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- C HOW TO
FLUNK
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HOW TO FLUNK
Any college with academic standards as high as
those at Texas A&M College will have a high rate
of students who are flunking at least one course and
many flunking more than one. This book is aimed
at these students. It is believed that after studying
this book, they should be able to flunk all of their
courses as all well-adjusted college students should.
This will not be easy. Much work and originality on
the part of the student is required. If you are not
willing to discipline yourself and work hard, then
perhaps you should choose the path of the lazy man
and make passing grades.
If you are convinced that you have the stamina and
determination to flunk, then study the following pages
carefully. This book merely scratches the surface of
the complex art of flunking. You must improvise as
you go, and always give your fullest effort. Always
remember-FLUNKING IS HARD!
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HECKLE YOUR PROF
One of the most amusing ways to flunk is by heck-
ling your prof during class. When he makes a very
serious statement about the lesson, throw your head
back and see how loud you can laugh. At other
times you can whistle during his lecture while keep-
ing time by tapping your foot. Well-timed wise
cracks will also serve to unnerve him considerably.
Other less subtle methods include throwing garbage
at the man or practicing your trombone lessons in
class.
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SLEEP DURING CLASS
Are you run down, worn out, tired? Then you need
to attend class today. Lean back in your chair with
your feet on the man in front of you. . . your prof is
about to begin. . . you're beginning to feel drowsy.
You drop off to sleep as your instructor begins in his
monotone voice to review for the next quiz. One
hour of sleep in class is worth eight in your room.
You will also discover that you can flunk while you
sleep. You may later master the art of sleeping with
your eyes open.
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ATTEND MOVIES
If your school work is piling up, you're behind, as-
signments are coming due, time is running out. . . .
drop the whole mess and take in a movie. This will
work wonders! You will be relaxed for 21h hours
completely oblivious to your lousy grades. When
your grades become embarrassingly high, go to the
movies; this will asure you of flunking grades.
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BE TARDY
If you are consistently tardy, you will win the admir-
ation of the class, all except the prof. Timing is very
important. Give the class a chance to get settled
and the prof a. chance to get wound up. Then you
enter. Stumble forward in your pajamas, trying to
kick the waste can on your way to get the full at-
tention you deserve. Slam your books on your desk
and collapse in your seat as noisily as possible. You
will surely flunk the course, but think of the friends
you will make.
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DON'T TAKE NOTES
If you don't take notes in class you're a cinch to
flunk. Having to sit through a dry lecture is enough,
but learn to utilize your time in class so it won't be
a t~ta.1 loss. . Whil.e the rest of the class is wasting
their tIme taking silly notes, think of your education.
R~ad newspapers, comic books, or your mail or any-
thing of such cultural value. It will take you a while
to become accustomed to reading while your instruc-
tor is yelling at the class.
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IGNORE YOUR PROF
Why should you have to sit in class and listen to
some fathead rave about the lesson you were sup-
posed to have read? If he's so smart, what's he do-
ing teaching school. With this in mind completely
ignore him. If. he's too loud to ignore, wear ear-
muffs. You will now be free to occupy your mind
with girls, dates, girls and important things. This
is one of the more pleasant ways of flunking.
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DON'T STUDY
The student with his mind set on flunking should
never study. After a little practice you will learn to
look at your book for hours and not be studying;
this. is specially good for Freshmen during C.Q. If
the lesson begins to soak in, be careful, that's study-
ing. If you have trouble keeping your mind off your
,lessons, start a pin-up collection over your desk and
that will certainly keep your mind elsewhere. Fol-
low these instructions and you'll be able to boast
the lowest grades in your class.
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HORSEPLA Y
Anyone with an aptitude for "horseplay" has a very
good chance of flunking, but this is far from the eas-
iest method. Horseplay is a full time job for only
the more robust students. The most popular form
of horseplay at A ~ M is water-fighting which is very
expensive due to the costly damage caused in the
process. With this in mind, always select the water-
fighting site with care. If possible, waterfight in
another dormitory so you won't have to clean up af-
terwards.
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GO HOME WEEKENDS
If you go home every weekend, you have probably
learned by now that your grades are going to the
dogs. If you play your cards right, you can make
arrangements so that you can cut your Friday classes
and leave on Thursday afternoons. When the week-
end ends - Monday night - you will return early
Tuesday morning, only to stumble to your room and
sleep till Wednesday morning. This leaves you with
only two days per week to think about your grades.
Don't worry, they'll take care of themselves.
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CUT CLASS
The surest way of flunking is cutting class. After all,
how can your prof. pass you unless he confuses you
with the student in front of you. To add sport to the
art of class cutting, look for new places to hide dur-
ing class. (Not that anyone will look for you). You
will also enjoy class cutting more if you can think
up a few good lies why you are absent and try them
out on your prof.
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HELP OTHERS FLUNK
Flunking is more fun when enjoyed by a group, so
try to enlist participants. When you find a friend
studying try to talk him out of it, but don't give up
if he is unreasonable and insists on studying. Hang
around his room and distract him, turn his radio up,
throw his trash can down the stairs. Convince him
that flunking is the best policy. Don't become dis-
couraged if you get thrown out of a few rooms.
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ALIBI
The final step in flunking is the preparation of your
alibi or excuse for being sent home. Many of the
old stand-bys are: hazing, corps life, unfair profs,
and too many outside activities. With a little work
you will be able to build a believable alibi around
one of these ideas. Never tell the folks at home that
you actually worked at flunking out; try to l1)ake them
hate A&M. It will. be hard to keep a straight face,
so you need to rehearse your tale of woe before you
try it. Remember! It was A&M's fault!
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FOR THE WEAKLINGS
After reading this book you will notice that flunking
is not for weaklings, but for the strong of mind and
body. If you feel that you don't have the strength
and determination to apply these methods of flunk-
ing, perhaps you should learn to live with passing
grades and to make the best of it.
Listed below are various people who are available
to help the student pass, who is too weak to flunk.
If you don't let these folks help you pass maybe you
can flunk after all.
1. Instructors of your courses
2. The Basic Division
3. Department Heads
4, Deans
5. Unit Faculty Advisors
6. Tactical Officers
7. Scholastic Officers
8. Freshman Faculty Advisors
9. All Upperclassmen.
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~DI~ANKAR SEN
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