bout a woman what could cook —
dat was Sarah. She hab de reputation for bein' de bes' chicken fryer in
de whole Bottoms; so de pastuh of de li'l' ole church whar she b'long
allus hab de vis'tin' preachuhs to eat Sunday dinnuh an' suppuh wid
Deacon Jones, so Sarah kin fix 'em some of dem fine chicken dinnuhs
de whole Bottom's talkin' 'bout.
Deacon Jones hab two li'1' sebun- yeah -ole boys what was twinses dat
sho' was glad when de preachuhs corned to dey house for Sunday din-
nuh, 'caze dey knows dey gonna git some good ole juicy drum sticks
for dinnuh dat day. Sarah allus 'low dese li'l' ole boys to set at de table
wid dey mammy an' pappy an' de preachuh, 'caze dey ack nice an' don'
cut up. Dey's putty good li'l' ole boys an' don' raise no rukus lack lots
of younguns in de Bottoms when preachuhs corned to dey house to eat.
But Ah calls to min' one Sunday mawnin' when a big black preachuh
corned from way somewhars to de chu'ch to preach, an' de pastuh
sen's him to eat wid deacon Jones an' Sarah, lack he allus been doin'.
So when Sarah done put de victuals on de table, and de deacon done say
de blessin's, dis big black preachuh rech ovah an' tuck de chicken plat -
tuh an' pou'ed evuh las' piece of de chicken in his plate. De li'l'
twinses, Bubbuh an' Bobby, was late gittin' to de table 'caze dey hab
to wash dey han's an' faces in de wash pan attuh de grown folks git
thoo; so when dey corned to de table an' set down an' looked at de
chicken plattuh an' seed dat hit was empty, dey says, "Whar's de
chicken, mammy ?" But de preachuh don' gib Sarah time to ansuh. He
stop chawnkin' on a good ole juicy drumstick, eye de li'l' boys rail
mean lack, pints his finguh at de gravy bowl, an' say, "Eat gravy;
gravy's good."
Dat ver' same Sunday attuh de chu'ch servuses dat night, de preach -
uh corned back to Deacon Jones' house for 'nothuh chicken dinnuh 'fo'
he saddle his horse an' go way somewhar. Sarah hab a long red oil
cloth table cloth on de table what hang all de way down to de flo' so
far till you can't see unnerneaf hit to save yo' life; so while Sarah was
cookin' a hoe -cake in de skillet in de kitchen an' Deacon Jones an' de
preachuh was washin' dey han's an' faces on de back gall'ry, Bubber
an' Bobby tuck de plattuh full of chicken Sarah hab on de table for
suppuh an' ca'ied hit under de table wid 'em an' et hit all up.
When de hoe -cake got done, Sarah tuck hit an' put hit on de table
an' called Henry an' de preachuh to come to suppuh; so in dey comes
'dout lookin' on de table, an' say de blessin's. When dey gits thoo wid
de blessin's, de preachuh looks down in de middle of de table whar de
chicken be at dinnuh time, but he don' see no chicken or plattuh
neither, so he say, "Sister Sarah, whar's de chicken ?"
When he say dis, Bubber an' Bobby sticks dey haids out from undah
de table an' say, "Eat gravy, Elduh; gravy's good."